REVIEW: Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae

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Denny's Maple Bacon Sundae

I’ve already written about my love for bacon a couple times on this site, so I’ve had to do more research and solicit more suggestions than usual to get new material for this review. (Friends’ proposed angles included Bacon the card game, Kevin Bacon, bacon-related April Fool’s jokes, and anti-Semitism. I’ve had such bad writer’s block that only one of those suggestions was categorically dismissed… and only because that new Kevin Bacon Google TV commercial really freaks me out.) During my extensive research of bacon, I discovered that, apparently, Bacon-mania is over! Evidently, bacon as national obsession is no longer relevant, interesting, or hip.

And to that I say, GREAT! Now that hipsters and the haute cuisine establishment are “over” bacon, maybe bacon need not be a statement of personality any longer and can once again be consumed simply for one’s own enjoyment. The reclamation of bacon by the Everyman has perhaps reached its completion: Denny’s, that most accessible of rest stop diners, recently introduced a new “Baconalia” menu, with bacon un-ironically added to such everyday items as meatloaf and pancakes.

Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae is probably the most eyebrow-raising dish on the Baconalia menu; our waitress certainly widened her eyes and expressed some skepticism when we ordered it. But as someone who’s always liked to dip his fries in his Frosties (wow, that sounds oddly dirty), I had no doubt that a bacon, maple syrup, and vanilla ice cream combo could absolutely work. Any concoction that hits so many dimensions – sweet and savory, creamy and crispy and gooey, hot and cold – has a lot of potential.

The Maple Bacon Sundae definitely lived up to my expectations. The first few bites were the tastiest, as the diced bacon was still slightly warm and was layered on top of an even coating of maple syrup. The flavor emerged in two distinct waves. First came the “maple crunch,” where the taste of ice cream and maple syrup was texturally supported by the crunchiness of the diced bacon. Then, as the ice cream began melting away in my mouth, the smoky bacon taste finally shined through. I suppose higher-quality bacon would be more flavorful and allow all three tastes to present themselves at once, but I kind of like having the bacon taste just be a smoky afterthought. You could describe the bacon flavor as the post-coital cigarette of the love-making session that is the ice cream/maple syrup. Or rather, I’ll describe it as such, and you can shake your head and pretend I didn’t just write that.

Denny's Maple Bacon Sundae 2

Maple syrup on its own is actually an underrated topping for vanilla ice cream, and I’d say it’s a viable alternative to chocolate syrup or caramel. But after I made it through the top layer of bacon, I was worried I would be stuck with just syrup and ice cream for the rest of the sundae. Just as I went to go scribble this concern into my notebook, BOOM, I found another layer of bacon! Is there a better surprise in life than surprise bacon? If you just compared eating a bacon sundae at Denny’s to having sex, then no, quite clearly there is not.

I do have two relatively small complaints. Much of the maple syrup was poured into the bottom of the sundae glass, leaving it hard to reach without destroying the structural integrity of the ice cream scoops. Since the density of the syrup causes sinking anyway, it would’ve been better to put more syrup on top and let it slowly make its own way down. Also, some of the bacon pieces were too large and threw the toppings-to-ice cream ratio on my spoon all out of whack. But like I said, these are minor issues.

Altogether, I really enjoyed Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae, and with this coupon, it’s even more affordable. I would definitely encourage you to try the sundae as well as any other dishes off the Baconalia menu that tickle your bacon fancy. Reclaim bacon for yourself! Vive la Bacon!

(Nutrition Facts – 810 calories, 40 grams of fat, 21 grams of saturated fat, 150 milligrams of cholesterol, 460 milligrams of sodium, 97 grams of carbohydrates, 85 grams of sugar, and 16 grams of protein.)

Other Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae reviews:
Grub Grade

Item: Denny’s Maple Bacon Sundae
Price: $2.99
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: Denny’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Sundae hits many dimensions (sweet/savory, creamy/crispy/gooey, warm/cold). Maple syrup goes great on vanilla ice cream. Bacon adds crunchiness and smoky second wave of taste. Surprise layer of bacon. Bacon-mania being “over.” Dipping fries in Frosties. Coupons.
Cons: Too much maple syrup at the bottom of the sundae glass. Some bacon not diced small enough. Squeez Bacon not being a real product. Comparing sundaes to sex.

