REVIEW: Sprite Chill Mango Citrus

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Brrr. It's Sprite Chill Mango Citrus

As I’ve espoused many times over the years now, on this very platform and in the world at large, I love flavored soda. Why settle for Coke when you can add cherry and vanilla? Dr Pepper is fine, but when you add strawberries and cream, it’s even finer.

I have, however, not found this to be the case with Sprite. First, I should probably note that I am an irregular consumer of Sprite. I don’t dislike it, I just don’t often choose it when there is soda to be chosen. I have to be in a decidedly Sprite-y mood.

And when it comes to flavored Sprite, my experiences have ranged from unremarkable (the Chill Strawberry Kiwi kind) to unenjoyable (I know people love it, but the Winter Spice Cranberry is too sour), to downright unpleasant (the original Sprite Chill—cherry lime—tastes like bad breath to me; I don’t know how else to describe it). So it was with no small measure of trepidation that I approached this bottle of new Sprite Chill: Mango Citrus.

Twisting the cap, I was met with a strong mango scent — so far, so good. The first sip is very Sprite-forward, but immediately after, you get a nice blast of mango with just the teeniest hint of citrus (I’m wondering if this was the “Chill”? I seem to recall the “Chill” being almost minty on the Cherry Lime version, but it has been a while.)

Sprite Chill Mango Citrus looks, unsurprisingly, like Sprite

The flavoring was subdued, and if I could make a change, it would be to incorporate a little more mango flavor. (The citrus level was fine, and I think if it were any more amplified, you’d lose even more of the mango, which is the true star.) It reminded me of the mango flavoring that was in Pepsi Mango, which, until I tried this Sprite, I’d honestly forgotten about. And that’s sad, because Pepsi Mango was really, really great.

My only beef is that I can only find the full sugar version, even though I know Sprite makes a zero sugar variety. That’ll keep me from buying this full sugar version again, honestly. But if you’re a sugared drink connoisseur, it’s absolutely worth checking out.

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: 20 fl oz bottle
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (20 oz) 240 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 64 grams of carbohydrates, 64 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Mr Pibb Thrillin’ Vanilla

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Mr Pibb Thrillin’ Vanilla bottle

I love Mr Pibb. Okay, or to be more precise, I loved Mr. Pibb. You know. 25 years ago, when it was Mr. Pibb. And then it became Pibb Xtra, and I loved that, too. I never noticed a flavor change when the rebranding occurred, but there are hardcore Pibb Purists who will tell you there absolutely was a distinct formula reconfiguration, and the original was either 1) way better than the newer version or 2) a horrific tragedy.

Again, I didn’t notice.

But now Mr Pibb is back from witness protection, or wherever he was, and Pibb Xtra has been relegated to that Great Soda Graveyard in the Sky. The new Mr Pibb is less “spicy” and has more caffeine. It also — much to my sadness — tastes almost indistinguishable from its primary competition, regular Dr Pepper. That’s right — I’m now firmly in the “Mr Pibb tastes noticeably different than Pibb Xtra, and Pibb Xtra is much better” camp.

It's "Kickin'" cherry, and don't you forget it.

The other thing Mr Pibb is bringing with him? New flavor profiles. For the first time ever, the “Kickin’” cherry cola (the bottle now touts its kickiness as opposed to its spiciness) is now available in “Punchin’ Peach” and “Thrillin’ Vanilla.” So if you get the peach flavor, you’re getting a punching, kicking cherry soda. Violently delicious! Anyway, I got the Vanilla kind because that’s the only one they had at QuikTrip.

Mr Pibb Thrillin’ Vanilla sitting on a desk.

The vanilla flavor is much milder than the vanilla I taste in Dr Pepper & Cream Soda. It wasn’t bad, by any means, just understated. The Mr Pibb taste was front and center, so your enjoyment of this product will probably depend on how much you like the flavor of the reintroduction. Because — as previously stated — I don’t like the new/old version compared to Pibb Xtra, I didn’t really find myself liking Thrillin’ Vanilla, either. Instead, I’m just saddened by what could have been. A vanilla (or peach) infused Pibb Xtra would have been absolutely divine. But as it stands, I won’t be sad to see this one go.

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: 20 fl oz bottle
Purchased at: QuikTrip
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (20 oz) 240 calories, 0 grams of fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 66 grams of carbohydrates, 66 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Chips Ahoy Brookie Baked Bites Review

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Chips Ahoy Brookie Baked Bites box

It feels as though we’re at a point evolutionarily where it’s odd when new foods are introduced. I’m not talking about when a pizza chain stuffs its crust with a new meat, or Taco Bell assembles four ingredients in a revolutionary way. I mean, when food scientists introduce a totally new, never-before-seen product.

Desserts have had a couple of notable ones over the last decade or so. You all probably remember the cronut craze that started in 2013 when NY pastry chef Dominique Ansel mated a donut with a croissant. And around that same time—either slightly before or slightly after (internet records are sketchy)—somebody somewhere bred a brownie with a cookie. You might know it as a brookie.

Why did it take thousands of years for this delightful abomination to happen? I have no idea. But once it did, the horses were out of the barn. Now, the gluttonously sugared bricks are available essentially wherever desserts are found. That said, not all brookies are created equal. For every Killer Brownie version, there are, well, whatever the hell Chips Ahoy is doing here.

While I didn’t have the highest of hopes—Chips Ahoy is a middling pre-packaged cookie, after all—I guess I was expecting something better than this.

