REVIEW: Klondike Donuts

Klondike Donuts

Klondike Donuts would’ve been more impressive looking if they had the standard round shape of the fried treat instead of appearing like the food love child of a Dunkin’ donut and Wendy’s beef patty.

The line of frozen novelties come in three donut-inspired flavors — Boston Cream, Frosted Strawberry, and Triple Chocolate.

Klondike Donuts Boston Cream Shell

According to the Klondike website, Boston Cream is filled with sweet egg custard swirls and the flavor of a Boston Cream Donut, and it has a milk chocolatey coating with white chocolatey drizzles.

Let’s state the obvious: Boston Cream Donuts don’t have holes in them. That, plus the square shape, makes it look as if Klondike took a lot of liberties with what donuts are.

Klondike Donuts Boston Cream Shell Interior

The frozen dairy dessert with egg custard swirls does remind me of the filling of a Boston Cream Donut, but not as sweet. But the milk chocolatey coating helps convince my taste buds that it, as a whole, is similar to the filled donut.

Of the three, this was my second favorite of the bunch.

Klondike Donuts Frosted Strawberry Shell

Frosted Strawberry is inspired by a strawberry jelly filled donut. It has strawberry frozen dairy dessert, a strawberry swirl, milk chocolate coating, rainbow sprinkles… Wait, there are? (Looks at one) Oh, there are, but they’re partially hidden in the coating. There’s also a white chocolatey drizzle.

Klondike Donuts Frosted Strawberry Interior

What’s great about a jelly filled donut is how the flavor is potent when a bite is taken and the fruity filling oozes or squirts out. But this treat lacked that level of fruitiness. The chocolate almost completely hides the strawberry frozen dairy dessert from my taste buds. But all the blame shouldn’t be put on the shell alone. When I tried the pink frozen dessert by itself, it was milder than the strawberry in any Neapolitan ice cream I’ve had.

This was my least favorite of the three.

Klondike Donuts Triple Chocolate Shell

Finally, there’s Triple Chocolate, which is the best of the bunch. According to Klondike, it has a chocolate cakey fried donut flavor with a dark chocolatey coating, dark crunch pieces, and a milk chocolatey drizzle.

Klondike Donuts Triple Chocolate Interior

I assumed the frozen dessert had the “chocolate cake fried donut flavor.” But after trying it, it turns out that the creamy filling is the least chocolatey tasting part of the bar. Much like the previous two, the creamy interior has a mild taste. Instead, the fried donut comes from the dark chocolatey coating, dark crunch pieces, or both. However, to get that donut-like flavor when eating the treat whole, I had to savor each bite to pick up on the nuances in the bar that separate it from a typical dipped chocolate ice cream bar.

Like all Klondike treats, the coating isn’t too thick. So biting into them will cause fissions throughout the rest of the chocolate. So my Public Service Announcement to you is to eat them over a plate, the wrapper they come in, or a bowl of ice cream that could use some toppings.

Klondike Donuts are perfectly fine frozen dairy dessert novelties, especially the Boston Cream and Triple Chocolate varieties, since their flavors do somewhat make me think of the round treat.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free samples from Klondike/Unilever. Doing so did not influence my review in any way.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 6-pack
Purchased at: Received from Klondike
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Boston Cream), 5 out of 10 (Frosted Strawberry), 8 out of 10 (Triple Chocolate)
Nutrition Facts: (1 bar) Boston Cream – 230 calories, 12 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Frosted Strawberry – 230 calories, 12 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Triple Chocolate – 210 calories, 12 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Peanut Butter Chocolate Klondike Sandwiches

The Klondike Bar is an American frozen treat icon that has been helping generations consume more than 50 percent of their daily recommended intake of saturated fat for almost a century. It’s the 800-pound gorilla of chocolate-covered ice cream treats, which got to 800 pounds thanks to Klondike Bars.

It’s hard for a company to equal a product that has helped many gain cellulite in unflattering areas and has caused a number of people to post videos on YouTube showing what they would do for a Klondike Bar, but Klondike is going to try with their new Peanut Butter Chocolate Ice Cream Sandwiches.

Each square-shaped sandwich is made up of peanut butter-flavored light ice cream with a peanut butter and chocolate flavored swirl and chocolate chips between two chocolate wafers. They’re smaller than regular Klondike Bars in both size and the amount of saturated fat. An original Klondike bar has 11 grams of saturated fat, while this sandwich has three grams. However, I’m sure if the Klondike Sandwich was coated in a thick chocolatey shell, it would have a lot more saturated fat and would probably be awesome.

Unfortunately, the Peanut Butter Chocolate Klondike Sandwiches don’t have a thick chocolatey shell and without one they’re not very impressive, or in Klondike marketing speak, there isn’t anything I would do for a Peanut Butter Chocolate Klondike Sandwich. Wait. Actually, if the apocalypse were upon us and I had to do whatever it takes to stay alive, I’d kill a man for one and then eat the man I just killed, followed by the ice cream sandwich for dessert.

