The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Little Caesars Smokehouse Pizza

It’s surprisingly easy comparing the big four of American pizza chains to the big four of 1980s thrash metal bands. Pizza Hut is Metallica, so that makes Domino’s Megadeth by default. And since Papa John’s is Anthrax (because when both go wrong, they go horribly wrong), that must make Little Caesars the fast food equivalent of Slayer.

And much the same way Slayer has consistently been the heaviest and fastest of those bands, so has Little Caesars been the heaviest and fastest of the pizza pie big four. Seriously, what’s heavier and faster than a HOT-N-READY bacon-wrapped DEEP! DEEP! Dish pizza, anyway?

Well, the newfangled Smokehouse Pizza is pretty much the musical equivalent of Slayer releasing a bluegrass album. On the surface, it doesn’t sound even remotely feasible, but then you realize, “Hey, the instruments may be different, but this stuff is STILL really heavy and fast. Just the way I like it.”

And yes, this super savory meat-a-palooza pie is pretty spectacular. Little Caesars did not skimp out on the fix-ins, as the cacophony of brisket, bacon, and pulled pork gels incredibly well. The high-quality meat is certainly smoky and savory, and you get an absolute ton of it piled atop your pizza.

While each variety of meat maintains a distinct taste and texture, the medley of flavors blends together nicely. No one meat becomes too dominant on your tastebuds – thanks in no small part to the delicious barbecue sauce base, which does a bang-up job tying everything together.

The mozzarella and Muenster mix, however, was a bit underwhelming. With so much meat on the pie, there really needs to be an extra handful of cheese on this thing, lest the dairy flavorings literally be buried.

The biggest problem with the pizza, however, has to be the superfluous mesquite seasonings on the crust. Basically, it tastes like BBQ potato chip dust, and moving from a very authentic barbecue flavor to a very synthetic tasting one definitely lessens the experience. It’s also an extremely messy pizza, so be mindful if you decide to tackle this bad boy while wearing your Sunday best.

Still, the Smokehouse Pizza is unique and flavorful enough to warrant at least one taste test. For just $9 you are getting a colossal amount of food, and the overall quality of the meat is likely to surprise you.

Be forewarned, though: as any veteran BBQ enthusiast will tell you, ingesting enough BBQ sauce-slathered pork and beef in quick intervals CAN put you in nap-mode out of the blue. So just to be on the safe side of things? If you order this pizza, make sure to have a pillow or two handy.

(Nutrition Facts – Not listed on website.)

Purchased Price: $9
Size: Large pizza (8 slices)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: A very rich and robust smoked barbecue taste. A nice and savory BBQ sauce base. Being so full of brisket you come *this close* to reaching beef enlightenment.
Cons: Nowhere near enough cheese. The artificial BBQ seasonings on the crust are a little off-putting. Trying to ward off the food coma effects about a half hour after eating your last slice.