REVIEW: Cold Stone Creamery JELL-O Pudding Ice Cream (Butterscotch & Chocolate)

Marvo 20 Comments

Without knowing it Cold Stone Creamery, with their JELL-O Pudding Ice Cream, created a new idiom to express boredom to go along with watching paint dry and watching grass grow. Now whenever you have to watch something boring, like C-SPAN, you can say it’s like watching Cold Stone Creamery’s JELL-O Pudding Ice Cream melt, because it takes a while for this decadent dessert to do so.

According to Cold Stone Creamery, their new Jello Pudding Ice Cream doesn’t melt, instead it turns into pudding. I tested their claim by sticking in a bowl a spoonful of the butterscotch pudding ice cream and a spoonful of the chocolate pudding ice cream. Then I set up a video camera and let nature take its course.

I shot the pudding ice cream action for an hour, but through the magic of speeding up video, editing and strategically placed video transitions, you can watch all the sexy pudding ice cream-on-pudding ice cream action in under two minutes.  Although I should warn you that sexy pudding ice cream-on-pudding ice cream action is 100 times less sexier than it sounds.

As you can see from the video, the pudding ice cream doesn’t melt into a liquid, instead it does what Cold Stone Creamery said it would do, which is turn into pudding.  And watching that happen is like watching paint dry on growing grass.

For the experiment, I used the chocolate and butterscotch flavors of the Cold Stone Creamery JELL-O Pudding Ice Cream, but in some locations they also offer vanilla and banana flavors. Like my armpit hairs, I kept my pudding ice cream au naturel and didn’t add anything to be mixed in. The texture of the pudding ice cream is definitely not like any other ice cream I’ve had. It’s soft and pliable, like a Russian gymnast, and it doesn’t get hard, making it easy to scoop. When I put it in my mouth, it starts off with a texture similar to ice cream, but after a few seconds in my warm mouth it changes into a feel that’s more like pudding, albeit kind of a really gooey, slightly chewy pudding.

I think the chocolate flavor tastes very similar to a McDonald’s Hot Fudge Sundae, a belief that Cold Stone may not agree with since they are a premium ice cream maker and not a cheap ass burger maker. But I really like the Hot Fudge Sundaes from the House of Ronald, so I really like the flavor of the chocolate pudding ice cream. As for the butterscotch flavor, it also is also very good. It has a nice gold color and a delightful butterscotch flavor that tastes like I’m sucking on a hard butterscotch candy.

Overall, I enjoyed both flavors of the Cold Stone Creamery Jello Pudding Ice Cream. They’re rich and creamy and they have really great flavor. The texture of the pudding ice cream may throw off some people and the extremely high saturated fat content might scare a few, but it’s definitely something that’s interesting to try.

Although it’s definitely not interesting to watch as it melts.

(Nutritional Facts – 1 Love It – Butterscotch – 550 calories, 28 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 73 grams of carbohydrates, 64 grams of sugar, 8 grams of protein, 25% vitamin A and 15% calcium. Chocolate – 550 calories, 28 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 360 milligrams of sodium, 73 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 62 grams of sugar, 8 grams of protein, 25% vitamin A, 15% calcium and 4% iron.)

Item: Cold Stone Creamery JELL-O Pudding Ice Cream (Butterscotch & Chocolate)
Price: $4.59 each
Size: Love It (about 8 ounces)
Purchased at: Cold Stone Creamery
Rating: 7 out of 10 (chocolate)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (butterscotch)
Pros: Both flavors are really good. Chocolate flavor tastes like a McDonald’s Hot Fudge Sundae. Butterscotch flavor tastes like I’m sucking on a hard butterscotch candy. Texture is interesting. It doesn’t melt, it just turns into pudding. My armpit hair will keep my armpits warm.
Cons: After a few seconds in my mouth it has a gooey, slightly chewy pudding texture that might turn people off. Extremely high in saturated fat content. Watching grass grow. Watching paint dry. Watching paint dry on growing grass. Watching the Cold Stone Creamery Jello Pudding Ice Cream melt. Pudding ice cream-on-pudding ice cream action is 100 times less sexier than it sounds.

REVIEW: Starbucks Coffee Ice Cream

Marvo 14 Comments

Starbucks Coffee Ice Cream

As a place that is known for its calorie-filled coffee concoctions, I wasn’t surprised that Starbucks has their own line of calorie-filled coffee ice cream concoctions, although these pints of ice cream can’t be bought in one of the dozens of Starbucks locations within a 10 miles radius of you.

The new Starbucks Ice Cream line replaces the old Starbucks Ice Cream line made by Dreyer’s and features milk and cream that’s free from recombinant bovine growth hormones (rBGH). It comes in four different flavors and I chose the plain ol’ coffee flavor because I wasn’t feeling very adventurous at the time of purchase to try any of the other flavors — caramel macchiato, mocha frappuccino and java chip frappuccino — all of which are apparently brought to us by the letter O.

The Starbucks Coffee Ice Cream is made up of coffee and espresso ice creams. If you look closely at it you can see the swirls the two ice creams make and if you listen very carefully to the ice cream you might be able to hear the sounds of jazz or easy listening music playing, just like you’re sitting in a Starbucks location.

