Category: General

Oh, I guess I did have a review for you today.

I wrote a review for my favorite microwave meal review blog, Heat. Eat. Review. My review subject: the Hungry-Man Hearty Chicken Parmigiana.

Click here to read the review.

Sorry, no review today due to the time spent doing my taxes. Instead, I decided to post what I wrote for my Match.com profile and embarrass myself by showing my tender, Lifetime Channel side. Since a bunch of you voted on which online dating service I should try for a future review, I figured I’d show you guys what I’ve been up to. Enjoy.

I have an English degree with an emphasis in creative writing, so there is pressure on me to write a good profile. If I don’t write a good profile, I’m afraid my former English professors will come after me and take away my English degree, which took me three years of goofing off and two years of hard C to B- work to earn.

As you might be able to tell from the previous paragraph, I’m kind of a goofball. Not in the sense that I’m not serious about things, but I just like to have fun and I like to make people laugh. My sense of humor is my best attribute, because I have nothing else to offer besides that.

Only kidding, there’s actually a little bit more.

Another one of my personality traits is the willingness to try new things, whether it be restaurants, things off of store shelves, or experiences. As a matter of fact, earlier this year I went snowboarding for the very first time and I’m glad I did because it was whole lot of fun, despite the fact that I slightly pulled my groin, and now I hope to take a snowboarding trip every year.

However, perhaps the attribute that women will find most appealing about me is my ability to stay patient whenever I go shopping with a woman. I thank my twin sister for teaching me this ability and over the years I have come up with techniques to make shopping with women as fun as possible. My main technique is to find the most hideous item of clothing I can find — usually in the clearance racks and has multi-colored sequins — and convince the woman I’m with to try it on.

Now if you happened to have laughed at anything I wrote in the previous paragraphs, you definitely have the number one thing I look for in a woman — a sense of humor. Having a sense of humor — the ability to laugh and/or make others laugh — is unbelievably sexy to me, because as I wrote earlier, I love to have fun and to make people laugh.

Another characteristic that I find appealing is intelligence. Not in the sense of remembering complicated chemistry formulas or the ability to do a triple-bypass surgery, but having the desire to experience things, having opinions about topics, and just being someone I can have a good conversation with.

Now I could fill all 4,000 characters for this profile if I really wanted to, but I figure the more characters I leave out, the more I can tell you if we meet.

There are TIB readers all around the world.

Australia, Japan, the United Kingdom, France, Italy, the Philippines, New Zealand, India, the Netherlands, South Africa, Israel, and Canada are most of the places international TIB readers are from. But this product review poll is dedicated to the TIB reader(s) in Mexico.

Anyway, two friends of mine went to Mexico late last year and brought me back some foods from the region for me to try. You, the readers of TIB, will be able to vote for which one of these products I will review for the TIB reader(s) in Mexico.

Here are the foods from Mexico you will be able to vote for:

1. Hot Nuts

2. Pronto Piña Gelatin

3. Con Jalapeño SPAM

The food from Mexico with the most votes will be declared the winner. The winner will be eaten and reviewed, while the other foods from Mexico will sit on my shelf and wish for a better life in the United States.

To vote, just leave a comment with this post with your choice. Only one choice and vote per person.

I’ll be accepting votes until Saturday, March 17th (11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time) and the review will be posted soon after, but not written in Spanish.

Final Results:

Spam – 52 votes
Hot Nuts – 31 votes
Gelatin – 8 votes

Thanks to everyone who participated!

Now go vote like you’re at a local PTA meeting and deciding on whether or not it was appropriate for Sisqó’s “Thong Song” to be played at a fifth grade dance, then come up with ideas about where Sisqó’s career went.

Sorry for the lack of posts here recently.

I was in California/Tahoe this past week and did some snowboarding, sledding, freezing my ass off, gambling, wearing thermal underwear, eating an In-N-Out burger, recovering from a little groin pull, shopping at Target, and very little shaving. I bought a lot of things to review, especially at Target.

Hmm…I wonder if I should review the thermal underwear — and include pictures.

My mom always tells me that I should hang out at bookstores to meet a nice, smart girl, but I haven’t had any luck, probably because I hang out in the Sex & Relationships section a little too long.

Now some of you are probably saying, “Why not meet someone at a bar or club?”

I’m a busy person and I don’t have time to hang out at the bar until three in the morning waiting for a woman drunk enough to say yes to a date.

So I am pretty much left with the internet. Fortunately, there are many people out there using the internet as a way to get a date. It’s as common as YouTube videos of dudes being hit in the cojones with a wide variety of items. There are many dating websites out there, so I thought I would narrow the choices down to three and let you guys determine which one I’ll sign up for in a new product review poll.

Here are the three dating websites you will be able to vote for:

1. eHarmony.com ($30.00 per month)

2. Match.com ($20 per month)

3. Yahoo Personals ($25 per month)

As you can see, they all cost a bit of money to join, so I thought about adding the free Honolulu Craigslist personals with the choices, but I’m afraid that because it’s free, I will end up with someone who either has a penis or wants to steal a kidney from me and trade it on the black market for a Nintendo Wii.

The dating website with the most votes will be declared the winner. The winner will be reviewed and the other dating websites will not be getting my money and the women who are on those other dating websites will not be getting my heart. To vote, just leave a comment for this post with your choice. Only one choice and vote per person — especially you Calvin.

Current results (as of 10:00 pm 2/11):

eHarmony.com: 32
Match.com: 43
Yahoo Personals: 2

Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

I’ll be accepting votes until Valentine’s Day, Wednesday, February 14th (11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time). Since the product is something that takes awhile to test, don’t expect a review here on TIB for several months, but take consolation in the fact that you might be responsible for possibly helping me either find true love or a crazy psycho bitch who will make me play with her fifteen cats with names like Socks, Mr. Twinkle Toes, Buttons, Fluffy, Meow Meow, Twitchy, Stimpy, Gingersnap, Kitty Poo, Tootles, Hairball, Mandrake, Fantasia, Patchy, and Fuzzbutt.

Now go vote like your friend is running for student body president, because you don’t want either the head cheerleader or the captain of the football team to win, since they’re both self-centered snobs.