Taco Bell’s new Beefy Crunch Burrito starts out like 70 percent of the Taco Bell menu with seasoned ground beef. Then it’s followed by ingredients found in 50-60 percent of Taco Bell’s menu: rice, nacho cheese sauce and sour cream. Then it’s wrapped in a flour tortilla, which is used by around 60 percent of Taco Bell’s menu items.
However, the Flamin’ Hot Fritos stuffed inside the Beefy Crunch Burrito is a brand new ingredient that’s only in the Beefy Crunch Burrito. But knowing Taco Bell, it will eventually end up in tacos, Crunchwraps, quesadillas, nachos, Gorditas, Chalupas and salads.
A Beefy Crunch Burrito has 510 calories, 200 calories from fat, 22 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 1250 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar and 15 grams of protein.
Source: Grub Grade
Image via flickr user Like_the_Grand_Canyon / CC BY 2.0
I love VitaminWater, like Kim Kardashian loves NFL players.
Perhaps I have a fondness towards VitaminWater because I enjoy variety and there are so many VitaminWater variations. If all the flavors were bound together in book form, the number of varieties would make it feel like one is flipping through the Kama Sutra. There are so many VitaminWater flavors that there is no human on Earth who has more fingers and toes than VitaminWater flavors, even those who have polydactyly.
Because Glaceau pumps out VitaminWater flavors at a rate usually only seen on TLC reality shows, developing new ones must be easy. I’m talking putting on shoes with Velcro straps instead of shoelaces easy.
It’s as if the folks at Glaceau sneak onto the Wheel of Fortune set and spin the wheel to determine which color they’re going to use. Then they mash ingredients together to determine which ones would make that color. Then they figure out which part of the body it’s supposed to help by staring at Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man drawing. Then they have a 14-year-old girl send thousands of text messages, pull the thousands of misspelled words and choose one for the flavor’s name. Finally, they have a copywriter, who uses a keyboard that’s built with high voltage electrified caps lock and shift keys to discourage use of them, type out the description of the flavor that ends up on the bottle’s label.
Doesn’t that sound easy peasy lemon squeezy?
stur-D is the latest VitaminWater flavor and it combines blue agave, passion fruit and citrus. An 8-ounce serving of it contains 10 percent of your daily recommended intake of calcium and vitamin D to help maintain bones. stur-D also has 120 percent of vitamin C and 40 percent of several B vitamins per eight-ounce serving, and it’s got what plants crave. It’s got electrolytes.
Most VitaminWater flavors taste like juice that had an entire tray of ice melt in them, but this blue colored beverage seems sweeter. This could be because it contains five percent juice, or because it has three different sweeteners (crystalline fructose, cane sugar and rebiana). It has a pleasant tropical-ish flavor with the passion fruit on the front end, and the citrus on the back end. I also notice a little berry flavor.
VitaminWater stur-D is good, but I’m not sure drinking it is as effective at maintaining strong bones as a cup of milk or soymilk, which have around 30 percent of your daily recommended intake of calcium and vitamin D per serving. Personally, I prefer to get my calcium and vitamin D the old fashioned way — eating cheese while sunbathing in the nude.
(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 40 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 120% vitamin C, 10% vitamin D, 40% vitamin B6, 40% vitamin B5, 10% calcium, 40% vitamin B3 and 40% vitamin B12.)
Item: Glaceau VitaminWater stur-D Price: $1.00 (on sale) Size: 20 ounces Purchased at: Target Rating: 6 out of 10 Pros: Pleasant tropical-ish flavor. The variety of VitaminWater. Excellent source of vitamin C. Good source of B vitamins. Eating cheese while sunbathing in the nude. It’s got what plants crave. Cons: Only 10 percent of your daily recommended intake of calcium and vitamin D. Keyboard keys that shock you. Use of lowercase and uppercase letters. Might be a little too sweet for some. The Kardashians.
Vitamin C, ginseng and white tea are usually found in beverages, but Trident is stuffing each of them into a chewing gum to create their Vitality Gum line. The three varieties of the sugar-free gum include:
Awaken – a peppermint flavored gum with a bit of ginseng. Rejuve – a combination of mint and white tea without the need for -nate. Vigorate – a mix of citrus and strawberry with vitamin C and without an in-.
