REVIEW: Rehab Monster Green Tea

Arizona Green Tea with Ginseng and Honey is a beverage I pick up when I want something big, cheap, and sweet, but not too sweet. I usually drink it when I want to relax after a long day of yard work or being in the sun all day. This Rehab Monster Green Tea, with its 160 milligrams of caffeine, might be the drink that I consume if I’m getting ready for a day of pulling weeds, cutting grass, and trimming trees.

Along with the caffeine from Monster’s energy blend, Rehab Monster Green Tea also contains electrolytes, B vitamins, coconut water, milk thistle, and quercetin. What’s quercetin? That’s a good querstion. It’s a food supplement that helps boost immunity.

Before trying Rehab Monster Green Tea, I expected it to taste like an Arizona Green Tea but with a noticeable bitterness from Monster’s energy blend. And that was what popped into my head as the amber-colored beverage went down my gullet. If Arizona decided to make a green tea energy drink, I imagine it would taste similar. But since that doesn’t exist yet, if I have a hankering for a caffeinated iced green tea drink, this would be it. It’s sweet and tasty, but I wish its bitterness was less noticeable. I guess it’s hard to hide it when green tea has a light flavor.

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 15.5 fl oz can
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 15 calories, 0 grams of fat, 70 milligrams of sodium, 7 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of sugar (including 3 grams of added sugar), 0 grams of protein, and 160 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Monster Reserve Peaches N’ Crème Energy Drink

If Monster Ultra Peachy Keen with its peach gummy ring flavor didn’t exist, I could be convinced that this was peaches AND crème. But because they have similar flavor profiles, I question whether there’s any crème-iness. It doesn’t look creamy or have any flavor notes of something that could be considered “crème.” I hoped it would be there because Monster did it with its Reserve Orange Creamsicle.

If you’re unfamiliar with Monster Reserve, it’s basically the original Monster with a different flavor. The name makes it sound extravagant, like it uses spring water that’s been filtered through miles of volcanic rock or that it’s been crafted in gold vats by the most experienced energy drink brewers on Earth. But it’s just a way for Monster to come out with new flavors of its original energy drink.

Monster Reserve Peaches N’ Crème is basically a sugary version of Monster Ultra Peachy Keen, and that’s perfectly peachy keen with me. But would I drink this regularly over Ultra Peachy Keen? No, because if they’re equally enjoyable, why drink the one with more sugar? But that’s just me.

If you hate artificial sweeteners, you might think you’ll enjoy Reserve Peaches N’ Crème. However, I’d hate to burst your peach-shaped balloon, but this also has some sucralose, although it’s not noticeable.

Monster Reserve Peaches N’ Crème Energy Drink is a tasty addition to the Reserve line, even though it lacks a “crème” flavor.

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 16 oz can
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 360 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 28 grams of sugar (including 28 grams of added sugar), 0 grams of protein, and 160 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Monster Rio Punch Energy Juice

I thought about starting this review using the lyrics for Duran Duran’s song “Rio.” Who’s Duran Duran, you ask? And that is why I decided against the reference. But much like I can’t get the song “Rio” out of my head when I bring it up, I haven’t gotten the taste of Monster Energy’s Rio Punch out of my mind ever since drinking it.

According to the description on the side of the can, Rio Punch is a blend of exotic fruit flavors with a hint of spice. Scanning the ingredients list shows it’s flavored with papaya and mango purees. The can also says Brazil is home to over 70% of all fruits ever known, but I’m too lazy to fact-check that. Something else I’m unsure of is that “hint of spice.” Is there a hint? If there’s a hint, it’s as much of one as r4lkfot4$v2jhi4t2 is a hint to my bank’s password because all I taste are the fruits.

When poured into a glass, its orange hue makes it look like it’s flavored with papaya and mango, but it smells like a red fruit punch. There’s definitely a tropical vibe going on with this energy drink’s flavor. At first, it also tasted like a fruit punch, but with subsequent sips, I started tasting the individual fruits with the papaya being stronger than the mango. I’m not going to complain about that because mango is a common drink flavor, while the equally as delicious papaya isn’t. The more I drank this, the more I enjoyed it. Although, there’s a bit of an artificial sweetener finish, which takes away from the tasty start.

