REVIEW: Arby’s Texas Brisket Sandwich

Arby s Texas Brisket Sandwich

Years of Grumpy Cat and Bad Luck Brian memes has proven that the internet is fertile ground for viral ideas. They don’t even need to be true to spread; I hear Scumbag Steve really got his life on track.

Fast food is no exception.

We’ve all heard that Taco Bell gives you diarrhea, that KFC can’t use chicken in their name because they use vat-grown chickenoids, and that Four of the Guys killed and ate the other to gain his power. We know that no one likes Arby’s.

See what I mean? The Simpsons make a joke twenty years ago, the idea goes viral, and the conventional opinion of a fast food franchise is set for decades.

I like Arby’s. It has a consistently good core menu and often has some interesting limited time items. Plus, any franchise with the guts to serve Bambi on a bun gets my support.

One of Arby’s newest offerings is the Texas Brisket Sandwich, featuring smoked brisket, crispy onion strings, dill pickles, and Texas-style barbecue sauce on Texas toast. Arby’s has had success with its brisket in the past. How does this one stand up?

Upon opening, I’m underwhelmed. I understand that “toasted” often needs to be put in quotation marks when it comes to fast food, but I was hoping that this Texas toast would live up to its name and offer a crispy counterpoint to the soft brisket. At best, this looks like it was angrily glared at by a cowboy who’s had his cattle rustled. Or maybe by a fast food patron who was expecting his Texas toast to at least be thicker than regular bread.

Arby s Texas Brisket Sandwich 2

On the inside, Arby’s is keeping things simple with just meat, sauce, onion strings, and pickles. This can work when the fundamentals are strong, and Arby’s brisket has impressed me in the past, so I was hopeful.

Arby s Texas Brisket Sandwich 3

The first bite is tangy. Very tangy. The sauce dominates every other flavor, and the pickles offer a very unneeded sharp bite at the end. “This is fine,” I tell myself. Any moment now that fatty, unctuous brisket will cut through the sharpness and bring everything into balance. Another bite reveals a mild smokiness, but the brisket itself remains dry and disappointing.

I remember Arby’s brisket being much better than this. Have they changed it recently? The Smokehouse Brisket sandwich was delicious when I had it. Then again, that one does feature copious amounts of cheese and mayo. As a Midwesterner, I admit it’s easy to trick me into thinking that something tastes good with the ol’ add-cheese-and-mayo trick, but I swear the brisket itself was better too.

So, it turns out that Terri and Sherri Mackleberry were right twenty years ago. Arby’s is kinda mediocre, at least with this offering.

(Nutrition Facts – 620 calories, 29 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 1450 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 37 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $5.69
Size: N/A
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Mild smokiness is pleasing when it presents itself.
Cons: Tanginess doesn’t balance with other flavors. Brisket is dry and missing the fatty element needed to balance the sauce and pickles.

QUICK REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Mint Brownie Donut

Dunkin Donuts Mint Brownie Donut

True story: I had to buy this Dunkin’ Donuts Mint Brownie Donut twice, because I wasn’t sure they gave me the right one the first time.

But they did.

Part of what gave me pause is that the frosting looked nothing like the festive green on the promotional materials. The first was more blue than green. But the second just looked white. If it’s not green, what on earth does mint have to do with St. Patrick’s Day?

Dunkin Donuts Mint Brownie Donut 3

On top of the frosting are crunchy chocolate bits. I don’t mind the crunchiness, but it’s not the texture I associate with brownies. My second donut’s pieces were so small it was almost a powder. When I pulled an Ariana Grande and licked the frosting, it was just plain frosting with no flavor.

Dunkin Donuts Mint Brownie Donut 2

The main part of the donut is a typical yeast dough; you can’t go wrong with it. Inside the donut is a chocolaty filling. Here’s where the discrepancy is between the two donuts I tried. On the first, I couldn’t taste the mint. It reminded me of the oily filling of those Hostess chocolate pies I loved as a kid, but it wasn’t minty.

Dunkin Donuts Mint Brownie Donut 4

The second, however, did taste like a mint brownie, though toned down from most that I’ve had. I liked it.

