Month: November 2011

NEWS: Stuff Your Pie Hole With Domino’s Stuffed Cheesy Breads

Marvo 1 Comment

192/365 - 4/18/2011

I’m still waiting for Domino’s Pizza to bring back their “30 Minutes or It’s Free” offer and the Noid, but until then I’m going to have to settle for their new Stuffed Cheesy Bread line.

The line comes in three varieties: regular Stuffed Cheesy Bread, Stuffed Cheesy Bread with Spinach & Feta, and Stuffed Cheesy Bread with Bacon & Jalapeno. All varieties are come with eight pieces, are stuffed with the same amount of cheese as a medium pizza, and are covered in a blend of 100 percent mozzarella and cheddar cheese. They’re also seasoned with garlic, parsley, and Romano cheese. Marinara or your favorite dipping sauce can be added for an additional charge.

A piece of Stuffed Cheesy Bread has 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 420 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.

A piece of Stuffed Cheesy Bread with Spinach & Feta has 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 260 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.

A piece of Stuffed Cheesy Bread with Bacon & Jalapeno 160 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 350 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

And if the Stuffed Cheesy Bites are enough carbs for you, Domino’s also introduced their new Parmesan Bread Bites, which are oven-baked, bite-size breadsticks lightly sprinkled with Parmesan, and seasoned with Asiago cheese and garlic. They’re available in 16- or 32-pieces. Four pieces have 150 calories, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 190 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

Source: Nation’s Restaurant News

Image via flickr user GabrielaP93 / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: Peeps Introduces New Caramel Flavored Dipped Marshmallow Chicks To Eat or Blow Up In Your Microwave

Marvo 3 Comments

Peep Jousting 2

To be honest, I don’t really eat Peeps. I just like to use them in a way that would upset starving children in third world countries — Peep Wars. If you don’t know what Peep Wars are it involves sticking two Peeps, with toothpicks inserted into them, on a plate facing each other as if they’re going to duel. The plate is then microwaved and as the Peeps swell, their toothpicks will poke each other. The Peep that explodes first is the loser.

Peeps come in a variety of colors, but the new Caramel Flavored Dipped Marshmallow Peeps come in a tan color. That’s going to make Peep Wars a little more fun. The caramel-flavored Peeps’ bronzed bodies will make each Peep War look like a fighting scene from the movie 300. If only these Peeps were oily and had perfect abs.

But if you’re going to eat Caramel Flavored Dipped Marshmallow Peeps, they come in two varieties; they’re dipped in either milk or dark chocolate. The new flavor will only be available in three-count packages.

Image via flickr user maveric2003 / CC BY 2.0

REVIEW: Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer

Marvo 2 Comments

Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer

I’m a little skeptical the limited time only Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie has the ability to cheer me up. After all, I have yet to bust a cold with Jamba’s Coldbuster, achieve nirvana by drinking their Strawberry Nirvana, or get horny while sucking down a Caribbean Passion smoothie, even when I’m also sucking on a Peach Pleasure at the same time.

By the way, sucking on two Jamba Juice smoothies at the same time is called a méjamba trois.

If there ever was a time to test the Apple Cinnamon Cheer’s ability to turn my frown upside down, it would be now, because it’s raining outside, I just found out my favorite T-shirt has a hole in it, NBC’s Community isn’t on the network’s midseason schedule, and I just found out Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are divorcing, which means, if they can’t make it, it doesn’t give me hope for me and Cloris Leachman.

While I have my doubts that Jamba Juice could blend a smoothie that brings me cheer, there’s also a part of me that thinks it might be possible because if there are two things that can bring a smile to my face it’s the combination of apples and cinnamon. If warm apple pie à la mode doesn’t bring a smile to your face, you either have no heart, are allergic to cinnamon, or you’re Snow White and you’ve never gotten over your fear apples.

The Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie contains apple-strawberry juice, soy milk, cinnamon, an apple cinnamon base, frozen yogurt, bananas, peaches, and ice. It’s not surprising to see Jamba Juice use cinnamon in their latest smoothie since cinnamon is a common flavor during the fall season. It’s just as common during these fall months as two other ingredients found in the smoothie — tropical bananas and summer peaches.

Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer Closeup

The smoothie looks like applesauce, or if you hang out in the aisles filled with Gerber bottles, it may also look like baby food. However, I assure you it tastes better than applesauce and much better than baby food. Jamba Juice’s Apple Cinnamon Cheer tastes as if someone left an apple pie on a windowsill for too long on a frigid day, a passerby steals the pie, gets rid of the crust, dumps the innards of the pie into a blender, blends it, then dumps the contents into a cup, and sucks it through straw. Or if you prefer the shorter version, it tastes like the filling of an apple pie, which is the best part of the dessert.

The Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer smoothie is really good and I have to say that its cinnamon flavor did cheer me up. But, that happiness quickly went away after I sucked out the last of the smoothie. So like any pharmaceutical upper, I guess I have to keep sucking on an Apple Cinnamon Cheer to maintain some level of cheeriness. But, I don’t mind because I could see myself getting brain freezes regularly from it, whether I drink it by itself or joining Caribbean Passion, Peach Pleasure, and me for a méjamba quatre.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Power Size/30 ounces – 630 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 145 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 122 grams of sugar, 9 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 15% calcium, 50% vitamin C, and 15% iron.)

