Month: January 2013

REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND (ENERGY DRINK EDITION) – 1/24/2013

Marvo 4 Comments

Here are some quick reviews of new-ish energy drinks we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Rockstar Recovery Tea:Lemonade

Item: Rockstar Recovery Tea/Lemonade
Purchased Price: $1.67
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting. Lack of carbonation makes it easy to drink. Contains tea. Only 20 calories and 2 grams of sugar per can. It’s got electrolytes! 240 mg of caffeine per can.
Cons: Not an equal balance of tea and lemonade; it’s significantly more artificial lemonadey. 240 mg of caffeine would, at best, keep Arnold Palmer up for 48 hours, at worst, kill him. When it gets slightly warm the artificial sweeteners stand out more.
Other reviews: Caffeine King, Energy Drink Heaven, Caffeine! The Energy Blog

Rockstar SuperSours Bubbleberry Energy Drink

Item: Rockstar SuperSours Bubbleberry
Purchased Price: $1.67
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Initial bubblegum flavor was somewhat pleasant. If the 120 mg of caffeine per 8-ounce serving doesn’t wake you up, the unpleasant sourness will.
Cons: Unpleasant sour flavor at the back end ruined this drink for me. SuperSour? More like SuperSoI’mNotGoingToDrinkThisAgain.
Other reviews: Energy Drink Heaven, Caffeine King, Caffeine! The Energy Blog

Monster Zero Ultra Energy Drink

Item: Monster Energy Zero Ultra
Purchased Price: $1.67
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Great mild citrus flavor. My new favorite zero calorie energy drink. Better tasting than Monster Absolute Zero. No sugar. Easy to drink. Pretty textured can.
Cons: It looks like the water in my sink after I wash my face. Very slight artificial sweetener aftertaste that got stronger as the beverage got warmer. Can doesn’t specifically list the amount of caffeine per serving.
Other reviews: ED Junkie, Possessed by Caffeine, Blonde and Thinner

Monster Cuba-Lima

Item: Monster Energy Cuba Lima
Purchased Price: $2.19
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice lime flavor with a generic cola flavor in the background. Smooth. Looks like a rum and cola. Doesn’t taste like an energy drink. As good as pitcher Jose Lima was in 1999 with the Houston Astros.
Cons: If you love alcohol, you might be disappointed it’s non-alcoholic even though it’s based on a Cuba Libre (rum, cola, and lime). Don’t know how much caffeine is in each can. Strong lime flavor might be off-putting to some.
Other reviews: Thirsty Dudes, Screaming Energy, Blonde and Thinner

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Eggo Drizzlers Strawberry Waffles

Marvo 5 Comments

Kellogg's Eggo Strawberry Drizzlers

Right now in my freezer there are only two food items that have been in there for over six months — a half full bag of store brand chopped broccoli and Guy Fieri’s S’mores Indoor Pizza.

In another six months, I expect both to still be occupying freezer space because I’m scared to open them, especially the s’mores pizza, but for the six months they’ll be joined by a Kellogg’s Eggo Drizzlers strawberry topping packet because the topping made with real fruit is…

What do the kids say nowadays?

Um…

Oh yeah, weak sauce.

Each Eggo Drizzlers box comes with six waffles and three topping packets, each of which holds about an ounce of strawberry weak sauce. The Eggo waffles included are the exact same circular breakfast modules that you know and love (or have nothing else better to eat). They are prepared in the toaster the same way as any other Eggo waffles. The topping, according to the box, can be heated in two ways:

1. Place the topping packet in a cup of warm water while the waffles are being toasted.

2. Warm topping packet in hand while toasting waffles.

But if you really want to multitask, I’d recommend a third option. Clip the topping packet to an ID lanyard around your neck and take a shower with it while the waffles are in the toaster.

Kellogg's Eggo Strawberry Drizzlers Closeup

After the waffles are done and the topping is warmed up, tear open the strawberry sauce-filled packet like it’s a condom wrapper and squeeze out its contents. As you can see in the photo above, there’s enough in one packet to cover two waffles.

But, again, the strawberry topping is weak sauce.

If your child is used to syrup from Mrs. Butterworth’s, Aunt Jemima, or anything else that’s dark, viscous, sugary, and comes in a plastic bottle, then the strawberry topping might not satisfy their taste buds and sweet tooths. Although, the topping has a gooeyness similar to pancake syrup, its strawberry flavor was light and not that sweet.

However, the strawberry topping has around 50 percent less sugar than syrup from Mrs. Butterworth’s, Aunt Jemima, or anything else that’s dark, viscous, sugary, and comes in a plastic bottle. So if you’re looking to cut your child’s sugar intake (or want to make your paunch disappear), use the strawberry topping packet.