REVIEW: Jamba Juice Fruit & Veggie Smoothies (Orange Carrot Karma, Apple ‘n Greens and Berry UpBEET)

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Jamba Juice Fruit & Veggie Smoothies

Fruits are sexy. Vegetables are not.

Think about it. Large breasts on a woman’s chest are also called melons, not cabbages; sex education teachers don’t use carrots or cucumbers to show students how to put on condoms, they usually use bananas; Adam and Eve used fig leaves to cover their naughty bits; and a peach looks like a round, sexy ass in tight red and yellow Spandex.

Since vegetable aren’t sexy, I became concerned when I heard about Jamba Juice combining them with fruits to create their new line of Fruit & Veggie Smoothies. I thought it would make the fruits in them less sexy. Sure, combining the two could be like the pretty girl who surrounds herself with less attractive friends to make her look prettier, but if you think about it, those less attractive friends could also bring her down.

Jamba Juice’s Fruit & Veggie Smoothies come in three flavors. Berry UpBEET combines strawberries and blueberries with the juices from carrots, beets, broccoli and lettuce. Apple ‘n Green brings together apple-strawberry juice with the juice from dark leafy green vegetables, carrots, and lettuce. It also includes spirulina, peaches, mangos and bananas. Finally, Orange Carrot Karma blends carrot juice, orange juice, mangos, bananas and ice.

The Orange Carrot Karma is my least favorite of the three because it doesn’t do a good job of hiding the carrot flavor. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy carrots and beta-carotene as much as the next rabbit, but I wish it wasn’t the most noticeable flavor. The citrus and banana are there, but they’re both too light to make the smoothie taste less carrot-y. Perhaps it’s called Orange Carrot Karma because it’s getting back at me for not eating more vegetables.

If you’ve had Odwalla’s Original Superfood Smoothie, the green one that looks like algae, you’ll be familiar with how Jamba’s Apple ‘n Greens smoothie tastes. The similarity isn’t surprising, since the types of fruits both contain are identical, and both also have the nutrient-rich spirulina. However, Jamba’s Apple ‘n Greens smoothie is lighter in color, which makes it look more like zombie blood. I personally think it tastes better than it looks. The Apple ‘n Green smoothie has an unusual fruity flavor at the beginning, mostly the apple-strawberry juice and banana, and then a sweet leafy vegetable flavor at the back end. The aftertaste might be a little weird for some, but just like the Odwalla Original Superfood Smoothie, I really enjoyed the Apple ‘n Greens smoothie.

Berry UpBEET is the least veggie tasting of the three. However, it doesn’t taste like any of the two berries added to it, blueberry and strawberry. Strangely, the combination of ingredients make it taste like pomegranate. It’s a little tart and there’s not a hint of vegetables, although I don’t think beets have a very strong flavor. It’s my favorite of the three Fruit & Veggie Smoothies, but not by much over the Apple ‘n Greens.

If your doctor says you need to eat more veggies, then these Jamba Juice Fruit & Veggie Smoothies might get you a serving or two, since a 16-ounce serving contains three servings of fruit and vegetables. Since I really enjoyed two out of the three flavors, I guess sexy fruits and not-so-sexy vegetables can go together, sort of like Ralph and Alice, Doug and Carrie, Peter and Lois, Jim and Cheryl, Homer and Marge, and other mismatched sitcom couples.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – Orange Carrot Karma – 180 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 90 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 38 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 430% vitamin A, 6% calcium, 90% vitamin C and 6% iron. Apple ‘n Greens – 220 calories, 1 gram of fat, 115 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 40 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 240% vitamin A, 15% calcium, 90% vitamin C and 25% iron. Berry UpBEET – 230 calories, 1 gram of fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of fiber, 38 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 120% vitamin A, 10% calcium, 100% vitamin C, and 10% iron.)

