Vin – The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: Mother’s Frosted Cookies Made with Nerds

Vin / July 13, 2026 / Reviews / Leave a Comment

My initial plan for this review was to write a parody of Danzig’s seminal hit song, “Mother.”

After tasting a few of Mother’s new Frosted Animal Cookies with Nerds, I realized the words didn’t even need to change.

“Mother,

Can you keep them in the dark for life?
Can you hide them from the waiting world?
Ohhhhh, MOTHER!”

It’s more like, “oh, brother!” These cookies should’ve been kept in the dark for life. They should’ve been hidden from the waiting world. Do you hear that, Mother?

These stink worse than the zoo animals they’re shaped like.

On the surface iced shortbread cookies skimpily dotted with Nerds sounds like a lot of fun. I was ready to have a great time and let my inner child out, but these are an atrocity against both man and beast.

The cookies are coated in a waxy substance that tastes like… maybe a light berry flavor? I have no idea. I’m guessing because they’re painted like a “one boy, one girl Twin” birth reveal. The inner shortbread cookie is red, for some reason. I guess we’re cool with food dyes again, because that’s basically the entire ingredient list.

And don’t you dare ask Mother about the flavor, because all she tells us is that they are “sweet and tangy.” While Nerds do add a little tang to the equation, there aren’t enough Nerds big or flavorful enough to stand out over the gross wax-cing.

The icing literally tastes like wax, and the cookies have a bad texture too. They’re too hard. I’ve had frosted animal cookies in the past, probably from this brand, and I swear they weren’t this terrible.

As you can see I bought these during the recent heatwave. They were in the car for all of a half hour, with AC, and still melted into a massive ball of animal carnage. I guess it’s a rule that all circus animals be treated poorly.

“But if you wanna find hell with me
I can show you what it’s like!”

It’s like this massive cookie Katamari. Worst Nerds Cluster ever!

If I have to highlight some positives, how about the fun classic animal shapes? I think I saw a lion, a bunny that was probably a big Nerd mascot? A camel perhaps. The fabled Chupacabra? Is that Slimer from Ghostbusters? I don’t know, I couldn’t really tell even before they were all just an amorphous pink and blue glob of Nerds measles.

Nerds! That’s a positive. We love Nerds! Well, this must be the “Revenge of the Nerds” I keep hearing about. Mother doesn’t do them any favors, but I genuinely don’t think Nerds would work as a sprinkle on even the best cookies.

“Tell your children not to understand!”

I genuinely don’t even think kids will like these. If my mother baked these, I would have emancipated.

Danzig couldn’t really sum up my ultimate feelings – only one man could.

To quote the legendary thespian, Samuel L. Jackson:

“MOTHER F-rosted Cookies with Nerds are simply not it.”

May have misquoted him. Call your mother!

Purchased Price: $3.74
Size: 9 oz package
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 2 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (7 Cookies) 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Banana Frosty Swirl

Vin / June 26, 2026 / Reviews / 1 Comment

Ladies and Gentleminions, Wendy’s is back with another Blendy.

Well, they would be if they just agreed to call it that. Yeah, it’s technically called a “Frosty Swirl,” but I’m not gonna let that little restraining order get in the way of calling it a Blendy.

What are they gonna do, restrain me again? Order me around like some Minion?

In the business, they call that an “expert segue.” Not me though. I call it an “expert segway” because I prefer the dumb-guy spelling of the word, and it’s well established that I’m a rebel.

Know who else are rebels? The Minions. Call me Paul Blart, because I am a Segway expert!

Yup, we’ve got ourselves a collab between Wendy and the new film, Minions and Monsters, and you’ll never guess what flavor it is.

You guessed it, Bottom! No wait, the other word the Minions say, Banana!

As an ardent banana defender, I feel it is my duty to stick up for any and all banana-flavored snacks. I love almost all of them. … not sure I loved this one.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s vanilla ice cream with banana syrup. It’s not bad, it’s just not what it could’ve been. As much as it pains me to admit, I don’t think bananas work as a syrup.

