ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Julie

Hello, readers!

My name is Julie, and when I received the invitation to write reviews for The Impulsive Buy, I was drafting a recipe for “Leftover Halloween Candy Ice Cream.” Now I raise a waffle cone to toast you, my fellow snack enthusiasts in the pursuit of all things novel and delicious. (Anyone want a Milk Dud?)

I live in Pennsylvania, where snow and epic windstorms deter trick-or-treaters and where I work in online higher education. While my days are spent designing educational courses, culinary courses (and lame puns and wordplay) fill my spare time. While my background is in literature and composition, my creative writing pursuits have been dulled by years of composing e-mails that use phrases like “touch base,” “keep in the loop,” and “per my last e-mail.” In an office culture where colleagues call sugar “evil” and moderation “extremism,” sneaking a Snickers bar in my lunch bag feels like a subversive act. I’ve never been much of a rebel, but junk food is definitely a worthy cause.

Food has always played a profound role in my life, serving as the gooey caramel center of some of my most cherished memories. While I love to cook and bake, dreaming of someday infiltrating the Great British Baking Show and reducing Paul Hollywood to tears with my mixed berry layer cake, my 1990s upbringing instilled a deep and lasting love of snacks with cartoon characters on the box.

In the golden age of junk food, I kept a secret stash of Creme Savers under my bed, fought my siblings for the last Froot by the Foot, and knew that any day beginning with Waffle Crisp was bound to be a good one. I still eat more Bagel Bites per capita than the average adult, but junk food blogs like The Impulsive Buy help me to continue chasing the high.

Although my sweet tooth is legendary, I’m willing to try anything twice, especially if it’s pizza. I love novelty items and the small thrill of hunting for treasure up and down the aisles of the grocery store. If there’s a hot trend in frozen food, I want to be the first one to know. While everyone’s at the beach, my summer vacation means a pilgrimage to the nearest Trader Joe’s a couple of hours away in a car loaded with coolers and ice packs. Time for back-to-school shopping? Time to buy every new pumpkin spice item on the shelves! Loving food makes every day a special occasion, even if that only means finding “those hazelnut spread M&M’s I read about” to enjoy later.

What I thought was a weird obsession turned out to be a shared philosophy centered on reveling in the joys of everyday life. I am psyched to share the love with fellow likeminded junk foodies, who can appreciate a limited edition Oreo flavor the way a wine enthusiast savors a fine sauvignon blanc. Maybe together we can form a dedicated tribe to storm the Betty Crocker headquarters and demand the return of Dunkaroos. We’re gonna bring those things back, guys!

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Elaine

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Elaine!

Hi! I’m Elaine and I’m like a foodie-Superman with a lot less powers and no toned abs. Like Superman, I have speed – I can scarf a cheeseburger faster than anybody I know. I also have enhanced senses and can identify when dessert is nearby. As an avid consumer of edible goods with years of experience eating and critiquing nutritionally bad food, I’ve been honing these superpowers.

I’m always on the lookout for new and better tasting products to try. Carbohydrates, in any form, call to me. Are carbs my yellow sun or kryptonite? Huh. Naturally and like many of you, I found TIB years ago and now check it daily. I’m delighted to now be a TIB reviewer. What’s better than trying scrumptious products while subsidizing a food addiction?

While I have a day job that requires a lot of work, I spend my free time daydreaming of delicious dishes to try. Prior to the years of training and education required for my day job, I honed my palate by working at Taco Bell. I come from a long line of Taco Bell employees. Seriously, this line includes my mother, sister, brother, cousin, second cousin, and probably some other relatives I don’t know about.

I have also worked as part of the Hy-Vee family, a Midwest supermarket chain. Hopefully you’ll find these qualifications worthy of a cape. No skintight suit for me please (see ab description above).

I’m honored to have the opportunity to serve you, TIB readers, by reviewing new food products and sharing whatever tangential, but hopefully interesting, thoughts come to mind. Now to find a phone booth…

Respectfully, Elaine

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Reviewer Sam

Well, Gouda day to you, and aloe me to introduce myself!

My name is Sam, and I am a food-obsessed, food-loving, and food pun-loving individual, and you butter dill with it! Ok, I’m done with the lame puns.

To kick things off, I am a born-and-raised Wisconsinite, so I’ve got the heart and soul to deal with anything fried, hearty, or related to good food. I know how to properly eat cheese (fried) and how to differentiate between all creamed goods that come from a cow. Seriously, some of the ice cream flavors in Wisconsin are utter this world. Ok, last one.

I grew up in a town right outside of Green Bay and have loved discovering new food products and recipes since I was a little kid. However, there was always an issue with where I grew up. I never had access to the cool and trending options and products that plaster themselves in all large, urban areas. For Heaven’s sake, if I want a decent vegan burger, I need to drive two and a half hours to Milwaukee. Not that I have done that. Not at all.

