REVIEW: Extra Dessert Delights Gum (Strawberry Shortcake, Mint Chocolate Chip and Key Lime Pie)

Nichol 13 Comments

Extra Dessert Delights (Mint Chocolate Chip, Strawberry Shortcake & Key Lime Pie)

This year on Black Friday I slept in and ate pie for breakfast. From then until a matinee showing of Harry Potter, I had time to kill, so I embarked upon a ruthless search for my first review topic. My strategy was to go where the crowd most definitely would not be: CVS.

Like all drug stores, CVS isn’t meant for the early, targeted bargain shopper. Drug stores are where the most terrible gifts are born around midnight every Christmas Eve. The Bumpits. The ShamWows. The best of the past year’s late night infomercial onslaught, proudly on display for the non-insomniac market, ready to proclaim, “The only thought I put into this was whether or not it would fit into this mostly mold-free, empty box I found in the basement yesterday. Happy frickin’ holidays!” On the biggest shopping day of the year, however, I saw maybe four or five people in the whole store who didn’t work there and weren’t related to me. It was consumer heaven.

Faced with many horrible convenience food options, some of which might technically be considered “dietary supplements” or “experimental chemical amalgams” rather than “food,” I felt a little like a sacrificial product sampling lamb — an experience I had hoped to stave off at least until my second review. Luckily, I took a last minute jaunt down the candy aisle, where I found all three varieties of Extra Dessert Delights sugar-free gum lined up like shining beacons of hope in the midst of a texture-impaired, corn syrupy storm.

I tore into the mint chocolate chip flavor first. Unwrapping the plastic released a surprising burst of what I would’ve assumed was real mint chocolate ice cream, if I’d kept my eyes closed. Inside, the gum appeared greenish blue and fairly nondescript. No chocolate flecks. No color swirls. No frills whatsoever.

At first chew, the stuff tastes like any other mint gum, but then it gets oddly cold, in this deeply unnatural yet refreshing way. It’s like slightly melted ice cream with a gum base. Given a few seconds of chewing, the chocolate finally kicks in. The whole process is very Willy Wonka. You’ll wonder what the hell is happening in your mouth until gradually you stop caring and settle into the delicious symphony of flavors and disconcerting chilliness (which I have to admit I’d miss had they not cooked up some creepy chemical way to include it). I feel like there’s another obvious joke to be made in correlation with that last statement, but I can’t quite wrap my head around it. Hmm, oh well.

The strawberry shortcake gum smelled authentic, too. I could definitely perceive the shortcake. Don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about. Go buy a package of shortcakes. Rip it open. Inhale. Now go smell this gum. I’ll wait and then, as your eyes grow wide and you acknowledge the accuracy of my account, I’ll say, “I know, right?”

I found myself suddenly transported back to Midwestern days of yore, picking strawberries right from the patch under the blazing June sun, wearing one of those cute little shirts that tied at the shoulders along with my heart-shaped sunglasses, my hands sticky with berry goop from accidentally grabbing rotten ones.

Extra Dessert Delights (Mint Chocolate Chip, Strawberry Shortcake & Key Lime Pie) SticksAnd – oh God, it’s so cold here! Southern California is broken! On top of that, I decided to hang a decorated glow-in-the-dark skeleton over the heater rather than have the gas turned on. I felt so bold back in the summer when I made that decision. I was tough, damn it – a gritty, blizzard-beaten Illinoisan through and through. But now it is December and I’m very worried about hypothermia. Word on the street is that it is quite the insidious killer.

Oh wait. Sorry. Gum.

The gum basically gave my mouth a brief vacation from reality without ever truly overwhelming my senses. The taste is a bit more muted than the mint chip kind, but pleasant. Mostly I got a sweet real strawberry flavor with hints of something more, but none of the bold shortcake experience promised by the gum’s aroma. I would’ve said this knocked it out of the park had I not just witnessed the spectacular home run blasted into the stratosphere by mint chip. Even so, this definitely manages to clear the wall somewhere far out in right field. It’s fair, people. Cue the fireworks. I wish it were at least April. Can you hear me weather gods? I’m willing to settle!

Finally, we come to my citrusy old friend, key lime pie. On Sunday, my brother-in-law knocked a bunch of limes off the tree in his backyard, prompting some spur-of-the-moment baking. Quite out of the blue, I had the real thing handy for comparison. Yay! The real thing definitely wins. Just putting that out there. I mean, seriously, the only way to make that pie fresher would’ve been to juice the limes straight from the tree, and that just seems unnecessary. On the flip side, this version has five calories. So there’s that.

The gum definitely does taste pie-like, following closely in the footsteps of its excellently rendered neighbors. The flavor is very middle-of-the-road family restaurant key lime pie, harkening back to a particular slice I consumed at the Bonanza in Mt. Vernon, Illinois back in the late nineties. I must say, it’s less daunting as a gum. I was a little leery of the lime flavor becoming monotonous and too sour, because I am a wimp. I’m sorry I ever doubt you, Extra. Please forgive me. It tastes like a Starburst with more longevity and no real sugar. I appreciate that even the pie on the box hasn’t been artificially dyed electric-green…ålike that pie at Bonanza. I only remember it so vividly because I found an entire old hot dog under my chair that same night. I wonder if that place is still around?