Since I don’t have a child with a sugar problem or a paunch big enough to encourage me to do something about it, and I don’t care for the Eggo Drizzlers strawberry topping (and I turned the last two waffles into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich), the last topping packet will keep my freezer burned broccoli and s’mores pizza company in the freezer…and, when I decide to clean out my freezer, in the trash can also.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles & 1 topping packet – 250 calories, 70 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals I’m too lazy to list.)

Item: Kellogg’s Eggo Drizzlers Strawberry Waffles
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 6 waffles & 2 topping packets
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Same ol’ Eggo waffles, if you like Eggo waffles. Leftover packet keeping company other frozen food. Topping has less sugar than regular syrup. Enough topping to cover two waffles. Topping is made with real fruit. Multitasking.
Cons: Strawberry topping was light on flavor and not that sweet. Only six waffles per box. If you’re addicted to pancake syrup, topping will not suffice. Freezer burned broccoli. Showering with a topping packet.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 1/23/2013

Marvo 6 Comments

Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers.

Birthday Cake Golden Oreo

Celebrating Oreo’s 101st birthday by eating Birthday Cake Golden Oreos. Or, perhaps, add more birthdays to your life by not eating any Oreos. (Spotted by Stephen at Giant.)

Nutrigrain Fruit Crunch Granola Bars

After years of offering cereal bars, Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain now makes granola bars. But that space is dominated by Nature Valley, Quaker, and Kashi, so I’m sure Quaker isn’t quaking in their boots, Nature Valley isn’t retreating into a valley, and Kashi isn’t giving a Kashit. (Spotted by Charmi at Target.)

Honey Bunches of Oats Tropical Blends

Here on this tropical rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, tropical blends are just called blends. (Spotted by Justin at Walmart.)

Totinos Pizzaria

With flavors like Cheesy Garlic, Meatball Marinara, and Chicken Parmesan, I guess these Totino’s Pizzeria Rolls are a step above their regular Pizza Rolls. I hope Totino’s one day takes it up another step and makes Totino’s Ristorante Italiano Rolls with flavors like Chicken Alla Pomodori, Lasagna, and Chicken Marsala. (Spotted by Justin at Walmart.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf (or really unusual), snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos

Marvo 9 Comments

Jumpin' Jack Doritos

Man, these Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos take me back.

I remember eating bags of it while (insert 90s reference here) or (insert 90s reference here). Except for the acne and bullying, those were good times. Heck, I think I still have those (insert 90s fashion here) somewhere in my closet. But when Jumpin’ Jack Doritos went away, I was a little sad, just like when they cancelled (insert 90s television show here). For years, I wished I could (insert Back to the Future DeLorean/flux capacitor reference here) and experience those chips again.

But thanks to Frito-Lay’s recent trend of bringing back old chip flavors in retro packaging and no thanks to nonexistent time travel technology, I can enjoy these pepper jack cheese-flavored tortilla chips once again, but for a limited time.

Like the outfits in the first few seasons of Friends, the retro Doritos packaging SCREAMS 90s. It also screams 80s…and 70s. Okay, it just screams old and the font used for the “Jumpin’ Jack” makes me wonder where its leopard print leotard is. Oh wait, I was in high school when these first came out, so that makes me old. I. Am. Old. I feel like I should pull my pants down and let my doctor use his latex glove-covered finger to check my prostate.

Jumpin' Jack Doritos Closeup 2

The chips don’t look as cheesy as regular Doritos, but that’s because the cheese-flavored powder blends in with the color of the chip, like medium 28 camel Sephora tinting moisturizer blends with my skin tone. The cheesy seasoning is made up of cheddar, Monterey Jack, and Swiss cheeses. It sounds like a lot of cheese but according to the level of cheesy powder that accumulated on my fingers while I ate my way through the bag, the chips didn’t seem to have a heavy coating of powder. However, they were some damn tasty chips.

Now some of you cheese connoisseurs might be taking off your monocles, putting down your cup of tea, and asking yourself, “If those chips are pepper jack flavored, where’s the pepper part?”

Jumpin' Jack Doritos Closeup 1

Well, I was just getting to that, Mr. or Ms. Fancy Pants. Along with the cheesy coating, the tortilla chips have a sprinkling of black and red seasonings, which I assume was the jalapeño pepper powder listed in the ingredients. The jalapeño powder gave the chips a level of heat that would be on the lowest Scoville scale level. To be honest, as someone who likey the spicy, the lack of heat was a little disappointing.

