Month: April 2011

NEWS: Jack in the Box’s New Grilled Sandwich Has What Men Crave – Bourbon, BBQ, and Steak

Marvo 3 Comments

Update: Click here to read our Jack in the Box Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich review

Grunt. Grunt. Grunt. Grunt.

You hear that? I’m grunting like a manly man. Don’t believe I’m a manly man, I’ve got the voluptuous chest and back hair to prove it. Because I’m a manly man, the new Jack in the Box Bourbon BBQ Steak Sandwich makes my voluptuous chest hair stand up with excitement.

The sandwich is made up of steak strips, grilled onions, cheese and Jack in the Box’s new Bourbon BBQ sauce in between two slices of grilled artisan bread. The sandwich is the fourth in Jack’s Grilled Sandwich line, joining the Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar, Deli Trio, and Grilled Breakfast Sandwich.

Jack in the Box’s Bourbon BBQ Steak Grilled Sandwich will be available for a limited time starting Monday, April 25th. However, it won’t be available at locations in Austin, Houston and Kansas City. So the manly men there won’t be able to have their chest hair tickled by it.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack

Nichol 4 Comments

Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack Ice Cream

Pot smokers, couch-dwelling sports fans, and menstruaters rejoice! Sweet and salty have been reduced to their lowest common denominators and magically recombined to form the freaky wonder that is Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack ice cream.

Hell, provided it’s available in your immediate area and you’re as curiosity-driven as I am, you’ve probably already tried the stuff. It has been a little while, and this ice cream is a smidge high profile, on account of the late night talk circuit involvement. I, for one, am willing to throw caution to the wind and try anything Stephen Colbert claims is tasty. I see this as one fun and easy way to fulfill my monthly patriotic acts quota. I’m now just one eagle cuddle away from being done for April!

Sorry to be late for 420 day, too, but I’m guessing most of the dedicated celebrants out there will understand. Any time can be munchies time. It’s all relative, and it’s all good.

I’ve been jogging my ass off to make up for all these ice cream reviews. Somehow Late Night Snack just feels more hip-widening than Ben & Jerry’s other offerings, even though it really isn’t any worse. Every pint they produce is already verging on a caloric supernova. If they tried adding any more, I’m pretty sure their products would explode, and then slowly begin absorbing everything else in the freezer aisle, from the neighboring Häagen-Dazs all the way to the Hungry Man entrees. Anyone brave enough to try a spoonful would instantly blow up like the Stay Puft marshmallow man. As is, it takes at least two pints of the stuff to attain that kind of comical weight gain. Not that I know.

Maybe, and I’m just throwing this hypothesis out there, the riotously calorie-rich issue at hand is the chocolate covered potato chip clusters. Similar to a rice crispy treat in texture, fresh deer poo in appearance, and a chocolate drenched kettle chip in flavor, they’re sprinkled liberally and fairly evenly throughout the ice cream like little treasure nuggets. I have a feeling South Park’s Chef would either highly approve of these salty balls or sue the company for stealing his lucrative vision.

Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack Ice Cream Bowl

The clusters are surrounded by a protective chocolatey armor roughly the texture and thickness of the outside of a Butterfinger bar, which sometimes manages to preserve a good crunch but more often than not fails, allowing the sogginess to creep in as the ice cream thaws. This is sad, because the crunchy clusters are far tastier than their squishier friends. I felt compelled to shovel the ice cream in faster and finish the pint in one sitting just to preserve the little balls of joy.

The base for this tour de force is vanilla ice cream, with a salty caramel swirl which I found to be kind of thin in places. I would happily eat these two elements on their own, but that flavor would probably be a store brand, gallon-size-only offering in this Xtreme day and age. If wanted to go that route, I might as well buy a Costco-sized drum of Neapolitan and softly lull my taste buds into an eternal frozen slumber. Ben & Jerry’s leads the pack, time and again, ratcheting the ice cream norm up about ten notches, I suspect through controlled exposure to sandalwood essence and the tunes of Iron and Wine, plus a pinch of good, old-fashioned stoner ingenuity. No spoon? No problem. You’ve got Fritos. They’re sturdy AND 100 percent more edible. BAM. A food revolution is born.

Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack Ice Cream Container

Initially, the flavor is a nice blend of chocolate, vanilla, and caramel with a salty edge. But the aftertaste? As long as you manage to scoop up a cluster or two, it’s pure potato chip. Somehow the two never clash or overlap. They just peacefully and deliciously co-exist. The world could learn a thing or two from this ice cream. Namely, that the key to harmony lies in coating everything in chocolate and then adding salt. Lots of salt. I apologize again to the lactose intolerant community. Attaining world peace is going to be a bit tougher for you guys.

The biggest problem arises when you stop eating this ice cream, because the sweet amalgam is no longer there to continuously balance out the potato chip essence, which lingers. Everything about this flavor practically begs for continual consumption. If you notice my giant pasty form lumbering through the streets of New York sometime soon, sporting a jaunty sailor’s cap and little else, well, you know who to call. What? Wait, no. The authorities. Call the authorities.

(Nutrition Facts – ½ cup – 270 calories, 140 calories from fat, 15 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 10% calcium, 0% vitamin C, and 0% iron.)
Item: Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack
Price: $3.99
Size: 1 Pint
Purchased at: Albertson’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Salted caramel. Eagle cuddling. Fresh, unthawed chocolate covered potato chip clusters. Ice cream by the drum, in theory. Stoner ingenuity. Jaunty sailor caps. Ben & Jerry’s not skimping on the clusters. Frito-based revolutions.
Cons: Deer crap ice cream. Caloric black holes. Soggy potato chip balls. The lingering, persistent aftertaste of soggy potato chip balls. Ice cream by the drum, in practice. Becoming the Stay Puft mascot. Caramel swirl thins out in places. Lactose intolerant community unable to participate in my vision of world peace.