Like Monster Energy’s Ultra line, I can’t think of being disappointed with any Monster Juice product, which continues with Rio Punch. It has a great tropical flavor that I won’t soon forget, much like the lyrics to Duran Duran’s “Rio.” Although, I much prefer Pipeline Punch and Pacific Punch over this new flavor.

Purchase Monster Rio Punch on Amazon. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 16 oz can
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 140 calories, 0 grams of fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 33 grams of sugar (including 33 grams of added sugar), 0 grams of protein, and 160 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Monster Energy Ultra Fantasy Ruby Red

Grapefruit is not my favorite fruit because it makes my taste buds tap out the moment the fruit’s bitterness hits them. I can count the number of times I’ve had the citrus fruit with one hand. But if every grapefruit tasted as wonderful as this Monster Energy Ultra Fantasy Ruby Red Energy Drink, I would eat so many that counting them would quickly surpass all the digits attached to my body, all 21.5 of them.

Fantasy Ruby Red sounds like a name you’d see on a flyer passed out on the Las Vegas Strip, but calling it Ultra Grapefruit would’ve given it kind of a 60-year-old posing as a teenager vibe to it. The energy drink has a pleasant citrusy scent but didn’t immediately register as grapefruit to me. After a few more sniffs, I could pinpoint the fruit, but there’s a little something else fruity hitting my nose that I just can’t place.

The energy drink’s flavor could easily be mistaken for another fruit. It’s sweet with a bit of tartness, and there’s definitely none of the bitterness that grapefruit is known for. There were moments when I detected a hint of grapefruit, but if someone told me this was blood orange flavored, I’d believe them, ignoring the beverage’s not-blood-orange pink color.

While a tremendous tasting citrusy energy drink and definitely something I’ll buy again, I wouldn’t say I liked Fantasy Ruby Red as much as last year’s Strawberry Dreams. But if you accidentally pick this up instead of Strawberry Dreams because, at a quick glance, their pink cans could be confused for each other, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed with Fantasy Ruby Red.

Purchase Monster Energy Ultra Fantasy Ruby Red on Amazon. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 16 oz can
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 390 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of erythritol, 0 grams of protein, and 150 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Java Monster Cafe Latte

Java Monster’s new Café Latte doesn’t taste new to me because the moment the liquid hit my taste buds, I felt it was a canned coffee energy drink I’d had before. Maybe from Monster or Starbucks? At first, I thought it tasted like Java Monster Mean Bean. But after purchasing a can, comparing it side-by-side with Café Latte, and spending the rest of the day being overly productive and jittery with 400 milligrams of caffeine pumping through my veins, it turns out they’re not the same.

I’ll let the can introduce itself, “Gingerbread, cinnamon dolce, peppermint white mocha…your mobile app would even laugh at you for ordering that! For those of us who love their coffee the classic way comes Java Monster Café Latte. Coffee forward with the right amount of cream and sugar, then supercharged with the Monster Energy blend. Coffee done the Monster way, wide open, with a take no prisoners attitude and the experience and know-how to back it up.”

Um, wouldn’t the “classic way” be black?

Anyhoo, think of Café Latte as Mean Bean without the vanilla flavoring. The coffee taste is much more noticeable than with other Java Monster varieties, but it’s still so sugary and heavy on the cream that I think those who like to mask the coffee in their drinks will be satisfied. (Raises hand) I’ll gladly add Café Latte to my rotation of canned coffee energy drinks because it’s as tasty as any of the other Java Monster varieties, not including the Java Monster 300 line, which I find less flavorful. Now that I think about it, I’m surprised this didn’t roll out when Java Monster debuted or sometime over the past 16 years since then.

But my well caffeinated brain still doesn’t remember what specific drink this tastes like. I found a Reddit post that says it tastes like the discontinued Java Monster Kona Blend. It could be it, but I feel I’ve had it sooner than the last time I had Kona Blend, which was a long time ago. So I’m guessing it’s probably one of the Starbucks Doubleshot or Tripleshot energy drinks. I could find out by buying them all and comparing them, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my day AND evening wired.

Purchased Price: $3.19
Size: 15 fl oz can
Purchased at: Times Supermarket
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 220 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 3. grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 440 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 35 grams of sugar (including 24 grams of added sugar), 8 grams of protein, and 200 milligrams of caffeine.