REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Shortcake Greek Frozen Yogurt

Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Shortcake Greek Frozen Yogurt

Because I am a nerd and like to read about scientific things as much as I can while science is still legal in this country, I recently discovered an Oxford University experiment involving the relationship between food flavors and sound. Results showed that sweet-tasting foods tended to be matched with high-pitched tones while more savory foods tended to be matched with low-pitched sounds.

If that’s the case, then I would have to compare a spoonful of Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Shortcake Greek Frozen Yogurt to a screeching serenade by a pod of whales. In other words, this frozen yogurt is sweeter than sweet, which was surprising considering that Greek yogurt tends to be tarter than tart. By the way, hyperbole also comes from Greece.

Make no mistake, I prefer sweet frozen yogurt to tart frozen yogurt, just like I’d prefer a friendly whale over any of the homicidal ones. And by “homicidal,” I don’t mean killer whales. I mean whales that commit premeditated murder. Like Moby Dick… or Monstro. Yeah, pretty sure Monstro swallowed his own weight in victims over the years.

However, with Greece being so close to Italy, I think the Mediterranean Sea-dwelling Monstro might enjoy Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen yogurt more than your typical whale would. (Science.) There’s even a chance I can use a fresh pint to lure him and finally pin a spate of horrific maritime swallowings on him. Better yet, we’ll film it and call it Law & Order: WSIU (Whale Swallowings Investigations Unit), and it will not only incorporate sketchy scientific techniques, but it will also be in Italian with English subtitles — “La balena inghiottì il capo!” Chun-CHUNG.

Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Shortcake Greek Frozen Yogurt Closeup

Unlike the potential ratings of an hour-long TV procedural starring ocean-dwelling mammals, Ben & Jerry’s doesn’t disappoint when it comes to the texture of their Strawberry Shortcake Greek Frozen Yogurt. Bits of real strawberries and shortcake pieces really boost the flavor and add to the richness of the creamy frozen yogurt. An extra bonus is that it only has 180 calories per serving. Molto bene! I did wish there had been more shortcake pieces and that they had been bigger. Often, I couldn’t tell whether I’d even picked up any shortbread in my spoon.

Despite that, I would highly recommend Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Shortcake Greek Frozen Yogurt. For now, this flavor is only available at grocery stores, so don’t go looking for them at a scoop shop. Even if your street contact says they’ve heard whales hanging out around there. It’s not whales, it’s the flavor. (Science.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup (100g) – 180 calories, 45 fat calories, 5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein, 15% Calcium, 0% Iron, 10% Vitamin C, and 4% Vitamin A.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Shortcake Greek Frozen Yogurt reviews:
San Diego Sugar
On Second Scoop
Junk Food Guy

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Shortcake Greek Frozen Yogurt
Price: $3.49 (on sale)
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Ralphs
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like whales sound. 180 calories per serving. Light, creamy and sweet. The Italian language.
Cons: Not enough shortbread pieces. Monstro. Only available at grocery stores. Law & Order: WSIU, coming this fall.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt (Blueberry Vanilla Graham & Banana Peanut Butter)

Ben & Jerry's Greek Frozen Yogurt (Banana Peanut Butter and Blueberry Vanilla Graham)

Thanks to the inundation of Greek yogurt products over the past couple of years, I don’t remember what else Greeks are known for. When I try to think of something Greek, all that pops into my head is either Yoplait Greek Yogurt, Chobani Greek Yogurt, Stonyfield Farm’s Oikos Greek Yogurt, Dannon Greek Yogurt, Fage Greek Yogurt, Safeway Lucerne Greek Yogurt, Activia Greek Yogurt, and Tina Fey.

Unfortunately, these new Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurts aren’t helping. Is Julius Caesar Greek? What about Socrates? Damn. I can’t recall. Oh, thank goodness I’m not playing Trivial Pursuit right now. I don’t think I could earn the yellow wedge.

Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt comes in four flavors: Blueberry Vanilla Graham, Banana Peanut Butter, Strawberry Shortcake, and Raspberry Fudge Chunk. Oh, there’s a Fifth Beatle, but Vanilla Greek Frozen Yogurt is only available at Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shops. Sadly, I was only able to find the Blueberry Vanilla Graham and Banana Peanut Butter.

Ben & Jerry's Greek Frozen Yogurt Banana Peanut Butter

Like a man who walks around in public in nothing but his tighty whiteys, there’s something not quite right about Ben & Jerry’s Banana Peanut Butter Greek Frozen Yogurt. Ben & Jerry’s says their Greek frozen yogurts are “really Greekin’ good,” but this particular flavor is kind of Greekin’ weird.

To be honest, I’ve never had the pleasure of eating a banana with peanut butter, but it sounds yummy and I’m pretty sure Elvis ate more than enough of it for me. However, the combination of banana Greek frozen yogurt with peanut buttery swirls tastes like a not-quite-ripe banana, which I do not have any affinity for. I’ve had many banana splits ruined by not-quite-ripe bananas, so this Greek frozen yogurt’s flavor hits a sore spot. The flavor doesn’t disgust me, but I can’t see myself buying another pint of it.