Anyway, you’re done reading now. Go try these gums, especially the choco-minty kind, unless you don’t like mint chocolate or happiness. Extra has blessed us all with holiday-levels of indulgence, minus the added layer of seasonal blubber. Even if you were to blow through a whole pack in one sitting (which I totally considered) that’s still twenty-five calories short of a single Double-Stuf Oreo.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Extra Dessert Delights Sugar Free Gum (Mint Chocolate Chip, Key Lime Pie, and Strawberry Shortcake)
Price: $1.29
Size: 15 sticks/pack
Purchased at: CVS
Rating: 10 out of 10 (Mint Chocolate Chip)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Strawberry Shortcake)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Key Lime Pie)
Pros: Pie for breakfast. Post-apocalyptic shopping situations. The Willy Wonka flavor presentation method. Five calorie desserts. Glow-in-the-dark skeletons. Shortcake. The chill of ice cream without subsequent tongue numbness. Fresh picked limes made into a pie. Starbursts you can chew on forever. Pretty much everything else about the mint chocolate chip variety. Warmth.
Cons: Last minute gifts. Corn syrup storms. The mystery of how it’s possible for gum to stay cold for twenty minutes. Grabbing rotten strawberries. Hypothermia. The shortcake element being a total tease. Most of my trips to Bonanza. Trying to juice a lime without picking it.

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Impulsive Buy Reviewer Nichol

Nichol 6 Comments

Hi! Hello? Is this thing on? I don’t think… HELLO IMPULSIVE BUYERS! Oh – okay, that’s better.

My name is Nichol. Long time follower, first time typewriter monkey.

First off, I am a San Diegan, and therefore classy.

I possess the heart and stomach of a Midwesterner, the eyes of a hawk, the legs of a jackal, the bosom of a traditional haus frau, and the stature of Napoleon Bonaparte. Maybe I’m lying about some of that, and maybe I’m not, but in any case, I’ve probably got you picturing some sort of small monster banging away maniacally on a damaged keyboard in a dark room, and that, I can assure you, is a fairly accurate account of what’s happening.

I don’t eat canned tuna, barbequed Twinkies, or any foods that glow in the dark without mentioning it on the label. Aside from that, I’m about as discerning as a half-starved Beagle and at least twice as curious. This will undoubtedly give all of you ample opportunity to revel in my regret, confusion, and outrage when things like gummy rats and off-brand frozen egg rolls turn out not to be delicious.

I grew up in a small (but not tiny) town in the absolute middle of both Southern Illinois and nowhere. I’d try to describe the exact location, but you’ve probably never encountered any of the surrounding communities either, so suffice it to say I was like 65 miles from St. Louis and that was the closest notable metropolitan area. We’d usually get the “new” and “limited edition” products months after everyone else in the developed world. This somehow made everything far more exciting and noteworthy. I like to think I’ve managed to bottle a bit of that overzealous commercial devotion and keep the magic alive even in this newfangled era of instant gratification. And I’m re-opening that bottle just for you.

Following that uneventfully quaint childhood, I went on to earn a dual degree in English and creative writing from the University of Illinois. Then I got bored with corn fields and ran off to the west coast on the coattails of my best friend. I am currently utilizing my degree through seasonal work, elder care and psych studies.

Moving to an urban area has proved to be a truly novel, almost dazzling experience. For the first time in my life, I can buy things like name brand shoes without leaving the state or trusting the trench coat wearing man in the alley behind my house. Also, if I drive for ten minutes in any direction, I am pretty much guaranteed to hit an In-N-Out Burger. On the count of three let’s all think about this and drool.

I am always snarky, often unintentionally creepy, at best questionably sane, and beyond excited to be joining the team and info-taining you guys every once in awhile. I look forward to the many crunchy, processed, and/or sugar coated experiences in which we will no doubt share in the near future here on TIB.

NEWS: To Maybe Make Up For The Big Macs They’ve Sold Over The Years, McDonald’s Will Soon Sell Oatmeal

Marvo 7 Comments

McDonald's

If your New Year’s resolution is to eat healthier, McDonald’s is the last place you’ll want to go. However, if you want to break that resolution, McDonald’s might be the first place you’ll go. But starting January 3rd, you might be able to walk into a McDonald’s and walk out with your New Year’s resolution intact, thanks to their new Fruit & Maple Oatmeal.

The oatmeal contains half a cup of fruit, which consists red and green apples, dried cranberries, and golden and regular raisins. All that wholesomeness will give you five grams of dietary fiber and two-thirds of your daily recommended intake of whole grain.

You’ll be able to get the Fruit & Maple Oatmeal with or without brown sugar. With sugar, the serving of oatmeal will contain 290 calories, and 260 without it. It will be available all day long for $1.99.

