Eggo Cereal

Maple syrup is great for pancakes, French toast, and embarrassing your family name for fifty dollars by participating in a coed kiddie pool maple syrup wrestling match at a nightclub for a Girls Gone Wild DVD.

They are also great on waffles, especially frozen waffles. Actually they’re even better on burnt frozen waffles that were in the toaster for too long because a certain someone was distracted by a Girls Gone Wild DVD commercial on television.

Did you know the Canadian province of Quebec is the world’s largest producer of maple syrup?

Did you know that written things in Canada have to come in both English AND French?

Did you know there’s a Girls Gone Wild Canada?

Many of the pancake syrups you see on your store shelves contain little or no maple syrup at all. So it didn’t surprise me that the new maple syrup-flavored Eggo Cereal didn’t contain any maple syrup.

The only syrup it contained was high fructose corn syrup, which disappointed me like those black censored bars used in the Girls Gone Wild commercials.

Eggo Cereal was supposed to taste like waffles with maple syrup and it sort of did. However, it tasted more like a less-sweet Cap’n Crunch with a strong fake maple syrup scent. Since I’m a fan of Cap’n Crunch, I liked the taste of it.

So with the Eggo Cereal you get the goodness of Cap’n Crunch without the shredded upper palate. It’s like with a Girls Gone Wild DVD, you get the flashing goodness that happens during a New Orleans Mardi Gras on Bourbon Street without the need for beads.

Eggo Cereal was also supposed to look like waffles, but on the box they look like Chex cereal and in reality they look nothing like waffles or Chex cereal.

It’s sort of like when I’m drunk and I’m at the video store and I accidently pick up a Guys Gone Wild DVD. The first three letters of the title make it look like a Girls Gone Wild video, but when you get through the first three minutes of it, it looks nothing like a Girls Gone Wild video because there’s more sausage it in than a New York City hot dog stand.

Oooh, a Girls Gone Wild commercial!!!

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Andy for suggesting Eggo Cereal. Now I must go find Lego Eggos and a Girls Gone Wild DVD.)


Item: Eggo Cereal
Purchase Price: $5.79 (13.5-ounces)
Purchased At: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Nice fake maple syrup smell. Tasted like Cap’n Crunch, but didn’t hurt like Cap’n Crunch. Full of vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Cereal didn’t look like waffles and didn’t really taste like waffles. Hard puzzles on the back of the box. Black censored bars in the Girls Gone Wild commercial. Accidently picking up Guys Gone Wild while drunk.

28 thoughts on “Eggo Cereal

  1. Damn, Chuck beat me to the obvious comment.

    Also, dude, maybe we could all pitch in and buy you a hooker. You seem to be… ummm… in need.

  2. Very cool. Thanks for the review.. I’ll admit.. the existance of such a product had me.. conflicted, I suppose.

    Hmm..Or maybe.. a Girls’ Gone Wild: Captain Crunch-Style? Somethin to that affect?

  3. Attention this video contains some material that may be inappropriate for children under the age of 13…

    Yeah, is it anything like Wafflecrisp, which was awesome but not in stores
    anymore? Cap’n Crunch with no-roof-of-the-mouth roughage. Yum!
    Heads up on the Eggo Lego waffles…you can only pretend to stack em and interlock. Thats not Legos!! Probably like how if you squint Eggo Cereal might seem like little waffles. How’s the sog-factor?

  4. Being that I was just on Bourbon St. for Mardi Gras a few weeks ago I can tell you that it was a lot more Boy’s Gone Wild than Girls Gone Wild.

  5. So with the Eggo Cereal you get the goodness of Cap’n Crunch without the shredded upper palate” Important in a cereal!

    Eggo tastes like ass, Dawn? NO WAY! Eggo’s are good eatin!