Ben & Jerry's Greek Frozen Yogurt Blueberry Vanilla Graham

However, I may buy another pint of Ben & Jerry’s Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt, which combines blueberry and vanilla Greek frozen yogurt with a graham cracker swirl. The blueberry and vanilla Greek frozen yogurt have a pleasant tanginess, but the graham cracker swirl is what makes this Greek frozen yogurt tasty. It’s sweetness helps counterbalance the yogurt’s tanginess. However, I gotta have more graham cracker swirl. I got a fever. And the only prescription is more graham cracker swirl. Although, the graham cracker swirl did make everything a little gritty.

I can’t believe I’m about to type this, but I have to say I’m not sure if Aristotle was Greek and I’m slightly disappointed with these two flavors of Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever put “disappointed” and “Ben & Jerry’s” in the same sentence until now. Again, the Blueberry Vanilla Graham is good, but both flavors don’t weaken my willpower and make me want to eat an entire pint in one sitting like Ben & Jerry’s ice cream does.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – Blueberry Vanilla Graham – 200 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein. Banana Peanut Butter – 210 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Blueberry Vanilla Graham Greek Frozen Yogurt reviews:
Crazy Food Dude
Rodzilla Reviews
On Second Scoop

Other Ben & Jerry’s Banana Peanut Butter Greek Frozen Yogurt reviews:
Junk Food Guy
A Sweet Score

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Greek Frozen Yogurt (Blueberry Vanilla Graham & Banana Peanut Butter)
Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: One pint
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Blueberry Vanilla Graham)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Banana Peanut Butter)
Pros: Blueberry Vanilla Graham is good. Doesn’t use milk from cows treated with rBGH. Yogurt cultures. Has fewer calories and fat than Ben & Jerry’s ice creams. Decent source of protein. More cowbell.
Cons: Banana Peanut Butter is Greekin’ weird because it tastes like not-quite-ripe bananas. I gotta have more graham cracker swirls. Has as much sugar as Ben & Jerry’s ice creams. Not as additive as Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake and Clusterfluff (What A Cluster)

Ben & Jerry's Clusterfluff and Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake

Update: Ben & Jerry’s changed Clusterfluff’s name to What A Cluster.

Almost every time I eat Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, I break down and cry with tears mixed with sadness and happiness. It’s been the case with two of Ben & Jerry’s latest flavors, Red Velvet Cake and Clusterfluff. It’s as if the dairy in their products have the ability to turn my tear ducts into lactating cow udders.

I remember the first time I ever tasted Ben & Jerry’s. It was their Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream. I couldn’t get enough of that creamy vanilla ice cream with those chunks of chocolate chip cookie dough. It was as if Ben and Jerry were consoling me and giving me a giant group hug from inside of me. Every spoonful I took made the hug tighter and I never wanted them to let go. I closed my eyes and just let Ben and Jerry hold me.

When I opened my eyes, half the pint was gone. It was at this exact moment that I started to weep because I knew Ben and Jerry couldn’t hug me forever. Although I wanted Ben and Jerry to give me a never-ending hugjob, I knew it wasn’t possible because if I continuously ate their ice cream, my body would blow up to the point where it would look like Ben and Jerry were actually in my body giving me a hug.

So that’s why Ben & Jerry’s ice cream makes me cry with mixed emotions; happiness because I’m eating damn tasty ice cream and sadness because I can’t get Ben and Jerry to give me a hugjob forever.

These latest Ben & Jerry’s flavors look good on paper and in the paper containers they come in. Red Velvet Cake is made up of red velvet cake batter ice cream with red velvet cake pieces and a cream cheese frosting swirl. While Clusterfluff has peanut butter ice cream with caramel cluster pieces, marshmallow swirls and peanut buttery swirls.

Ben & Jerry's Clusterfluff and Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake Innards

Red Velvet Cake had a lot of red velvet cake pieces mixed in, which was surprising because in previously reviewed Ben & Jerry’s flavors I complained about not having enough of the featured ingredient (See Hannah Teter’s Maple Blondie and Chocolate Macadamia). At a quick glance, the pink ice cream and red velvet cake pieces look like what would happen if Huckleberry Pie left hickeys all over Strawberry Shortcake’s skin during a romp in the strawberry field.

Yup! I just ruined the 1980s for some of you.

The red velvet cake pieces are slightly chewy, but damn, they make the ice cream tasty by amplifying the red velvet cake flavor of the ice cream base. However, I thought the combination of the red velvet cake-flavored ice cream, red velvet cake pieces, and cream cheese frosting swirl became a little too rich for my taste buds after a few spoonfuls. This made it difficult to plow through the ice cream like I usually do with other Ben & Jerry’s flavors. But overall, Ben & Jerry’s did a solid job with their Red Velvet Ice Cream.

Clusterfluff is based on the fluffernutter, a sandwich made with peanut butter and marshmallow fluff. But as I ate the ice cream, I thought it ought to be renamed Clusternut because, while I could see the marshmallow swirls, peanut butter was all I could taste. Also, I think it rhymes better with the word that influenced the flavor’s name: clusterfuck.

