Tag: Jif

Peanut butter is so overdone these days. Much like the Scary Movie series, people have had enough of it. Every other week, there’s a new peanut butter product released that nobody wants to buy. We’ve seen it in candy bars, pretzels, ice creams, everywhere. So who would ever want to manufacture a new peanut butter product?

Jif. That’s who.

Jif recently launched Jif Whips, a line of whipped peanut butters designed to be fluffy, smooth, and easy to spread. We’ve all experienced the frustration that arises when thick, viscous peanut butter rips through the delicate surface of white bread. It’s enough to drive a man insane. In fact, one out of ten psychologists suggest that continued use of unruly peanut butter could lead to the development of paranoid schizophrenia. (Note to editor: Don’t fact check this. It’s true. Trust me.)

Peeling back the lid of the resealable plastic tub, we encounter a spreadable chocolate substance bearing a striking resemblance to…dog excrement. Yes, Peanut Butter & Chocolate Mint Whips looks a lot like turds — not the most appetizing substance in the world. I sincerely hope that Jif Whips does not mirror feces in taste. (I’ve personally never tasted feces, but my dog assures me it tastes terrible.)

As I stared at the container of peanut butter-flavored dog defecation, I quickly realized that I needed some dipping materials. Thus, I began an epic exploration of my pantry and fridge to locate the perfect medium for Jif Whips. Asparagus? No. A can of Spam? Interesting idea, but no. Cat antibiotics? Umm, no.

I eventually settled on Nilla Wafers, a classic cookie offering a plain vanilla flavor. Dipping the wafer into the Jif Whips, I immediately noticed the smooth, airy texture of the whipped peanut butter.

Jif has the discovered the Holy Grail of whipped peanut butter formulas. Gone is the thick, sticky texture of peanut butter. Instead, Jif Whips offers a light and fluffy spread which easily clings to dipped foodstuffs. It will not tear your white bread, nor will it adhere to the roof of your mouth (Arachibutyrophobiacs rejoice!)

Naturally, my first reaction upon experiencing the remarkable texture of Jif Whips was to stick my nose in it. While doing so, I took note of a scent resembling a mixture of Andes Mints and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups: a combination of chocolate and peanut butter with the subtle aroma of mint.

It was time for the taste test. I lifted my Nilla Wafer high into the air and inserted it into my buccal cavity. To the taste buds, Jif Peanut Butter & Chocolate Mint Whips begins with a rich chocolatey flavor complimented by a hint of mint, slowly evolving into a bold peanut butter taste. Neither the mint nor peanut butter flavors are overpowering. In addition, the item being dipped does not need to be smothered in Jif Whips in order for the flavor of the Whips to shine through. Overall, the mint, peanut butter, and chocolate flavors found in Jif Whips are sweet and immensely satisfying.

Although Jif Whips might not stick to your mouth like regular peanut butter, it still leaves the same mucous feeling in the back of the throat. Perhaps this is the ever-present Achilles’ heel of peanut butter products.

Once you learn to ignore the dog poop appearance, Jif Whipped Peanut Butter & Chocolate Mint Whips is surprisingly enjoyable. I don’t usually expect much from new peanut butter products. After all, peanut butter just seems so cliché. Despite my initial hesitance, Jif has knocked my socks off with both the commendable texture and flavor of Jif Whips.

I ran out of Nilla Wafers. Where’s the Spam?

(Nutrition Facts – 2 Tbsp (26 grams) – 150 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of total fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 11 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Jif Whipped Peanut Butter & Chocolate Mint Whips
Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: 15.9 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Smooth, airy texture. Satisfying mint, chocolate, and peanut butter flavors. Cat antibiotics.
Cons: Dog poop appearance. Leaves mucous feeling in throat. Paranoid schizophrenia.

When I have a child, it’s good to know they will be surrounded by items that will give them the advantages and protections I didn’t have, like Baby Einstein or Baby Genius CDs, parental controlled iPods, helmets, the depreciation of spanking as a form of discipline and Jif Omega-3 Creamy Peanut Butter.

I want my child to excel, succeed and, perhaps someday, rule over your children with an iron fist. In order to make that happen, my child has to physically and mentally develop into a superior homo sapien and I believe the Omega-3 fatty acids in this new Jif Peanut Butter has the ability to make some of this happen.

Omega-3 has been shown to help with brain function, so if I give my future child/everyone’s future overlord the daily recommended amounts of Omega-3 DHA and EPA, which is 160 milligrams, he/she will have a healthy brain and hopefully become intelligent enough to rule to Earth. And along the way perpetuate the stereotype that Asians are good at math.

The Jif Omega-3 Creamy Peanut Butter gets its Omega-3 fatty acids from anchovy and sardine oils, both of which are thankfully odorless and tasteless, but still freaks me out they’re in the ingredients list, along with something called tilapia gelatin. Mmm…anchovies, sardines and tilapia, now that’s an ingredients list a baleen whale can love.

