REVIEW: Quaker Fiber & Omega-3 Dark Chocolate Chunk Chewy Oat Granola Bars

As someone who gets dietary fiber via Pop-Tarts and Omega-3 fatty acids from gummy fish, I should be stoked about the (take a deep breath) Quaker Fiber & Omega-3 Dark Chocolate Chunk Chewy Oat Granola Bars, but I’m not.

Because if an iPhone can be not only a phone, but also a music player, video player, Internet device and portable video game machine, then I should expect more from the (take a deep breath) Quaker Fiber & Omega-3 Dark Chocolate Chunk Chewy Oat Granola Bars.

If Quaker was able to enhance a granola bar with 35 percent of your daily value of dietary fiber and 320 milligrams of ALA Omega-3 fatty acids, then why can’t they also include antioxidants, caffeine, B vitamins, minerals, ginko biloba and fluoride. Because I believe that you either go all the way or go home.

Sure, there aren’t many graphic designer who would want to attempt to design the packaging for a product with the name (take a deep breath), Quaker Fiber, Omega-3, Antioxidants, Caffeine, B Vitamins, Minerals, Ginko Biloba & Fluoride Dark Chocolate Chunk Chewy Oat Granola Bars, but that granola bar, my friends, would truly be considered a superfood.

One granola bar to rule them all.

Each (take a deep breath) Quaker Fiber & Omega-3 Dark Chocolate Chunk Chewy Oat Granola Bars is 3.5 inches long, three-fourths of an inch wide and about half an inch thick, which is kind of small, but also somewhat the norm when it comes to granola bars. The bars get their chocolate flavor from semisweet chocolate chunks in them and a chocolatey drizzle on top, and combined they give it an enjoyable chocolate flavor, which makes me think these could be really bad for me.

The bar’s downfall is how fragile it is. It falls apart faster than a Jenga tower in a game between a drunk Nick Nolte and a coked up Gary Busey, both of whom will think they’re playing against hallucinations of themselves. It’s quite irksome to have the granola bar breaking down in my fingers and possibly causing pieces to fall on the floor; because my DustBuster no longer works, the maid service I use will no longer accept jobs from me due to “sexual harassment” issues and I don’t own a dog or goat that could eat it up off the floor.

To solve this problem, perhaps there needs to be a (take a deep breath) Quaker Fiber, Omega-3, Antioxidants, Caffeine, B Vitamins, Minerals, Ginko Biloba, Fluoride and Elmer’s Glue Dark Chocolate Chunk Chewy Oat Granola Bar.

(Nutrition Facts- 1 bar – 150 calories, 4 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 35 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and 4% iron.)

Item: Quaker Fiber & Omega-3 Dark Chocolate Chunk Chewy Oat Granola Bars
Price: $3.49
Size: 5 bars
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good chocolate flavor. 35% of daily value of fiber. 320 milligrams of ALA Omega-3 fatty acids from flaxseed. Getting fiber from Pop-Tarts and Omega-3 from gummy fish.
Cons: Breaks apart really easily. Kind of small. Only five bars (whatever happened to even numbers). Doesn’t include antioxidants, caffeine, B vitamins, minerals, ginko biloba and fluoride. Long product name. Trying to fit long product names on packaging. Being a Jenga tower in the same room as a drunk Nick Nolte and a coked up Gary Busey.

15 thoughts to “REVIEW: Quaker Fiber & Omega-3 Dark Chocolate Chunk Chewy Oat Granola Bars”

  1. Hahahah. So I take it this would be difficult to eat whilst driving your new White Nissan Cube attempting to shift gears, drinking a Starbucks Americano (for your aforementioned left out caffeine) & speaking on you iPhone?

    Laugh if you must but this is seriously how my brother commutes.

  2. My 7 month-old will pick up just about anything off the floor with plans to eat it. We haven’t had to use the vacuum in months (uh huh). Unfortunately, she’s a very expensive automated replacement.

  3. I’m sure that this product is okay for a granola bar but usually those things are expensive and the taste to value ratio always seems kind of skewed, I don’t think of granola as somthing that I’d buy willingly. (I have been coerced into buying the stuff by my bratty girlfriend) but hey that’s just me.

  4. Granola….no thanks, I have a bad memory of granola. Once when I was 7 The power went out and we had to eat granola for 3 days, now I can’t stand the stuff….yuck!

  5. When I was A little child my sisters use to wrap their underwear in granoia as to why I do not know

    THAT IS ALL

  6. Hmmm not much of a granola person really, I don’t like that texture… as a matter of fact, I think that’s what I don’t like about i t, still this may deserve a chance as it does come with chocolate…

  7. @Bear Silber: Let me just say that eating chicken McNuggets with sauce is easier to eat while driving.

    @orb205: Unfortunately, I don’t have a Trader Joe’s, so I guess I’m stuck with Pop tarts forever.

    @Chuck: If Butterfinger can come up with a candy that has caffeine, then why not fiber?

    @Yum Yucky: With a vacuum you have to change the bag every few months, with a seven-month-old, I’m pretty sure you have to change to bag every few hours.

    @Villain was born like this…: If you owned your own product review blog, you’d buy a lot of stuff willingly.

    @Vik the Viper: I eat granola for three days straight, if it meant I lost 10 pounds.

    @Zac Pritcher (Everyview): Thanks! I look forward to an Everyview review of the Chocolate Peanut Butter version.

    @Neil the hammer: To store for a rainy day.

    @susan allport: I would mark your comment as spam, but I enjoy a video that involves rats swimming.

    @Hobo With a Shotgun: just pick out the granola, which is probably 60% of it.

    @grinder: That’s what Febreze is for.

  8. I got a box of these in the peanut butter chocolate flavor, and ONE of the bars was loaded with chocolate chunks, another had like one piece of chocolate, and the rest had none. Weird! Quaker, get the chocolate divvy-upper fixed on the line. I’ve tried many, but none are as consistently as good as the original Fiber One Oats and Chocolate bar.

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