I never thought I’d relive that fateful day.

It was my freshman year of college. I was hustling to class, doing my best to avoid being late to another midterm, when hunger pangs suddenly attacked. My midterm would take over two hours, yet I had neglected to eat anything beforehand.

Desperate, I ran to the closest location that served food – a Mediterranean-themed food truck. Because I didn’t have enough time to wait for them to reheat a plate of lamb and green leaves, I looked at the prepackaged snack foods they had on display. The cream cheese coffee cake immediately grabbed my attention.

“Wow! A delicious coffee cake with a cream cheese filling? What a novel idea!” I thought to myself. Ecstatic, I handed the vendor my two dollars, and went on my way.

It was only when I sat down and opened up my snack that I realized it wasn’t a cream cheese-filled coffee cake. Rather, it was just an ordinary coffee cake with cream cheese blended into the mix. Never had I been so utterly taken aback by a junk food’s misleading title.

Needless to say, I was much too despondent to focus on my exam, failing it just as swiftly as my coffee cake had failed me. Truly, one of my lowest lows. I swore to myself that I would bury this regretful memory, and never speak of it again.

But then I opened up a new Chocolate Fudge Snack Pack Pudding Bar, and it all came back to me.

When I first heard of these brownies, I hoped for a soft chocolate snack with a pudding center. (And yes, I refuse to refer to these small square-ish chunks as “bars” and the back of the box uses the word “brownies” too so I’m not wrong here.) After looking at the packaging, which advertises that the pudding is, unfortunately, mixed into the batter, I braced myself. Sure, it wouldn’t be what I was expecting, but the pudding could add an interesting texture and taste to a junk food that’s hard to screw up.

But the brownie was mediocre. A good brownie should be moist, sweet, and rich, and this was none of those things. Every bite was a dry experience. This surprised me, especially because the brownie had a pudding base, and pudding is about as liquid-y as desserts get. The chocolate flavor was unimpressive, bland, and it somehow managed to be worse than a Banquet frozen meal brownie.

But what about the pudding ingredient?

I can’t even answer that question because I have no idea if the pudding added or detracted from the experience. All I can say is that this thing, in no way, shape, or form, reminded me of pudding. Pudding is jiggly, moist, and simply fun to eat. This brownie was none of those things.

Was this snack an utter failure? No. It’s still a brownie, so it’s certainly edible, and it’s not like I gagged or lost my vision or anything. But would I buy it again?

No.

If you want the experience of a pudding brownie, buy a regular one and dunk it in some Snack Pack pudding instead.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 120 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein..)

Item: Snack Pack Chocolate Fudge Pudding Bar
Purchased Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Size: 6 bars
Purchased at: Vons
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Edible. Light on calories, relatively speaking.
Cons: Waste of an interesting junk food concept. Where is the pudding filling? Dammit! Dry.