(via Grub Grade)

Image via flickr user girlwparasol / CC BY 2.0

NEWS: New NyQuil Flavor Gives Cold Sufferers Another Option Besides Blech and Double Blech

Marvo 8 Comments

I personally don’t like taking NyQuil in LiquiCap form. It’s easier to take, but I don’t get the alcoholic warmth that slowly coats my digestive system when I take a shot of it in liquid form. It’s soothing and it feels like my mommy is rubbing my chest from the inside.

The only problem I’ve had with Liquid NyQuil was the fact that there were only two flavors: red and green. Yes, I don’t remember what the flavors actually are because they both taste horrible. But, I think, if I use their colors as a clue, they might be cherry and car air freshener. But now there’s a new flavor I can use to get nighttime relief from coughing, sore throats, headaches, minor aches and pains, fevers, runny noses and sneezing, and for helping me fall asleep whenever I run out of sleeping pills.

Vicks NyQuil Vanilla Cherry Swirl sounds like liquid candy, but it’s got the same levels of acetaminophen, dextromethorphan, doxylamine succinate and alcohol that are found in the original red and green flavors.

It’s available in 10-ounce bottles.

REVIEW: Aunt Jemima Cinnamon French Toast Instant Oatmeal

Stephanie 13 Comments

Aunt Jemima Cinnamon French Toast Instant Oatmeal

Regarding syrup-topped breakfast items, if pancakes are the Britney Spears (sort of plain without all the fixins) and Belgian waffles are the Christina Aguilera (foreign-sounding and crispy), then French toast has got to be the Jessica Simpson of the three. In my book, French toast will be forever doomed to third place. However, if I see French toast on a menu coupled with the words “cinnamon” or “vanilla,” I will order it without hesitation. It’s like those two words make it magically different – it’s no longer stale bread in egg batter. It’s sweet, golden heaven on a plate.

This must be what the good folks at Aunt Jemima had in mind when they conjured up their newest entry into the world of store-bought breakfast, Cinnamon French Toast Instant Oatmeal. Along with their other new flavor, “Maple Syrup” (…thinking OUTSIDE the box, Aunt J!), they have attempted to provide us with a modest simulacrum of the griddle breakfasts they are known for, in porridge form. Previously, you had to choose between a vaguely religious figure on the Quaker Oats box and a vestigial icon of racialized domesticity on the Cream of Wheat box. Now with Aunt Jemima in the mix (which has been owned by the Quaker Oats Company since the 1920s), we’ve got a new smiling logo in town.

I immediately went for the Cinnamon French Toast flavored oatmeal because, yes, it added the word “cinnamon.” The Maple Syrup flavored one was a no-go. Why anyone would choose to eat a meal that is named after a topping rather than an actual food is beyond me. The bright red packaging is inviting, reminding me of the boxes of frozen pancakes, frozen waffles, and frozen blueberry pancake-wrapped sausage I’ve scarfed down in the past. The oatmeal comes in boxes of four and ten. The 4-pack is cheaper ($1.00!) but still yields portions that are a bit on the small side. However, you should be doing what every cereal commercial commands and eating this as PART OF A COMPLETE BREAKFAST. So shut up.

Aunt Jemima Cinnamon French Toast Instant Oatmeal In A Bowl

Overall, Aunt Jemima Cinnamon French Toast Instant Oatmeal tastes pretty good. There is a rich brown sugar and cinnamon flavor which gives it just the right amount of sweetness. It’s not diabetic coma territory, but we’re not in Bland Town, either. Preparation is extremely easy, but adding boiling water and stirring don’t allow the rolled oats to really grow. Instead, they stay mostly flat as they soak, so it lacks that really filling quality you’d find in other brands. The oats do get tender, though, and the cinnamon flavor is rather robust. It doesn’t exactly recreate the flavor of authentic French toast, but it’s close… and for what amounts to about 25 cents per bowl, it’s an easy pick on a cold winter’s morn.

So, for those of us who prefer our hot breakfast in a bowl, Aunt Jemima has provided us with a pretty decent initial foray into the highly competitive world of instant hot cereal. As she goes up against Big Daddy Quaker Oats and Cream of Wheat in our local grocery aisle, here’s hoping Aunt J. takes home more than the bronze medal. Everyone knows that Third Place = mom jeans, and nobody likes that.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 packet – 140 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0mg cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 100 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 1 gram of soluble fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 4% iron, 10% phosphorous and 8% magnesium)

Item: Aunt Jemima’s Cinnamon French Toast Instant Oatmeal
Price: $1.00
Size: 4 count box with 1.34 oz packets
Purchased at: Price Chopper
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Delicious cinnamon. Tasty brown sugar. Marginally convincing French toast flavor. 25¢ per bowl. Easy prep. Part of a complete breakfast.
Cons: The Jessica Simpson of breakfast foods. Small portions. Rolled oats stay flat in water. Mom jeans.