To be honest, I’ve consumed more water out of a rusty pipe than Starbucks coffee (although some people might say they taste the same), so I can’t tell you if the ice cream tastes similar to its insulated cupped brethren. But I do know that I’ve had better tasting coffee ice cream. While it has an adequate coffee flavor, it isn’t as creamy or as rich as other coffee ice cream I’ve had in the past, like the Haagen Dazs Coffee ice cream. Perhaps the use of espresso ice cream is the reason for that or maybe the it’s the “Starbucks Coffee Concentrate” that’s listed among the ice cream’s ingredients, which sounds like something Starbucks should start selling in a cup — straight up.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 210 calories, 13 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 19 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A and 10% calcium.)

Item: Starbucks Coffee Ice Cream
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: One Pint
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting. Made with milk and cream that’s free from recombinant bovine growth hormones (rBGH). It’s size is one pint, unlike Haagen Dazs. The number of Starbucks locations.
Cons: Not as creamy or rich as other coffee ice cream I’ve had. Drinking out of a rusty pipe. Falling asleep to the music played in a Starbucks. Starbucks Coffee Concentrate sounds scary. The number of Starbucks locations.

NEWS: New Popchips Flavors Make Me Pop…Down There

Marvo 10 Comments

When I first tried popchips, I thought they were missing the best potato chip flavor ever in their lineup — sour cream & onion — and hoped someday they would come out with that flavor. Fortunately James Ingram and Linda Ronstadt were correct when they sang, somewhere out there, there’s a place where dreams do come true, and I believe that place is in the test kitchens at popchips because they recently introduced a sour cream & onion popchips, along with a cheddar one.

Yes!!! My mind has the ability to make things come true.

Okay, let me imagine Oprah or Martha Stewart caressing me. No…wait!

Let me imagine Oprah AND Martha Stewart caressing me. I’d be the meat in a Millionaire Mogul Sandwich.

Come on! Come true, baby!

Like all popchips, these new flavors are all natural and have less than half the fat of fried chips. A 1 ounce serving size of each contains 120 calories, 4 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 290 milligrams of sodium and 20 grams of carbohydrates. Both flavors come in either 3 or 0.8 ounce bags.

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Smartfood Winners Are…

Marvo 2 Comments

Here are the lucky winners of the boxes of Smartfood Popcorn Clusters:

Comment #58 Michelle Williams

Michelle will receive the box of Chocolate Cookie Caramel Pecan and the trivial piece of information stuck in her head is that 7,500 pounds of ham went down with the Titanic.

Comment #94 kp

kp won the box of Cranberry Almond and the random fact kp posted was that pillbugs have gills.

Comment #109 laura

laura will receive the box of Honey Mulitigrain and the random fact stuck in her head is that a fruitfly’s sperm is really long, although she’s not exactly sure how long, either longer than itself or longer than a human sperm.

Thanks to the folks at Frito Lay for providing the boxes of Smartfood Popcorn Clusters. Also, domo arigato to everyone who entered this prize drawing because I now have over 125 new nuggets of information stuck in my head. I feel like playing Trivial Pursuit.

REVIEW: DiGiorno Tuscan Style Chicken Crispy Flatbread Pizza

Marvo 24 Comments

If you don’t skip past the commercials in your DVR recordings, you probably know DiGiorno’s (or if you’re Canadian, Delissio’s) slogan is, “It’s not delivery. It’s DiGiorno.”

I’ve had many DiGiorno frozen pizzas over the years and pizza from either Pizza Hut, Domino’s, Papa John’s and I’ll just throw in Little Caesars for the hell of it, and I’m pretty sure no one will confuse a DiGiorno pizza with one of those other restaurant pizzas. I’m sure with one look, most people can easily tell the difference.

Besides, why would they want to be confused with a delivery pizza because there are way too many negative connotations with being a delivery pizza.

For example, delivered pizzas have a tendency to be greasier than a Wall Street financial analyst and can provide enough oil to power a biofuel car. Do they really want stigma of being confused with delivery pizza and all the porn references that go along with it? Those references involve pizza being delivered by a strapping young lad to a house that contains either a sexy cougar, teen babysitter, sorority girls, horny housewife or, in certain European countries, sheep.

Not even the new DiGiorno Tuscan Style Chicken Crispy Flatbread Pizza could be confused with a pizza delivered by someone with an insulated pizza case.

This flatbread pizza is made with grilled white meat chicken, spinach, oven-roasted tomatoes, garlic and a creamy red sauce. It smells nice, but the pizza is 11 inches in diameter, which is kind of small. The flatbread turned out crispy, but thankfully not like a cracker. Its flavor is bland and it tastes like diet Cheez-Its, which is surprising because I’ve enjoyed all of the DiGiorno pizzas I’ve tried in the past. Also, it seems like there isn’t much sauce on the pizza. I guess the saying “pizza is like sex, because it’s never bad” isn’t true because eating this pizza is like having drunk sex with a sheep — you thought it would be fun at the time, but later you’ll regret it.

If that’s not considered bad, I don’t know what is.

The only positive item I found with the DiGiorno Tuscan Style Chicken Crispy Flatbread Pizza wasn’t the pizza itself, but the plastic wrapping around it, which is extremely easy to open. Just grab the tab and pull it apart. The folks who work on the plastic packaging at DiGiorno really need to focus their attention on women’s bras.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/3 pizza – 14 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 680 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 14 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 25% calcium and 6% iron.)

Item: DiGiorno Tuscan Style Chicken Crispy Flatbread Pizza
Price: $6.49 (on sale)
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Plastic wrapping is super easy to open. Flatbread was crispy. Pizza porn. DVRs. Being able to skip through commercials.
Cons: Bland tasting. It’s like a diet Cheez-Its. At 11 inches, it doesn’t seem too big. European sheep pizza porn. Unhooking bras in the dark. Drunk sheep sex.