George Hamilton Peeps? (Spotted by Chris B at Target.)
If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo, where you spotted it, and the hashtag #spotted. If you’ve tried the product, share your thoughts about it in the comments.
The judge pounds his gavel: “I hereby call this court to order. Today we’ll handle the case of Dan vs. Nabisco. The prosecutor may present his case.”
I’ve decided to represent myself. No lawyer would understand: “Your honor, I’m suing Nabisco’s new Chewy Cinnamon Donut Chips Ahoy! cookies for their misleading packaging design.”
The judge looks at me, as I rustle through my bag and spew crumbs onto the courtroom floor: “If you’re suing them, why are you still eating the accused cookies?”
I roar to life, passionately spraying another projectile sandstorm of sugary cinnamon crumbs across the room: “Because I expected so much more!
“Ladies, gentlemen, and anthropomorphized snack food mascots of the court, I love these Cinnamon Donut Chips Ahoy! cookies. In fact, I love them so much that they’re probably the best limited edition cookies I’ve tasted in years. But it’s the ones we love the most that end up hurting us.
“I present Exhibit A: a package of these backstabbing cookies. Aside from the massive cinnamon donut on the front — which doesn’t actually appear inside — the primary offenders here are the ‘Limited Edition’ leaves. You see, my mind has been conditioned by Mrs. Buttersworth to equate orange and yellow leaves with maple syrup flavoring.
“So imagine my shock and disgust when these Cinnamon Donut cookies contained no maple flavoring whatsoever. All they had was a whole lot of deliciously doughy, buttery, and bakery-fresh donut flavor!
“But the lies don’t stop there. These disks roped me in with an authentically decadent cider mill aroma, but they don’t even look like real cider donuts! Where are the buxom, golden fried curves? Where’s the coyly puckered hole in the middle?
“They’re both gone and replaced by a granular, hyper-chewy texture that melts in my mouth like half-baked pastry dough. And don’t get me wrong, your honor, these cookies taste like cider donut dough, too. The buttered and browned base is both sugary and eggy, with sweet bursts of cake flour.
“But the apple and cinnamon donut-flavored chips suckered me in for the long con, trying to distract me from Nabisco’s shamelessly maple-free fraud. See, these creamy chips are like coagulated cones of cream cheese glaze. They explode with flavor like a Cinnabon center stuffed with applesauce!
“Their inconsistency betrays them, though. These cookie con men will sometimes lose their subtle apple taste, and sometimes they’ll taste like waxy, floral ‘Fall Harvest’ scented candles from Bath & Body Works. Heck, a couple times I even swore they tasted like pumpkin cheesecake.
“So yes, your honor, Cinnamon Donut Chips Ahoy! are great limited edition snack cookies. They have all the goodness of raw sugar cookie dough without the salmonella, and all the goodness of a cider mill without the handsy haunted house workers.
“However, it’s tough to justify buying them over real apple cider donuts, unless you’re a maple-loving masochist or the type of person who can’t finish a dozen donuts without them going stale. Because at the end of the day, these Cinnamon Donut Chips Ahoy! aren’t donuts. They’re merely cookies wearing donut Halloween costumes.
“And that, your honor, is both their gift and their true crime.”
The judge, clearly affected by my plight, wipes away a single tear: “I declare Cinnamon Donut Chips Ahoy! cookies guilty, for covering up their felony of syrup deception behind a thick alibi of deliciousness. How would the defendant like to see them executed?”
I pull out my thermos and pour a hot cup of coffee. I’ve already known the answer to that question for days.
(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 130 calories, 50 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein..)
Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 9.5 oz package
Purchased at: Meijer
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Authentic cinnamon donut pantomime. An edible trip to the cider mill in late summer. The first ever complimentary use of the word “coagulated.” Coming soon from The Impulsive Buy: 12 Angry Kool-Aid Men!
Cons: Not maple-flavored. Playing for second place against real donuts.. Unexpected Yankee Candle flavor outbursts. Sobbing and bobbing for more apple flavor. A criminal lack of corrugated, scrunched-up donut holes.
Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.
Come on, Oreo! This could’ve been your product! (Spotted by Valerie P at H-E-B.)
Um, does someone want to explain what hashtags are to Astor Chocolates? #chocolate #foodporn (Spotted by Debra G at Costco.)
Soooo…in other countries are these called Football Formula Drinks? (Spotted by Geoffrey at Save Mart.)
I wish the Bedder Cheddar Corn Dogs were Bedder Better Cheddar Corn Dogs that had a batter made from Nabisco Better Cheddars Crackers. (Spotted by Scott B at Walmart.)
YOP is fun to say when you pretend you’re one of the Sesame Street Martians. YOP, YOP, YOP, YOP, YOP. UH HUH. UH HUH. (Spotted by Alicia at Walmart Canada.)
Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo, where you spotted it, and the hashtag #spotted. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.
Kellogg’s Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts have some competition this year. (Spotted by Rachel C at Target.)
If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. Or reply to us (@theimpulsivebuy) on Twitter with the photo, where you spotted it, and the hashtag #spotted. If you’ve tried the product, share your thoughts about it in the comments.
Amazon is creepy.
I search for astronaut ice cream ONE TIME on the online shopping site and the next day I get an email from them with a recommendation list of other freeze-dried snacks I might enjoy. So that is how I ended up with a bag of Mountain House’s Freeze Dried New York Style Cheesecake Bites.
And a 25-foot long outdoor extension power cord.
And a microphone.
The snack was an “Add-on item” so I had to spend $25 to get free shipping. You know how it is, Amazon Prime members.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with Mountain House, it’s a company that specializes in freeze-dried meals. It has varieties like biscuits and gravy, lasagna with meat sauce, chili mac with beef, and breakfast skillet. Just add water, wait 10 minutes, and you’ve got yourself a meal. But don’t look at it. The company also offers dessert because what better way is there to end your freeze-dried meal than with freeze-dried dessert.
Thankfully, no water is involved in order to enjoy these freeze dried cheesecake bites. Like insects to a bird, they’re ready to eat.
Each bite is a half-inch cube and appears to have a graham cracker-like topping. They look good and crunch like a school cafeteria shortbread cookie, but they taste like nothing for the first couple chews.
Only when the pieces break down in my mouth do I get any flavor. But it doesn’t remind me of cheesecake even though there is a slight graham flavor. Instead, I instantly think of lemon cookies or lemon cake because the bites are missing that distinct level of tang cheesecake has.
Even though they don’t remind me of cheesecake, Mountain House Freeze Dried New York Style Cheesecake Bites are pleasant. I imagine they would be a nice ice cream topper, albeit an expensive one. One pouch, which is also one serving, is $3.50 on Amazon. But it’s good enough that it’s made me curious about Mountain House’s just-add-water meals.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 240 calories, 120 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)
Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 1.94 oz pouch
Purchased at: Amazon
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like lemon cake or cookies. Crunchy. Eating freeze-dried desserts is cool. No refrigeration needed. Ready to eat.
Cons: Doesn’t remind me of cheesecake. First couple of chews taste like nothing. Pricey for what you get. Amazon Add-on Items.
