Tag: Jif

Hybrids are all the rage right now. Half-electric/half-gasoline cars are zipping around our roads, bakeries are selling Cronuts by the dozen, and scientists have successfully merged blobfish DNA with the human genome to create a hybrid known as “Kim Kardashian.”

It was only a matter of time before mankind witnessed a fusion of two of the most delicious foods: cookies and butter.

Okay, okay. Cookie butter isn’t technically a hybrid of cookies and butter, but it’s close enough. If you believe otherwise, I encourage you to watch the forthcoming televised debate on the topic between Paula Deen and Cookie Monster: Speculoos Exposed.

Strangely, Jif’s new Cookies ‘n Cream Hazelnut Spread doesn’t actually label itself a cookie butter, even though “cocoa cookies” are one of its main ingredients. It seems similar to Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme cookie butter, which I shamelessly ate straight from the jar. This Jif spread needs to be just as delicious if it’s going to be worth my time.

Cracking open the lid reveals a swirl of cookies ‘n cream and hazelnut spreads, with a scent evoking Oreo cookies and Nutella — a good sign, for sure. Texturally, it’s not as thick as Nutella, or even peanut butter, but the consistency is standard for a cookie butter.

I held myself back from voraciously attacking the jar and tasted the two spreads individually.

Light gray and speckled with little black bits of cookie, the cookies ‘n cream spread is incredible for one reason alone — it tastes like melted Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme candy bars. Jif really nailed this flavor. The cookie bits mixed throughout provide a satisfying crunch without feeling too gritty, complementing the spread’s blend of chocolate flavor and sweet creaminess.

Sadly, the hazelnut spread is a disappointment. In comparison to Nutella, the gold standard of all hazelnut spreads, it feels too oily. Though hazelnut can be detected in its flavor, the cocoa flavor is stressed and reminds of cheap chocolate. In addition, as the hazelnut spread is swallowed, it lingers in the back of the throat, resulting in a mild stinging sensation that’s more unsettling than that song Hulk Hogan wrote for a dying child.

I tried the spread on a waffle, fresh from the toaster. As the hazelnut and cookies ‘n cream parts of the spread mixed together, the flavors merged, making it hard to notice the hazelnut spread’s undesirable qualities. Sadly, the creamy aspects of the cookies ‘n cream component were also drowned out, resulting in an uninspired cocoa flavor. I don’t think I would be able to identify the blended spread as cookies ‘n cream in a blind taste test, as it’s closer to a cheap Nutella knockoff with a heavier chocolate flavor.

That dang hazelnut swirl ruined everything. Jif really would have been better off marketing an entire jar of the cookies ‘n cream spread by itself.

I guess I’ll have to get my fix of cookies and butter somewhere else. Ya know, I’ve been meaning to try out a recipe I found in an early copy of Paula Deen’s next cookbook: “Southern-style frozen butter patties dipped in Oreo cookie crumbs.” Mmm, I can taste my arteries clogging.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 Tbsp. – 210 calories, 120 calories from fat, 13 grams of total fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Jif Cookies ‘n Cream Hazelnut Spread
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 13 oz.
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Cookies ‘n cream component tastes like the Hershey’s candy bar. Spread has a satisfying crunch from cookie bits. Paula Deen debating a Muppet.
Cons: Spread feels oily. Hazelnut component tastes cheap, leaves stinging sensation in back of throat. Hazelnut ruins the cookies ‘n cream flavor when they combine. The fact that Hulk Hogan’s music album never went platinum.

Plunging pretzels, crackers, and yes, even fingers into the peanut butter jar have always been saved only for the dead of night while shooting paranoid, cautionary looks over each shoulder.

That is, of course, until Jif Whips came along.

Jif knew our secret all along, and last year they finally acknowledged that PB&Js aren’t the only things that the good people of the world have been gracing with the spreadable goodness of everyone’s favorite legume. Now, the inviting wide-mouthed tub of Jif’s Whips welcomes those same activities that once made us feel so dirty inside. George Washington Carver would have been proud.

With the warmest days of summer behind us and the flashing lights of the Christmas season already looming in the back room of every Target, Walmart, and dollar store, the brief(ish) window we call the “Fall Season” is finally, and thankfully, upon us. To celebrate, Jif Whips has whipped up something special for us (and it’s way better than my puns): A limited edition Pumpkin Pie Spice flavor of their crowd-pleasing whipped peanut butter.

To get myself in the mood, I grabbed a warm chai and put on my most autumnal sweater. I would have carved a ceremonial pumpkin too, but I didn’t really feel like moving. Also, I was itchy from the sweater.