Other Jamba Juice Fruit & Veggie Smoothie reviews:
Brand Eating

Item: Jamba Juice Fruit & Veggie Smoothies (Orange Carrot Karma, Apple ‘n Greens and Berry UpBEET)
Price: $5.00
Size: Original (24 ounces)
Purchased at: Jamba Juice
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Orange Carrot Karma)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Apple ‘n Greens)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Berry UpBEET)
Pros: Beautiful colors. Good source of vitamins A & C. 3 servings of fruit and vegetables. Berry UpBEET tastes like pomegranate. Apple ‘n Greens tastes like Odwalla’s Original Superfood smoothie. Eating vegetables. Fruits are sexy.
Cons: Orange Carrot Karma was a little too carrot-y. Apple ‘n Greens’ flavor might not appeal to some and it looks like zombie blood. Orange Carrot Karma might be getting back at me for not eating more vegetables. Vegetables aren’t sexy.

REVIEW: Sonic Premium Beef Hot Dog (Chicago Dog & New York Dog)

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Sonic Premium Beef Hot Dogs Chicago Dog and New York Dog

Sonic recently added four new 100% pure beef hot dogs to their menu – The Chili Cheese Coney, The All-American Dog, The Chicago Dog and The New York Dog. I chose to review the latter two because a.) I thought they had the most interesting toppings and b.) both Chicagoans and New Yorkers take their grub seriously. Lock two of them in a room together that has the word “pizza” written on the wall and see what happens. I’ll give you a hint: bloodshed.

There’s a similar situation with hot dogs. Just Google “chicago vs new york hot dogs” and you’ll see quite a few discussions on the topic. The Chicago dog is iconic, of course; it has its own name and everything. The New York dog doesn’t really have its own name, but put hot dog and New York in the same sentence and anyone who has been there will immediately have an image in their head. I will get to that image soon. Right now, here’s what I imagine a Chicagoan and a New Yorker locked in a room together with the word “hot dog” written on the wall would be like:

New Yorker: “‘How you doin’! We gots the best damn dawgs in New Yawk! I’m just sayin’!”

Chicagoan: “Dat’s cryap! Da Chicago Dog be the best dog use ever taste!”

New Yorker: “Yo, bruh! You bettah bounce, because that is mad bull right thah!”

Chicagoan: “Use think so, do use? Well now we gonna get inta dis!”

The conversation quickly devolves, and two minutes later both sweaty men have bloody noses and their Giants and Bears jerseys are torn and sullied. It’s just a bad situation all around.

(Note: The above scenario uses stereotypical language and situations and is intended as parody [bad parody, but parody nonetheless] only. In other words, please do not track me down and hurt me.)

Now that I feel I’ve been sufficiently offensive, let’s get to the dogs themselves.

Sonic Premium Beef Hot Dogs Chicago Dog

The Chicago Dog

I’ve never been to Chicago, but I have had a Chicago Dog before. I respect that any Chicagoan would tell me I haven’t actually had a Chicago Dog unless I’ve been to Chicago; mostly because I’m a soft little girl from the suburbs and anyone who grew up in Chicago probably knows how to beat me up at least three different ways. So let’s say I’ve had a Chicago-like Dog.

I have to say, I was impressed, at least on paper, at how authentic Sonic tried to make their Chicago Dog. As they describe it, “Got love for the Windy City? Then try SONIC’s Premium Beef Chicago Dog. A 100% pure beef hot dog topped with pickle, relish, tomato, sport peppers, celery salt and mustard all served up in a soft, warm poppy seed bun.” From what I know, all those ingredients sound pretty legit. I like the addition of the poppy seed bun; very traditional, but could have been easily overlooked.

All of the toppings on my dog were very fresh. The tomatoes were juicy and the dill pickle spear was crisp. The sport peppers brought some serious heat; my nose was running by the time I was done with the wiener. The one topping I could have done without was the sweet relish; the other toppings were tangy and savory, and the relish just didn’t feel like it belonged. However, it is a traditional Chicago Dog topping, so I’ll chalk it up to personal preference. Who am I to argue with an icon?

