NEWS: Jamba Juice’s Sweetheart Smoothie Is Less Fun To Suck On Than Your Significant Other

Marvo 3 Comments

There currently isn’t any information about the Sweetheart Smoothie on the Jamba website, but since it’s a Valentine’s themed smoothie, I’m going to assume it’s made from hugs, kisses, overpriced rose petals, boxed chocolates, Hallmark cards, and the sweat from men frantically trying to make a reservation at a nice restaurant the day before Valentine’s Day.

Update: According to commenter JT below, it contains, “a blend of strawberries, peaches, nonfat frozen yogurt, yumberry juice, and pineapple juice”

The Jamba Juice Sweetheart Smoothie is available for a limited time and you can get 2 sixteen-sized smoothies for five dollars, at participating Jamba Juice locations, using the coupon link below.

Personally, buying one and getting two straws is more romantic. Although, buying one and letting your significant other have it all is even more romantic.

REVIEW: Ruffles Molten Hot Wings and Ruffles Loaded Chili & Cheese

Jasper 6 Comments

Ruffles Molten Hot Wings and Ruffles Loaded Chili & Cheese

Frito-Lay introduced two new Ruffles flavors in late January, just in time for Valentine’s Day!

(What’s that? They probably chose to release it then to coincide with the Super Bowl? Well, I didn’t get around to writing this review until after the Super Bowl, so… just… play along, ok? The sooner you accept the conceit, the sooner I’ll wrap up my customarily self-indulgent introductory paragraphs and get to the actual reviewing. Cool? Cool.)

Ahem. And good thing, too – I was hoping there’d be fun new snacks to go with the beer and pizza at my annual Valentine’s Day party!

The first Ruffles Molten Hot Wing potato chip tasted overwhelmingly like vinegar, so much so that I momentarily thought I had somehow bought a mislabeled bag of Salt & Vinegar chips. But once my mouth grew acclimated to the vinegar, the hot sauce flavor began to shine through, and each additional chip increased my overall enjoyment of the chip-eating experience. They had the same great ridges and crunchiness as regular Ruffles do, and the aftertaste had a nice smokiness, though I wouldn’t describe it as particularly hot and certainly not as “molten.”

I’m totally willing to overlook the initial vinegar blast because I love Salt & Vinegar chips anyway, so that means my one issue with these chips is the name. I was expecting something significantly spicier out of a “Molten Hot” product, but all I got was, as mentioned, a nice smokiness. Actually, “Ruffles Nice & Smoky Buffalo Wings” wouldn’t be a bad name at all. It’s kind of catchy in its own right and it would better manage consumer expectations. Under-promise and over-deliver, as we say in the biz. (Note: I don’t know who “we” are and what “biz” I’m talking about.) If Ruffles actually used my new product name, I would probably tack two points onto the score for this review. Your move, Frito-Lay.

The flavor profile of the Loaded Chili & Cheese was similarly sequential: first came the taste of cheese, then came the taste of chili. Both tastes of the Loaded Chili & Cheese were less intense than those of the Molten Hot Wings, but the LC&C did have the added bonus of tinges of onion and garlic which play well with the chili and cheese powders. As expected, these chips also had the distinctive texture of classic Ruffles. I wish I could say more about this product, but I think the vinegar and hot sauce had dulled my palate by the time I got to the second round of chips. But hey, at least now you know the Loaded Chili & Cheese would still be pretty good even after you slightly burn your mouth on a slice of pizza at whatever Valentine’s Day party you’re going to.

Before wrapping up, I should mention that the packaging of these new flavors leaves something to be desired. Unlike with Doritos, where the cost of designing the flashy bags probably rivals the cost of developing the new flavors themselves, the Ruffles bags look like they were hastily mocked up by a crappy Photoshop artist under deadline. I’m not sure if “uncreative potato chip bag design” is a legitimate complaint or if I’m just Exhibit A of Louis CK’s “Everything is Amazing and Nobody’s Happy” syndrome. (See here. I’m definitely Exhibit A, aren’t I?) But I guess my point is, when you go to the supermarket snack aisle, make sure to pay attention for these new flavors because otherwise the packaging may very well fail to catch your eye.

