The Sambazon Supergreens Revolution Organic Açai Smoothie has more grass types than your average golf course and corner nickelbag dealer have combined. Each bottle contains wheat grass, barley grass, oat grass, alfalfa, sprulina, and chlorella. It’s been awhile since bullies made me eat grass in grade school, so I didn’t fully remember what it tasted like, but after drinking this smoothie, it’s slowly coming back to me.
Fortunately, the smoothie doesn’t just contain grass, because that would be the shittiest smoothie ever. It also has apple juice, grape juice, bananas, mangos, and the popular açai berry. Much like how Timbaland can make a song sound much better, these fruits and fruit juices made the grass taste better, although not as good as I hoped.
If you’ve ever had a bad raisin, you have an idea of what the Sambazon Supergreens Revolution Organic Açai Smoothie tastes like. It was pretty disgusting when I first drank it, but the more I drank, the better it got. It’s the same thing with the movie Battlefield Earth. If you take a shot every time John Travolta overacts, within ten minutes the movie will be on the same level as Gigli.
The taste of this maroon-colored beverage will make most people gag, and so will most beverages described as tasting like a “bad raisin,” but I have a trick that you can use to hopefully make it more tolerable. All you have to do is keep telling yourself how healthy the all grass and Açai berries are for you. It’s like the mental equivalent of pinching your nose to endure its taste. But if the sight or taste of this doesn’t get to you, perhaps its smell or sludge-like consistency will.
Despite how bad I’m talking about it, I have to say that I actually like the Sambazon Supergreens Revolution Organic Açai Smoothie. It’s a food with a silver lining. I think because there are so many things in it that are good for you that they negate all the things that make it disgusting. It has antioxidants, healthy omega fats, fiber, and a whole lot of phytonutrients, all of which will decrease the effects of free radicals and probably make Britney Spears’ new single tolerable for about three seconds.
Besides, isn’t that the rule of most healthy foods? They may not taste good, but they are good for you–except iceberg lettuce and orchids used as garnish. I also think it tastes a little bit better than its competitor, the equally disturbing Odwalla Superfood, although the Sambazon smoothie has more calories, less potassium, less Vitamin C, and a little more sugar.
It maybe super healthy, tastes all right, and smells bad, but perhaps the least known fact about the Sambazon Supergreens Revolution Organic Açai Smoothie is that it may get you a ride if you need a lift someday, because you know what they say:
Ass, gas, or grass. Nobody rides for free.
Item: Sambazon Supergreens Revolution Organic Açai Smoothie
Price: $3.39 (10.5 ounces)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Full of healthy shit. Slightly better tasting than the Odwalla Superfood. 100% vegan. Organic. Antioxidants. 7 grams of dietary fiber (28% daily allowance). 4,050 milligrams of healthy omega fats.
Cons: Smells weird. Sludge-like. Its taste is something to get used to. Drinking grass. Eating grass in grade school. Britney’s fucked up new single.