Author: Brandon

REVIEW: Doritos Golden Sriracha

Brandon 3 Comments

A few years ago — or you know, a decade or so ago (time is a construct which escapes me) — sriracha was the flavor du jour. Mad food scientists in R&D for all the big food conglomerates were busy sticking the angry chili sauce in all of their products. McDonald’s did it. Taco Bell did it. Cheez-It and Pringles imbued their respective crackers and crisps with the much-beloved condiment.

Heck, even Doritos traveled down this road in 2019 with its Screamin’ Sriracha offering.

And so, a scant five years later and apparently running low on ideas, they’re back in an attempt to reignite snackers’ passion for the spicy sauce. Is this new version any different? And in a world packed with choices hoping to capture your snacking dollar, are they worth a go?

Well, the answer to the first question is a definite, “I don’t know, but it certainly looks that way?” I didn’t have the first iteration (I honestly don’t even recall seeing them in my area), but looking at pictures from our very own review five years back, the initial Sriracha Doritos were, well, “screamin’.” Violently red and absolutely blasted with seasoning, this was a very different chip.

The 2025 variant, by comparison, is a soft yellow color with mild, minimal seasoning specks. And, truth be told, it’s a pretty mild flavoring overall. If you’re familiar with sriracha, you know the drill — tangy, a bit vinegary, a little garlicky background, and the heat. This chip captures the tang pretty well — a sweet, ketchup-like zing — but I’m afraid it misses a lot of the nuanced undertones that make sriracha work so well. There’s a bit of vinegar, sure, but it’s slight. I don’t notice anything of a garlic nature. The heat kicks in on the back end of the first chip and is milder than the eponymous sauce, so if you can tolerate at least the teensiest bit of heat, these should pose no problem.

In the end, I found myself wishing these chips were just more. More seasoned. More fiery. More interesting. As it stands, if you’re looking for heat, you’d be better served choosing from Doritos Flamin’ Hot versions. And if you’re looking for a Doritos with sriracha flavor, might I suggest applying actual sriracha sauce to a regular Doritos chip? Because if you’ve never done that, you should.

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 9.25 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (28 g) 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cheerios Protein Cereal

Brandon 6 Comments

We’re fast approaching the start of a new year, a demarcation of time in which many people across the globe resolve to change something about their habits or behaviors in an effort to improve themselves. They make a resolution, as it were, in the New Year. And while a lot of these resolutions involve giving something up— junk food, smoking, illegal cockfighting— others are about adopting something new— exercising, speaking out against illegal cockfighting, a healthier diet.

And as health aficionados the world over will tell you, protein, for most people in most situations, is pretty healthy. General Mills knows this and is adding protein to its already “heart-healthy” Cheerios to capture some of that sweet Resolution Cash. The new protein-packed cereals come in two versions— Cinnamon and Strawberry. I tried both.

Strawberry

Opening the Strawberry bag, I was hit with an overwhelming aroma of, well, strawberry. Visually, they’re also a little pink, but not blindingly so. One thing that threw me for a loop with my first bite was just how crunchy these are. While I’m not a regular Cheerios consumer, I have been known to eat a bowl of Honey Nut when the mood strikes, and they’re definitely not as crunchy as these new heavily protein-ed versions. The strawberry taste is very subtle, which seems to suit Cheerios — given that they’re not known for being cloyingly sweet in the first place.

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (37g) 150 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (11 grams of added sugar), and 8 grams of protein.

Cinnamon

The Cinnamon kind doesn’t have as strong of a cinnamon scent, but the actual cinnamon TASTE is a bit stronger, so if you like cinnamon-flavored things, you’re in luck. Texturally, they’re about the same — incredibly crunchy. But as an avowed cinnamon lover, these ended up a point higher than their fruity brethren.

Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (37g) 150 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (12 grams of added sugar), and 8 grams of protein.

Overall, these taste great. But the selling point, really, is the protein, right? A cup of these (the standard cereal serving that seems impossibly tiny when accurately measured out) is good for eight grams. What else gets you eight grams of protein in the morning? A single large egg is around 6-7 grams, so a couple of those would put you over. A cup of Greek yogurt will get you well beyond eight grams. A couple of spoons of peanut butter will do the trick. Regular oatmeal is a tick under, but close.

The point is that plenty of typical breakfast foods are good protein sources. But if you don’t have time to whip up some eggs — and you don’t wanna drink them Rocky-style raw — new Protein Cheerios are a reasonably decent (and tasty!) solution. That said, most of the foods I listed above have significantly less added sugar. Despite the decent amount of protein, these things are sugary-sweet, on par with the sugariest things the Cap’n, the Rabbit, or the uh, Cinnamon Toaster (?) have to offer.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Purchased at: Hy-Vee

REVIEW: Cheez-It Snap’d Extra Crunchy Margherita Pizza

Brandon 1 Comment

If I was exploring a seaside cave in Northern California, or maybe Oregon, and came across a magic genie lamp, and a genie came out and granted me three wishes, one of those wishes would be for Keebler to bring back Pizzeria Pizza Chips. (Any of the flavors would do, frankly.) Once that was solved, I’d turn my attention toward world peace and ending global hunger and that sort of stuff.

But the Pizzarias would be first.

I love pizza-flavored things. Though it is distinctly its own flavor — and mostly only shares its name with its namesake — there’s something uniquely wonderful about the combination of garlic, onion, and tomato powders, plus the oregano and strange fake mozzarella extracts that make up the taste. To borrow a tired cliche, I would eat a pizza-flavored shoe if you gave me one.

So it was with great joy that I saw the new Cheez-It’s Snap’d Extra Crunchy Margherita Pizza crackers on our “to-review” list.