For some reason, the ample caramel cluster pieces enhanced the flavor of the peanut butter ice cream and provided a crunchy texture in the ice cream. If I ate this ice cream and didn’t know they were caramel clusters, I would definitely think they were peanuts. While it tastes more like a Clusternut than a Clusterfluff, I did think it was divine for a peanut butter-flavored ice cream and I could see myself accidentally eating through half a pint in one sitting.

Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake and Clusterfluff are both really good flavors, and I’d place them on my list of top 12 Ben & Jerry’s flavors. While both are creamy and delicious, they also make me feel like Ben and Jerry are giving me a hugjob.

And, for me, that’s all that really matters.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – Red Velvet Cake – 250 calories, 120 calories from fat, 13 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Clusterfluff – 320 calories, 170 calories from fat, 19 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake reviews:
Rodzilla Reviews
On Second Scoop
Fish and Spaghetti

Other Ben & Jerry’s Clusterfluff reviews:
Rodzilla Reviews
On Second Scoop
Fish and Spaghetti

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake and Clusterfluff
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Red Velvet Cake)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Clusterfluff)
Pros: Both make me feel like Ben and Jerry are giving me a hugjob. Clusterfluff has a divine peanut butter flavor and is easy to eat through. Lots of red velvet cake chunks mixed into the ice cream. Caramel clusters were plentiful. Hugjobs.
Cons: Red Velvet Cake might be too rich for some. Can’t taste the marshmallow swirl in Clusterfluff. Not being able to have Ben and Jerry give me a hugjob forever.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road

Ben & Jerry's Limited Batch Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road

Ben & Jerry’s latest creation, Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road, honors Sir Elton John’s first-ever Vermont appearance in 2008. If Elton John wanted to honor the ice cream that honors him in lyrical form, I believe it might go something like this:

Goodbye skinny jeans
Though I never really used you at all
You had the strength to hold yourself
While my gut pushed out like a wall
It oozed out from over the top
and it looked like you were baking bread.
I really need to run on a treadmill
Because I have 20 pounds I need to shed.

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like plastic bag in the wind
Never knowing what to cling to
When my fat ass came in
And I would have liked to have used you
But I was just too big
Your stitches tore out long before
Your buttons ever did.

Now if Ben & Jerry wanted to honor themselves for honoring Elton John for honoring the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream that honors Elton John in song form, I believe it would go like this:

Hey kids, mixing ingredients together
The freezer freezing something
that’s been known to change the weather.
We’ll milk the fatted calf tonight
so stick around.
You’re gonna taste creamy goodness
that will make you round.

Say, Cherry and Garcia, have you seen them with dairy.
Ooh, but they’re so spaced out, B-b-b-bennie and the Jerry’s.
Oh, but they’re weird and they’re wonderful.
Oh Bennie, he’s really all right.
He’s got plastic spoons, hippie tunes.
You know I read it on their website. Oh ho.
B-b-b-bennie and the Jerry’s

Now if I wanted to honor Ben & Jerry for their limited edition Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road ice cream that honors Elton John, I would say that it’s a pretty good ice cream that would make Sir Elton John happy, or gay, if you will. And why wouldn’t it? Because it consists of a hodgepodge of ingredients that would make most people giddy. It has chocolate ice cream, peanut butter cookie dough, brickle candy pieces and white chocolatey chunks.

The chocolate ice cream had the typical Ben & Jerry’s creaminess to it; the peanut butter cookie dough added a slight nuttiness; the brickle gave it a nice crunch and caramel flavor; and the white chocolatey chunks added…um…actually, I didn’t think they added anything, but they were big chunks and there were lots of them. Each spoonful had at least one of the added ingredients.

Of course, like most premium ice creams, the Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road is extremely high in saturated fat, providing 50% of your daily recommended intake of saturated fat in a half cup serving. But I ate an entire pint within a week and…

Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did.
Eating an entire pint of ice cream, eating it like a little kid.
I’m still standing after all the grinds.
Picking up my body even with all the fat you caused on my hind.

I’m still standing. Yeah yeah yeah.
I’m still standing. Yeah yeah yeah.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 280 calories, 15 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 26 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 10% calcium and 8% iron.)

(Note: If you don’t know which Elton John songs I referenced in this review, the first one was “Candle in the Wind,” followed by “Bennie and the Jets,” and ending with “I’m Still Standing.” On Second Scoop also reviewed it, but didn’t like it as much and didn’t reference any Elton John songs.)

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road
Price: $5.39
Size: One pint
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pretty good. Chocolate ice cream was creamy. Peanut butter cookie dough added a slight nuttiness. Brickle add crunch and caramel flavor. Each spoonful had at least one of the added ingredients. Big white chocolate chunks. Elton John.
Cons: Big white chocolate chucks were bland. High in saturated fat. Limited batch. Eating an entire pint in a day. Butchering Elton John songs to match the theme of this review.