REVIEW: Doritos Screamin’ Sriracha

Doritos Screamin Sriracha

A sriracha-flavored Doritos is something that should’ve come out years ago when the hot sauce was all the culinary rage back in 2013 to 2016. It seemed as if everyone was jumping into the pool of sriracha products like the flavor was a year-round pumpkin spice. But the brand that once brought us Mountain Dew-flavored tortilla chips didn’t offer anything at the time.

But Doritos Screamin’ Sriracha is finally here, and you know what they say, “Better late than getting lost in the glut of other sriracha products.” I believe a wise rooster crowed that.

Doritos Screamin Sriracha Closeup

The word “screamin’” gives a hint that these chips might be spicy. They certainly do appear to be angry with all the red seasoning that looks as if they’re waiting to pop a capsaicin in yo’ mouth’s nerves. The chips smell like a smoldering spicy fire that could ignite at any moment.

And the first few chips do bring the heat, but before I reach the serving size, my mouth gets numb to the spices. So I don’t feel compelled to douse my oral cavity with a cold beverage or cry “mommy” as I wish the tiny devils on my tongue would stop poking it with their pitchforks. But if you’re even the slightest spice adverse, stay far away from these chips. Don’t even pretend like you’re going to lick them for your Instagram.

As for their flavor, even though my mouth gets used to the burn enough that I could stuff my face with more of them, getting past the spiciness didn’t encourage me to shovel these into my mouth. Instead, now that I wasn’t thinking of the heat, my mind was clear enough to realize that I wouldn’t buy another bag of these chips.

They’re a little sweet, slightly garlicky, a tad oniony, and really peppery. On paper, that looks like a tasty chip, and it has all the appropriate ingredients you’d find in sriracha sauce, but the combination doesn’t appeal to my taste buds. Also, they do remind me of Doritos Blaze, which I did not care for, but I do think these are a little more tolerable.

Look, I like sriracha. It’s my go-to addition to pho. I’ve put it on burgers. I’ve dipped fries into it. But the flavor on these chips doesn’t do it for me. Maybe if the seasoning on Doritos Screamin’ Sriracha was a tad sweeter and the garlic was more pronounced, I would’ve enjoyed them more.

Purchased Price: Too much on eBay
Size: 9 3/4 oz. bag
Purchased at: ???
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (about 12 chips) 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Trader Joe’s Sweet Sriracha Uncured Bacon Jerky

Trader Joe’s Sweet Sriracha Uncured Bacon Jerky

Trader Joe’s Sweet Sriracha Uncured Bacon Jerky may be a bit of a misnomer.

I’m not completely sure it should be labeled as a jerky. Maybe it falls under the technical definition of “jerky”? Let’s look it up and see. Okay. Jerky. “Characterized by abrupt starts and stops.” Hmmm. I guess so? I guess my jaw was abruptly starting and stopping in a chomping motion. Is that just considered “chewing”?

Anyway, I wanted to point out off the bat that the jerky is wet. It’s probably the “sweet sriracha” glaze or whatever but it’s certainly a surprise when you reach into a factory sealed plastic bag and come out of it with a fistful of wet meat.

Also, I wanted to point out the fact that this jerky is “uncured.” It’s unclear what that officially means but probably something like it wasn’t brined or preserved in a certain way, like most jerkies are. Like if Han Solo in carbonite is “cured” then Tom Hanks sitting in the sun talking to a volleyball for four years is “uncured.” Soylent Green is people. And honestly it would probably be sold at Trader Joe’s.

Why the word police? Well, it’s just that this is basically cooked bacon in a bag. Like, bacon you would take out of the oven at home. Imagine you are a food corporation. Now imagine you try to sell “bacon in a bag.” Forget the internet trend and imagine all the moms and dads in the supermarket scrunching up their faces like, “Bacon is for breakfast and Wendy’s Quadruple Baconators only.” But designate bacon a jerky, and poof, there’s a familiar snack that is entirely meat and everyone eats. So familiar it’s, like, the oldest food ever. Yes, even older than Crystal Pepsi. So, in the name of tradition, go ahead and shove that bacon in your maw.

Trader Joe’s Sweet Sriracha Uncured Bacon Jerky 2

All this being said, it’s not an unpleasant product. It is wet and sticky at first, but biting into the jerky is fine. It has the texture of some well-cooked bacon on the chewier side. The crisp factor seems to be turned down a bit and there are some pockets of fat. There is a wave of sweetness that dovetails into a bit of heat, and if more than a few pieces are consumed, the spiciness elevates to a nice sharp numbing.

Here’s a riddle: What starts off wet and sticky and ends up meaty and numb? Answer: Trader Joe’s Sweet Sriracha Uncured Bacon Jerky! That’s what this review is about. Nothing else.

Trader Joe’s Sweet Sriracha Uncured Bacon Jerky 3

While I’m unclear about the jerkization process used here, I can tell you for sure this thing is being sold at jerky prices. It’s almost six bucks for two ounces, whereas the regular beef jerkies cost about five bucks for four ounces. That’s a lot more for a lot less, and knowing that is pretty much the only reason why we all take 12 years of math. Well, at least I took 12 years of Jerky Pricing. I majored in Jerky Pricing! I’m in data entry right now, but I still do Jerky Pricing in the evenings and the weekends.

I think I read the wrong definition of “jerky” in the intro. Here, it’s actually: “foolish, stupid or rude.” Look it up. Here’s a new riddle: What begins with abrupt starts and stops and ends foolish, stupid and rude? It’s this review! Good night, Pigs.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz. – 140 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 3 grams saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 600 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of sugar, 6 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 6 grams of protein.)

Item: Trader Joe’s Sweet Sriracha Uncured Bacon Jerky
Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: 2 oz.
Purchased at: Trader Joe’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good texture. Nice elevating spice kick after a base of sweetness.
Cons: Sticky. Seems like just bacon you can make at home. Fairly expensive.