I can’t recall the last time I had a Vanilla Frosty, but I really just think this was ice cream. I’ve broken down the consistency of the Frosty in past reviews, and this lacked that little bit of “grainy ice” texture that is uniquely Frosty. It tasted good, but that was a bad start.

I wasn’t exactly swimming in banana syrup swirl, but it was probably for the better. In isolation, it tasted okay, but it was a very highly concentrated flavor. I wouldn’t say it was natural or “Banana Runt” artificial, but right in banana purgatory. (Sidenote: Banana Runts are amazing, stop slandering them.)

I didn’t love the consistency here. It’s essentially the same as chocolate syrup, and it was a little strange when coupled with a banana flavor. I don’t know why, but thick, gooey banana syrup just doesn’t hit the same.

There was also a sour finish to the syrup, but once I mixed it up, it tasted alright. That said, the ratio was such that the vanilla just took over completely, and it got pretty boring like the 3rd act of Despicable Me 4 – a movie I definitely saw.

All things considered, it’s decent, and it’s definitely a cute collaboration. Who doesn’t like the Minions? They’re still funny. Hearing one say, “Allo Wendy” in the commercial is comedy, but this Blendy leaned a little closer to tragedy.

My ultimate takeaway was – why didn’t Wendy’s just make a Banana Frosty?! Why are we trying to “McFlurry” this? Is Wendy’s corporate the eponymous Monsters? Just make a delicious, grainy iced Banana Frosty! It was right there!

After I had that epiphany, I realized I was more disappointed than I initially thought, and I honestly no longer saw the allure.

… I shoulda said “appeal.” It was right there!

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: Small
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 370 calories, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 65 grams of total carbohydrates, 56 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Fast Food Ice Cream Wendy's

REVIEW: Miller Lite Beer Cheese Burger and Beer-Battered Onion Rings Pringles

Vin / June 18, 2026 / Reviews / 2 Comments

There’s nothing better after a long week than kicking off my boots and cracking open a can of… Pringles potato crisps. Maybe even two, I ain’t drivin’.

I’m a big Pringles guy. Not THE Pringles guy – that’s Julius Pringle, everyone’s favorite mustachioed egg – but I do love me some Pringles. I’m also a beer guy, so when I heard Pringles and Miller Lite were reteaming for some new flavors, I knew I had to pop.

Coming off the collaborative launch of Beer-Braised Steak, Beer Can Chicken, and Grilled Beer Brat last summer, the two iconic brands are back with Beer Cheese Burger and Beer-Battered Onion Rings.

I won’t lie. I don’t remember loving the drop last year. They were some of the few Pringles that didn’t do it for me. With that said, this year’s flavors seemed much more intriguing.

So, did Julius Pringle turn these Miller Lites into Killer Bites?

No, he’s a fictional disembodied head. He didn’t do anything. Pringles and Miller did, however, make some decent crisps.

I’ll start with the weirder, less successful of the two – Beer Cheese Burger.

They smelled like a McDonald’s cheeseburger, but ended up tasting a lot worse than even that. It was like a “fake” hamburger on a stale bun. I kept thinking of when Lunchables tried to add burgers to its line of “edible” snack boxes. It’s just an odd beefy flavor with a little ketchup and the “breadiness” that I assume comes from the pilsner of it all. The cheese doesn’t really pop like I assumed it would, but it still has a “lite” essence of standard Cheddar Pringles. I honestly didn’t even like them, yet I popped, and I couldn’t stop. They got me. I found them addictive. It was a very similar experience to actual Miller Lites. “A fine Pilsner.”

Pretty mid, but “what do you expect from a beer that tastes like water?!” – the most obnoxious guy at the BBQ.

Now, as for the Beer-Battered Onion Rings? These were good, almost great.

They smelled awesome, like authentically fried onion rings.

