SPOTTED: Cards Against Humanity Clam-o-naise

Run, don’t walk to your nearest Target to get this. Definitely a stocking stuffer…if you’re giving out coal. (Spotted by @DaleMethod at Target.)

12 thoughts to “SPOTTED: Cards Against Humanity Clam-o-naise”

  1. PSA: If some gives this to you as a gag (pun not intended) gift, there are cards inside the clamonaise (wrapped, obviously) and one card has a QR code where you win a prize. Even if you just don’t give a crap about the cards, and don’t have a game-playing friend to give them to, you might get something after all! Odds are high it will be a very small pearl.


    One (1) Grand Prize: a 2007 Toyota Camry XLE with approximately 185,000 miles. Approximate retail value (“ARV”) of Grand Prize = $9,000. 

    Two (2) First Prizes: a trip for two (2) to Pismo Beach, CA, including Coach Class air travel for two (2) from the major U.S. gateway airport nearest the winner’s home to Santa Barbara, CA, seven (7) nights hotel accommodations (1 room, double occupancy), car rental in destination city, a sunset cruise for two (2), plus $1,200 for meals and activities. ARV of each First Prize = $6,700. Actual value may vary based on timing of trip, location of departure city, and assessment of prize elements publicly available. Difference between actual value and stated value, if any, will not be awarded in cash or other consideration. Prize trip is scheduled for October 13, 2023 – October 20, 2023, to coincide with the Pismo Beach Clam Festival.

    Three hundred (300) Second Prizes: a “Clam-O-Naise” poster (ARV = $39).

    Three hundred (300) Third Prizes: a “Clams Aclamst Huclamity” Game (ARV = $29).

    Three hundred (300) Fourth Prizes: a “Clam-O-Naise” mug (ARV = $19).

    Seven hundred (700) Fifth Prizes: a “Clam-O-Naise” hat (model/color at Sponsor’s discretion) (ARV = $19).

    Five thousand five hundred (5,500) Sixth Prizes: a Cards Against Humanity “Clammy Dick” softcover book (ARV = $14).

    Twelve thousand (12,000) Seventh Prizes: a “Clam-O-Naise” branded bumper sticker (ARV = $8). 

    One thousand five hundred (1,500) Eighth Prizes: a $5 Long John Silver’s gift card (ARV = $5). 

    Eight thousand five hundred (8,500) Ninth Prizes: a Cards Against Humanity Climate Catastrophe Card Pack (ARV = $5). 

    Two thousand (2,000) Tenth Prizes: a can of smoked clams (ARV = $4). 

    Thirty-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-seven (39,997) Eleventh Prizes: a freshwater pearl (ARV = $.15). 

    Approximate retail value of all prizes = $298,800.

  2. I could actually see this being good: Say, mixed into a tuna salad, or the like. Although, upon initially hearing of it, it did, admittedly, sound a bit…scary.

  3. Nope nope nope, not even if my life depended on it.

    Filing this one along with figgy pudding and pumpkin spice Spam. >puke<

      1. I think they were referring to figgy pudding flavored Spam, it was new for this Christmas season and there was a pumpkin spice Spam a couple of years ago.

  4. Hmmm…trying to think of something witty to say including clams casino and something about risk. Throwing that out there for any of you other hilarious people who enjoy word play and jokes that frequently elicit eye rolls and forehead smacks!

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