QUICK REVIEW: 7-Eleven Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries Slurpee

7 Eleven Cap n Crunch s Crunch Berries Slurpee

What is it?

A strange marriage between 7-Eleven and the Cap’n to say the least – Crunch Berries Slurpee.

How is it?

I was skeptical, but this really hit the mark. They managed to “slurpitize” Cap’n Crunch Berries.

7 Eleven Cap n Crunch s Crunch Berries Slurpee 3

It was especially good for the first few sips while the ice was still crystallized. You get the classic Crunch Berries taste up front, but also a starchy cereal flavor. This is basically “Oops! All Berries” in Slurpee form, but I contend there is a hint of the corn cereal pieces in there as well that brought a nice dry finish to early sips.

While I’m pretty positive there’s no lactose element, they somehow managed to mimic a milky vanilla creaminess. It’s somehow both creamy and icy, but in no way like ice cream – if that makes sense. Just nod your head.

Those flavors paired with the fluffy slush reminded me a bit of cotton candy.

Is there anything else I need to know?

7 Eleven Cap n Crunch s Crunch Berries Slurpee 2

You probably need to be a fan of Crunch Berries to enjoy this. While I figured this was a berry-flavored frozen drink that they just slapped a familiar name on, it honestly tastes like full-blown Cap’n Crunch cereal.

It may be shocking to taste these flavors at this temperature, but I really dug it.

I would recommend getting a small because it’s best fresh from the machine. Once the ice melted, it became a slurry of pure syrup.


This is an ambitious partnership. I imagine it may be polarizing as it is definitely strange to taste cereal in frozen form, but I’d say give it a go. It won’t be around forever, and Slurpees cost a buck and change.

Some 7-Eleven stores are also selling exclusive Cap’n Crunch Slurpee T-shirts, and I won’t lie, I’m pretty mad I didn’t get one.

Oh, and be forewarned, you’re gonna have a blue tongue.

Purchased Price: $1.59
Size: Large
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Not available on 7-Eleven website.

REVIEW: 7-Eleven Birthday Cake Slurpee

7-Eleven Birthday Cake Slurpee

It’s Slurpee’s 50th birthday, and to celebrate, 7-Eleven has released a slew of celebratory products, from the Birthday Cake Slurpee I bought to Birthday Cake Cappuccinos and Slurpee doodle Pop-Tarts.

Heck, I’m surprised they didn’t inject their hot dogs with Funfetti, since those same dogs have probably been rolling under that heat lamp for the past 50 years anyway.

Since I rode my bicycle to 7-Eleven in the summer heat, I wouldn’t make it home in time without a birthday puddle in my cup. So I was forced to photograph my Birthday Cake Slurpee in front of pedestrians who looked at me like an escaped zoo animal.

But most of them were capturing Pokémon with their phones anyway, so I like to think my weird photo-shoot was hidden behind a Snorlax.

7-Eleven Birthday Cake Slurpee 2

My first Slurpee sip was more “funeral” than “birthday.” A flowing log flume of watered-down vanilla flavor cascaded through my mouth, and it was chased by a faint lemon zest. If nothing else, I give 7-Eleven’s mad food scientists credit for including a more subtle frosting note.

All debates about icing authenticity aside, the watery vanilla made an awful first impression. Iciness in a cola or fruity Slurpee is acceptable, because soda and fruit juice are things that actually occur in real life. But runny liquid vanilla paste tastes sadly unnatural, as if someone had cried all over a cake.

Maybe 7-Eleven accidentally booked “Prenuppo the Recently Divorced Clown” for Slurpee’s birthday party.

But it wasn’t all tears and tragedy, because the Slurpee actually improved as time and the laws of physics went on. Gravity sent the sweet ribbons of syrupy vanilla extract twisting to the bottom of the cup, while thermodynamics turned the slush into crystallized batter.

The increased vanilla flavor concentration made my Birthday Cake Slurpee considerably more pleasant, so I tried greedily Slurpee-ing down the remaining purée before it could metamorphose into something even more melted and sloppy.

I didn’t make it in time, though (damn you, sun!). I was soon left with a dizzyingly sweet concoction that made me grimace like the time I sipped straight from a vanilla extract bottle (damn you, tempting smell!). But all hope was not lost, because I still had reinforcements to call in.

7-Eleven Birthday Cake Slurpee 3

Slurpee’s birthday celebration also includes a new Birthday Cake Doughnut, and for only 99 cents, I couldn’t resist garnishing my Slurpee and turning myself into a gawk-worthy street performer.