Item: Jamba Juice Apple Cinnamon Cheer
Price: $5.95
Size: Power (30 ounces)
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like apple pie filling. Brought me cheer while drinking it. Looks like applesauce. Nice cinnamon flavor. Méjamba trois brain freezes. NBC’s Community. Apple pie à la mode.
Cons: A cold smoothie might not be appropriate for some to have during the fall/winter months. Cheer went away after drinking it. Looks like baby food. Limited time only. Have yet to bust a cold with a Coldbuster smoothie.

NEWS: Enjoy Root Beer Floats Without a Straw, Spoon, or Sugar By Chewing Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float Gum

Marvo 1 Comment

Update: Click here to read our Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float Gum review

I wonder if the upcoming Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float Gum will foam in my mouth like when vanilla ice cream and root beer come together in a glass. Most likely that’s not the case, but that would make the gum a bit more authentic…and probably rabies pranks will rise.

Extra Dessert Delights Root Beer Float will be the latest gum flavor in the sugar-free dessert flavored gum lineup, which also includes Mint Chocolate Chip, Key Lime Pie, Strawberry Shortcake, Orange Creme Pop, and Apple Pie.

Yes, I know the lineup by heart.

The root beer flavored gum won’t be available until the summer of 2012 because it just recently earned the right to be made by winning Extra Dessert Delights Fan Flavorite Vote on Facebook. Root beer float garnered 662,817 votes, crushing the other two choices, lemon square and bananas foster, which received 363,389 and 360,731 votes, respectively.

So get ready for another dessert-flavored chewing gum that’s significantly less satisfying than the real thing.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Smokehouse Sausage Breakfast Sandwich

Jasper 5 Comments

Dunkin' Donuts Smokehouse Sausage Breakfast Sandwich

I’ve always been supportive of fast food corporations’ revenues on new items, and now that the Colbert Super PAC has taught me corporations are people, I am also trying to be more supportive of fast food corporations’ self-esteem. In order to be more sensitive to Dunkin’ Donuts’ feelings, and because their new product is a sandwich, I will use the sandwich method of feedback to review the new Smokehouse Sausage Breakfast Sandwich by sandwiching each piece of negative feedback between two positive thoughts.

Positive: The sandwich stayed warm while I walked the 6 blocks home.
Negative: I recently moved apartments and there are now two Starbucks within those 6 blocks. You better up your locations around here, Dunkin’. I love you, but I also love gingerbread lattes and free WiFi.
Positive: On the other hand, the counter guys at Dunkin’ Donuts never judge me for constantly confusing the only two Italian words I know. Stupid smug baristas.

Positive: The cheese was well-melted and kept the split-length-wise sausage link in place very well.
Negative: I suppose the two half-links of sausage probably provide more meat than a regular sausage patty, but they were like a square peg being put in a round hole, or more accurately two half-cylinders bifurcating an oblate spheroid (now there’s an expression that could really catch on). The half-links felt awkwardly bulky on an English muffin, and I ended up with inconsistent amounts of meat in each bite.
Positive: Overall, the sandwich did feel a bit more filling than your average Dunkin’ Donuts breakfast sandwich.

Dunkin' Donuts Smokehouse Sausage Breakfast Sandwich Split

Positive: The premium sausage is produced by Hillshire Farm, whose founders are in the Wisconsin Meat Industry Hall of Fame. No seriously, that exists.
Negative: Any Hillshire Farm product hits you with a bunch of fat and sodium, and this new sandwich is no exception, weighing in with a whopping 36 grams of fat and 1,500 milligrams of sodium.
Positive: I’ve finally found a Hall of Fame whose membership is worth spending my life aspiring to.

Positive: I guess the sausage had some slight scent of smokiness to it.
Negative: That slight smoky scent didn’t really translate at all into the taste. (I just spent a half hour trying to formulate a joke about the minuscule smokiness of this sandwich, my roommate’s pack-a-week smoking habit, and smoking his sausage. I couldn’t get it to work, but dammit, B, if you stop smoking I’ll promise to stop making sex jokes about you in my reviews.)
Positive: Sausage means penis and that is funny.

Positive: The sausage mostly just tasted like a hot dog (I happen to like hot dogs). As with your average hot dog, it was quite salty, and the casing had some snap to it.
Negative: As anyone who’s ever been to a ballgame knows, overpaying for a hot dog sucks, and this sandwich cost four dollars.

I know that last feedback sandwich was open-faced, so here’s a super positive closing paragraph to make up for it and boost Dunkin’ Donuts’ self-esteem. That was a good try, Double D! Just because I wouldn’t buy the Smokehouse Sausage Breakfast Sandwich again doesn’t mean I won’t come visit all the time and taste whatever new items you have rolling out next. Hey, didn’t your IPO just go really well? If you’re still feeling down after this review, I’ve got great news: Starbucks has buy-one-get-one-free holiday drinks this weekend. How about a gingerbread latte, my treat?

(Nutrition Facts – 550 calories, 320 calories from fat, 36 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 245 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,510 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 21 grams of protein.)

Item: Dunkin Donuts Smokehouse Sausage Breakfast Sandwich
Price: $3.99
Purchased at: Dunkin Donuts
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Sausage mostly just tasted like a hot dog. The melted cheese kept everything in place pretty well. Sandwich stayed hot on my walk home. It might’ve been a bit more filling than an average DD breakfast sandwich. There’s a Wisconsin Meat Industry Hall of Fame. Using the sandwich method of feedback. Buy-one-get-one-free gingerbread lattes.
Cons: Sausage mostly just tasted like a hot dog. Smokehouse sausage wasn’t actually all that smoky. Half-links in an English muffin were awkwardly bulky. Tons of sodium and fat. $4 is too expensive for what would be considered a small hot dog. Judgmental baristas.