REVIEW: Eggo Thick & Fluffy Tiramisu and Strawberry Cheesecake Waffles

Eggo Thick  Fluffy Tiramisu and Strawberry Cheesecake Waffles Boxes

Here’s the thing about me and waffles: I don’t know when to eat them. I love them, right? Pancakes, French toast, and cinnamon rolls, too. But the thing is, I’m a salty and savory breakfast guy, though and through. Give me a big ol’ sloppy plate piled with biscuits smothered in thick, creamy gravy, a mountain of buttery scrambled eggs, and one pig’s worth of sausage and bacon, please.

So then, what do I do? When do I eat sweet breakfast foodstuffs? To be frank, it all feels so dessert-y to me. (I mean, one of the aforementioned foods has cake right in the name.) But here’s the deal with that — how often do you feel like eating a big syrupy stack of flapjacks or a fluffy golden waffle after pounding a plate of fried chicken and mashed potatoes?

It’s tricky.

But Eggo seems to be embracing the “breakfast for dessert” ideation with the introduction of its new Thick & Fluffy family members, Tiramisu and Strawberry Cheesecake. Will these vanguard vittles make me feel less conflicted about my B4D dilemma?

Well, they would if they were good, which they’re not, so they won’t.

Where do they go wrong, you’re asking? Let’s take a deeper dive.

Eggo Thick  Fluffy Tiramisu and Strawberry Cheesecake Waffles Frozen

First of all, these things don’t cook properly. At least, not in a toaster — aka, the place where you generally cook Eggo waffles. Much like the problematic Pillsbury Toaster Strudel, the Thick & Fluffy waffle cooks unevenly, leaving pockets of cold tundra surrounded by peninsulas of heat. The directions suggest toasting it on the lowest setting (!) And that “two cookings may be required.” I’m sorry… no? The point of a frozen waffle — or strudel, or Pop Tart — is that I can be ready to rock with that thing with very little foreplay. (I mean, in theory, anyway.) Same goes for the second suggested cooking method, a conventional oven. What is this, Kellogg’s, the slow food movement?

But anyway, all of this cooking nonsense would be forgivable if the waffles came out enjoyable. And they just don’t.

Eggo Thick  Fluffy Strawberry Cheesecake Waffles Warmed

I tried each kind plain, straight from the toaster, and then covered in butter and syrup. The Strawberry Cheesecake had a decent artificial strawberry flavoring (owing to the inclusion of dried strawberries, no doubt), but there was nothing there that even began to suggest “cheesecake.” Despite its flaws — the batter was bland, it could’ve used considerably more strawberries, and I was promised cheesecake, dammit — it did hold up better to butter and syrup than the tiramisu.

Eggo Thick  Fluffy Tiramisu Waffles Warmed

The tiramisu was definitely better, though, don’t get me wrong. The box promised “cocoa and roasted coffee” flavoring, and it had that. The coffee flavor was subtle and accompanied by the tiniest hint of chocolate. Straight from the toaster, they were okay. But something peculiar happened when adorned with butter and syrup, though. They turned into totally plain tasting Eggo waffles. The mild coffee tones were made obsolete.

As a fan of eating breakfast for dessert, I was excited about these waffles conceptually. As someone who doesn’t like to eat bad things, though, I ended up disappointed.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 11.6 oz boxes/6 waffles
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Tiramisu), 4 out of 10 (Strawberry Cheesecake)
Nutrition Facts: (1 waffle) Tiramisu – 160 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 260 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar (including 7 grams added sugars), and 3 grams of protein. Strawberry Cheesecake – 160 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 240 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar (including 9 grams added sugars), and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Nestle Sensations Kellogg’s Froot Loops Cereal Flavored Milk

Nestle Sensations Kellogg s Froot Loops Cereal Flavored Milk Bottle

What is Nestle Sensations Kellogg’s Froot Loops Cereal Flavored Milk?

It’s the follow-up to last year’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cinnamilk, and Froot Loops’ latest march towards being part of a complete everything else that’s not breakfast.