I’m surprised no one tossed a handful of change into my Slurpee cup.

The dry and crumbly doughnut sucks up the “juices,” and the lightly golden-sweet pastry lends a welcome, floury yellow cake flavor to a Slurpee that’s otherwise pure frosting. Meanwhile, the ring’s own caked on icing provides a buttery pop that complements the drink’s vanilla and lemon combo.

This birthday is an afternoon-long affair, too. Even as I tried biking my calories off, an aftertaste of tangy vanilla custard lingered. And like any post-party funk, it was simultaneously uncomfortable, bittersweet, and a little sticky.

So while I was able to derive some enjoyment from its various ups and downs, this Birthday Cake Slurpee was just too high maintenance to ever be a repeat purchase. The Slurpee is barely worth a novelty buy, and I hope 7-Eleven tries a birthday cake milkshake for Slurpee’s 100th birthday party instead. It would be less texturally off-putting, and I likely won’t have any teeth left by then anyway.

Oh, and I hope they don’t hire that darn clown again. I think I saw the poor fella sleeping in his tiny car last night.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 fl oz – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.19
Size: Small
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Half-melted cake batter Slurpee abdomens. Spiraling vanilla tentacles. Using a doughnut like a paper umbrella. The sweet feeling of air conditioning on my vanilla-stained face.
Cons: “Crying Clown” cake flavoring. Custard hangovers. Shouting “I am not an animal!” to helpless passerby. Becoming a real life Snorlax after too many doughnuts. Frosting-filled frankfurters.

REVIEW: 7-Eleven Slurpee MixMaker Cup & Straw

7-Eleven Slurpee MixMaker Cup:Straw

I’m an old woman, out of touch with what the kids are doing these days. I see them texting while riding their bikes and shake my head. I hear they have video games with more than eight bits – what in the world?! And the music, it all sounds like the singer is giving a robot a blowjob. I hear it’s called autotuning or something. I have a cane and a lawn, and I’m ready to shake my fist and yell at those damn meddling kids.

While much may have changed since I was a kid, I have to believe that some things remain the same. One of those things is getting on your bike and hitting the nearest convenience store with a few bucks in your pocket. I’m pretty sure every kid has stood in front of the soda or slushie machine, cup in hand, wondering what magical beverage concoction they will create next. Will it be Mr. Pibb and Squirt? Barq’s and Lipton iced tea? Coke-flavored slushie and Hawaiian Punch? Maybe it’s one of those days where you’re feeling adventurous, and everybody jumps in the pool. That last one usually ends poorly.

That said, 7-Eleven has come up with a way to capture that experience while also protecting you from the pain of poor mixing decisions. At least, that’s the idea. The Slurpee MixMaker (which I keep referring to as “MixMaster”; I think it’s a much cooler name) Cup & Straw is a fun and ingenious way to mix your flavors, or, if you’re incredibly poor at decision making, have two different drinks in the same cup! Here’s how it works:

1. Grab a Slurpee MixMaker Cup, which is made of reusable plastic and has a wall down the middle that divides the cup into two separate chambers.

2. Fill each side with whatever the heck you want. It’s called the Slurpee MixMaker, but obviously you can choose whatever cold beverage you like. I went with Fanta Wild Cherry Slurpee and Summertime Lime Slurpee, because the latter sounded like a limited edition (or at least, seasonal) flavor, and people seem to enjoy cherry limeade.

3. Pop on a disposable lid and stick your reusable MixMaker Straw through the top, so that one straw lands on either side of the wall (duh).

Let me explain how the MixMaker itself operates: the two straws meet at a central hub, out of which sprouts a small single straw that delivers flavor to your mouth. The hub is where the magic happens – that adorable little representation of a Slurpee isn’t just for show. It actually rotates to the right, offering you four options: off, 1, 2, and mix.

7-Eleven Slurpee MixMaker DialSmart person that I am, it took me a moment to realize that trying to drink while having it in the off position was an exercise in futility. After my puny brain realized this, I started playing with the settings. I didn’t even realize they were labeled at first; the markings are so tiny that they were easy to miss. 7-Eleven is not really to blame for that; in my rush to experiment with the MixMaker before my entire Slurpee turned to liquid sugar, I neglected to read the instructions printed on the plastic wrapper that had previously enclosed the straw. Once I took a two second glance at them, things became clear.