The flavor of the peanut butter ice cream was non-existent, like Kate Gosselin’s abilities to dance and to not look like a pushy bitch. The only peanut butter I could taste were from the peanut butter and chocolate swirls, which didn’t have any chocolate flavor and were more like globs than swirls. The chocolate chips did provide a different texture, but not much flavor. Thank goodness for the chocolate wafers, which not only brought the chocolate, but also were quite durable and didn’t stick to my fingers like the wafers do with other ice cream sandwiches.

Overall, I expected something a little bit better from Klondike. Their Peanut Butter Chocolate Ice Cream Sandwiches aren’t worth getting fat over.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 200 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 6% calcium and 2% iron.)

Item: Peanut Butter Chocolate Klondike Sandwiches
Price: $3.99
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Uses light ice cream. Less saturated fat than a regular Klondike Bar. Durable chocolate wafers. The Original Klondike Bar. Being the 800-pound gorilla.
Cons: Peanut butter ice cream had no flavor. Swirls were globs. Globs didn’t have any chocolate flavor. Not worth getting fat over. Kate Gosselin’s inability to dance and to not look like a pushy bitch.

REVIEW: Reese’s Klondike Bar

Reese's Klondike Bar

What would I do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar?

I think I’d do a lot for one, because they are pretty damn good with their Reese’s Peanut Butter-flavored ice cream and milk chocolate coating. They also apparently have Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces in the ice cream, but I didn’t see any in all of the six bars I had.

Unless, there weren’t pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Maybe there were molecules or atoms of Reese’s instead. Or perhaps quarks. Whatever amount of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups were in each Klondike Bar, it didn’t help make it taste much like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. If it had visible pieces though, I think it probably would’ve tasted more like a one. Even though it didn’t taste like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, as I said before, it’s pretty damn good.

It also would’ve been cool if the Reese’s Klondike Bar was shaped like a giant peanut butter cup. Instead it came in the typical missionary-position-boring Klondike Bar block shape.

Besides the lack of pieces of Reese’s, another thing I didn’t like about the Reese’s Klondike Bar was the fact that it melted pretty quickly while I ate it. But then again, I do live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and it’s 83 degrees outside, so I should’ve expected that.

Overall, I do think the Reese’s Klondike Bar rocks and I think the best way for me to explain how much I like these Reese’s Klondike Bars would be to sing a song. Just to let you know, my voice has the power to break windows. Although the reason why windows break whenever I sing is because of the people breaking them to quickly get far away from me as possible. In other words, I can’t sing.

So I’ll just write a song and you can make your own melody and sing it at your office, house, or American Idol audition.

The Reese’s Klondike Bar Song

For just one Reese’s Klondike Bar I probably won’t do much.
If I were a woman, “first base” is all I would let you touch.
For one, I’d let Kate Moss do lines of coke off my butt.
I’d even buy K-Fed’s CD and then kick him in the nuts.

For just two Reese’s Klondike Bars I wouldn’t sell my soul.
If I were at a nightclub, I would dance with a troll.
For two, I’d force Nicole Richie to eat more than a bread roll.
I’d even beg Britney Spears to use birth control.

For just three Reese’s Klondike Bars the list gets a little long.
Added to that list, is me doing a striptease in a thong.
For three, I’d boo whenever I hear a Creed or Clay Aiken song.
I’d even protect Naomi Campbell’s assistants when they do something wrong.

For just four Reese’s Klondike Bars there are many things I would do.
If I were in Australia, I’d get into a ring and fight a kangaroo.
For four, I’d shut Bill O’Reilly’s mouth with some tape and glue.
I’d even bitchslap Star Jones during a taping of The View.

For just five Reese’s Klondike Bars almost anything would be okay.
I’d put on a tight dress, clear high heels, and lacy lingerie.
For five, I’d watch The Tony Danza Show every single day.
I’d even try to find out if Tom Cruise is really gay.

For just six Reese’s Klondike Bars I’d do everything and more.
For elderly, handicapped, and MILFs, I’d hold open a door.
For six, I’d touch one of Paris Hilton’s herpes or syphilis sores.
I’d even spend several dollars and buy Reese’s Klondike Bars from the store.

That’s what I would do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Anthony for letting me know about the Reese’s Klondike Bar.)

Item: Reese’s Klondike Bar
Price: $4.00 (on sale – Box of six)
Purchased At: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Damn good, despite not tasting like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Thick ice cream bar. Great to eat when it’s hot or when you’ve had your heart ripped out by an ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend. Actual Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
Cons: Didn’t see pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Gets messy when eating them on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Almost all the things I would do for a Reese’s Klondike Bar. My inability to sing.