REVIEW: Kraft Big Ass Easy Mac Cups

Kraft Easy Mac Large

Okay, so this bigger Kraft Easy Mac Cup isn’t called Big Ass Easy Mac Cup, but it should be since it’s exactly twice the weight of the original size and comparing their sizes would be like comparing Kardashian sister asses.

I reviewed the original size when it was first introduced, and while I liked it very much, one complaint I had about it was that I didn’t think it was very filling and wouldn’t be suitable for a meal. Well, either a lot of people felt the same way or the folks at Kraft read that review and — four years later — the power of this quasi-product review blog compelled them to up the size of their Easy Mac Cups.

Making a Big Ass Easy Mac Cup is extremely easy. On a food preparing scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the computer on the Jetsons that makes anything you tell it to and 1 being the entire process to make homemade bacon that includes everything from hunting the pig in a forest to curing the meat to frying it in a pan, the Big Ass Easy Mac Cup is a 7, which is like making a Cup Noodles.

All one has to do to prepare the Big Ass Easy Mac Cup is fill the container with water up to the fill line, microwave it for three and a half minutes, stir in the cheese sauce mix that eventually turns into a cheese sauce that makes Taco Bell’s cheese sauce look significantly edible, and then enjoy…or ponder the direction your life has taken that has forced you to eat a Big Ass Easy Mac Cup.

Kraft Easy Mac Large 3

The Big Ass Easy Mac Cup has the same level of cheesiness as the original Easy Mac Cup, which I surprisingly enjoyed when I reviewed it. However, while I think the smaller Easy Mac Cup isn’t very filling, its chubbier sibling might be too filling.

About three-fourths of the way through the Big Ass Easy Mac Cup, my mouth felt like I’d just given a 30 minute blowjob to a can on Kraft Easy Cheese. I got sick of its cheesiness and had a hard time finishing it off.

I guess the Big Ass Easy Mac Cup was too big for me.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 440 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 1050 milligrams of sodium, 78 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein, 15% calcium and 15% iron.)

Item: Kraft Big Ass Easy Mac Cups
Price: $1.99
Size: 4.1 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Enjoyable cheesiness. Twice the size of regular Easy Mac Cups. Easy to make. The computer on the Jetsons that made their food.
Cons: Too much Easy Mac for me. Sucking on a Kraft Easy Cheese can. Cheese sauce mix makes Taco Bell’s cheese sauce look good. Great source of sodium. The influential power TIB doesn’t have.

NEWS: Limited Edition Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts Could Help Create The Saddest Thanksgiving Meal Ever

Read our review of Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts here

When combined with a convenience store turkey sandwich, Ocean Spray cranberry juice and mashed potatoes with gravy from KFC, the Limited Edition Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts could be the dessert that ends the most depressing Thanksgiving meal ever. Or if the Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts are still around in December, they could end the most depressing Christmas meal ever.

The latest Pop-Tarts flavor is made up of white dough with pumpkin pie filling (yes, pumpkin is listed in the ingredients list) and is topped with white frosting and fall-colored sprinkles. It will only be available in a 12-count box.

One pastry contains 200 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.

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NEWS: Slurpee Introduces Significantly Less Chewable Version of Wrigley’s 5 React Fruit Gum

To come up with the latest flavor, 5 React Fruit, it seems like the folks at Slurpee were inspired by what they saw on the gum shelves at 7-Eleven.

Thankfully, they weren’t inspired by the chip aisle, because Cool Ranch Doritos Slurpee doesn’t sound very refreshing, even if it does have the word “cool” in it.

I enjoy the gum version of Wrigley’s 5 React Fruit, but I hope the Slurpee version doesn’t look like the gum, which is gray in color and comes in a black wrapper. (Read Gigi’s review of the gum)

An 8 ounce serving has 66 calories, 0 grams of fat, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 18 grams of sugar, 6 milligrams of sodium and 8 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine.

REVIEW: Nestle Women’s Wellness Hot Cocoa Mix

Nestle Women's Wellness Hot Cocoa Mix

Hey ladies! Nestle wants to make “warm chocolatey memories” with you. How do I know? Because they say so on every envelope of their Women’s Wellness Hot Cocoa Mix.

Ha! I laugh at Nestle’s poor attempt to make warm chocolatey memories with women.

Do you women want warm chocolatey memories that you’ll never forget? Well just stick of bottle of chocolate syrup into the microwave for 30 seconds, grab a Costco-sized bag of mini marshmallows, tear open a box of graham crackers and get ready to turn my body into human s’mores.

Oh wait. Did I say warm chocolatey memories that you’ll never forget?

I meant to say warm chocolatey memories that will forever be etched into your brain and haunt you every time your eyelids close, like a hairy, chocolate-covered Freddy Krueger. Now that I’ve got that image in your head, ladies, perhaps to cope you should cuddle with a mug of Nestle Women’s Wellness Hot Cocoa, a women’s magazine and watch The Notebook.

Or guzzle a bottle of tequila.

Nestle Women's Wellness Hot Cocoa Mix 2

The Nestle Women’s Wellness Hot Cocoa Mix is like a women’s multivitamin, except in liquid chocolatey form, which makes it easier to swallow than a multivitamin. It contains 25 percent of a woman’s recommended daily intake of vitamin A, vitamin E, vitamin B12 and vitamin B6; 30 percent of vitamin C and iron; and 35 percent calcium. It’s also 99.9 percent caffeine free, which is disappointing if someone was looking for a quick pick-me-up. Although if one were to add a bit of Kahlua, it could turn into a quick pick-me-up, which I like to call Wild Women’s Wellness Hot Cocoa.

Without alcohol, the Women’s Wellness Hot Cocoa pretty much has the same pleasant chocolatey flavor as regular Nestle Hot Cocoa, although I think it might be slightly creamier. I also whipped up a serving using vanilla soy milk, which made it taste significantly better. The six-ounce serving each envelope makes is awfully small, but it’s a common serving size when it comes to hot cocoa mixes.

Because the Nestle Women’s Wellness Hot Cocoa Mix is made for women, I expected it to make me cry like The Notebook does when Allie remembers who Noah is one last time and they pass away together in her bed holding hands. But, thankfully, it didn’t.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 envelope – 80 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein, 25% vitamin A, 35% calcium, 25% vitamin E, 25% vitamin B12, 30% vitamin C, 30% iron and 25% vitamin B6.)

*uses partially hydrogenated coconut or palm oil

Item: Nestle Women’s Wellness Hot Cocoa Mix
Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 8 envelopes
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant chocolatey flavor. Nice amounts of vitamins and minerals that women need. Easier to swallow than a multivitamin. Wild Women’s Wellness Hot Cocoa. Allie and Noah being together forever.
Cons: Small six ounce serving size. 99.9 percent caffeine free. Doesn’t create warm chocolatey memories. Contains less than 0.5 grams of trans fat. The image of my body covered in chocolate sauce, mini marshmallows and graham crackers.