How is it?

Nestle Sensations Kellogg s Froot Loops Cereal Flavored Milk Top

It has an aroma that reminds me of Froot Loops, and it nails the cereal’s flavor. But it’s much milder than I thought it would be. I mean, it tastes like the milk that’s at the bottom of the bowl after eating Froot Loops. That’s fine, but I was hoping there would be less milk taste and more cereal flavor. I guess I wanted it to be as strong as eating Froot Loops in milk, but without the cereal, if that makes sense.

Anything else you need to know?

This might sound weird, but don’t pour this into a glass. Drink it straight from the bottle. My first taste of this came from that mug above, and when I took a sip, it was hard for my taste buds to notice the fruity flavor. (Yes, I did shake it.) But it was much more noticeable when drinking it from the bottle. I’m sure there’s some food science-y thing that involves having my nose over the bottle’s spout that causes the flavors to stand out more or something like that.

Also, with a General Mills cereal-flavored milk last year and a Kellogg’s variety this year, will Post will get one next year? Or maybe Quaker will get one? Cap’n Crunch Cereal Milk sounds delightful, but NOT Crunch Berries-flavored milk. I don’t want that.

Also, holy cow! This milk has 14 grams of protein.

Conclusion:

Nestle Sensations’ Kellogg’s Froot Loops Cereal Flavored Milk does capture that bottom of the bowl milk flavor, but there’s not enough of a cereal punch to make me want to follow my nose to drink another.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 14 fl oz
Purchased at: Received from Nestle
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 bottle) 250 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber 39 grams of sugar (includes 18 grams of added sugar), and 14 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Nestle Coffee mate Golden Graham and Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Treats Creamer

Nestle Coffee mate Golden Grahams Creamer Bottles

It’s fascinating that cereals from competing companies are two of Coffee mate’s new creamer flavors — General Mills’ Golden Grahams and Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Treats.

I don’t know if the behind the scenes there were awkward moments where the Coffee mate person who makes these deals had to explain to the cereal people that Coffee mate is also going to offer at the same time a creamer that’s flavored like a competitor’s cereal. I also don’t know if those moments were followed with an “Oops. Tee hee hee. No backsies.”

The cereal choices are also fascinating. One has marshmallow flavor and the other has graham flavor, and if you’re doing the snack math in your head, we’re some chocolate away from s’mores.

I’ll get back to that creamer mixology in a moment, but let’s talk about them individually.

It’s been a year or two since I’ve last had Golden Grahams cereal, but the moment I put my nose above the creamer’s spout, it immediately registered as the classic cereal. When I sampled it sans coffee, it hit my taste buds with a Golden Grahams flavor that’s stronger than the cereal itself. It would make the Golden Grahams mascot proud, whatever it is. Has there ever been one? Anyhoo, in my cold brew coffee, that flavor is still noticeable, but obviously milder because it’s competing with the coffee’s flavor.

Nestle Coffee mate Rice Krispies Treats Creamer Bottle

As for the Rice Krispies Treats one, it smells exactly like the marshmallow and rice cereal treat, but I can’t say the same about its taste. In coffee, it gives my daily cold brew a marshmallow flavor that pops, but there’s no Snap, Crackle, or Pop. Though, it’s not surprising since I couldn’t taste any cereal when I drank it straight out of the bottle like a good product reviewer should. With just a marshmallow flavor, it reminds me of another coffee creamer I’ve had, but I’m not sure which one. I’ve had a lot. Maybe I’m thinking of the s’mores-flavored creamer or the Peeps one I had a few years ago.

Nestle Coffee mate S mores Mashup

Speaking of s’mores, let’s now find out how combining the two with a bit of chocolate will turn out. Fortunately, I had some Hershey’s syrup sitting in my fridge like a good product reviewer should. After some trial and error, mixing two tablespoons of each creamer with one tablespoon of Hershey’s syrup got me a balanced s’mores flavor in my coffee and a lot of sugar. It was definitely better tasting than the s’more-flavored creamer I mentioned earlier that lacked a graham flavor.