“1” refers to the left chamber, if you’ve got the dial facing you. In my case, 1 held Fanta Cherry. That makes 2 Summertime lime in the right chamber, with mix as, obviously, a mixture of the two.

That would be well and good and worth at least five minutes of fun, except it doesn’t quite work as advertised. There’s a little nub on the bottom of the dial that’s designed to click into a corresponding depression that determines what setting you’re on, but they’re both really small, so I had to really pay attention to feel the click that tells me it was locked into a setting.

Further complications ensued. On the mix setting, the lime side moved up the straw faster than the cherry, resulting in me having a mouthful of lime before I got any cherry, which left me with both brain and mouth freeze. This made it difficult to really taste the flavors, since my mouth was numb and somewhat painful.

Because of this problem, or perhaps because of the physics of sucking two different beverages into one straw, my lime almost immediately contaminated my cherry, traveling down straw #1 when I stopped sucking. [Insert joke about “sucking” and “my cherry” here.]

This may not have just been a mix setting problem, however. As I played around with settings 1 and 2, I noticed that no matter what, some Slurpee would get stuck in the straw, resulting in cross-contamination all-around. It was a relatively small amount with each suck, but by the time I was almost finished, both sides had an identical reddish-brown hue.

7-Eleven Slurpee MixMaker Straw

My last beef with the Slurpee MixMaker is that it has limited stirring capabilities. Even if you take off the disposable cap, the straws are rigid, which means all you can really do is move back and forth, unless you disconnect the straws separately and use them to stir. This may seem like a minor quibble, but it’s important to constantly stir your Slurpee. If you don’t believe me, just ask Ice-T about the Slushie Hustle.

I love the concept of the Slurpee MixMaker. Good for the indecisive or the adventurous, I think the idea (and the adorable tiny Slurpee dial) would be great for both kids and adults who still enjoy acting like kids. The MixMaker’s execution, however, falls rather short of its intent. The settings can be tricky to get spot-on, the mix setting results in inconsistency of Slurpee flow, and even the individual settings eventually result in cross-contamination. It’s as inevitable as you getting your peanut butter in my chocolate and a-vice-a-versa.

I’ll freely admit, some of this could have been operator error, but it’s really not that hard to use the MixMaker correctly. I could have also gotten a bum device; everyone who has written (or read, for that matter) product reviews knows that your McDonald’s experience might be different from his McDonald’s experience, or my McDonald’s experience, etc. In the end, the Slurpee MixMaker Cup and Straw is fun to play with; however, don’t go into it expecting perfect functionality.

Item: 7-Eleven Slurpee MixMaker Cup & Straw
Price: $2.49 (Straw); $2.99 (Cup) ($0.49 promo discount for the set)
Size: No info on size on the cup or 7-Eleven’s website, but looks like 20 oz. (total)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Settings are fun to play with. Knowing exactly how far away my 7-Eleven is. Adorable little Slurpee dial. Shaking my cane at meddling kids. Having two flavors in one cup (at first, at least). Ice-T losing his shit over “The Slushie Hustle”.
Cons: Inevitable liquid cross-contamination. Should have been called “MixMaster”. Settings are tricky to lock in. Possibly contracting hepatitis by not soaking first. Not easy to stir. The Slushie Hustle.

REVIEW: Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee

To mark the beginning of the warmer days of spring, I get a Slurpee from 7-Eleven. Slurpees are like teen magazines; you don’t want to be caught with one, because people will think you’re a tad bit weird if they see you tonguing and speaking in baby-talk to the latest picture of Justin Bieber, or in the case of 7-Eleven’s Slurpees, tonguing the dribble that accumulates on the top of the cup and yelling at it when it gets all over your shirt.

Most of the time, the scathing looks people give you when sucking on a massive Slurpee are worth it because it’s usually uber delicious. Besides, you shouldn’t care about what people think, because you’re in Slurpee euphoria and they’re not. However, if you don’t care about the looks people give you when you’re making out with a picture of a sixteen-year-old male pop star that looks like he could be on Nickelodeon’s version of The L Word, I suggest you quit your job as a middle school teacher.

What makes the Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee invincible? On the surface, there couldn’t be anything invincible about a semi-frozen beverage that starts to melt before you stick a straw in it. But a massive corporation that sells hot dogs in a carousel couldn’t be lying about its beverage’s invincibility to the millions of stoners who made the company what it is today, right? Like Jacques Cousteau, or Octomom’s gynecologist, I decided to risk my personal safety so people can learn from my invincibility experiments with the Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee.

