REVIEW: Java Monster Oatmilk Farmer’s Oats

Java Monster Oatmilk Farmer s Oats

What is Java Monster Oatmilk Farmer’s Oats?

A new vegan-friendly Monster Java flavor using one of 2019’s trendiest beverages – oatmilk.

How is it?

I always avoid reading opinions about products I’m about to review, but I happened to stumble on a few super negative tweets that shocked me because I liked this just fine.

Upon cracking the can, I was met with a heartwarming smell that reminded me of Italian coffee hard candies my Grandmother used to eat, so maybe nostalgia blinded my opinion a little? (BTW, if that isn’t a perfect “Grandma Candy,” I don’t know what is.)

Java Monster Oatmilk Farmer s Oats Glass

The flavor wasn’t too far off from the other Monster coffees I’ve tried and enjoyed. I thought it was sweetened to perfection. The taste was faintly caramel with a little cinnamon – neither of which show up in the ingredients, but that’s what I got.

There’s a Rockstar Horchata flavor that it reminded me of a bit.

Is there anything else you need to know?

This may not sound like a ringing endorsement, but it was way thinner than I expected. The oatmilk I’ve tried had a pleasant viscosity to it, like a thicker almond milk, with a slightly stranger taste that really works.

That goes by the wayside here.

Java Monster Oatmilk Farmer s Oats Closeup

It kinda tasted like an iced coffee that sat around too long and got watered down, but still somehow held the initial flavor.

I got a faint taste of oatmilk, though, and I thought the finish was really nice. There was a non-cloying coating and aftertaste that reminded me of the flavor I get after demolishing a bowl of coffee ice cream.

Java Monster Oatmilk Farmer s Oats Artwork

Oh, and I did get a quick little boost of energy about 10 minutes after the last sip. It was short-lived, but that’s always the case for me and “energy” drinks. It’s not replacing my two morning cups of coffee in that department.


Java Monster Oatmilk Farmer s Oats Copy

Ignoring the cliché Vegan joke on the can – “Haha, Vegans always be talkin’ bout how they Vegan!” – I’m a fan, and probably a repeat buyer. It may not be the best Java Monster flavor, but it’s still a worthy addition to the team.

Maybe those tweets are right and I’m nuts, but this is worth a shot, and I will definitely be trying oatmilk in my coffee soon.

Purchased Price: $2.14
Size: 15 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (15 fl oz) 150 calories, 4 grams of fat, .5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 480 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 5 gram of dietary fiber, 25 grams of total sugars, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Reign Total Body Fuel by Monster Energy

Update 9/12/20: Added Lilikoi Lychee flavor.

In the world of performance energy drinks, there’s one leader — Bang. In the world of energy drinks, there is one leader — I don’t know who that is and I’m too lazy to look it up. If only there were drinks I could consume to give me some energy to do so.

It could be Red Bull. It could be Monster. Maybe Rockstar. Maybe Cocaine Energy Drink? But Monster is one of the heavy hitters in the energy drink universe.

So what are “performance energy drinks”? From what I can gather, they’re made for athletes to give them big boosts of energy that allow them to do things at a higher level. In order to do that, they have 300 milligrams of caffeine per can and contain supplements like coenzyme Q10 and branched-chain-amino acids.

While Bang is in the lead, Monster hopes to gain market share with its new Reign Total Body Fuel line. Yes, it’s not Monster Total Body Fuel, because who wants to use a well-recognized trademark over a name that sounds like a mobile game with lots of in-app purchases.

So Monster could have dipped its toes in the category, but it decided to make a splash by offering SIX flavors of Reign — Carnival Candy, Melon Mania, Lemon HDZ, Peach Fizz, Sour Apple, and Razzle Berry. They all have 300 milligrams of caffeine, 0 grams of sugar, 0 calories, no artificial colors (yes, they’re all clear), and no artificial flavors. In 2020, Lilikoi Lychee was added.

Lilikoi Lychee

Reign Total Body Fuel Lilikoi Lychee

(Added 9/12/20)

For those unfamiliar with lilikoi, perhaps you know it from its common name — passion fruit. For those unfamiliar with lychee, it’s quite possibly one of the most incredible fruits Mother Nature has given us. If you haven’t had it, you should definitely try it. Of course, my thoughts about the red flesh fruit might be hyperbole to some, but it’s one tasty fruit and a flavor that’s rarely seen in U.S. beverages, so I’m happy to see it in this.

The first sip has a sweet and robust lychee flavor that tastes like the perfect lychee. It’s divine. The lilikoi lingers somewhere in there, but all I care about is that lychee. Unfortunately, like some other Reign flavors, the next sip is less potent, but the lilikoi seems to be highlighted more. Again, if I give my taste buds a chance to reset themselves, the bold lychee flavor comes back.