  6. I love cereal reviews! I also love Egos! I dont usually like the sweet tasting cereals, but i’m tempted….

  7. I actually just tried this cereal myself this morning. When eaten alone it tastes very much like an Eggo waffle with lots of butter on it. So I thought that it was good, did kind of taste like the Cap’n though. Also, it looks like homemade waffles, the kind you make in waffle irons…not the frozen kind, which is why I’m still unsure as to why they made EGGO cereal circle instead of the traditional EGGO SQUARE…stupid product designer should be bludgeoned.

    p.s. i think that as one of the girls gone wild challenges they should have to eat cap’n crunch and scrape their upper palates

  8. yeah, Cap’n Crunch without the injury? I may give this a chance, though I’ve only bought cereal from Trader Joes for the last few years, as the decisions between which cereal to get based on the included toy was too tough (with the exception of the Star Wars lightsaber spoons, I was all over that).

  9. Hey Mister, I saw a CHOCOLATE capn crunch product at my local s’market. did not pick up cuz it so intensely reeked sugar. have you seen this? (is it old news and i just never noticed? it seemed new-ish; they haddit on display on the end-cap.) would be happy to fetch a box 4 the capn crunch fan, if he can’t find it in his HI mkt…

  10. Chuck – I highly doubt there is a Girls Gone Wild cereal, but I wonder what the cereal shapes would be if there was one?

    Mir – Thanks for the offer, but I’m trying to keep disease-free.

    Andy – Captain Crunch-style? It sounds painful.

    Angel H. – Sorry, I have never tried Waffle Crisp cereal.

    skibs – Eggo Lego sounds like they suck. Too bad because I SOOOO badly wanted to make a Eggo Lego Winnebago.

    Lord Jezo – I guess the Girls Gone Wild Mardi Gras video is going to suck hard this year.

    Webmiztris – It was kind of sweet, so it would definitely taste like the ass of a Twinkie mascot.

    nat – Shredded upper palate sucks. Sometimes when a piece of flesh is hanging down, I can’t help but play with it using my tongue.

    Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – Sorry, I haven’t had many cereal reviews recently. But there haven’t been too many new cereals around. Come on, Kellogg’s! Come on, General Mills! Get with the program!

    David J. – Thanks for letting us know that. I remember seeing it on the shelf, but never had the urge to try it. I guess it’s because it was before I became a quasi-product review blog editor.

    Karen – No eggs, but it does contain traces of soybeans and something call THBQ, which I think stands for Thailand Barbeque.

    Nicki – Wait…Eggo square? I thought Eggos are round. They’re round, right?

    klew – Star Wars lightsaber spoons? That has to be the cool cereal toy EVER. Better than the stiff plastic, anatomically incorrect Barbie I got from eating Barbie cereal.

    TG – I think chocolate Cap’n Crunch is kind of new. Although I do remember eating a Cap’n Crunch cereal with chocolate cereal puffs in the 1980s. Thanks for the offer, but I’m sure they’ll arrive here on the slow boat. But I’m still looking for chocolate Oh’s.

  11. …ok so I’m an idiot, I was thinking of another kind of frozen waffle…sorry to worry you like that

  12. Since my grandpa is a lazy ass who can’t be bothered to read labels, he often accidentally buys the wrong product (e.g. Diet Coke, sweet soy sauce- WTH?!?). I thought that was bad, until you mentioned accidentally getting Guys Gone Wild instead.

  13. Nicki – I guess watching radar will make you forget things. :-)

    Toni – Beer goggles don’t only skew the appearance of women, they can skew the appearance of DVD labels.

    Mandy – If you nibble a little here and nibble a little there, they could be honeycomb-shaped.

  14. Ok, so they still make Waffle Crisp. ‘Cause someone said they don’t but my boyfriend bought some at Albertson’s last week.

  15. Lizzy – Some people like it and some people hate it. Hmm…I wonder if I should try it? Thanks for the tip about Waffle Crisp.

  16. I think Waffle Crisp had to have some crazy, Asain powered MSG cocaine in it, because I remember it not tasting that great, somewhat better with milk then out of the box, but once I started poping those bad boys in [to my mouth] with the 5 knuckle shuffle [aka. eating with my had] I could never stop until there was no more…or something better, like a steak, came along.

    [I felt impressed to add the [] marks to avoid the spontaneous homoerotic imagery]

  17. I’ve been looking forever (for my dad) for the Nutrition Facts for this stuff! Anyone know how many colories per serving and sugar?

  18. Char – Sorry, I threw away my box. But I’m going to assume it has about the same calories and sugar as any other sweet cereal.

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