Taco Bell has a new Caramel Apple Freeze to cool you down during the tailend of summer. Below, in block quotes, is the Taco Bell-ese used to, I guess, describe the new drink on the chain’s website. But instead of reading all that, I’ve provided translations of every paragraph.
Do you hear that? It’s the call of the county fair. Not only can you hear it from a mile away… you can smell it. Grilled this and fried that… the air is just wafting with fun and exotic fair food delicacies. And though you will try some of this, and some of that, you know that before the day is done, you will be heading right over to that Caramel Apple booth to pick up your all-time favorite. A Caramel Apple on a stick.
Translation: Hey, do you remember caramel apples from the county fair?
Remember the first time you had one? It might not have been at the fair. But one thing is for sure it was a bit of challenge to eat. Right? Let’s face it… It’s always a challenge to eat. First off, there is the stick. You can barely keep your Caramel Apple upright with it. Couldn’t you at least get two to help steady things while you bite into all that thick caramel goodness? And about the caramel. Nothing is better at locking your jaw around a rock hard apple like thick sticky caramel. Sure it tastes fantastic, but before you know it you’ve got that stuff on your fingers, and on your face, and exactly how it got on the back side of your head… nobody really knows. What a mess. Don’t you wish there was a better way to enjoy Caramel Apple flavor?
Translation: Also, do you remember how difficult and messy caramel apples are to eat?
Well step right up my friend, because the good people over at Taco Bell have got some great news for you. It’s called the new Caramel Apple Freeze. What is it? Imagine, if you will, a layer of sweet, caramel sauce topped with tangy, green apple flavored frozen, slushy, goodness. Want more? The Caramel Apple Freeze comes with a straw in place of that pesky stick. That’s right, no more stick. And bonus! Because it’s a frozen caramel apple flavored drink, it’s the perfect way to cool off when that temperature heads northward.
Translation: Taco Bell has a new Caramel Apple Freeze that features caramel sauce and green apple-flavored slush that’s easier and cleaner to eat than an actual caramel apple.
Now you can try your luck, but you won’t find the Caramel Apple Freeze down at the local county fair. In fact you’d have a better chance of getting a ringer down at the midway carnival games. Why? Because it’s ONLY available at your local participating Taco Bell location. AND… because it’s only available for a limited time, you might want to skip that long line over at the rickety rollercoaster and go get one now. You’ll thank us later.
Translation: It’s available for a limited time at participating locations.
A 16-ounce serving has 190 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 40 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.
If you’ve tried it, let us know what you think of it in the comments.
(Image sent in by reader Brittany K.)