The Sonic Chicago Dog is not something you’re going to want to eat while driving. With so many toppings, many of them juicy, you’re gonna get your hands dirty. Also, the sport peppers kept sliding around, trying to avoid my mouth like Jonah attempting to escape the whale. Ain’t gonna happen. And, of course, the poppy seeds flew everywhere and stuck to my pickle/tomato/relish/mustard smothered hands. Not the most portable of foods.

My biggest beef (how many times can I use that pun before it gets old? Answer: once) with this hot dog is actually the dog itself. While the toppings were fresh and tasty and the bun was soft, the dog was actually not very good. I’ve been hooked on Nathan’s all-beef natural casing wieners for a while now, so maybe I’m spoiled, but you can taste quality, and these dogs tasted incredibly pedestrian. Whether it’s the 100% beef dogs they’re using or the way they cook them, the vessel of all those delicious toppings was really disappointing. I know promoting them as 100% beef is supposed to be a good thing, but maybe a little pig anus or two would have added some more and/or better flavor.

Sonic Premium Beef Hot Dogs New York Dog

The New York Dog

While I have never visited Chicago, I have, however, been to New York several times, and I have had several hot dogs from vendors on the street. Here’s the previously aforementioned image: standing at a small cart on the sidewalk while people brush past you, a man with a questionable grasp on the English language opens a lid. Hot steam rises into the cold New York air, and he reaches in with his tongs and removes a hot dog from the water boiling within. He then places it in a bun, which is sitting in a little paper holder. Sometimes you have options; sometimes the man will just choose your toppings for you. He does not have time for you to hem and haw. Brown mustard is applied, then sauerkraut or maybe some chopped white onions. He hands it to you, and you are now holding a New York hot dog. All of this happens in seconds. You may look around, confused; but at least you have a hot dog in your hands!

Interesting bit of trivia about New York: if you ever ask someone for yellow mustard, they will look at you like you are a being from another planet. I’m not even sure they sell yellow mustard in stores. You’re certainly not going to find it at a hot dog cart, or a baseball stadium, or pretty much anywhere else. In New York, it’s brown mustard or GTFO.

Like the Chicago Dog, Sonic stays impressively true to tradition with the New York Dog. “Get a taste of the Big Apple with SONIC’s Premium Beef New York Dog. A 100% pure beef hot dog grilled to perfection and topped with spicy brown mustard, grilled onions and crunchy sauerkraut in a soft, warm bakery bun.”

Sounds great, but somehow, things went wrong. As you can see, the mustard got all over the bun, but that’s probably because it was in a sleeve so things got a little smushed. That wasn’t the main problem with the mustard, though. It was oddly colored for brown mustard; too bright, too yellow, and tasted a bit off. I’ve had lots of different brands of brown mustards, and I’ve never seen or tasted anything like it. It was almost like they’d diluted brown mustard with yellow mustard.

The sauerkraut was sparse, but I was okay with that, because it, too, tasted off. The strips were thinner than normal sauerkraut, it was limp, and it lacked the pickled tang of other sauerkrauts I’ve had. It also had a strange aftertaste. Almost bitter, I think. The grilled onions just seemed old and limp, like they’d been sitting out all day. And, of course, the dog itself suffered the same problems as the Chicago Dog.

I like the concept of the Premium Dogs and applaud Sonic for really striving to get the Dogs to be true to the region that they originated. The Chicago Dog had lots of fresh, tasty toppings that were authentic to a real Chicago Dog, but make sure you’ve got a good bit of table real estate and a handful of napkins if you try one. The New York Dog looked great on paper, but all the toppings were somehow fundamentally flawed. I don’t even know how you can screw up brown mustard or sauerkraut, but Sonic somehow found a way, and that was disappointing. Both hot dogs suffered from poor flavor; I don’t know where Sonic gets their 100% pure beef Premium Dogs, but they should look into finding another vendor.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 hot dog – Chicago Dog – 440 calories, 180 calories from fat, 20 grams total of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 2300 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 17 grams of sugars, 14 grams of protein, calcium 10%, iron 30%, vitamin A 4%, vitamin C 8%. New York Dog – 350 calories, 170 calories from fat, 19 grams total of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 1290 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugars, 14 grams of protein, calcium 6%, iron 30%, vitamin A 2%, vitamin C 10%.)