Anyhoo, since I didn’t always have access to the most exciting foods, ya know, besides fried cheese and custard, I was so excited when I could get my hands on something new. I mean, after a while, a diet of dairy, dairy, dairy, and fried dairy tends to get a little lifeless.

As much I love cows and cows, I really need to move to a bigger city. Eventually, I want to get to Chicago, so I can start being even more of a scatterbrain with just a little more chaos because what’s the fun in being sane? Plus, I’ve been to Chicago every year, and their food game is honestly stronger than a Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson cheat meal.

I am so excited to be joining The Impulsive Buy to give a fun glimpse into various products and review them so that I can help you in your life. Should you disagree with an opinion of mine on food, you’ll be wrong, but we can still coexist. I’m absolutely kidding, but I will make you prove me wrong about a cheese curd.

I look forward to reviewing all the fun, sugary, and tasty treats for this site, and I have one motto going forward: If it has greens or kale in it, I’m not wasting my time.

Here we go!

Sam

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Dustin

“Allow myself to introduce…myself.”

Hey everybody! My name is Dustin and I’m here to join you on this wild ride of all things sweet, savory, and, all-too-frequently, not very good for you. I’m a new reviewer here at The Impulsive Buy and we’re going to have some fun together.

I am a fan of all foods that are limited edition, seasonal, hard-to-find, or just plain delicious. This is largely because so many of my childhood favorites got ripped away from me prematurely. Daydreams of Josta and Ecto Cooler parade around in my mind regularly. I would do morally questionable things for a package of Keebler Magic Middles or a bag of Planters P.B. Crisps. Doritos 3D and I used to have an unbreakable bond. Taco Bell has been lackluster since they banished the Chili Cheese Burrito. Many of the beloved cereals from my childhood have evolved into mental myths as they’ve been gone for so long.

Suffice it to say, I have a bit of a complex. I’m always on a mission to find something amazing, knowing full well that it will likely be gone as soon as I become attached.

This relationship with food led me to The Impulsive Buy a few years ago. I’ve been a regular reader and I consider myself quite fortunate to get to write content for the site. Plus, it’s yet another way to let my self-indulgent creativity flow.
I’ve lived nearly my whole life in the sweltering Sonoran Desert of Arizona. Because of that, Sonoran hot dogs are my life-blood and I highly recommend trying them if you can find one.

My absolute favorite thing to consume is ice cream, so you could say that it’s my “niche.” Consider me an equal opportunity eater when it comes to ice cream: I’ll eat everything from the cheapest, most synthetic ice cream in large, plastic gallon tubs to much higher-end, decadent offerings. I love it all.

I’m excited to share my affinity for junk food with you all and, fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), you’ll be getting to know me just a little bit in the process. Cheers!

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Ann

Hello, you, scrolling through The Impulsive Buy at your desk. Good Morning!

No, I’m not creepily watching you through your webcam, we just have the same beloved morning routine! My name is Ann, and I’m a new contributor here at The Impulsive Buy. I’ve been reading TIB for years, typically over my first (fine, third) cup of coffee at my job in the CPG (Consumer Packaged Goods) industry.

I love food and all of the physical and emotional things it can do for us. I love the anticipation of finding new flavors, the exploration of trying new foods you’ve never considered before, and the community of people willing to discuss (or debate!) all the minutia of what makes something delicious, clever, truly innovative, or truly horrendous.

When it comes to polarizing foods and flavors, I’m in the camp of “Yeah, I’m probably still going to eat that.” Think olives, cottage cheese, pineapple on pizza (teaser), I’m going to try it. I’m most likely going to like it, but I promise to be truthful in my description so that when you come at me with internet pitchforks, I can at least fall on my “fair and honest” sword.

Now, let’s eat!

ANNOUNCEMENT: Looking for New Reviewers (2019 Edition)

We’re looking for reviewers again.

If you’d like to apply, here’s what you’ll need to send:

  1. One review sample.
  2. Photos of the product you reviewed. (Full resolution versions, please!)
  3. A bio that includes why you want to write for The Impulsive Buy.

A Few Notes:

  • For the product you select to review, choose something new and something you’d see reviewed here at TIB. “New” means something that came out within the past six months, and it can be something we’ve already reviewed. “Something you’d see reviewed here at TIB” is something somewhat to very much bad for you.
  • We have two review formats here at TIB, a long format (around 500 words) and a short format (around 300-400 words) and comes with subheadings. Do a long format review.
  • It’s a paid gig. It’s per review, and it varies based on whether it’s a long or short format review. Also, the pay is not enough for you to quit your day job, but it’s enough for you to gorge on a lot of Taco Bell tacos or even more Jack in the Box tacos.
  • At this time, we’re only looking for writers located in the United States.

Please send your review, bio, and photos as separate attachments. Do not embed your photos into your review.

To apply, please email your sample review, pictures, and bio to theimpulsivebuy@gmail.com with “I think Josta should come back” in the subject line. We will stop accepting applicants on Sunday, September 29, 2019.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email us.

Thank you.

Marvo
Editor