October Prize Drawing!!!

Thanks to my recent review of the Trojan Elexa line of products, I’m stuck with a whole bunch of condoms that I’ll probably never use, unless I sell my body on the streets. Unfortunately, my body won’t make much money on the streets, so it would be a waste to use these condoms that way.

To get rid of all these condoms, I’ve decided to become a Condom Fairy again and give away to ONE lucky winner a Trojan Elexa prize pack, which is basically whatever products were left after testing. Although I also took a few condoms for my “Just in case I get some. Oh, who the hell am I kidding, I’m not getting any” stash.

In total, there are 8 Natural Feel condoms, 8 Stimulating condoms, 8 Ultra Sensitive condoms, one tube of Intimacy Gel, and 5 Freshening Cloths. Also, since I “used” the Vibrating Ring, I’ll purchase a new one and add it to the prize pack.

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “Set it to vibrate” in it and whatever else you would like to say.

Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, October 16, 2005. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States and US Military APOs (To the rest of the planet, I’m sorry.)

To determine the winners, I will draw a circle on a piece of cardboard and place all the entries in the circle. Then I will put the Vibrating Ring in the middle of the circle, turn it on, and let the Vibrating Ring choose the winner.

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about Bill Gates wanting to give you money. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you catalogs for adult videos. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, any Lindsay Lohan car accident, or any spawn Tom Cruise produces.

September Prize Drawing!!!

For this month’s prize drawing, I’m going to do something a little different.

Usually I give away products I’ve previously reviewed, but this month I’m going to give away a prize pack that contains products I’m going to review in the future.

I’m not going to say what these products are, but I will say that one of them has hemp in it. Yes, you heard right…Hemp.

Four lucky readers will each receive a prize pack.

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “Sticky icky” in it and whatever else you would like to say.

Please fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Thursday, September 15, 2005 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, September 18, 2005. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States, US Military APOs, and Canada. (To the rest of the planet, I’m sorry.)

To determine the winners, I will stick all of the entries into a homemade bong…

Oh wait. I don’t know how to make a homemade bong. Dammit!

I’ll figure out something to determine the winners.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about your friend wanting you to join the SMS.ac network. The Impulsive Buy also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you an invitation to receive Playboy for one dollar an issue. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, short term memory loss, or the movie The Man.

Happy First Anniversary!!! (Or Happy Blogiversary!!!)

One year ago today, the first ever review was posted here at the Impulsive Buy, which was for the almost drinkable Natural Citrus Listerine. Since then, the Impulsive Buy has posted 217 product reviews. However, 212 of them suck.

It’s been a fun and interesting year here at the Impulsive Buy. Over the past year, I’ve shown a video of me stripping, ate salads for a week, deep throated a banana, removed all the hair on my legs, ate vomit jelly beans, attempted to consume the entire McDonald’s Dollar Menu in one sitting, and outed Lucky the Leprechaun.

I’ve also tried some horrible products, like the overly-peppery Salt and Pepper Pringles, the Philly-disrespecting McDonald’s Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich, the puke-looking Maruchan Creamy Alfredo Ramen, the dog food-like Carb Well Golden Crunch Cereal, the powerless and tasteless Kellogg’s Tiger Power Cereal, and the diarrhea cha-cha-cha inducing Ruffles Light Potato Chips.

But I guess I should be glad I didn’t eat these.

Good times. Good times.

I’d like to thank all of you who come by on a regular basis to read whatever crazy nonsense I write. I hope that I’ve entertained you, educated you, and saved you some money. I promise that I will continue to write nonsense, be your guinea pig, and shove things down my throat that I shouldn’t.

Now to celebrate the Impulsive Buy’s first anniversary, I’m going to take the rest of the week off and I’m going to hold the most kick ass prize drawing in Impulsive Buy history.

Okay, okay. I know I said that for the 100th review prize drawing, but this one will be even better.

Three lucky readers will each receive one mystery box containing various products the Impulsive Buy has reviewed over the past year. The contents of each box will vary. For example, one may have the diarrhea cha-cha-cha inducing Ruffles Light Potato Chips and another may not.

To enter the Impulsive Buy’s First Anniversary Prize Drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with whatever you want to say. Please make sure you fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, August 9, 2005 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, August 14, 2005. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States and US Military APOs. (I apologize to the rest of the world, but shipping the mystery box to anywhere else would be REALLY expensive.)