Other Sonic Premium Beef Hot Dog reviews:
Does It Hit The Spot
Grub Grade

Item: Sonic Premium Beef Hot Dog (Chicago Dog, New York Dog)
Price: $1.99
Size: 1 hot dog
Purchased at: Sonic Drive-In
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Chicago Dog)
Rating: 3 out of 10 (New York Dog)
Pros: Chicago Dog had fresh, authentic toppings. Chicago vs. New York. Fluffy hot dog buns. Going a whole review without making a wiener/mouth joke. New York hot dog carts.
Cons: Hot dogs were not top quality. Bad parodies. New York toppings were all flawed. Recycled beef puns. Chicago Dog was pretty messy.

REVIEW: Panda Express Golden Treasure Shrimp

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Panda Express Golden Treasure Shrimp

When I think of treasure, naturally, I think of pirates. There is such a strong, fundamental connection between massive hidden hauls of loot and buccaneering that it can be difficult to envision anything else. So you can understand my hesitation to associate pirates with panda bears when I first heard about Panda Express’s newest entry, Golden Treasure Shrimp.

As adorable as pandas in pirate costumes may be, I am tired of pirates. Like so many other North Americans who have been assailed by three (soon to be four) Pirates of the Caribbean films of gradually decreasing quality, numerous high-profile news stories of Somali pirate attacks, several thousand Captain Morgan commercials, and countless Captain Jack Sparrow Halloween costumes, I am so deep in the throes of Pirate Exhaustion that I didn’t want to experience anything pirate-y again for a while. But, by the Beard of Barbarossa, the Golden Treasure Shrimp demands a pirate-speak review. CURSES! Here goes nothing:

Avast ye mateys! Golden Treasure Shrimp ’tis representin’ an improv’ment upon th’ texture and flavor o’ Panda Express’s other tempura shrimp dish, Honey Walnut Shrimp. Accordin’ to th’ proud pronouncements on their site, Golden Treasure Shrimp be a “succulent tempura shrimp, wok tossed with fresh bell peppers in a zesty citrus sauce.”

Arrrr… ‘Tis true, th’ sauce be zesty, but that’s due in no small part t’ its spiciness, which be an unexpected and pleasant surprise. Since th’ coatin’ be so similar t’ PE’s SweetFire Chicken’s sweet chili sauce, I wonder why th’ scalawags dinnae just call th’ new dish SweetFire Shrimp. While only a wee bit citrus-y, th’ sauce has a bold flavor ‘n a nice “lip spiciness” that provides enough heat t’ make it interestin’ without becomin’ too overpowerin’ or painful. A smart sip of grog should cure what’ever lingerin’ heat ails ya.

Panda Express Golden Treasure Shrimp Closeup

Bein’ a lubber o’ tempura-style anythin’, I was pleased t’ find th’ Golden Treasure Shrimp’s batter was crispy despite o’ th’ fact that it be drenched in tangy sauce. However, if let sit for a while, I imagine th’ batter would smartly become soggy. Good thin’ I dinnae wait. Th’ tempura coatin’ be a wee bit heavy ‘n leaves a touch o’ residue on th’ tongue, since it be a tad oily, but th’ shrimp itself be tender ‘n tasty, ‘n weren’t overpower’d by th’ coatin’.

Th’ only downside be th’ sparse addition o’ chopped bell peppers. There were not that many peppers in me servin’ o’ Golden Treasure Shrimp, and they be tiny pieces t’ begin with, so they hardly added t’ th’ overall presentation. But if you enjoy flecks o’ color in your food, these peppers accomplish that job. Compared t’ th’ Honey Walnut Shrimp, th’ Golden Treasure Shrimp be a nice kick in th’ britches, says I. Yeeeaaaarrr!

(Nutrition Facts – 5 ounces – 390 calories, 170 calories from fat, 19 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 500 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 16 grams of protein.)