In conclusion, A) You should try both of these new flavors, B) I hope you have fun with all your Valentine’s Day-related eating, drinking, gambling, and commercial watching, and C) Now we all know that I’m capable of dragging out a semi-nonsensical joke through an entire review!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – Ruffles Molten Hot Wings – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 360 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar and 2 grams of protein. Ruffles Loaded Chili & Cheese – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 220 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Ruffles Molten Hot Wings and Ruffles Loaded Chili & Cheese
Price: $3.99 each
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Super Foodtown
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Molten Hot Wings)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Loaded Chili & Cheese)
Pros: For MHW, strong vinegar taste and nice smoky aftertaste. For LC&C, all the flavors work well together. Both have classic Ruffles ridges and crunchiness. Valentine’s Day parties. Beer and pizza at Valentine’s Day parties. Louis CK. “Ruffles Nice & Smokey Buffalo Wings.”
Cons: Neither tastes particularly spicy. Packaging is uncreative. Misleadingly-named products. “The biz.” People who say “the biz.” Burning your mouth on pizza. Forgetting to review new potato chips flavors before the Super Bowl.

NEWS: Papa Murphy’s Introduces S’Mores Dessert Pizza Just in Time for Valentine’s Day and Camping in the Snow

Kelley 3 Comments

Happy Valentine's Day!

I was largely unfamiliar with Papa Murphy’s until I heard about their new S’mores Dessert Pizza. Apparently their whole schtick is “Take ‘N’ Bake” – essentially, they assemble the pizza for you, then you take it home and bake it in your own oven whenever you’re ready. Their website is sadly lacking on information about this. When exactly is “whenever you’re ready?” In a few hours? Days? The year 2014?

A friend of mine loves Papa Murphy’s and provided me with some information. Apparently it’s best to bake it immediately, but you can leave it in the fridge for up to 24 hours and it’ll still be good. After that, there is a quality decline. This is all secondhand information, but she’s frequented Papa Murphy’s enough that I trust her judgment. She also informed me that the pizza does come with baking instructions. I figured they did, but enjoyed entertaining the idea of Papa Murphy’s leaving you in the wind, being forced to guess on cooking times and temperatures.

Now that we’ve solved that mystery, let’s get to the pizza. From the mouth of Papa: “Our new Smores Dessert Pizza is the gooey goodness of real Hershey’s Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips, lightly toasted Mini Marshmallows and a delicious Crisp Topping.”

There’s no listed price, but I’ve heard their pies are pretty cheap, so if you and your honey are broke, you can get a regular Papa Murphy’s pizza and a S’mores Dessert Pizza and have a pizza-filled Valentine’s Day. What better way to say “I love you” than by cooking a pizza topped with a traditional camping treat? It’s a subtle way of telling your loved one, “If you don’t find a job soon we may be camping outside permanently!”

Update: According to jima99 on Twitter the pizza is “just $3 and about the size of a normal small pizza.”

NEWS: Stuff Yourself With New Activia Parfait Crunch So That The Bifidus Regularis Can Unstuff Everything Else You’ve Eaten

Marvo 1 Comment

ACTIVIAおいしい！

Activia Parfait Crunch is the company’s latest product to get us to consume more Bifidus Regularis, which is not a spell Harry Potter can cast upon you so that you can poop on a regular basis. It’s Activia’s unique probiotic culture that helps you poop on a regular basis when consumed daily for two weeks as parts of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle.

Activia Parfait Crunch combines their lowfat yogurt with fruit pieces and lowfat granola. It’s available in four flavors: Strawberry, Mixed Berry, Vanilla, and Peach. Each six-ounce cup contains 220 calories, 3 grams of fat and retails for $1.29.

NEWS: Jack in the Box Mint Oreo Shake Give Me Another Reason To Avoid Their Chocolate, Vanilla and Strawberry Shakes

Marvo 3 Comments

I have no idea what Jack in the Box’s chocolate, vanilla and strawberry shakes taste like because whenever I have a craving to fill my body with blended creamy goodness while sitting in the Jack in the Box drive thru, I almost always pick their Oreo shake. When I don’t, it’s a seasonal flavor, like egg nog or pumpkin pie. I don’t know why I stay away from them, I just do.

Recently, Jack in the Box introduced a new Mint Oreo Shake, which gives me another option so that I can continue to avoid their chocolate, vanilla and strawberry shakes. The Mint Oreo Ice Cream Shake is made with vanilla ice cream Oreo cookie pieces, mint-flavored syrup, whipped topping and a maraschino cherry. It comes in two sizes: 16- and 24-ounces.

A 16-ounce serving contains…um, now would be the time to close your browser window if large numbers scare you…925 calories, 401 calories from fat, 45 grams of fat, 30 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 125 milligrams of cholesterol, 388 milligrams of sodium, 696 milligrams of potassium, 116 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 95 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.