Rip It Energy Fuel

Rip It Energy Fuel

I think I’m not properly using the Rip It Energy Fuel, because I just drank a big 16-ounce can of it and I have no urge to rip anything, not even the jurors in the Michael Jackson case or Paris Hilton.

Maybe it takes a while for the effects to kick in. Maybe I have to drink another can. Maybe I have to inject it into my ass meat, like Jose Canseco did with steroids.

Anyway, on the outside, the Rip It Energy Fuel looks like any old energy drink with an aggro name, aggro designed can, and its typical aggro green energy drink color. However, after I drank it, I realized that it wasn’t a typical energy drink.

The first thing I noticed about it was its lack of bite that most energy drinks have, which was probably due to the lack of carbonation in the Rip It Energy Fuel.

This was disappointing because that bite is one of the things that wakes me up when I’m trying to finish a review or if I’m trying to stay up late to watch Ronco infomercials or the softcore porn on HBO.

Another thing I noticed about the Rip It Energy Fuel was that there was almost no aftertaste. This surprised me because just like almost all Ben Affleck movies, most energy drinks with aggro names leave me with a weird aftertaste.

However, the lack of bite and aftertaste made it easier to tank the big 16-ounce can of the berry and citrus flavored Rip It Energy Fuel, which tasted pretty good. Although, it doesn’t taste as good as The Impulsive Buy favorite, Monster Energy Drink.

Anyway, so far, through this entire review I have had a blank sheet of paper in front of me and I honestly have had no urge to rip it, despite just drinking a can of Rip It Energy Fuel. I’m pretty sure the caffeine, taurine, inositol, and guarana must have kicked in by now, but I’m just not feeling it.

Rip It Energy Fuel

Wait. Now that I think about it, maybe I have to try something different.

Now in front of me is a picture of American Idol judge, Simon Cowell.

Nope, don’t feel anything…

Oh, wait a minute, I feel something.

RIP IT!!!

DAMN FRICKIN’ ARROGANT PRICK!!! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SUCK, ASSWIPE!!! HOW ABOUT I TEAR THAT SMUG LOOK OFF OF YOUR FACE!!!

RIP IT!!!

Oh, wow! I guess Rip It Energy Fuel does work.

(Editor’s Note: The Impulsive Buy would like to thank CT from the Population Statistic for creating The Impulsive Buy favicon, which can be found in the address bar of your browser…Hopefully.)


Item: Rip It Energy Fuel
Purchase Price: $1.49 (16-ounce)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Nice berry and citrus flavor. Cheap. Big can. Almost no aftertaste.
Cons: Typical green energy drink color. Lack of bite. Rip It Energy Fuel may or may not work, depending on what is being ripped. Simon Cowell.

26 thoughts to “Rip It Energy Fuel”

  1. Hey, I want you to rip a photo of the new pope, since Sinead O’Connor ripped upt he last pope. C’mon.

    “Ben Affleck movies, most energy drinks with aggro names leave me with a weird aftertaste.” –HILARious!

  2. I bought some of that at the dollar store the other day. I have to agree it tastes pretty good, but when I saw the warning about not drinking two cans in the same day I decided to look up the ingredients… turns out it uses some sort of sheep brain goo / back bone goop as one of the main ingredients. I couldn’t bring myself to finish the can after I found out what was inside… not in a PETA kind of way, more in a “that is just so gross” kind of way.

  3. kt – Simon Cowell also dates models. I don’t like him too.

    Chana – Yeah, I don’t think that will happen. Like I’ve said before, I’m afraid of needles.

    Becky – You could always download Firefox.

    Christina – Thank you.

    nat – Sorry, can’t do that, but I will rip up a picture of any member of the Jackson family.

    Stephen – Ew! Brain goo! Mmm…Rip It. Ew! Comes from the butt of a giant slug! Mmm…Slurm.

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