Now I don’t know if Coffee mate decided to release these two flavors at the same time to encourage shoppers to buy both so that they can make s’mores-flavored coffee, but I’ll just make the folks there look good by saying they did. After trying them separately and together (with chocolate) in several cups of coffee, I’ve enjoyed these creamers either way and I recommend giving them a try.

DISCLOSURE: I received free product samples from Coffee mate. Doing so did not influence my review. I know it totally reads like it did, but I assure you it did not.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 32 fl oz bottles
Purchased at: Received from Coffee mate
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Golden Grahams), 7 out of 10 (Rice Krispies Treats)
Nutrition Facts: (1 tbsp) 35 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of sugar, 5 grams of added sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Frosted Boston Creme Donut and Frosted Apple Fritter Pop-Tarts

Frosted Boston Creme Donut and Frosted Apple Fritter Pop Tarts

On a website full of reviewers devoted to seeking out the greatest junk food, claiming any sort of donut expertise would involve Icarus-level hubris, and I’m not trying to drown in a sea of comments. However, as a native Bay Stater turned Southern California resident, I’ve spent my life in two places that are well known for the treat and feel comfortable claiming a deep love for doughnuts, which I spelled in full to pay proper respect. And of all the varieties that can make up a delicious dozen, someone from Massachusetts especially appreciates the donut shop staples that inspired the two newest Pop-Tarts: the Boston cream donut and the apple fritter. I was excited to see how they fared in toaster pastry form.

Frosted Boston Creme Donut Pop Tarts Icing

Let’s start with the Frosted Boston Creme Donut. I was skeptical because the bakery item this ‘Tart is based on is no slouch. We’re talking about the official state donut of the home of Dunkin’ Donuts here. But they certainly smelled like a Boston cream donut in the foil and looked exactly as a Pop-Tart version would and should. After taking a bite, I had to admit it was pretty close. The chocolate on top was too mild to evoke the thick frosting that would be on a donut but tasted nice. The custard filling was rich with hints of butterscotch, though achingly, unflinchingly sweet. I wouldn’t want to eat this for breakfast. But I never eat Boston cream donuts before noon, either.

Frosted Boston Creme Donut Pop Tarts Split

I’m not sure if heating up Boston cream donuts is a thing, but of the four ways one can enjoy a Pop-Tart according to the box (as-is, frozen, microwaved, and toasted), I thought toasted was the clear winner. It really intensified the chocolate flavor and made for a more balanced bite.

Frosted Apple Fritter Pop Tarts Icing

The Frosted Apple Fritter Pop-Tart felt like very comfortable territory for the brand. Fruit and frosting is a no-brainer for them at this point, and one could argue this was a little phoned-in. It smelled like any basic apple baked good but was not easily recognizable as an apple fritter. I had a similar feeling about the flavor. Knowing what it was supposed to taste like, I could convince myself that the frosting was like the hearty coating of glaze on a good fritter. The dried apples that found themselves in the “Contains 2% or less of” section of the ingredients packed a wonderful sharp appley punch (next level food science) that seemed to be coated in the same cinnamon as the chunks that dot the real thing. If I’m being honest with myself? This was just a very good apple Pop-Tart.

Frosted Apple Fritter Pop Tarts Split

If you need this one to taste like a fritter, I did find freezing it brought it closer to its namesake’s flavor profile. If you want to have a great time and don’t care about the name on the box, toast it. Hot apple cinnamon filling never hurt anybody. Okay, never hurt anybody patient enough to let it cool down enough first.

When I reflected on them as a pair, I realized the flavors were technically successful but shared the same fatal flaw: they aren’t exclusively donut flavors to begin with. The apples in a fritter are reminiscent of pie filling, and the Boston cream donut is unapologetically supposed to taste like a type of cake. Those flavors paired with a crumbly pastry crust? Well, to loosely quote a line said to a fellow donut lover on The Simpsons, ’tis a fine pie/cake Pop-Tart, but sure ‘tis no donut Pop-Tart.