Item: Panda Express Golden Treasure Shrimp
Price: Free sample during promotion (normally $6.57 incl. tax for a Panda Bowl)
Size: 5 ounces
Purchased at: Panda Express
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Pandas in Pirate costumes. Shrimp is tender and tasty. Hidden hauls of loot. Spicy sauce is a tasty surprise and isn’t overpowering. Tempura-style anything.
Cons: Pirate Exhaustion. Bell peppers are rather sparse. Captain Jack Sparrow. Sauce isn’t all that citrus-y. Tempura coating is heavy and a little oily. Pirate-speak.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Donuts Big N’ Toasty

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Dunkin' Donuts Big N' Toasty

I had high expectations for the Big N’ Toasty. For one thing, the sandwich looks incredibly appetizing in all of its many, many commercials. For another, I like the usage of the “N” – it’s less formal than an ampersand, more fun than an “and,” and less algebraic than a plus sign. In-N-Out, Rock ‘n’ Roll, Salt-N-Pepa: I love them all and they all use an “N.”

And yet, the best-laid plans of mice and men (mice n’ men?) often go awry. The Big N’ Toasty was a definite disappointment. Let’s break this down piece by piece.

The Toast: The Texas toast is really supposed to be the major draw here, and while it was thick, fresh, and flaky, the toast’s defining quality was unfortunately its incredible greasiness. You’ll need as many napkins to eat the Big N’ Toasty as you would to get through a bucket of fried chicken. I actually skipped eating the very center of the sandwich because it was simply soaked through with butter, and my hands were so greased up that I wasn’t sure I could even hold the sandwich in place anymore.

The Eggs: The Big N’ Toasty features two peppered fried eggs. While I could see that the eggs had speckles of pepper and were otherwise a visual departure from the eggs found in every other DD breakfast sandwiches, I couldn’t actually taste any difference. If anything, I would say the eggs in the BN’T were more rubbery and artificial-tasting than the regular eggs.

The Bacon: Before I offer any criticism of the bacon in the BN’T, let me just say that, in my mind, bacon is the undisputed king of breakfast meats, and even a subpar serving of bacon beats the hell out of ham, sausage, or, god forbid, Canadian bacon. Some people might describe bacon as the Michael Jordan of breakfast meats; I prefer to think of Michael Jordan as the bacon of NBA players.

So while I imagine ham and sausage still would’ve been worse choices, I felt mightily letdown by the bacon in the Big N’ Toasty. There are supposed to be “four slices of Cherrywood smoked bacon,” but the four slices were more like two normal-sized strips cut in half. Given the bulk of the sandwich, there were more than a few bites where I tasted little-to-no bacon. Furthermore, I found the bacon to be too soggy, which was perhaps amplified by the excessive grease of the toast. I’ve had much better bacon experiences with Dunkin’ Donuts’ regular sandwiches in terms of bacon taste, bacon texture, and bacon-to-rest-of-sandwich ratio. Granted, the crew at my local DD may have been having an off-day with their bacon cooking, but that would only explain away the taste/texture and not the overall amount of bacon.

(By the way, I just set a new The Impulsive Buy record by using the word “bacon” in a single paragraph ten times. TIB: Where Amazing Happens!)

The Cheese: Just standard fast-food American cheese. Nice and melted but nothing special.

I feel like I’ve been a touch too harsh on the Big N’ Toasty up until this point. If its appearance in commercials weren’t so food porn-y, or if it were just named the Big AND Toasty, I probably wouldn’t have been so disappointed. On the whole, the BN’T makes for a sizable breakfast at a reasonable price, and since Dunkin’ Donuts previously hadn’t served anything on toast – Texas or otherwise – I appreciate the additional variety. If you feel compelled to give it a try, just make sure to temper your expectations and grab some extra napkins.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 580 calories, 320 calories from fat 35 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 125 milligrams of cholesterol, 1370 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 26 grams of protein.)

Item: Dunkin’ Donuts Big N’ Toasty
Price: $3.29 for the sandwich, 4.99 with medium coffee
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Dunkin’ Donuts
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Thick, fresh, and flaky toast. Sandwich is big and reasonably priced. Using an “N” instead of “and.” Bacon, always. Entering the TIB record book.
Cons: Incredibly greasy toast. Eggs were rubbery, not peppery. Skimpy and soggy bacon. Food porn-y ads that inflate expectations.