A two tablespoon serving contains 32 milligrams of DHA & EPA Omega-3 fatty acids, which is around 20 percent of the daily recommended intake for Omega-3s.

Despite the weird ingredients this product contains, it tastes like peanut butter. It smells very much like regular Jif, but I thought it wasn’t as creamy or as nutty as the normal stuff. When I ate it on a piece of bread, the flavor of the peanut butter wasn’t as strong as regular Jif. But now that I think about it, does it really matter how well it tastes? Because I’m trying to create a being that will be feared by all, not a peanut butter taste tester.

They say choosy moms choose Jif and I say overzealous dads who want to live vicariously through their child’s rise to world domination choose Jif Omega-3 Creamy Peanut Butter. Of course, my plan won’t work if my child ends up like many kids today and becomes allergic to peanuts.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 Tbsp – 190 calories, 16 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 8 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 8 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein, 2% calcium, 4% iron and 20% niacin.)

Item: Jif Omega-3 Creamy Peanut Butter
Price: $3.99
Size: 18 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: A good source of Omega-3 fatty acids. Tastes like peanut butter, despite weird ingredients. High in polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats. Easier way of getting Omega-3s than eating fish. Being the father of an overlord.
Cons: I thought it wasn’t as creamy or nutty as regular Jif. Packed with calories. Contains weird ingredients, like anchovy and sardine oils and tilapia gelatin. Peanut allergies.

Jif Natural is the lambskin condom of big brand peanut butter because they’re both made from natural ingredients and both feel great on my skin. While lambskin condoms are made from lamb intestines, Jif Natural Peanut Butter consists of just five simple ingredients: roasted peanuts, sugar, palm oil, salt and molasses.

Being made from natural ingredients also gives each of these products particular characteristics not found in non-natural versions. Lambskin condoms, while good at preventing baby batter from sticking to the egg in the pan, are not very good at preventing the transmission of STDs because lamb intestine is porous enough to let bacteria and viruses through.

Jif Natural has a consistency that is really easy to spread, like melted regular peanut butter on a fresh piece of toast. Or in German it can be best described as über creamy. Or in formal Japanese it would be known as totemo kurimi. Or in energy drink marketing speak it would be xtremy creamy.

If you’ve ever purchased all-natural peanut butter from a hippie natural foods stores that sells a lot of hemp and soy products, you probably know about the separation of the oil and peanuts after you open the jar, forcing you to stir it to mix the two. This can be a pain in the ass if you’re extremely lazy and don’t like an extra step between opening the jar and shoveling a spoonful of peanut butter into your mouth. Fortunately, there’s no need to stir with the Jif Natural Peanut Butter, so it can go straight into your mouth and then straight to your gut, or if you’re a woman, straight to your hips and thighs, which causes you to consider purchasing the Kymora Body Shaper.

The Jif Natural Peanut Butter may not have a thick layer of oil on top after you open it, but it does have a very a thin layer of palm oil, which gives it a glossy shine. Regular peanut butter tends to have more of a matte finish. The look of Jif Natural Peanut Butter is not the only thing that shines, so does its flavor. I think it has a stronger nutty flavor than regular peanut butter, and I now I don’t feel like using the six pounds of Skippy Peanut Butter I bought from Costco.

While it may be natural, it isn’t necessarily healthier than regular peanut butter because it has the same amounts of saturated fat and sugar. It does, though, have half the sodium than regular Jif peanut butter. Also, natural peanut butter tends to be more expensive than their normal counterparts, but Jif Natural is about the same price as regular peanut butter.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for condoms made from lamb intestines.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 tbsp – 190 calories, 16 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 7 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein, 2% calcium, 4% iron, 10% vitamin E, 2% riboflavin and 20% niacin.)

(Note: We Rate Stuff also reviewed it.)

(Update: TIB reader Anna points out that this product is a peanut butter spread and not peanut butter because it contains 10% of non-peanut ingredients, which it clearly states on the bottle. I am blind.)

(Update #2: After having the Jif Natural Peanut Butter around for a while, I found that it has a tendency to clump together, which is frickin’ weird. I’ve knocked the rating down a point because of this.)

Item: Jif Natural Peanut Butter
Price: $3.99
Size: 18 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Great nutty flavor. Only five ingredients. No need to stir. Easy to spread. 50% less sodium than regular peanut butter. Same price as regular peanut butter. Feels good on my skin. Condoms.
Cons: Same amounts of saturated fat and sugar as regular peanut butter. Will eventually start clumping. Glossy look may seem weird. Having to stir all-natural peanut butter from a hippie natural foods store. The cost of lambskin condoms. Lambskin condoms don’t prevent the spread of STDs.