So, they miss out on the same respect I pay doughnuts. But I do respect Pop-Tarts for always trying to give us offerings that are both comfortingly familiar and intriguingly unexpected.

Purchased Price: $3.29 (Both)
Size: 8-pack box (Both)
Purchased at: Shaw’s (Both)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Frosted Boston Creme Donut), 7 out of 10 (Frosted Apple Fritter)
Nutrition Facts: (2 pastries) Frosted Boston Creme Donut – 370 calories, 9 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 70 grams of total carbohydrates, 31 grams of total sugars, 1 gram of fiber, and 4 grams of protein. Frosted Apple Fritter – 370 calories, 9 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 69 grams of total carbohydrates, 29 grams of total sugars, 1 gram of fiber, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Eggo Frosted Maple Flavor Pop-Tarts

Eggo Frosted Maple Pop Tarts Box

Oreo seems to get all the hype, but I’m not sure any snack brand has had more flavor variations over the years than Pop-Tarts.

Sure, I could probably look that up and get you exact figures, but I’m too lazy. After all, I DID eat a Pop-Tart for breakfast today.

To be fair, Pop-Tarts may be a “lazy” breakfast, but they are the KINGS of lazy on-the-go breakfasts, and that’s exactly why I’ve always appreciated them.

Don’t feel like putting forth even the slightest bit of cooking effort? Grab an ol’ reliable Pop-Tart. You’ll still feel like you actually ate breakfast, especially now that they’ve teamed up with another breakfast staple, Eggo.

A handheld pastry that tastes like Eggo waffles? Sounds like a hall of fame “lazy” breakfast to me.

Eggo Frosted Maple Pop Tarts Frosting

Well, it sounded like one at least…

I wouldn’t necessarily say these BURST with flavor. They do a decent job toeing the line between the two familiar experiences each brand brings to the table, but I’m a little baffled.

I wanted to be waffled.

Eggo Frosted Maple Pop Tarts Split

You get some maple syrup, but it’s cut with that very distinct Pop-Tart crust taste and texture. Imagine pouring Pop-Tart crust batter into a waffle iron. It tastes wayyyyy more like Pop-Tart than waffle, to the point “Eggo” just feels there in name only. “Eggo” must only be repping the maple flavor because these only kinda taste like Hint o’ Waffles.

There’s a dab of “butteriness” in there too, which I liked. I thought maybe the yellow icing was butter flavored, but upon isolating it, it just had a generic sugary flavor. I guess that butter also came from the crust, and maybe that’s ultimately where the “waffle” plays in.

Pop-Tart pastry is just the dominant flavor, even more so than the maple filling and icing, which makes these kinda bland overall. They smell like maple, though, which is always a welcome aroma.

Eggo Frosted Maple Pop Tarts Toasted

I’m not a huge toasted Pop-Tart guy, I usually just go pouch to mouth, but this seemed as good a flavor as any to eat warm. The toaster didn’t really improve the experience, but hey, at least I managed to burn my palm on the scolding hot icing!

So yeah, whether you lazily eat your Pop-Tarts right out of the pouch or toast them, these just come away tasting like mildly sweet Maple Pop-Tarts. They’re not terrible. They’re mid-tier, and I like them better than the Maple Bacon flavor from a few years ago. That being said, they’re still disappointing since they almost accomplished what they set out to do.

I bought 16 of these things, so they’ll stick around for a bit, but I don’t necessarily mind knowing I’ll have ’em there for some future lazy mornings. I may even get adventurous and use them as bread in an egg and sausage sandwich at some point… if I have the energy. Meh, maybe I won’t. Who knows? I’m going to take a nap.

Purchased Price: $4.14
Size: 16-pack box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 pastries) 380 calories, 12 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 330 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of total carbohydrates, 30 grams of total sugars, 0 grams of fiber, and 4 grams of protein.