There are 5-7 Chips Ahoy Brookie Baked Bites per pack

There are 5-7 irregularly sized squares in each package and several packages within the box. There is no discernible difference that I could taste between the brownie and the cookie. They have a pleasantly soft texture with a slight amount of chew, but that’s where the positive notes end. The taste itself is bland. It is vaguely chocolate-like in nature, but there’s no nuance. The best chocolate chip cookies have a hint of salt, but there’s none of that here. It barely tastes like there’s even any sugar. The first thing I thought when I took a bite was, “Are these diet?” And I don’t mean diet as though they’ve been infused with an artificial sweetener. I mean diet as in it tastes like half the sugar was cut out of it.

I couldn’t finish a package, and it probably goes without saying that I damn sure won’t finish the box. These are destined to languish deep within the recesses of my pantry, only to be uncovered upon my death, or my home sale—whichever occurs first.

NOTE: We also reviewed the Blondie version, which was just as bad.

Purchased Price: $4.28
Size: 7 oz box/5 1.4 oz packs
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 2 out of 10
Nutrition Facts:(1 pack) 180 calories, 8 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Little Debbie Banana Puddin’ Creme Pies

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Little Debbie Banana Puddin’ Creme Pies box

There are two types of people in this world: people who love artificially flavored banana foodstuffs, and people who are just wrong. Over time, however, I learned to align myself with these banana haters. Their distaste, in the simplest sense, means more for me. More Banana Laffy Taffy. More Banana Runts. If it’s banana-flavored and you don’t want it, I’ll take it.

Therefore, I was very excited to see Little Debbie’s new Banana Puddin’ Creme Pies. Though Debbie doesn’t generally stray much from her usual lineup of tried-and-true offerings, she has been known—on a rare occasion—to get a little frisky in the kitchen. And while I’ve never found these dalliances to be very good, they’re always worth a couple of bucks.

I should have stifled my enthusiasm and saved my money.

Little Debbie Banana Puddin’ Creme Pies' not very good wafers

Opening the package, I had hope. The artificial banana aroma is strong, but that’s where the magic begins and ends. The outer sandwich layer—meant to mimic the classic banana pudding inclusion of ‘Nilla Wafers—had sufficient vanilla taste, but the cake itself was dry and lifeless, like a slightly mushy rice cake or a moistened piece of cheap toast. It’s been a while since I had Debbie’s Oatmeal Creme Pies, but those cakes—in my mind, at least—are moist and maybe even pleasantly greasy, true little discs of sugared beauty. These spongy cakes, on the other hand, were only slightly better than the thin layer of banana-flavored grit paste in the middle. The artificial banana flavor was present in the paste—I’ll die before I call this a “creme” or “cream” or anything remotely close—but it was beaten into submission by the bland tastes and textures around it.

Little Debbie Banana Puddin’ Creme Pies' artificial banana creme filling

The idea of a handheld banana pudding creme pie is a good one, and I encourage restaurateurs to try their hands at the Southern-inspired sweet. Debbie, however, should stick to what she does best—Fudge Rounds, Oatmeal Creme Pies, and the other things that’ve been around for oh, half a century or more. She’s never been much of an innovator, and sometimes, there’s no shame in giving up.

Purchased Price: $3.18
Size: 9.57 oz box/8 sandwiches
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cake) 150 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cap’n Crunch’s Mystery Crunch Cereal

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Cap’n Crunch’s Mystery Crunch Cereal box

Little in this world appeals more to my suburban, middle-aged dad sense of adventure than a mystery food product. It’s a little like living on the edge, only if the edge is about as sharp as an end-cap at the Piggly Wiggly. Look, you can die on the track at a NASCAR Fantasy Camp weekend, or break a fibula playing pickup basketball, but the worst that can happen with a mystery product is that you end up out a few bucks if your Pop-Tart turns out to be century egg-flavored.

The problem with a mystery product, though, is that I don’t think I’ve ever gotten closure. Over the years, I’ve gulped many a strange Mountain Dew, and eaten mysterious cereals and snack cakes galore, and not once do I remember hearing later what the mystery flavor turned out to be. Where do they even announce these things? The Nightly News with David Muir? A special newspaper I’m not privy to, like The Gourmand Gazette?

Cap’n Crunch’s Mystery Crunch Cereal back of box

In the case of Cap’n Crunch’s new Mystery Crunch, the thing is, I’m not sure I care enough to go back later and try to figure it out. It’s just… boring. The box has some clues, I guess, depicting the Cap’n on a fruit-filled island holding a scroll listing “Fruity? Coconut. Vanilla? Creamy” with “coconut” crossed out and “creamy” circled. Oh, and there’s a crab drinking a red beverage out of a glass bottle. (Is the flavor Crab Juice?! Hmm. Now I’m hungry for a stick of fresh Khlav Kalash.)

Cap’n Crunch’s Mystery Crunch Cereal in a bowl

I will say, I tried the cereal before studying the box, and my thoughts went like this, in order:

It’s… plain Cap’n Crunch?

Oh, wait, there’s a weird, extra sweetness.

I think that’s coconut? Maybe?

Okay, it’s actually a little orange-ish. Orange-ish, but also still some coconut.

Therefore, for no reason other than the fact that I need to enter something to enter the sweepstakes using the QR code on the back—so I can win a Yeti, a chair, a speaker, or possibly an Airbnb gift card—I’m going to say that the mastery flavor is Boring Tropical Creamsicle. And then I’ll sit back and relax until April when… Lester Holt will tell me on the evening news? A proclamation will be made by the three wealthiest kings in Europe? Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll go to my grave never knowing what this damn flavor was.

Purchased Price: $4.97
Size: 22.1 oz box (Family Size)
Rating: 5 out of 10
Purchased at: Walmart
Nutrition Facts: (38 grams) 150 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

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