REVIEW: Juice Monster Strawberry Lemonade Energy Drink

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Red white and blue can

Monster Energy’s Strawberry Lemonade Juice has a pleasant pink color, which is the perfect hue to represent my adoration for it. Or maybe that fondness was caused by the chilled liquid making these hot summer days a little more tolerable.

Here’s what the can says about the flavor:

12 score and 10 years ago our great nation was born. Now, we celebrate with our limited-edition Juice Monster Strawberry Lemonade! It’s like an AP Honors U.S. History book packed onto a can. Not a tiny Euro can…an American size 16 oz. can! Bursting with real juice, perfectly tart lemonade, and the sweet taste of strawberries, plus a full load of our energy blend. Happy Birthday, America!

Someone drew them.

Yes, the flavor honors our nation’s 250th birthday. It does it so with a can adorned with red, white, blue, stars, eagles, monster trucks, American flags, what appears to be George Washington’s head on He-Man’s body mounted on a motorcycle, and an Uncle Sam who looks like Colonel Sanders in witness protection. I’m not sure what strawberry lemonade has to do with the birth of our country, and no one has ever said, “As American as strawberry lemonade,” but I’m not going to complain because it’s a delicious way to celebrate America and summer.

Pink!

I’ve had strawberry lemonades that had such a strong strawberry flavor that the lemonade got lost, but this one has the right balance between the berry and citrus. There’s a slight sourness, but it’s not enough to make me pucker. Much like red, white, and blue make for a great flag, being sweet, flavorful, and refreshing make for a great beverage, and this drink is all three.

Like many Juice Monster drinks, this has only five percent juice. But if I saw this at a kid’s lemonade stand that was next to a competing lemonade stand selling regular lemonade, its 160 milligrams of caffeine would convince me to pick up a can. Sorry, kid.

I’m not sure whether Monster’s Strawberry Lemonade Energy Juice is a one-time thing or something that’ll return someday. But I hope it comes back, because I’m tickled pink by it.

Purchased Price: $3.75
Size: 16 fl oz can
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 200 calories, 0 grams of fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 47 grams of sugar (including 47 grams of added sugar), 0 grams of protein, and 160 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Alani Nu Purple Cotton Candy Energy Drink

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Alani Nu Purple Cotton Candy Energy Drink can

’Tis cotton candy season!

Though the person who declared National Cotton Candy Day for the end of the year, on December 7, might disagree. So that day will live in infamy and, apparently, in fairy floss. But to me, cotton candy is a summer treat.

Instead of going to a carnival, state fair, amusement park, cotton candy vending machine (yes, they exist), or crashing some kid’s birthday party, you can get your cotton candy fix from the fine folks at Alani Nu.

Now, you might be thinking, “Drinking an energy drink isn’t the same as biting into a cloud of sugar that gets stuck to anything that has a hint of moisture. Also, Alani Nu already has a cotton candy flavor.” True and true. Yes, and the original Cotton Candy variety is crazy delicious, but this is Purple Cotton Candy.

If you’re assuming the “purple” here means grape, you’re correct. If you thought cranberry, nice try. Oddly, it smells like blue raspberry, but once you get past that, it has a nice grape flavor with a hint of cotton candy that’s reminiscent of the original Cotton Candy variety.

The can looks slightly different from Cotton Candy's one, but the liquid inside looks the same.

The grape flavor in the aftertaste occasionally leaned medicinal. Maybe I drank too much Dimetapp as a kid, or something that makes me think of that. It wasn’t every sip, and it wasn’t full-on medicinal, just a slight detour in an otherwise pleasant flavor.

So if you can’t get to a carnival, state fair, amusement park, or cotton candy vending machine, or you get kicked out of a birthday party before partaking in the fairy floss, cracking open a can of Alani Nu’s Purple Cotton Candy (or the original) might be the next best thing. It isn’t as great as Alani Nu’s Cotton Candy, but it’s still pretty good. And if you accidentally grab this one instead of the original because they both have colored stripes running down the sides of the can, you’ll probably enjoy it.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 12 oz can
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 200 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Bang American Berry Energy Drink

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I pledge allegiance to the can.