NEWS: Goldfish Sandwich Bread Totally Freaks Me Out

Marvo 6 Comments

Why do Goldfish crackers smile?

I’ve always wondered this because their smiles freaks me out as much as clowns do.

They have no reason to smile, because I’m going to crush their fragile cracker bodies with my teeth, then let their mangled, saliva soaked bodies travel through my digestive system, and then I’m going to poop them out of my body. How can a Goldfish smile knowing that fate?

So if tiny smiling Goldfish crackers freak me out, I believe I’ll have nightmares forever if I come face to face with the new Pepperidge Farms Goldfish Sandwich Bread. Yes, bread shaped like smiling Goldfish crackers.

They’ve been available for several weeks and come in packs of eight in either white or whole wheat. The freaky crust-free bread has 120 calories, 3 gram of fiber, and 18 grams of whole grains per serving. They also don’t contain high fructose corn syrup. Pepperidge Farms Goldfish Sandwich Bread has a suggested retail price of $3.49.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches & Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches

Marvo 7 Comments

Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches and with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches

Just come out and say it, Post.

You’re not 100 percent sure you like Honey Bunches of Oat with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches and Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches. They probably didn’t test well internally, but you’re going to put them out there as limited edition products to see if the general public likes them, and if they do, you’re going to distribute a press release that says they were so popular that you decided to make them permanent members in the Honey Bunches of Oats line.

Or, of course, I could be completely wrong because I’ve got my head so far up the ass of convenience food news that I think I’m able to read between the lines of every new product a company introduces.

I guess I just don’t understand why these two varieties are limited editions because both are much tastier than many of the current permanent Honey Bunches of Oats varieties. **cough** Pecan Bunches **cough** Real Peaches **cough** Real Strawberries **barf**

Both flavors are similar to others from Honey Bunches of Oats’ past. In 2004, Post released Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas, which has been discontinued. If the term “EPIC FAIL” was part of my vernacular in 2004, I would’ve called Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas an EPIC FAIL for its disgusting, milk-absorbing banana pieces. As for a close relative of Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches, there’s current flavor, Honey Bunches of Oats with Cinnamon Bunches.

Like most Honey Bunches of Oats varieties, these two limited editions come with the standard crispy flakes that quickly get soggy in milk, crunchy oats, and a touch of honey. I’ve never been a fan of getting a touch of honey, and I really wish these two had an inappropriate massaging of honey instead.

Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches and with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches Naked

The Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches have a pleasant cinnamon flavor, but not overpowering. That cinnamon flavor, along with the oat clusters, make the cereal taste like a Nature Valley granola bar. I was pleasantly surprised the dried apple pieces didn’t soak up milk faster than a chubby, thirsty cat on a hot summer day and that there were a decent amount of them. Although, they didn’t provide as much apple flavor as I hoped, but what can I expect from dehydrated versions of their former selves. Overall, I enjoyed it and think it should be a permanent member of the Honey Bunches of Oats lineup.

As for the Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches, I also liked it and think it should be a regular variety available to all, all the time. The bananas are baked into the oat clusters and they give the cereal a mighty good banana flavor. If you like how banana chips taste, then you’re going to like this cereal. Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches is what the banana-flavored Honey Bunches of Oats should’ve been in 2004.

I may want both these cereals to become regular additions to the Honey Bunches of Oats line, but, of course, it’s not up to me, it’s up to Post. To help, I could create a Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats Should be Regular Varieties Facebook Fan Page, but I’m lazy, and I only like these cereals, I don’t LOVE them, which is just like how I imagine Post feels about them.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup (just cereal) – with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches – 120 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 15 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals. with Banana Bunches – 120 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 18 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a whole lot o’ vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches & Honey Bunches of Oats with Banana Bunches
Price: $4.49 each (on sale)
Size: 17.5 ounces (with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches)
Size: 18 ounces (with Banana Bunches)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10 (with Real Apples and Cinnamon Bunches)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (with Banana Bunches)
Pros: Tasty. Bananas are baked into the bunches. Decent amount of apples. LEHBOOWRAACB tastes like a granola bar. LEHBOOWBB tastes like banana chips. Should be permanent members of the Honey Bunches of Oats lineup.
Cons: Needs inappropriate massaging of honey instead. Soggy flakes. Being too lazy to create a Limited Edition Honey Bunches of Oats Should be Regular Varieties Facebook Fan Page. Limited Edition. My head being so far up the ass of convenience food news.

NEWS: Wendy’s Bistro Cheddar Cheeseburger Sounds Fancier Than It Probably Is

Marvo 1 Comment

Wendy's, Shibuya, Tokyo, Japan.JPG

Like an eighth grade essay, I’m going to begin this post with a definition, which I got from the ultimate eighth grade essay resource, Wikipedia.

A bistro, sometimes spelled bistrot, is, in its original Parisian incarnation, a small restaurant serving moderately priced simple meals in a modest setting. Bistros are defined mostly by the foods they serve. Slow-cooked foods like braised meats are typical. Bistro patrons do not expect printed menus or professional service.

Now I wouldn’t call Wendy’s a bistro, but they’re trying to sound like one with their new Wendy’s Bistro Cheddar Cheeseburger, which I learned about via An Immovable Feast. The burger is made of a beef patty, two slice of Applewood bacon, two slices of cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and a “Bistro sauce” in between a bun.

There isn’t any information about the Bistro Cheddar Cheeseburger on the Wendy’s website, so they’re probably just testing it out in limited markets. But if you want to read a review, go visit Justin at An Immovable Feast and read his review.

Source: An Immovable Feast