The last time I checked, caffeine doesn’t make anyone mad. In large doses, it may make hands tremble uncontrollably or make Robin Williams so hyperactive that you wish you had a tranquilizer gun.
So why must today’s review subject be called Mad-Croc Power Peppermint Energy Gum? Also, the same can be asked about the Mad Dog Energy Bars I reviewed last year.
All these energy drinks and other energy products have these “aggro,” “xtreme,” or “mad” names and labels, but a large majority of people don’t use these products to be “aggro,” “xtreme,” or “mad.” Instead, they use these product to help them “work,” “study,” or “finish a review for a quasi-product review blog.”
If you can read this review, I know you’ve done a lot of studying in life, and you know there is nothing “aggro,” “xtreme,” or “mad” about studying.
Also, isn’t the name “Mad-Croc” sort of redundant? Don’t crocodiles ALWAYS look mad, and I’m not just talking about the Croc Monster from Scooby Doo or the crocodiles Steve Irwin messes with.
I’ve never seen a happy crocodile. The crocodiles in the National Geographic TV specials always look mad when their mating rituals are being recorded and shown to the world. Kid Rock hates when that happens, but I think crocodiles hate it even more.
Even the crocodile in the Lacoste logo looks totally pissed off about being stitched to preppy French clothing.
However, if there’s anything crocodiles should be mad about, it’s the taste of the Mad-Croc Power Peppermint Energy Gum.
It tasted like I imagine a stale candy cane that’s over four years old would. One that you happened to have found under the sofa, but you think it’s okay to eat because it’s in a wrapper, but just like Joan Rivers, it got crusty over time.
In other words, the taste was horrible, although after going through the entire pack of gum, I sort of got used to it.
I guess it’s sort of like when you take a huge dump. At first, it smells horrible and you try to recollect what you ate that day, but after some times passes, you get used to it.
Or, if not, you do a pre-wipe flush.
Although I may not like its taste, I do like the fact that Mad-Croc gum comes in blue jumbo pieces and just two pieces contains about as much caffeine as an 8-ounce energy drink or a cup of coffee, which was enough energy to help me write a review for a quasi-product review blog. It also contains a bunch of vitamins, like riboflavin, vitamin B6, niacin, vitamin B12, and pantothenic acid.
So is the Mad-Croc Power Peppermint Energy Gum a product I would want to use to freshen my breath during a hot date?
With its crappy flavor, I definitely wouldn’t use it for that.
Is the Mad-Croc Power Peppermint Energy Gum a product you would feed to Robin Williams to get him hyperactive enough to use him for tranquilizer gun target practice?
Hell yes!
Lock and load!
Item: Mad-Croc Power Peppermint Energy Gum
Purchase Price: $1.69
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Pros: Caffeine. Jumbo pieces. Mucho B vitamins. Perfect to feed Robin Williams to get him hyperactive enough to use him for tranquilizer gun target practice.
Cons: Crappy taste. Flavor may not be ideal for freshening breath. Mad crocodiles. Steve Irwin.