You only turn 250 once, so I don’t mind the red, white, and blue wave of products on shelves as we celebrate our country’s 250th birthday. Among them are several energy drinks, including this Bang American Berry Energy Drink.

With the can being red, white, and blue, I thought this would be another rocket pop-flavored energy drink. But after thinking about it for a few seconds more, I realized that wouldn’t make sense because rocket pops tend to have lime, and last time I checked, it wasn’t a berry. So I had to drink it to find out what American Berry actually is.

The liquid has a sweet, fruity candy aroma, but it doesn’t help identify which berry flavors are involved. And because Bang energy drinks have no color, pouring this into a clear glass won’t reveal anything either. Only my taste buds could figure out what my nose and eyes couldn’t.

Bang Energy Drinks are as clear as water.

It turns out that Bang should’ve called this flavor something like American Starberry, because I taste a lot of strawberry in it. It tastes different than another strawberry-flavored energy drink I’ve tried, Monster Energy’s Ultra Strawberry Dreams, and I actually prefer Bang’s version slightly. It’s a bit tart, but its fruitiness tastes a bit more natural and reminds me of a slightly overripe strawberry. Beyond that, I couldn’t discern any other berries or fruit. But that’s okay, because I enjoyed its flavor so much that I felt like saluting it.

After putting down the can, I wondered if strawberries are indigenous to North America. A quick Google search revealed that the strawberries we know today are from France, another country with a red, white, and blue flag. Is Bang available in France? If so, I have a great idea for a flavor called French Berry, I mean, Berry Français.

If you need something sweet and tasty in a red, white, and blue can to help keep you awake for a Fourth of July fireworks show, the 300 milligrams of caffeine in this Bang American Berry Energy Drink will help.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from Bang. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 16 fl oz can
Purchased at: Received from Bang
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 40 milligrams of sodium, 3 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of protein, and 300 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Red Bull Summer Edition Sudachi Lime Energy Drink

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Whether you consider Memorial Day the start of summer, or you’re a stickler who waits until late June to be more official… you’re wrong and you should feel bad.

It is well established that Red Bull decides the seasons. When Red Bull says it’s summer, it’s summer. The Summer Edition is out now. It’s summer.

So you can keep your holiday benchmarks, your solstices, and your equinoxes, because the only time to acknowledge a quarter of the year passing by is when Red Bull stamps it on a can.

With that, Red Bull bids farewell to Sakura Spring and welcomes in Sudachi Summer.

“What the heck is Sudachi Summer?”

Good question.

Iono. It must be an obscure fruit if spellcheck doesn’t even recognize it.

It’s either a type of lime or a fruit similar to a lime. If you’re a fan of lime, then maybe you’ll like Red Bull’s new Summer Edition, Sudachi Lime. I do, and I did not. More on that later.

After researching “Sudachi,” I’m still not sure whether this flavor is “Sudachi AND Lime” or just a “Sudachi Lime.” Either way, a sudachi is a small, green Japanese citrus fruit known for its sharp, refreshing, and intense aroma.

Do you know what sudachi is?

It’s pronounced “Soo-daa-chee” and not “Sue Dockey,” who was a neighborhood acquaintance of my mom’s growing up. Nasty lady. Didn’t like my “hoodlum skateboard.”

Anyway, I think lime alone is underrated. It lives in lemon’s shadow and has seemingly lost its stronghold on the color green to fruits like apples and watermelon, but for me, it’s “S” tier. I always find it refreshing despite the acidity.

Looks like lemonade.

I love sharp lime flavor, and was really excited for this release, but I’m afraid this might as well be Red Bull’s Bummer Edition. *ohhhhhhh* I’d rather drink Summer’s Eve. *oh… no*

Sudachi Lime is one of the least Red Bull-tasting Red Bulls I’ve ever had.