Because of my love for lychee and how it dominates this flavor, I have to say that this is now my favorite Reign variety.

Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 230 milligrams of sodium, 3 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Carnival Candy

Reign Total Body Fuel Carnival Candy

When I took the first sip, I got a lot of cotton candy flavor, but that went away with the sips right after. Those had more of a general sweetness. There’s a little cotton candy in the aftertaste, but I want it whenever I’m drinking it because when it’s there, it’s quite lovely.

Now if you let your taste buds reset and not sip on it for a while, the cotton candy flavor will return briefly for that one sip and then go back to not tasting like the carnival treat. I have to say this was the one variety I was most looking forward to and it ended up being a little disappointing.

Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Sour Apple

Reign Total Body Fuel Sour Apple

This flavor has the same issue that Carnival Candy has. The first sip tastes like sour apple, but subsequent sips lose most of the apple flavoring, leaving a sweet and tart taste. But, again, let your taste buds rest a little, and the full fruity and sourness comes back for one sip. The sour apple flavor is good, but I wish it’s around for every sip.

Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Melon Mania

Reign Total Body Fuel Melon Mania

I was hoping this would be flavored like either a cantaloupe or honeydew melon because the world needs more of those, but the can’s color scheme makes it obvious it’s going to be watermelon. If you’re expecting it to taste similar to a Jolly Rancher hard candy, it’s not like that says my taste buds who are currently enjoying a watermelon Jolly Rancher because we just so happen to have some in our house. It’s better tasting than that. It’s like an enhanced version of watermelon flavoring.

Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Lemon HDZ

Reign Total Body Fuel Lemon HDZ

Because I’m uncool, I wasn’t sure what HDZ was, but I asked our Twitter followers, and they came up with the obvious answer — Heads. (Full disclosure: I thought it was Hards.) I thought this one would be like a lemonade, but it’s not quite that because there isn’t a noticeable sourness to it. I want to say lemon meringue because there’s something else to the flavor that I can’t quite put my finger on. Despite not knowing what it exactly tastes like, I enjoyed it.

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Peach Fizz

Reign Total Body Fuel Peach Fizz

If you enjoy peach-flavored gummies, then you’ll like this. It’s not overly flowery tasting like some peach products are. Its flavor reminded me of the Red Bull Peach Edition I had recently. Peach Fizz is my favorite of the bunch, but not by a lot over Melon Mania. (Update 9/12/20: It’s no longer my favorite. See Lilikoi Lychee.)

Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Razzle Berry

Reign Total Body Fuel Razzle Berry

This one tastes similar to other blue raspberry-flavored beverages I’ve had in that it’s fruity and slightly sour. It also reminds me of Carnival Candy, so some of the same natural flavors might’ve been used. Fortunately, unlike Carnival Candy, Razzle Berry’s flavor doesn’t fade with the second sip. As someone who enjoys Louie-Bloo Raspberry Otter Pops, it’s not surprising I liked the taste of this.

Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Even with the issues I experienced with some of the flavors, I have to say these were surprisingly good for drinks with zero sugar and calories. As someone who has consumed a lot of beverages sweetened with sucralose and ace-K, I could tell they have no sugar, but the flavors do great at hiding that fact.

Some of you might be wondering how these help with performance. I did not test that because the most laborious physical activity I do is an exercise called finger push-downs, which is otherwise known as typing.

Purchased Price: $2.99 each
Size: 16 fl. oz. cans
Purchased at: Target

REVIEW: Monster Energy Ultra Paradise

Monster Energy Ultra Paradise

What is Monster Energy Ultra Paradise?

Monster Energy just released “Paradise” as the newest addition to its sugar-free Ultra line of energy drinks. According to the back of the can, Monster Ultra Paradise delivers “Pure, Crisp, Invigorating Island Flavors.” The question is, what exactly is an island flavor?

Monster Energy Ultra Paradise 2

How is it?

I’m a frequent consumer of Monster Ultra, so I know the flavors can be difficult to place. Sure, Ultra Red kind of tastes like fruit punch, and Ultra Sunrise tastes vaguely orangish, but what flavor is Ultra Blue? Ultra Zero? Ultra Paradise at least gives us a hint that it’ll be tropically flavored.

Monster Energy Ultra Paradise 3

Upon opening, Ultra Paradise is a hazy light green color. The island flavor is… nondescript. Pineapple, maybe? Or maybe Pina Colada? Is the green color supposed to be a hint? It’s definitely tropical, but I still have no idea what that means exactly. You could tell me it was passion fruit flavored, and I’d believe you. (Full disclosure: those weird purple Starburst are the complete extent of my experience with passion fruit.)