They somehow managed to capture the fried taste as well, which I found impressive. They really evoke crispy onion ring batter. I swear the crisps themselves even seemed lighter and crispier, but they’re absolute onion bombs. There is a ton of onion powder happening here. It may be overwhelming to some. Luckily, I wasn’t smooching on anyone after eating these, or at any point really. *stares longingly into the distance.*

Oh, what the hell, even the obnoxious guy is smooching on someone!

The beer isn’t as prominent here. They have that lingering stale breadiness, so that’s where the Miller peaks through. It’s a really nice, unique taste – not quite sour cream and onion, not quite onion and garlic, not quite Funyuns. They’re their own flavor.

I also picked up the Beer-Braised Steak flavor, and they’re just as mid as I remember. They’re the most bitter of the three and have a “bloody meat” taste. Skip ‘em.

Despite varying levels of success, these three made for a fun flight of beer Pringles. I ate too many and got a little Chipfaced… pardon me for being uncouth, Crispfaced.

They all stay with ya. Definitely not the most pleasant of aftertastes. They actually made me want a beer, but I’ve been trying to cut back. It’s gonna be a while before I have an I.P.A. (India Pale Ale) and I.P.A. (Ingest Pringles Again).

Purchased Price: $2.27 each
Size: 5.5 oz cans
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Beer-Battered Onion Ring), 5 out of 10 (Beer Cheese Burger)
Nutrition Facts: (14 crisps) 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 230 milligrams of sodium (Burger has 220), 17 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of total sugars, less than 1 gram of fiber, and 1 gram of protein.

Chips Pringles

REVIEW: Red Bull Summer Edition Sudachi Lime Energy Drink

Vin / May 28, 2026 / Reviews / 1 Comment

Whether you consider Memorial Day the start of summer, or you’re a stickler who waits until late June to be more official… you’re wrong and you should feel bad.

It is well established that Red Bull decides the seasons. When Red Bull says it’s summer, it’s summer. The Summer Edition is out now. It’s summer.

So you can keep your holiday benchmarks, your solstices, and your equinoxes, because the only time to acknowledge a quarter of the year passing by is when Red Bull stamps it on a can.

With that, Red Bull bids farewell to Sakura Spring and welcomes in Sudachi Summer.

“What the heck is Sudachi Summer?”

Good question.

Iono. It must be an obscure fruit if spellcheck doesn’t even recognize it.

It’s either a type of lime or a fruit similar to a lime. If you’re a fan of lime, then maybe you’ll like Red Bull’s new Summer Edition, Sudachi Lime. I do, and I did not. More on that later.

After researching “Sudachi,” I’m still not sure whether this flavor is “Sudachi AND Lime” or just a “Sudachi Lime.” Either way, a sudachi is a small, green Japanese citrus fruit known for its sharp, refreshing, and intense aroma.

It’s pronounced “Soo-daa-chee” and not “Sue Dockey,” who was a neighborhood acquaintance of my mom’s growing up. Nasty lady. Didn’t like my “hoodlum skateboard.”

Anyway, I think lime alone is underrated. It lives in lemon’s shadow and has seemingly lost its stronghold on the color green to fruits like apples and watermelon, but for me, it’s “S” tier. I always find it refreshing despite the acidity.

I love sharp lime flavor, and was really excited for this release, but I’m afraid this might as well be Red Bull’s Bummer Edition. *ohhhhhhh* I’d rather drink Summer’s Eve. *oh… no*

Sudachi Lime is one of the least Red Bull-tasting Red Bulls I’ve ever had.

This is not an “S,” but it tastes like a bad attempt at one of those “S” citrus sodas. Ya know, like Sprite, Seven-up, Splunk, Sun Drop, Surge, Slice, Slurp Sawse, Super Slurp Sawse, Starry, Slurm, Splink, Squirt… it isn’t better than any of ‘em.

You get lime, but it doesn’t “bite” like I wanted it to. It never tasted as “spritzy” as a usual Red Bull, either. It’s a little too sweet, and I didn’t find it all that refreshing.