First, a few housekeeping notes. 1) I have never had Cheez-It Snap’ds. 2) Or is it just a Cheez-It Snap’d? 3) If I’m attributing ownership, is it Cheez-It Snap’d’s _____? 4) Why did they do this pesky apostrophe? 5) Anyway, my original point was that I’ve never had this particular type of Cheez-It, so I don’t know how much crunchier the “extra crunchy” version is as opposed to the “standard crunch” kind. These were pretty damn crunchy, though, so if you have an aversion to crunch as a texture or perhaps as a noise, these will be problematic. While I don’t like hearing other people crunch, I’m totally cool with doing it myself, so I enjoyed this aspect.

The other thing I enjoyed, probably quite obviously, is the pizza taste. While I didn’t necessarily denote nuances of “Margherita pizza” — you know, the whole fresh mozzarella and basil thing — these had a very distinct pizza flavoring. But it was a pretty generic pizza taste. (Which, again, I enjoy. Immensely.) I wish the pizza powder was upped by about 10%, though. I think that would have elevated the score by a point or so. As it is, the flavor is fairly mild.

And so, really, that’s the tale of the Snap’d Extra Crunchy Margherita Pizza crackers. If you like crunchy things with a mild pizza taste and don’t mind unnecessarily weird apostrophes, you’ll probably enjoy these.

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 7.5 oz
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (30 g) 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, 0 grams of added sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Peanut Butter & Jelly M&M’s

Brandon 5 Comments

In my never-ending quest to be cool, I’m a “Full-sized-Candy-Bar-at-Halloween-Guy.” The thing about it is that I get approximately ten trick-or-treaters on an average Halloween. (15 in a real bustling year.) My neighborhood is mostly filled with extremely old people whose grandchildren are beyond trick-or-treating age. This means I end up with a whole bunch of full-sized candy bars. And while that sounds amazing, it really just means that I head into the Holiday Fattening Season carrying more weight than I wanted.

All this to say, I really didn’t want to like new Peanut Butter & Jelly M&M’s. I didn’t need to like them. Oh sure, I enjoy Peanut Butter M&M’s, but I was holding out hope that the inclusion of jelly would somehow render these inedible and disappointing.

I was wrong.

Peanut Butter & Jelly M&M’s aren’t far off from the Peanut Butter M&M’s you already know, but the addition of jelly is a welcome touch. (Though, I cannot, for the life of me, tell what KIND of jelly it is, so don’t ask.) Each M has the customary peanut butter/chocolate vibe, but then there’s just a pinch of fruity sweetness. The food scientists at Mars did a fine job of making sure the jelly wasn’t too light or too overwhelming, either one of which could’ve totally ruined the new variety.

It’s worth noting that M&M’s has been here before. In 2009, it introduced Strawberried Peanut Butter M&M’s, which is, frankly, a terrible name. But I believe these are probably about the same from a conceptual standpoint. (I didn’t have them in ’09, though, so I can’t vouch for their similarity/difference. But I mean, even if I had tried them 15 years ago, it’s extremely unlikely I would remember how they taste.)

One thing that is a little different about these M&M’s is that there are only red, dark brown, and light brown (Or gold? Off-yellow?) candies. So if you’re someone who’s really into the green or the blue M&M’s, my deepest condolences; you’re out of luck. But if you like the regular Peanut Butter M&M’s and don’t mind a drab color pallet when it comes to your bite-size chocolate candy choices, you’ll wanna check these out before they leave shelves. Or just wait for 2039 when they come back with another name.

Purchased Price: $4.78
Size: 8.6 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz.) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, including 13 grams of added sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Blue Bell Chocolate Brownie Truffle Ice Cream

Brandon 5 Comments

The term “one of the most delightful things I’ve ever put in my mouth” gets thrown around a lot these days. Well, that, or I’m prone to exaggeration. But believe me when I tell you that Blue Bell’s new Chocolate Brownie Truffle Ice Cream is one of the most delightful things I’ve ever put in my mouth.

Having said this, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m by no means an ice cream snob; I’ll just as soon happily consume a pint of “frozen dairy dessert” or whatever lots of brands sell these days that can’t qualify as actual “ice cream.” So maybe it’s just me– maybe all Blue Bell is this great. (I don’t know that I’ve had a ton of it, truthfully, though I did try and really enjoy the recent Cinnamon Twist variety. Also, let it be entered into the record that I am a cinnamon ice cream fiend, particularly when said cinnamon ice cream contains chunks of a) cinnamon roll dough or b) churros.

Anyway, how can you go wrong with chocolate ice cream teeming with chunks of brownie and hunks of chocolate truffles? The ice cream itself is creamy and silky. The brownies are slightly chewy and decadent. The truffles are… well, okay, if I have one beef, it’s that the chocolate shell of the truffle pieces is pretty thick. In its frozen state, it’s a pretty jarring textural disposition. It’s, “mmm, chewy brownie, yum, silky soft ice cream, BOOM, molar rattling truffle.” Truly, though, it’s a minor complaint– “Boo-hoo, I wish this delicious chocolate truffle shell was a bit thinner.”

Okay, but if you’ll permit me another minor complaint— and again, it feels as silly as complaining about a singular errant brush stroke on a masterpiece of a painting— it’s that this ice cream is rich. My sweet tooth is strong, and I rarely find things to be too much, but a regular serving of this stuff wears me out. But honestly, that’s probably not the worst thing from a waistline standpoint. It’s fall treat/pumpkin spice season, and I’m starting to look like the subject of a Francisco Botero work. (To continue the Fine Arts theme for the art nerds in the house.)

Purchased Price: $8.32
Size: Half-gallon
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 Cup) 280 calories, 14 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 30 grams of sugar, including 25 grams of added sugar, and 5 grams of protein.