Author: Brandon

REVIEW: Blue Bell Chocolate Brownie Truffle Ice Cream

Brandon 4 Comments

The term “one of the most delightful things I’ve ever put in my mouth” gets thrown around a lot these days. Well, that, or I’m prone to exaggeration. But believe me when I tell you that Blue Bell’s new Chocolate Brownie Truffle Ice Cream is one of the most delightful things I’ve ever put in my mouth.

Having said this, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m by no means an ice cream snob; I’ll just as soon happily consume a pint of “frozen dairy dessert” or whatever lots of brands sell these days that can’t qualify as actual “ice cream.” So maybe it’s just me– maybe all Blue Bell is this great. (I don’t know that I’ve had a ton of it, truthfully, though I did try and really enjoy the recent Cinnamon Twist variety. Also, let it be entered into the record that I am a cinnamon ice cream fiend, particularly when said cinnamon ice cream contains chunks of a) cinnamon roll dough or b) churros.

Anyway, how can you go wrong with chocolate ice cream teeming with chunks of brownie and hunks of chocolate truffles? The ice cream itself is creamy and silky. The brownies are slightly chewy and decadent. The truffles are… well, okay, if I have one beef, it’s that the chocolate shell of the truffle pieces is pretty thick. In its frozen state, it’s a pretty jarring textural disposition. It’s, “mmm, chewy brownie, yum, silky soft ice cream, BOOM, molar rattling truffle.” Truly, though, it’s a minor complaint– “Boo-hoo, I wish this delicious chocolate truffle shell was a bit thinner.”

Okay, but if you’ll permit me another minor complaint— and again, it feels as silly as complaining about a singular errant brush stroke on a masterpiece of a painting— it’s that this ice cream is rich. My sweet tooth is strong, and I rarely find things to be too much, but a regular serving of this stuff wears me out. But honestly, that’s probably not the worst thing from a waistline standpoint. It’s fall treat/pumpkin spice season, and I’m starting to look like the subject of a Francisco Botero work. (To continue the Fine Arts theme for the art nerds in the house.)

Purchased Price: $8.32
Size: Half-gallon
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 Cup) 280 calories, 14 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 30 grams of sugar, including 25 grams of added sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Oreo Coca-Cola Zero Sugar

Brandon 9 Comments

Like a wide-eyed kid away at college, far from home for the first time in their life, Coca-Cola is going through a bit of an experimental phase. Over the past year or so, it mixed its classic carbonation with DJs and conceptual artists, with abstract ideas and intangible tastes like “space.” But like that same aforementioned college kid, things have mostly returned to normal. Well, except first they wanna try one last thing, okay?

Partnering with Oreo for a collaboration that—ahem—swings both ways, the bold and daring can now get Oreo cookies that taste like Coke and Coke that tastes like Oreo cookies. I love flavored Coca-Cola—even when they’re bad, they’re at least fun—so I was eager to drink the cookie.

Cracking open a mini can, I was assaulted by the aroma of, well, Oreo. I took a tiny sip, and yep, there it was: I was totally drinking the famous creme-filled chocolate wafer cookie. As the artificial chocolate flavor coated the inside of my mouth like some greasy sugar juice, I got the tiniest hint of good old-fashioned Coca-Cola, then a crashing wave of aspartame and acesulfame potassium.

The artificial sweetener in this hits HARD. I’m a regular Coke Zero drinker, so it’s not that I’m not used to it; something about the balance in the Oreo Coke, though, is different. I’ve had the same thing happen in some of the other limited edition Coke Zero Sugar flavors, and honestly, it makes it too much. It reminds me of being a kid and accidentally being given a Diet Coke at a fast food place. When I was young and unaccustomed to the artificial tang, that first sip was like getting slapped in the mouth.

And unfortunately, I felt it really hindered my enjoyment of this otherwise fun flavor.

Oreo Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is a fun idea and nothing more. If you’re a Coke completist or someone who likes trying new and unusual things, and you see a bottle, grab it. It’s worth a couple of bucks, and who knows, it may be your new favorite thing. (A lot of chatter I’ve read online so far seems to really put me in the minority, so, as the adage goes, your mileage may be different than mine.)

Purchased Price: $5.98
Size: 10-pack mini cans
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and less than 0 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Hershey’s Milk Chocolate with Waffle Cone Pieces Bar

Brandon 11 Comments

With a legacy spanning approximately 500 years—give or take a few centuries—one would assume that Hershey has produced more than a fair amount of limited editions in the history of its iconic chocolate bar. And that assumption, like the fact that I am prone to gross exaggeration with regard to time, would be true.

While we all know—and to varying degrees love— the standard deviations (Cookies ‘n’ Creme, “with almonds,” and Symphony), do you recall Cookies ‘n’ Chocolate, Cookies ’n’ Mint, Strawberries ’n’ Creme, Raspberries ’n’ Creme, or any of the Twosomes (Reese’s Pieces, Whoppers, and Heath)? Me either! But if you’re like me—hankering for some pieces of stuff in your chocolate bar— the good folks from Pennsylvania are here for us.

About this new treat, Hershey’s website says, “Extra creamy milk chocolate and crunchy waffle cone pieces all in one bar? Who says you can’t have it all?” And then 181 more words about this candy bar. Seriously. 181! It’s a dessert-tation, really. I felt myself nodding off midway through.

Was the candy bar enough to awaken both me AND my tastebuds? Sadly, it was not.

Everyone has had a Hershey bar, so I won’t spend any time describing that. It’s a pretty straightforward American version of chocolate that few outside of the States can stand, and even snootier American chocolate connoisseurs find off-putting at best.

