Eggo Cereal

Maple syrup is great for pancakes, French toast, and embarrassing your family name for fifty dollars by participating in a coed kiddie pool maple syrup wrestling match at a nightclub for a Girls Gone Wild DVD.

They are also great on waffles, especially frozen waffles. Actually they’re even better on burnt frozen waffles that were in the toaster for too long because a certain someone was distracted by a Girls Gone Wild DVD commercial on television.

Did you know the Canadian province of Quebec is the world’s largest producer of maple syrup?

Did you know that written things in Canada have to come in both English AND French?

Did you know there’s a Girls Gone Wild Canada?

Many of the pancake syrups you see on your store shelves contain little or no maple syrup at all. So it didn’t surprise me that the new maple syrup-flavored Eggo Cereal didn’t contain any maple syrup.

The only syrup it contained was high fructose corn syrup, which disappointed me like those black censored bars used in the Girls Gone Wild commercials.

Eggo Cereal was supposed to taste like waffles with maple syrup and it sort of did. However, it tasted more like a less-sweet Cap’n Crunch with a strong fake maple syrup scent. Since I’m a fan of Cap’n Crunch, I liked the taste of it.

So with the Eggo Cereal you get the goodness of Cap’n Crunch without the shredded upper palate. It’s like with a Girls Gone Wild DVD, you get the flashing goodness that happens during a New Orleans Mardi Gras on Bourbon Street without the need for beads.

Eggo Cereal was also supposed to look like waffles, but on the box they look like Chex cereal and in reality they look nothing like waffles or Chex cereal.

It’s sort of like when I’m drunk and I’m at the video store and I accidently pick up a Guys Gone Wild DVD. The first three letters of the title make it look like a Girls Gone Wild video, but when you get through the first three minutes of it, it looks nothing like a Girls Gone Wild video because there’s more sausage it in than a New York City hot dog stand.

Oooh, a Girls Gone Wild commercial!!!

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Andy for suggesting Eggo Cereal. Now I must go find Lego Eggos and a Girls Gone Wild DVD.)

Item: Eggo Cereal
Purchase Price: $5.79 (13.5-ounces)
Purchased At: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Nice fake maple syrup smell. Tasted like Cap’n Crunch, but didn’t hurt like Cap’n Crunch. Full of vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Cereal didn’t look like waffles and didn’t really taste like waffles. Hard puzzles on the back of the box. Black censored bars in the Girls Gone Wild commercial. Accidently picking up Guys Gone Wild while drunk.

28 thoughts to “Eggo Cereal”

  1. Lizzy – Some people like it and some people hate it. Hmm…I wonder if I should try it? Thanks for the tip about Waffle Crisp.

  2. I think Waffle Crisp had to have some crazy, Asain powered MSG cocaine in it, because I remember it not tasting that great, somewhat better with milk then out of the box, but once I started poping those bad boys in [to my mouth] with the 5 knuckle shuffle [aka. eating with my had] I could never stop until there was no more…or something better, like a steak, came along.

    [I felt impressed to add the [] marks to avoid the spontaneous homoerotic imagery]

  3. I’ve been looking forever (for my dad) for the Nutrition Facts for this stuff! Anyone know how many colories per serving and sugar?

  4. Char – Sorry, I threw away my box. But I’m going to assume it has about the same calories and sugar as any other sweet cereal.

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