I drove into Crips territory in a red Civic, wearing Red Door perfume, a shirt from Gap’s (Product)Red collection and my face covered in red paint. Also, in one hand I had a Red Robin burger and in the other I had a Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee.

The results?

My car was stolen, I was called an old bitch for wearing grandma perfume, my burger was ripped from my clutches and consumed in front of my face and instead of getting pistol whipped, my Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee was dumped on my head. After that ordeal, I decided to end my quest to determine the invincibility of the Slurpee. I realized people just toss the word around, because it sounds badass. Michael Jackson named one of his records “Invincible” and we all know what happened to MJ.

The Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee is not badass enough to deserve the title “invincible.” However, it’s pretty tasty. It tastes like a Creamsicle, but with less of the smooth vanilla flavor. The orange dominates the vanilla, but I don’t feel comfortable using the word “dominate” to describe this beverage because it gives it street cred that it doesn’t deserve. I’m notorious for combing Slurpee flavors, and if they still had the Vanilla Cream flavor or Blue Vanilla, I would combine that with this Slurpee just so the orange and vanilla are balanced.

The Sunkist Invincible Orange was a really good Slurpee, but I feel it’s not in-your-face enough for a tie-in with anything associated with Iron Man 2. 7-Eleven kind of pussied out on this, kind of like what Insane Clown Posse did with their song “Miracles.” Maybe if they added some caffeine it would be better, but alas it’s just a Slurpee that can help you deal with the warm days of spring and summer, but not offer any protection if you’re wearing the wrong colors in the wrong neighborhood.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 32 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: We Rate Stuff also reviewed it, but didn’t like it as much.)

Item: Sunkist Invincible Orange Slurpee
Price: $1.39
Size: 32 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Refreshing orange flavor. Tastes kind of like a Creamsicle. Warmer weather. Slurpee euphoria. 7-Eleven being around thanks to stoners.
Cons: Needs a tad more vanilla. Justin Bieber. Overuse of words so that they lose their actual meaning. Being Octomom’s gynecologist. Cougar middle school teachers.

REVIEW: Battleberry Yumberry Black Currant Slurpee

If I repeat over and over again the name of the latest Slurpee flavor, Battleberry Yumberry Black Currant, it feels like I’ve transported myself to Strawberryland, where freckled Strawberry Shortcake and her pet cat, Custard, reside. Because everyone in Strawberryland, except for The Peculiar Purple Pie Man, replaces EVERY reference to the word “very” with “berry.”

Thankfully, repeating the name doesn’t actually teleport me to Strawberryland because getting stuck there and hearing the word “berry” all of the time would get berry fucking annoying, berry fucking fast.

See, look how annoying that was.

Also, being in Strawberryland would cause whatever masculinity I have left to be drawn out of me. I don’t have much left because I’ve had most of my masculinity sucked out of me thanks to Sanrio stores and Coldplay albums.

Speaking of things sucking, I didn’t care too much for the Battleberry Yumberry Black Currant Slurpee. It has a disappointing mild sour and berry flavor. I also thought I could taste some pineapple in it. It has just as much sugar as other Slurpees, but it doesn’t taste crazy sweet like others.

I’ve never had black currant, so I can’t say if this Slurpee flavor comes close to tasting like it, but what I do know, from reading Wikipedia, is that black currant is an excellent source of vitamin C, but this product doesn’t have any.

I know. It’s not surprising it doesn’t have any vitamin C. After all, it’s a Slurpee and the only things Slurpees provide are a lot of high fructose corn syrup and something to shove down the front of my shorts on hot days.

Speaking of hot things, too bad I can’t hang out in Strawberryland for a little bit and meet Strawberry Shortcake. I would love to meet her and get to know her a lot better, because I have a thing for redheads and I might want to hear her say, “That feels berry, berry good.”

(NOTE: I just want to clarify I’m talking about 1980s Strawberry Shortcake, which would make her more than legal.)

(Nutrition Facts – 24 ounces – 189 calories, 0 grams of fat, 15 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 51 grams of sugar.)

Item: Battleberry Yumberry Black Currant Slurpee
Price: $1.59
Size: 24 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Great for hot weather days. Redheads. Not a source for anything wholesome.
Cons: Disappointing sour and berry flavor. High fructose corn syrup. High in sugar. Getting trapped in Strawberryland. Getting my masculinity drained out of me via Coldplay albums.