The winners will be determined by using a big mixing bowl, three aluminum pie pans, a can of whipped cream, and slips of paper with the email of each entrant. All the entries will be placed into a big mixing bowl and canned whipped cream will be sprayed on top of the entries. The contents of the bowl will be mixed.

When the entries and whipped cream are mixed well enough, the mixture will be equally divided into the three aluminum pie pans. I will stick a candle into one of the whipped cream pies, light it, blow it out, and then remove the candle.

Then, with my hands behind my back, I will pull out an entry from each of the three whipped cream pies, using only my mouth. Those three entries I pull will be the three winners of the Impulsive Buy’s First Anniversary Prize Drawing.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about how the woman or man of your dreams is waiting for you online. The Impulsive Buy also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you life insurance policy applications. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail or your fiance boinking the nanny.

July Prize Drawing!!!

The other week I reviewed the new Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms, which I received from Impulsive Buy reader, Robert, who has Trojan Condoms as a client at the public relations firm he works at.

Now he sent me several boxes of the Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms and a couple of boxes of the Trojan Warm Sensation Condoms, which is way too many boxes for me, since the extent of my love life right now involves me occasionally grinding my body pillow and calling it Winona.

So I have an excess of condoms, or as I like to call them, “Baby Blockers” or “VD Defenders.” Because I’m tired of using them as water balloons and my body pillow has no chance of getting pregnant, I’ve decided to give away the extra boxes of condoms.

This month, two lucky Impulsive Buy readers will each receive ONE brand new box of Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms and another reader will receive a brand new box of Trojan Warm Sensation Condoms.

Holy crap! I feel like Planned Parenthood…or a condom dispenser in a seedy bar restroom.

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “Blow me” in it and whatever else you would like to say.

Or, if you think I like comments just to satisfy my fragile ego, you can also enter by sending me an email with the phrase “Blow me” in the subject field.

If you leave a comment, you must fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, July 17, 2005. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States, US Military APOs, and Canada. (Sorry to the rest of the world.)

To determine the winners, the email of each person who enters will be printed on a small piece of paper and dropped into an unrolled Trojan Mint Tingle Condom. I will then blow up the condom like a balloon, using various oral techniques.

Then I will shake the condom to mix the entries and then pop the condom using something long and hard, like a screwdriver, causing the entries to fall to the floor. The first two entries I pick up will be the winners of the Mint Tingle condoms and the third entry I pick up will be the winner of the Warm Sensation condoms.

I know. I know. It would’ve been easier to just stick them in a jar, shake the jar, and pull the winners out from the jar, but I got to say “oral,” “long and hard,” and “screwdriver.”

Good luck!

Fine Print: Bananas and sex partners not included. The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about a teen getting her first facial cumshot. The Impulsive Buy also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you a letter from a bank telling you that you’re pre-qualified for a $10,000 loan. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, pregnancy, or the spread of STDs.

June Prize Drawing!!!

Holy crap! It’s that time of the month again!

It’s time for this month’s prize drawing, which is when The Impulsive Buy could possibly make your dreams come true, if your dream is to win a very cheap household or food product from some quasi-product review blog, which has a editor that can’t stop stroking his freshly Veet-ed legs.

Anyway, this month, three lucky Impulsive Buy readers will each receive ONE brand new bottle of Poop Water!

To enter this month’s prize drawing, just leave a comment for THIS post with the words “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz” in it and whatever else you would like to say.

Or, if you think I’m a greedy comment whore, you can also enter by sending me an email with the phrase “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz” in the subject field.

If you leave a comment, you must fill out the email field, because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, I’ll take care of it.

The Impulsive Buy will start accepting entries for the drawing on Tuesday, June 14, 2005 and stop accepting entries on Sunday, June 19, 2005. Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is ONLY open to those in the United States, US Military APOs, and Canada. (Sorry to the rest of the world.)

To determine the winners, I will write the email of each person who enters on a sheet of two-ply toilet paper and then…Um…

Nope, can’t do that, too sloppy.

Um…Can’t do that either, too smelly.

Oh well, I’ll figure it out later. All I know is that determining the winner will involve my toilet, and maybe a plunger.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you spam about how you’re entitled to someone’s money in a foreign country you’ve never heard of. The Impulsive Buy also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you America Online CDs that offer you 1000 free hours. Bribes will not be accepted. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail or the stupidity of any parents who allow their children to stay over at the Neverland Ranch.