They say that pink is the new black and it’s the color everyone should have.
Since I always yearn to be cool and hip, I decided to get some pink in my life. I did this by buying a Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus. However, instead of being cool and hip, it seemed like I was losing my masculinity.
I felt so girly buying something pink. Part of me felt like I should pick up some wine coolers and tampons as well.
It’s like the testosterone in me was being sucked out. The feeling was very similar to the one I got whenever I stepped into a Hello Kitty store.
While I waited in line to pay for the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus, the girl in front of me told her friend how cute the color of the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus was and how it totally match her pink top.
I totally agreed! I also thought her friend’s shoes were really cute and I wanted to know where she got them from.
When I got back from the store, I decided to try the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus. While drinking it, I had the sudden urge to plop on the couch, watch the movie Beaches and paint my nails.
Please don’t ask me what I’m doing with nail polish and a copy of Beaches.
So what mix of berries do they use in the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus? According to the label, it looked like strawberry and raspberry. There’s also a little bit of apple juice, which the last time I checked, wasn’t a berry.
I guess apple is becoming the new berry.
It also contains Splenda, which I hear is the new Nutrasweet.
Unfortunately, the taste of the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus was very light, like a really bad diet soda. I guess when it contains ten calories, two grams of carbs, and one gram of sugar, you can’t expect much taste, but those numbers will definitely help prevent my ass from looking huge in those cute jeans I just bought.
After finishing the Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus, allowing my crimson passion-colored nails to dry, and using half a box of tissues while watching Beaches, I felt myself getting manly again.
I wanted to speed up the process, so I plopped on the couch again, flipped on ESPN, and looked through my collection of Playboy magazines.
Within a few hours, I felt like barbequing.
Item: Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus
Purchase Price: $0.99 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: A little vitamin C and calcium. Low calories. Low sugar. Low carbs.
Cons: Very light taste. Caffeine free. Somewhat emasculating.