It’s unclear how much ginseng is in a piece of Awaken and the amount of white tea in a piece of Rejuve, but Vigorate is said to contain 10 percent of our daily recommended intake of vitamin C.
Oooh, 10 percent! Now I can stop sucking on limes to prevent scurvy.
The Trident Vitality line will be available early next year, come in nine-piece packs and retail for $1.29.
Good. Keep lying to them and recommend that instead of plain white milk, which “Santa” throws out anyway, they should pour a glass of Silk’s Mint Chocolate Soymilk to go with the cookies they leave out for Santa.
If your children ask you why Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate, tell them leaving the special seasonal flavor of soymilk might encourage Santa to leave them a better gift, like a pony, a mommy and daddy who don’t fight all the time, or the greatest gift of all, a $1,000 iTunes gift card.
Of course, if they leave out the mint chocolate-flavored soymilk for Santa, they won’t wake up to any of those awesome gifts, unless you robbed a ranch or Apple Store. But you can console them by saying, “Maybe Santa didn’t leave you a pony because you were a little too naughty this year. What do you have to say for yourself? Is there anything you’d like to admit?”
Why lie to your children in order to get them to pour a glass of this flavored soymilk for Santa? Because you’re probably tired of plain white milk, Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate is tasty, and because, admit it, lying to your kids is so easy to do.
Children are so dumb… I mean, gullible… I mean, innocent.
No, on second thought, since I don’t have children, I mean dumb.
I think Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate is good enough to make up for the compounded lies and therapy your offspring might have to go through to get past trust issues. Also, if you have no guilt or conscience, I believe the soymilk will taste much sweeter.
Unfortunately, the soymilk’s chocolate flavor wasn’t what I was expecting. I was hoping it would be as chocolatey as Silk’s regular chocolate soymilk, but just like the drinks at strip clubs, it was slightly watered down. However, the soymilk has the right amount of mint flavor. There’s just enough so that you know it’s there, but it doesn’t overpower, much like the amount of cologne a gentleman puts on.
The Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate isn’t perfect, but I think it’s the best of the three Silk Soymilk holiday flavors, which also include Nog and Pumpkin Spice. Also, I think if you add a little Baileys Irish Cream, it will make the toy below slightly less annoying, if your child asks Santa for it.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 90 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram polyunsaturated fat, 0 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 300 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 30% calcium, 30% vitamin D, 4% folate, 8% magnesium, 10% iron, 25% riboflavin, 50% vitamin B12 and 2% zinc.)
Item: Silk Soymilk Mint Chocolate Price: $3.79 Size: 1 quart Purchased at: Target Rating: 7 out of 10 Pros: Best tasting of the three Silk Soymilk holiday flavors. Lactose, dairy and cholesterol free. No saturated fat. Tastes good warmed up. Ponies. Contains a bunch of vitamins and minerals. A $1,000 iTunes gift card. Cons: Unexpectedly weak chocolate flavor. Slightly disappointing amounts of protein. Seasonal flavor. Watered down drinks at strip clubs. Your children having to go to therapy due to trust issues caused by being lied to. Annoying Christmas gifts.
Axe, the company that made spray-on deodorant cool again, released three new shampoos to make men’s heads feel the same sensations that can also be felt with a particular Trojan brand condom.
The latest shampoos from Axe give users either a cooling, tingling or warming sensation, just like Trojan’s Fire & Ice condoms. Zen Soothing Tea Tree Shampoo is made with real tea tree extract, which tingles the scalp; Heat Igniting Citrus 2 in 1 Shampoo + Conditioner consists of spices and citrus that warms one’s head; and Downpour Refreshing Mint Shampoo has cooling peppermint leaf extract.
These additions give high school and college-aged boys more options when it comes to the vast line of Axe hair care products, which not only consists of shampoos and conditioners, but also hair styling products. The Axe shampoos are available in 12-ounce bottles.