So, if you go down to your local Dunkin’, I can’t guarantee whether your mint donut will actually taste like a mint donut. If it does, it’s great! It’s an underutilized flavor for donuts. But if it doesn’t taste like it, you’re left with an ordinary chocolate-filled yeast ring.

Purchased Price: $1.09
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 370 calories, 170 calories from fat, 19 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: IHOP Tuxedo Pancakes

IHOP Tuxedo Pancakes

Two things I love in this world are pancakes and coffee.

So IHOP nearly broke my heart when it discontinued its delicious Latte Lover’s pancakes. But when I found out about these new Tuxedo pancakes I nearly lost my mind. I promised myself for Lent I’d give up coffee, but this was the loophole I had been waiting desperately for ten minutes after I made that commitment.

IHOP describes the new stack as: “One Chocolate, Chocolate Chip Pancake, layered with our world-famous buttermilk pancake and topped with vanilla bean mousse and mocha mousse and sprinkled with chocolate chips.” Surely, I had thought, this would taste exactly like the mocha cream on the Espresso Mocha Cream pancakes and the vanilla bean cream on the Double Vanilla pancakes, which were both around for the Latte Lover’s promotion.

I was half right.

The vanilla bean mousse tastes nearly identical to the vanilla bean cream. On its own, it has a nice vanilla bean flavoring, but is very subtle. I think I would have been able to enjoy it, but the chocolate chips on top are very distracting, especially once the chocolate mousse gets factored in. The mocha mousse doesn’t taste much like mocha and is missing that bubbly mousse mouthfeel. Instead, it feels more like icing. Compared to the mocha cream I had known and loved, this new chocolate mousse is a lot darker, richer, and sweeter.

If I were to compare it to anything it would be dark chocolate ganache, which is delicious, but it’s not the coffee-infused chocolate mousse I was hoping for. Furthermore, the amount of mousse allocated to a short stack isn’t much. So if someone were to order a full stack of four pancakes, the mousse would definitely leave one wanting more.

IHOP Tuxedo Pancakes 2

As for the pancakes themselves, the chocolate, chocolate chip one is delicious but the original buttermilk is boring and detracts from this overall experience. Perhaps if IHOP had used a vanilla bean flavoring instead of plain buttermilk it would have fared much better, but the buttermilk and chocolate pancakes fail to complement each other and are not something worth returning for given all the other, more interesting flavors to choose from on the menu.

Overall, I am disappointed and bored with this new limited time menu item. Those who prefer more straightforward, simple pancakes might find these more appealing. To me, these are dry, lack any real sweetness, and doesn’t do the Tuxedo cake justice.

As a coffee and sugar fiend, these only leave me wanting a lot more. My caffeine withdrawal headache is still here, telling me that whatever coffee might have been in the mousse wasn’t enough for even the slightest buzz.

But, believe it or not, the saving grace is the mocha mousse. Not because it’s mocha, but because dark chocolate ganache makes everything better as far as I’m concerned and was the sweetest thing about this stack. Next time I’ll see if they can give me the chocolate, chocolate chip pancakes with plenty of this mousse layered between each pancake. Now THAT gets me excited!

(Nutrition Facts – Not available.)

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: Side order of 2 pancakes
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: The mocha mousse tastes like dark chocolate ganache and is very sweet. The ability to now order this mousse on a stack of the chocolate, chocolate chip pancakes without the buttermilk pancakes or vanilla bean mousse getting in the way.
Cons: The mocha mousse didn’t have any coffee flavoring to it, and the vanilla bean mousse was not nearly sweet enough to compete with the chocolate. The buttermilk pancake base did no justice for this stack, it just made it less sweet and flavorful. Felt like I was missing something – perhaps more, or at least a stronger vanilla flavor.

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard

Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard

St. Patrick’s Day is almost upon us which means enough mint-flavored products to choke a leprechaun.

Case in point, Dairy Queen’s Mint Oreo Blizzard is the returning flavor of the month for March. Oreo cookies and creme de menthe mint topping are blended with vanilla soft serve.

