ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Writer Stacey

Hello The Impulsive Buy readers! You’ve probably figured out by now that I’m the new writer around here, but since we didn’t get to properly meet, please allow me to properly introduce myself.

Hi! I’m Stacey.

You may remember me from such websites as Pajiba and Webster’s is My Bitch. It’s been a lifelong dream of mine to write for The Impulsive Buy. Well, OK, it’s actually only been two years or so. But that’s kind of a really long time for me because the era of viral and memes has rendered me with an incredibly short attention span.

Like Kayla, I also hail from Philadelphia — West Philly to be exact, (like the Fresh Prince!) where I have only been the victim of one incident of crime since I moved here about a year ago. Normally I don’t like to go on like this since I like to keep a certain “air of mystery” about myself, much like a box of wine that you took the bag out of the box to make it fit in a crowded refrigerator better, only to have forgotten what flavor of wine it was. Although if I know myself — and I think I do — it was probably Pinot Grigio.

At any rate, I wasn’t always a pop culture writer. I graduated from Pennsylvania’s famed Kutztown University with a degree in graphic design but after working a few jobs that turned me sour on the field I settled into the glamorous world of blogging. And by glamorous I mean that often I work while not wearing any pants and that sometimes I take showers and then put pajamas on. Try that at some fancy-schmancy high rise!

I’m really looking forward to writing more reviews for The Impulsive Buy, and consuming a vast array of products which will probably endanger my health in the long run for your entertainment. Seriously, with some of the crap Marvo eats I would be surprised if he had a life expectancy beyond the age of forty-two. But hey, that’s just what separates The Impulsive Buy writers and everyone else who doesn’t live on the edge.

REVIEW: Kid Cuisine Deep Sea Adventure Fish Sticks

Eating Kid Cuisine Deep Sea Adventure Fish Sticks is pretty much exactly like the experience of going on a deep sea adventure, only without an actual boat, a body of water, maritime life and any sense of fun or enjoyment whatsoever. Well, I guess if you consider “maritime life” to be breaded sticks of unidentifiable fish, then it does at least have that. And to answer your question if I’ve seen the Kayne West episode of “South Park”: Why yes, I do like fish sticks, thank you very much.

However, these fish sticks were unfortunately very tiny, flaccid, and basically, “didn’t get the job done,” if you know what I mean. It might have helped if I had followed the conventional oven instructions, but what can I say? I’m a gal on the go and I can’t afford the precious 20-22 minutes it would have taken to cook them that way.

The flavor of the sticks themselves were otherwise bland, since the unidentifiable fish was actually pollock, according to the packaging. Pollock is pretty much like the tofu of the animal kingdom since it has no flavor to speak of on its own, and is the key ingredient in most imitation “Krab” meats. The flavor was improved slightly by some homemade mayonnaise and relish tartar sauce I whipped up to go along with it. Just because I’m a gal on the go doesn’t mean I can’t take pleasure in the details.

Other than the fish sticks, the meal also contained a meager portion of corn, which was chewy, unsatisfying and still kind of cold. I was too apathetic to heat it back up though, since I figured thorough heating wouldn’t really improve the situation. There was also an equally meager portion of “Macaroni and Cheese Sauce,” which kind of threw me for a loop. That’s like when you get chocolate covered pretzels and the packaging says: “Chocolate Flavor Coated Pretzels.” Really? I know the flavor is chocolate. But what I really want to know is what exactly the hell is on this pretzel. At any rate, the macaroni with cheese sauce was adequate, because honestly how can you screw up mac ‘n cheese?

Unless of course you put cut-up hotdogs in it like my boyfriend does. Gross.

The real excitement of the meal was a packet of three gummi sharks that came with it. They actually just tasted like normal gummies, albeit the kind of gummi that has that fluffy layer of white stuff on the bottom. My only complaint is that I got only one lime-flavored and two blue raspberry, when I would have preferred it the other way around.

Kid Cuisine Deep Sea Adventure Fish Sticks are prefect for parents who love their children just how they are, because with continued consumption, the 500 milligrams of sodium should eventually effectively pickle your child thereby preventing any unnecessary aging. For an adult over the age of eight, on the other hand, I wouldn’t recommend this meal since it’s basically totally unfulfilling and will make you go get your own personal tub of gummi zoo animals, which contains a much more satisfying amount of green gummies.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 meal – 390 calories, 12 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 500 milligrams of sodium, 55 grams of carbohydrates, 6 gram of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 14 grams of protein and 8% iron.)

Item: Kid Cuisine Deep Sea Adventure Fish Sticks
Price: $3.29
Size: 7.6 ounces
Purchased at: The Fresh Grocer
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: The Kanye West episode of “South Park.” Taking pleasure in the details. Gummi sharks.
Cons: No sense of deep sea enjoyment. Having to ever wait more than two and a half minutes for a meal. Only one lime-flavored gummi shark. Imitation Krab meat. People who put hot dogs in mac ‘n cheese.