Hello Readers of The Impulsive Buy

I never had the chance to properly introduce myself.

I’m Ace, the new writer here at The Impulsive Buy.

You probably think I came in a mail order package from a gourmet catalog. That’s not exactly true, though I have ended up here through unlikely circumstances.

I grew up in in the part of Orange County that they don’t show you on television. I was a pretty good student as a child, earning great marks in playtime and penmanship. I played with Transformers and stuffed animals and often simulated battle royals in which they would fight to the death. I was voted “Most Likely to Succeed” in junior high, which has sadly been the crowning achievement in my life. As I developed into an angst-ridden teenager, I indulged myself in bad emo poetry and became a lazy shell of a human. I started using words like “broseph” and began to sleepwalk through high school. I ended up skating by with a 2.8 GPA and needed to retake a few classes to graduate.

I am now entering my third year at Cal State Fullerton where I am working towards an English degree. I chose the school because I thought “Tuffy the Titan” was such an adorable name for a mascot. My professors are either maniacally insane or nearly comatose, but it’s generally fun. If you live in the Orange County area, feel free to join me for coffee between my classes. I have grown weary of pretending to read the newspaper.

Am I qualified to write anything suitable for human eyes? No, not really. I have done some journalism in previous years, but nothing groundbreaking. My first gig as a writer was when my friend gave me five bucks to write his article for him, so I don’t exactly have “credentials” or anything. However, I have done pretty well in my writing classes. I am accused of being a snob, though, because I like to correct papers with a giant novelty marker and loudly proclaim “Wrong!” or “You really don’t get it, do you?” as I make every mark.

Anyways, I was a long time fan of The Impulsive Buy before I began writing here. It helped me decide to make my own blog, the generically named Here To Eat, where I wrote food pseudo-reviews for dozens upon dozens of fans. I enjoyed doing it as I was free to interject my own pointless musings while talking about chicken fried steak. I guess Marvo liked it enough to offer me a home here. Since I was already a big fan and can still write freely, it was an easy choice to make.

Anyways, that’s pretty much me in a nutshell. Now that you know me, hopefully you guys will not mistake my reviews for Marvo’s. May all good things in life happen to you and only you.

– Ace

PRIZE DRAWING WINNERS ANNOUNCED!!!

The 18 lucky readers below have each won a pack of Wrigley’s 5 gum. I know.  I know.  It’s not the most exciting thing to win and if I won a pack of gum I would probably just shrug my shoulders, say “meh,” and move on with my life.  But I didn’t win, they did, so they might react differently than I would.  Perhaps they might jump up and down a squeal like a little girl.  Or they might do the robot dance.  People celebrate winning in so many ways.  Anyhoo, congratulations to the winners and thanks to everyone who participated.

Comment 6 – Chuck
Comment 22 – Alex
Comment 25 – Fred
Comment 26 – Stephanie
Comment 29 – skibs
Comment 35 – nicole
Comment 47 – Sydnie
Comment 63 – Sky
Comment 81 – webmiztris
Comment 87 – calvin
Comment 90 – Andrew
Comment 93 – Tara
Comment 102 – db cooper
Comment 116 – Kyle
Comment 122 – Cath
Comment 129 – 00000000
Comment 145 – stephanie
Comment 152 – James

VACATION!!!

Sorry for the lack of reviews this week. I was chillin’ in downtown San Diego in the Gaslamp Quarter. Went to the San Diego Zoo and saw many animals…most of them were sleeping. Got sunburnt. Had Bacon Waffles, which were waffles that were made with bits of actual bacon in the batter. Went to Legoland and saw many Lego structures…that I wanted to steal pieces from, but unfortunately, they glue the pieces together. Got sunburnt again. Didn’t have internet access for several days. Had internet withdrawals. Thought about going to a Starbucks and asking someone if I could borrow their laptop to look at porn.

Reviews and news will return next week!

PRIZE DRAWING: You Need Gum? I Got Gum!

When a PR firm sent me the Wrigley’s 5 Gum to review, I found out how much gum was too much gum. Thirty packs of it is definitely more gum than I can handle.

If I had an oral fixation, halitosis or wanted to work on my gum sculpting skillz, the three boxes of gum they sent me would’ve lasted me about three weeks. Sure, I could pass the gum to the homeless panhandlers that hangout at the 7-Eleven down the street, but that gum won’t help them buy booze.

Instead, I offer it to you TIB readers via a prize drawing. I’ve got 18 packs of gum left, six in each of the Wrigley’s 5 flavors: Rain (spearmint), Cobalt (peppermint), and Flare (cinnamon). So 18 lucky random readers will each receive a pack of Wrigley’s 5 Gum.

To enter the Wrigley’s 5 Gum prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the Wrigley’s 5 flavor you want and whatever else you would like to say.

Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, it will be taken care of.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, June 26, 2007 and stop accepting entries on Wednesday, July 4, 2007 (11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is open to ALL Impulsive Buy readers.

Sometime after July 4th I’ll randomly select the 18 winners.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to sign up for gay porn. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you information about speed dating events in your area. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or you joining Scientology.

Putting the “ew” in product reviews AND news

Today, The Impulsive Buy is going through a little change. Don’t worry, TIB is keeping its balls.

All of you come here to read product reviews and to occasionally find out if I’ve gotten laid, which by the way, I’m still working on.

Every month, I try a variety of products, but not all of them get reviewed. I also see a lot of new products on the shelves that I’d like to pick up, but never end up buying due to lack of money or because it would seem weird to buy the new Playtex Sport Tampon when I personally can’t do a thorough review of it due to being short one orifice.

So I’ve decided to not only do product reviews, but to also branch out into product news, letting you readers know about the latest products out there in the typical TIB style. The posts won’t be very long, but hopefully there will be several posts every week, because there is a shitload of products out there that you may or may not know about, like the new Playtex Sport Tampon.

The products in these news posts may or may not be reviewed later on, but the whole point of the post is to let you know about it, because some of you out there might be looking for a sport tampon with 360 degrees of coverage, which is perfect for game time or any time.

Many of you contribute to TIB in a variety of ways, like leaving a comment, participating in prize drawings, suggesting products to review, and asking me if I can help with your school project, which allows me to relive my college years vicariously through you. Now that TIB is moving into the news territory, all of you can help TIB and your fellow readers by letting me know about the new products you see out in stores.

So look for these new news posts starting this week and remember, there’s a new Playtex Sport Tampon.