Mind you, I can find no evidence that mint has anything to do with the Emerald Isle or its icons like St. Patrick Star or Lucky the Leprechaun. Maybe I don’t have the firmest grasp on my Irish ancestry either.

Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard 2

Despite the description, I could not detect even a hint of the “creme de menthe” part of the mint topping. Given that the Mint Oreo Blizzard has been described as “cool mint” in past years, I suspect this is a marketing change only — reinforced by conflicting advertising — but I cannot be certain as I have not tried this previously.

Perhaps the change is due to the mint flavor being decidedly not cool. It’s not so uncool as to be caught hanging out with me playing Magic: The Gathering after chess club in high school. More like, this mint was voted most likely to have a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. It’s a consistently mellow companion that enhances the vanilla base, but it doesn’t ever truly excite the taste buds.

Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard 3

Meanwhile, the Oreo cookie pieces range from tiny bits to reasonably sized chunks that pair as well with the reserved ice cream base as they do with most things…except for Swedish Fish.

Seriously, Nabisco, even Dr. Moreau would have been too squeamish to pull the trigger on that abomination.

Bottom line, this is a regular Oreo Blizzard with a mild mint-flavored base. There’s nothing to complain about here, but it also won’t leave you dancing a jaunty jig either.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: Mini
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Mini) 400 calories, 13 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 47 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Mix by Sprite: Tropic Berry

McDonald s Mix by Sprite Tropic Berry

Like many surly teenagers in the 90s with nothing better to do than loiter, I hung out way too many hours for my own good at the Target up the block from my house. The electronics department was a social hub for most of the boys in the neighborhood due to the fact that they had every current gaming system out in the open and set on free play. None of that demo nonsense that Sears did.

This was all well and good until the one of the managers would let us know in no uncertain terms that we had to buy something or leave. Squeezing every last minute of gameplay we could, those of us with a few spare quarters would pool together about 75 cents to buy a bottle of this new beverage that was seemingly only available at Target: Clearly Canadian.

With its sticky sweet, syrupy “clear” taste that mingled deliriously with a decidedly crisp berry sensation, we passed the bottle around like grade school hoboes warming themselves around an 8-bit barrel fire. Looking back, it was a flavor out of and ahead of it time, especially during the crystal cola wars of the 1990-somethings. Sure, after pounding three or four at a time, it gave us the worst headaches and a little bit of nausea on the way home to dinner, but for that price to stay and play, who gave a good gosh-darn.

It’s been a flavor sensation that I have been nostalgically chasing for almost 20 years and, while I always knew it would be those flavor wizards at Sprite that would probably be the ones to resuscitate that drinkable emotion, I had no idea it would be found on accident while I was looking for the Hi-C Orange Lava Burst cold filtered water button on a McDonald’s drink fountain.

McDonald s Mix by Sprite Tropic Berry 2

Going by the fake corporate DJ nom de plume of Mix by Sprite: Tropic Berry, this is most definitely the second coming of that Mountain Berry or Western Loganberry Clearly Canadian if there ever was one, right down to the high-fructose headache after excitedly slurping two large-sized cups of the carbonated beverage when, as an adult, you should really know better.

The typical lemon-lime zest of Sprite that we’ve come to expect is pushed down the taste scale pretty low to point of being barely noticeable as the artificially-flavored tropical (which tropic though?) berry (which berry though?) dominates proudly. It also comes complete with a tongue-coating aftertaste that will definitely call for at least a full cup of PowerAde Mountain Berry Blast cold filtered water to swig around as you leave the restaurant. Or Wal-Mart, if you’re in nasty and/or in Oklahoma.

McDonald s Mix by Sprite Tropic Berry 3

Mix by Sprite: Tropic Berry is definitely worth tracking down and most definitely worth the taste, if only for curiosity’s sake. While it is far too sickly sucrosed-up to be an everyday thing, it’ll make for a delightful once a week treat as you nosh on a Big Mac and fries. Just keep that bottle of aspirin on the ready. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – (small only) – 100 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 27 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: Large
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Great berry taste. Surprisingly crisp. Extremely refreshing.
Cons: Can be too much of a sweet thing. Bad aftertaste.