So the real variable here is the pieces of waffle cone. And the verdict? They add texture, but that’s about it. They seemingly do nothing in terms of taste— likely because the pieces are so small. I found myself wondering, what’s the point here? I mean, waffle cones are incredible, and I like Hershey Bars. While the combination should be a win-win, there’s just not enough substance here for it to be anything other than “ho-hum.” It’s a chocolate bar, which makes it consumable, but beyond that, it’s pretty pointless.

Maybe next time Hershey will do something a little more inventive than Chocolate ’n’ Waffle Cone. Until then, I suppose I’ll just remain Bored ‘n’ Disappointed.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 2.5 oz bar (King Size)
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/2 pack) 170 calories, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic Smasher

Brandon 9 Comments

If you’ve read any of the Sonic reviews I’ve written for this site over the past eight years, you’ll:

  1. Know that I tend to love nearly everything I try.
  2. Possibly recall the one time I said Sonic is better than In-N-Out.
  3. Probably discounted anything else I’ve subsequently said on account of B.

In my defense, I will once again point out—as I do each time—that it is one magical Sonic location in particular; I know that not all stores are created equal, and, in the parlance of online absolution, “your mileage may vary.”

It was with this predisposition of enjoyment that I tried the new Sonic Smasher, which features “two Angus beef, seasoned patties smashed and seared, crispy on the edges and juicy in the middle… two slices of melty American cheese, a creamy, tangy Smasher sauce, crinkle-cut pickles, diced onions, and…a pillowy soft potato bun.”

So, you know, a smashburger. With special sauce.

Pretty standard stuff.

That said, HOLY HELL was this delicious.

The patties—delightfully thin and crispy around the edges—had a beautifully earthy beef flavor, far better than any other major chain’s patty. The cheese was your standard fast food American, but it melted exquisitely into the meat. The sauce was a pretty run-of-the-mill burger sauce, Thousand Island-style, but maybe a bit sweeter than the sauce from the Sad Clown’s Big Mac. The next time I get one (which can’t come soon enough), I might try regular mayo; Sonic does good mayonnaise, and it is my preferred burger sauce. The onions were perfect, and while I’m not typically a pickle guy, these were leagues better than the regular floppy discs that adorn most chain burgers. (Though I will say, I feel like many places have upgraded their pickles over the past year or two, so maybe these are par for the course.)

My only complaint about this burger is that I didn’t go three patties. Well, and maybe also that I’m of an age where I shouldn’t responsibly consume more than one of these a month. But if my heart health was of no concern, I’d eat one of these a week, easy. I genuinely hope that Sonic keeps these around for the long haul and that you have a Sonic near you as good as the one on 91st.

Purchased Price: $6.59
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 600 calories, 37 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 1530 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 35 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Hostess Mystery Flavor Twinkies

Brandon 13 Comments

Unless he commits a series of particularly heinous murders or, god forbid, becomes an elected official, it stands to reason that we will not know the name Dude Dad in five years. (To be frank, I didn’t know it before buying this box of Twinkies.) Like 98% of all modern day internet characters, he is transient by nature, and will be gone as quickly as he appeared, a mildly concerning but short-lived rash in YouTube form.

It is fitting, then, that he is the spokesdude for Twinkies’ new mystery flavor; mystery flavors, be they for soda or snack cake, are not made with permanence in mind. Instead, they exist as a quick way for their brand to make a buck when all of their standard offerings are lagging.

So what IS Twinkies’ new mystery flavor? Opening my first package, I got a slight odor of “mildly burning plastic.” That dissipated quickly, however, and I was left with the scent of straight-up Twinkie. The spongy outer cake is traditional Twinkie, so no clue there. The cream, however, was distinctly different from a traditional Twinkie filling and, quite honestly, all over the map. My first thought was, “Oh, this is just cream cheese flavored?” And then, “No, wait— this is definitely berry.” By my third dip, I was convinced it was something tropical—pineapple, perhaps—but I was getting cotton candy notes by the fourth taste.

In the end, I had no idea. I tried the filling from two more Twinkies and had similarly diverging tastes each time. I even managed to add Key Lime and “something citrusy” to my list of guesses, and if I had to absolutely wager on something, I’d go with “Key Lime pie.” I’ll keep trying to guess because, hey, these are pretty decent, so I don’t mind having to eat them. (It’s worth noting that if this is a Key Lime Twinkie, it wouldn’t be the first time. There was a Ghostbuster-related “Key Lime Slime” flavor in 2016, of which we said, “The lime flavor is very subtle. It tasted like a regular Twinkie with a faint citrus flavor.” Which, yeah, precisely—these too.)

Visiting Hostess’s Instagram didn’t help; comments on their post about the mystery flavor yielded a wide and hilariously diverse range of guesses, including Cherry Limeade, blue raspberry, Pina colada, bubble gum, Twizzler, raspberry lemonade, birthday cake, peanut butter fluff, and Swedish Fish, to name just a few.

Visiting Dude Dad’s Instagram helped even less. However, I did get to see him attempt a humorous video exploring the differences between state’s firework laws, one where his wife did a better job mowing than him, and one where he and his wife went rollerblading wearing loud 90’s attire while singing along to “This Is How We Do It.” I think I’ll add “How did this guy get 1 million followers” to my list of mysteries. Thanks for the double mystery, Hostess!

Purchased Price: $3.48
Size: 13.58 oz box/10 pack
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 cakes) 280 calories, 9 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 32 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.