Fixed in my chair, I decided that the best vehicle to deliver the peanut butter concoction into my mouth, without overshadowing the Pumpkin Pie Spice, would be graham crackers, a snack so boring on its own that they were actually invented to make everyone masturbate less. The outcome was definitely spectacular.

The texture of Jif Whips Pumpkin Pie Spice is much creamier and palpably sweeter than traditional ol’ PB. It’s also much lighter, making dipping with even the most flimsy cracker possible. While maintaining that base peanut butter flavor of brown-bagged happiness Jif is known for, the cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice work cohesively to bring back cozy memories of last fall.

Unlike many seasonal products that feel like someone at corporate just checking off the typical flavors, the pumpkin pie spice (despite being the king of obligatory seasonal flavors) complements the robustness of Jif’s whipped peanut butter. From all angles, Jif Whips Pumpkin Pie Spice is a great combination of two beloved flavors. And while you’re welcomed to follow my graham cracker example, scooping with your fingers work just as well.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 Tbsp – 140 calories, 100 calories from fat, 12 grams of total fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Jif Whips Pumpkin Pie Spice
Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 15 oz. tub
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Combining pumpkin pie and peanut butter. Very spreadable. Not having to feel bad about using your fingers to eat peanut butter.
Cons: Probably shouldn’t be used to replace all peanut butter. Getting caught dipping your fingers in the peanut butter jar.

Most people know maple syrup as a sticky substance coveted by Canadians, the official currency of Vermont, and something that Kanye West sips when somebody orders pancakes. Though nothing can quite take the place of that precious Acer saccharum sap, Jif envisions a world where hungry citizens never have to resort to dousing their pancakes in syrup to receive their daily dose of maple flavor.

New Limited Edition Jif Whips Maple Brown Sugar blends the traditional flavor of peanut butter with hints of brown sugar and maple, all in a whipped peanut butter form. In contrast to its non-whipped counterpart, whipped peanut butter is considerably more light and airy. As a result, it spreads effortlessly onto both white bread and body parts.

Even the packaging of Jif Whips Maple Brown Sugar helps make the peanut butter experience a bit less painful. No longer will you find yourself struggling to scrape the last bits of peanut butter from the bottom of a glass jar — the wide plastic tub provides easy access to the whipped peanut butter from all angles. It’s the work of German engineers, I’m sure.

Peeling off the lid, we discover that Jif Whips Maple Brown Sugar shares the same off-putting, scatalogical appearance with the last Jif Whips I reviewed. Only this time, the nut butter more closely resembles what I find in my backyard when the neighbor kids feed tan crayons to my dog. In other words, Jif Whips Maple Brown Sugar looks like a big ol’ pile of pale brown shadoobie.

Jif Whips Maple Brown Sugar’s scent is pungent, a mixture of peanut butter and maple aromas — as if Mrs. Buttersworth decided to play with Mr. Peanut, if ya know what I mean.

In comparison to this scent, the flavor of Jif Whips Maple Brown Sugar seems less intense. Initially, the taste is nutty and sweet, like any typical peanut butter mixed with a touch of maple syrup. I was expecting the maple flavor to seem either exaggerated or artificial, but fortunately, it was neither. A spoonful of this legume spread culminates with a hint of molasses, alluding to the advertised brown sugar flavor. On the tongue, the whipped peanut butter feels somewhat less viscous than traditional peanut butter, but coats the throat identically.

I’m not a huge fan of maple flavor — I tend to resist it outside of maple syrup. Even so, I have to admit that Jif Whips Maple Brown Sugar is pretty dang good. This whipped peanut butter would pair nicely with ice cream, crackers, cookies, babies, and countless additional snack foods. It even tastes great in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, as maple complements the fruity flavor of jelly surprisingly well. All things considered, I highly recommend Jif Whips Maple Brown Sugar. Disregarding the defecatory appearance, this is one flavored peanut butter worthy of praise.

Jif, you’ve made me a fan of your crazy, new-fangled peanut butter. I realize now that when a problem comes along, I must whip it.

Before the cream sets out too long, I must whip it.

When something’s goin’ wrong, I must whip it.

Whip it. Whip it good.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 Tbsp (24 grams) – 140 calories, 100 calories from fat, 12 grams of total fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Jif Whips Maple Brown Sugar
Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 15 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Easier to spread than traditional peanut butter. Balanced maple flavor. Devo references.
Cons: Resembles tan dog feces. Body parts covered in peanut butter.