This is not an “S,” but it tastes like a bad attempt at one of those “S” citrus sodas. Ya know, like Sprite, Seven-up, Splunk, Sun Drop, Surge, Slice, Slurp Sawse, Super Slurp Sawse, Starry, Slurm, Splink, Squirt… it isn’t better than any of ‘em.

You get lime, but it doesn’t “bite” like I wanted it to. It never tasted as “spritzy” as a usual Red Bull, either. It’s a little too sweet, and I didn’t find it all that refreshing.

For a fruit described as having a “unique spicy, peppery flavor,” I didn’t really sense the sudachi much either. Lime inherently has a little of those profiles, but I wouldn’t say it’s very noticeable here.

There's also a full sugar version if you're not a fan of sugar free stuff.

I really wanted this to have more of a natural lime pop instead of just a vague citrus sweetness, but it was too much, even in this Sugar Free edition. I was thirstier afterward.

There’s probably enough lime for it to be passable to some, but I just don’t think I’m into the “sudachi” of it all. Clearly, this isn’t my favorite. It’s not quite as nasty as Sue Dockey, but it’s not good either.

Happy Red Bull Summer!

I don’t encourage imbibing, but I could see this working as a really good mixer. Just please drink responsibly, and have a great Red Bull Summer.

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: 8.4 fl oz can
Purchased at: Wawa
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 15 calories, 0 grams of fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of total sugars, 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Zero Sugar

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Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Zero Sugar cans

Have my taste buds have been spoiled?

Monster Ultra Energy Drinks have been my go-to energy drink for years because they’re sweet, and despite being zero sugar beverages, they usually don’t taste like it. So after one sip of Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Zero Sugar French Vanilla, I found myself wondering, given all the sweetener advancements we’ve seen over the past few years, why am I tasting something so disappointing?

I’m no food scientist, and if my high school and college science grades are any indication, I don’t have a strong grasp of science period. But I did get a C- in a college logic class, so I feel I can say with some confidence that because there are great tasting zero sugar drinks, there should be a way to make tasty zero sugar coffee energy drinks without them tasting like I’m licking artificial sweetener packets at a diner.

If you're going to drink a Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Zero Sugar, don't get this vanilla one.

Along with the French Vanilla, which has a flavor that tastes like I was drinking sugar free French Vanilla creamer straight from the bottle, there’s also a Dark Chocolate variety, and if I had to choose between the two, I’d go with the latter. Something about the cocoa makes the artificial sweetener taste, which comes from sucralose and inositol, a little more tolerable. But both have an aftertaste I can only describe as medicinal. There’s no mistaking these are zero sugar beverages, and I feel like more could’ve been done to hide that. But they’re milky and creamy, which is better than watery, but it would’ve helped if these were also delicious.

If you're going to drink a Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Zero Sugar, get this dark chocolate one.

Also, as I’ve complained about before with Starbucks’ ready-to-drink coffee beverages, the can doesn’t say how much caffeine it has. So you don’t have to go digging, I scanned the PepsiCo website, which says these have 160 milligrams of caffeine, which is 25 more than most standard Starbucks Doubleshot Energy drinks.

While I’m throwing numbers around like a livestock auctioneer, let me throw out a few more. These are zero sugar but not zero calorie — the French Vanilla has 80 calories and the Dark Chocolate has 90. More surprisingly, both have 10 grams of protein, which the regular Starbucks Doubleshot line also has. So get yo’ gains. And they each have two grams of fiber. So get yo’ fiber gains too.

As someone who drinks a lot of zero sugar energy drinks, sodas, and sparkling waters, I’m disappointed with how these taste. Unlike my high school and college science grades, they’re not awful. But like my college logic class grade, they’re disappointing.

Purchased Price: $3.28 each
Size: 15 fl oz cans
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10 (French Vanilla), 5 out of 10 (Dark Chocolate)
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) French Vanilla – 80 calories, 3 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.Dark Chocolate – 90 calories 3 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 7 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.

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