For a fruit described as having a “unique spicy, peppery flavor,” I didn’t really sense the sudachi much either. Lime inherently has a little of those profiles, but I wouldn’t say it’s very noticeable here.

I really wanted this to have more of a natural lime pop instead of just a vague citrus sweetness, but it was too much, even in this Sugar Free edition. I was thirstier afterward.

There’s probably enough lime for it to be passable to some, but I just don’t think I’m into the “sudachi” of it all. Clearly, this isn’t my favorite. It’s not quite as nasty as Sue Dockey, but it’s not good either.

I don’t encourage imbibing, but I could see this working as a really good mixer. Just please drink responsibly, and have a great Red Bull Summer.

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: 8.4 fl oz can
Purchased at: Wawa
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 15 calories, 0 grams of fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of total sugars, 0 grams of protein.

Beverage Energy Drink Red Bull

REVIEW: Doritos Protein Nachos Cheese Tortilla Chips

Vin / May 1, 2026 / Reviews / 4 Comments

I really wanted to rant about the meaty-oric rise of protein snacks.

I wanted this review to drip with sarcasm and cynicism about brands slapping a measly gram or two of protein into their recipes and deceptively marketing their junk as some kind of quasi-health food.

I wanted to get on my soapbox and give a FED Talk about how we’re all being bamboozled into believing that a little protein turns everything into a “fitness hack,” but then I realized, it would be I who is the hack.

I’m not anti-tein, I’m pro-tein!

(Please remind me to never say that out loud.)

I feel like we’re close to reaching a tipping point. Maybe it’s just me, but my algorithm has been taken over by influencers screaming at me to add more protein to my diet. Big Protein is locked in on me. It’s stressing me out… and when I’m stressed, I gorge on snacks… snacks like new Doritos Protein!

Who’s ready to get yoked on nacho cheese dust?!

Protein chips aren’t an untapped market, but they’re still fairly new. I like Quest Tortilla Chips, but of the maybe ten flavors I’ve tried, I’d probably only recommend about three.

It shouldn’t shock you to learn that Doritos probably just released the best tasting protein chip. However, if you’re expecting a classic Dorito, I’d temper my excitement a bit.

A serving is ten chips and ten grams of protein, which really isn’t terrible. It’s not Quest-level, but it’s more than a lot of cash grab “PROTEIN” boasting snack releases from legacy brands.

They’re made with casein protein, which is derived from milk. I know what you’re thinking, “No whey!?” Way, it’s casein. Not a bad protein source.

You’re getting eight more grams of protein and nine fewer carbs per serving of these versus regular Doritos. That’s good! If you’re expecting gainz, you’ll get ‘em, but only in the bad way you’d get said gainz with regular Doritos, because everything else is basically the same.

As for the taste, they’re like a solid knockoff of Doritos. The nacho flavor – which they should have called “Macho Cheese,” IMHO (in my hacky opinion) – is close, but you’ll still think you’re eating cheaper alternatives. Something is off, and it’s likely due to the texture.

These are thicker, crunchier, and drier than the regular tortilla chip. They’re like stale, double-fried “restaurant style” Doritos, with a nacho flavor that seems a little spicier because of how dry they make your mouth.

The protein chip textural experience is never a pleasant one. They mash down into a long-lasting, gritty protein paste that turns into cement in your teeth, and I absolutely hate that.

All in all, I guess these are a mild success? We all wanna think we’re living healthier, right? Like me today, I did Bis and Tris! I went to the gym, struggled through a few sets of biceps, and then ate about forty Doritos triangles.

Ya know what, I don’t even know if I recommend these. I didn’t feel particularly satiated. They look like Doritos, smell like Doritos, but in the end, I just yearned for real Doritos. Maybe stick with a small bag of the NKD Doritos and add an extra half scoop of powder to your protein shake.

Purchased Price: $4.47
Size: 7 oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (10 chips) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 150 milligrams of sodium, 8 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of total sugars, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 10 grams of protein.

Chips Doritos Frito-Lay

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