While the amount of spice the Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos doesn’t make my taste buds want to jump, the chip’s wonderful, but not overpowering Monterey Jack flavor makes them wonder why they’re not a regular addition to the Doritos line.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% vitamin A, and 2% thiamin.)

Item: Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 11 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice cheesy flavor. Doritos bringing back flavors from the past. Doesn’t leave your fingers stained orange. Retro bag brings back memories of being asked to the Junior prom as a sophomore. The way medium 28 camel Sephora tinting moisturizer make me look.
Cons: Level of heat doesn’t make my taste buds jump. Not for MSG haters. Limited edition. Leaves your fingers stained yellow. Retro bag brings back memories of being the third option for the girl who asked me to the Junior prom. Checking prostates.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Limited Batch Cannoli Ice Cream

Drew 8 Comments

Ben & Jerry's Cannoli Ice Cream

Oh Ben & Jerry’s, I can never stay away from you.

Yes, I made a big fuss last time about how I wasn’t interested in B&J’s latest offering, Cannoli Ice Cream.  But when it came down to it, I was weak.  For as much as I enjoyed the pumpkin coffee ice cream, I couldn’t wait to get the cannoli flavor home and take a taste.  I hope I don’t sound like a frozen dessert whore when I tell you that the two are sharing space in my freezer right now.  In my defense, I’ve never had a bowl of each in the same night.  A man has to have some morals.

So what convinced me to sample the forbidden ice cream?  Well, the package promises mascarpone ice cream (and fuck you, red squiggly spellcheck line, that IS how you spell it) with fudge-covered cannoli pastry shell chunks, plus a mascarpone swirl.  Actually, spellcheck is not a friend of “cannoli” either, which I think evinces a clear anti-Italian-American bias on the part of Microsoft.  Which in turn reminds me of that Sopranos episode where Paulie Walnuts got upset because schools weren’t properly celebrating Columbus Day, but we’re getting waaaay off topic, so never mind.

To be honest, I’m just a tad disappointed that the cows on the carton aren’t wearing suits or eating spaghetti bolognese or something, but that might’ve been culturally insensitive.  (For obvious reasons, leather jackets were a no-go.)  I do think they missed out on a prime opportunity to give us Ben & Jerry’s “Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli” ice cream, although the description on the back does advise you to leave the spoon, take the cannoli.  Which… doesn’t make much sense (how are you going to eat it without a spoon?), but whatever.

Ben & Jerry's Cannoli Ice Cream Closeup 1

When you first remove the lid, you’re met with what looks like chocolate chip ice cream, and that general appearance persists as you dig deeper.  Never fear though, because like that guy you wouldn’t go out with in high school but then he becomes a moderately successful internet writer with cute kids, there’s more going on under the surface than it initially appears.  For starters, the primary flavor is sweeter than vanilla ice cream, with a lingering but pleasant aftertaste. It’s fairly rich and you do have to have a bit of a sweet tooth to properly enjoy it; my wife, who subsists on salt licks and seawater, was not as much of a fan as I was.

Ben & Jerry's Cannoli Ice Cream Closeup 2

The chips/chunks do indeed have that extra little fudge element, plus they taste a bit like waffle cone, which I presume is the “pastry shell” element.  As for the mascarpone swirl, well, it’s not so much a visible swirl cutting through the ice cream as flecks peppered throughout the entire body.  Overall the texture is pleasing, thick and creamy with enough elements to keep it interesting, and the chunks aren’t tough to chew.

It is also super fattening, so you might want to be doing leg lifts or squats while eating it (or bicycle crunches if you’re crazy coordinated).  The calorie count is high though not ridiculous, but the saturated fat content is a cool 55% of your daily recommended value.  It’s okay though, the total fat is only 25%!  So as long as you’re okay with a 1/4 carton of this functioning as your entire lunch, go forth and conquer.

All jokes aside, like most of what Ben & Jerry’s has to offer, this is some good stuff.  It’s limited batch, so if you’re interested, best not delay in grabbing a carton.  Just make sure you’re committed to spending an extra 20 minutes at the gym the next day.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 280 calories, 140 calories from fat, 16 grams of total fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 23 grams of sugars, and 4 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Cannoli Ice Cream reviews:
On Second Scoop

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Limited Batch Cannoli Ice Cream
Purchased Price: $3.99 (or 2 for $7)
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Very sweet and nuanced.  Good texture.  Effective way to bulk up for wrestling?  Fudge and pastry shell bits are delicious and relatively liberal.  Not too fattening if you only eat two bites at a time.
Cons: Missed Godfather jokes.  Probably even more fattening than most real cannolis.  You do have to have a taste for sweetness.  Cheating on the ice cream you brought home first.