Is there anything else you need to know?

Some varieties of Monster Ultra can be too sweet for my tastes, so I appreciate this one keeps it more subdued. It allows the citric acid tang to add a bit of a kick, which is appreciated when I’m looking for a pick-me-up.


When imbibing a caffeinated beverage, I’m mostly interested in its pharmacological effect. Most of the time that means coffee, but if I’m at a convenience store of questionable quality, with a pot of coffee that’s been there longer than the clerk, I may reach for an energy drink instead. Monster always gets the job done with 140 milligrams of caffeine, and Paradise fits in well with the rest of the Ultra options.

Purchased Price: $2.00
Size: 16 fl. oz. can
Purchased at: Festival Foods
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 160 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 gram of protein, 100% Niacin, 100% Vitamin B6, 100%, Vitamin B12, 100% Vitamin B5, and 140 mg of caffeine.

Click here to read our previous energy drink reviews.

REVIEW: Java Monster Swiss Chocolate

Java Monster Swiss Chocolate

What is the Java Monster Swiss Chocolate?

It promises “the taste of Swiss chocolate paired with premium coffee and cream and supercharged with our Monster Energy Blend.” It’s currently a Dollar General exclusive flavor.

How is it?

Java Monster Swiss Chocolate 2

When poured, the color is the same as heavily creamed coffee, with a scent to match. The java flavor is strong without being overpowering. It’s not as tooth-cracklingly sweet as some other pre-made coffee beverages I’ve had, though it still has a “syrupy” character.

As a regular energy drink consumer, I’m on the lookout for that medicinal energy drink aftertaste, the one that makes it seem like the manufacturer crushed up a multivitamin into your drink. I detect some, but it’s so small that it could easily be a sense memory of the hundreds of other energy drinks I’ve had.

Java Monster Swiss Chocolate 3

The chocolate flavor is very slight. I don’t want to alarm you, but it’s possible the chocolate element in this beverage actually has no connection at all to Switzerland, and “Swiss” was added to the name in an attempt to brand the product as more exotic and exciting than it really is. Shocking, I know. There’s so little of it here that I don’t think it deserves top billing, naming-wise.

Is there anything else you need to know?

I usually drink my coffee hot, so I was curious what would happen if I heated this in the microwave for a few seconds. I’m secretly hoping the added thermal energy will have some strange alchemical effect and transmute the Monster Energy Blend into a Jekyll/Hyde concoction, allowing me to unleash the beast within.

Alas, the beast must remain chained, as heating only has the effect of making it hotter. If anything, the heat distracts from the already very slight Monster Energy Blend flavor, turning this into a plain hot cup of joe.


Java Monster Swiss Chocolate delivers a decent coffee flavor with a slight chocolate note. It’s not bad but doesn’t separate itself from a hundred other options.

Purchased Price: $2.10
Size: 15 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Dollar General
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 210 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 440 milligrams of sodium, 500 milligrams of potassium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 35 of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Monster Pacific Punch Energy Juice

Monster Pacific Punch Energy Juice

What is the Monster Pacific Punch Energy Juice?

It’s a tropical fruit punch-flavored Monster Energy Juice that comes in a can that looks like the textbook margins of that person in the back of the class who’s great at drawing, but not good at paying attention in class.

It has more fruit than a Carmen Miranda hat (Google her). There’s orange juice concentrate, apple juice concentrate, raspberry juice concentrate, guava puree, cherry juice concentrate, pineapple juice concentrate, and passionfruit juice concentrate.

How is it?

I wondered how similar this would taste to Monster’s Pipeline Punch – one of my favorite Monster Energy flavors – because they both are tropical fruit punch. After drinking both, Pacific Punch leans more towards what most taste buds would associate with fruit punch. Think of it as carbonated Hawaiian Punch that’ll punch your heart with 160 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per can.

Monster Pacific Punch Energy Juice 2

Pipeline Punch tastes more “tropical” to me than Pacific Punch, but I enjoy both equally. I don’t know if this is a permanent addition to the Monster Juice lineup, but I hope it is because it’s really tasty.

Is there anything else I need to know?

It smells like a red popsicle.

I said it before, and I’ll say it again. Energy drink companies are getting really good at making their energy drinks not taste like energy drinks. And Pacific Punch is no exception. It was super easy to drink.


Another great job by Monster Energy. If you want a fruit punch with a caffeinated kick, Monster Pacific Punch is what you should be drinking.

Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 16 oz. can
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (16 oz.) 220 calories, 0 grams of fat, 80 milligrams of sodium, 54 grams of carbohydrates, 52 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.