REVIEW: Taco Bell Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch

Taco Bell Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch

After months of waiting — those Nacho Fries can only take me so far, guys — our buenos amigos at Taco Bell are finally back with a new menu item that weighs blissfully heavy, both on the stomach and soul.

It’s called the Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch — not to be confused with the Cheesy Gordita Crunch or the Doritos Cheesy Gordita Crunch, natch — and it is, basically, a whole tasty crunchy taco with spicy ranch sauce, gently placed inside a hot Gordita, layered lovingly with their quintessential three-cheese blend and, get this, a whole ‘nother layer of that spicy ground beef.

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I mean, c’mon: it’s always great to have a Taco Bell taco and a Taco Bell gordita separately on most trivial days, but to have both, combined, completely slathered with a whole heck of meat and cheese, it’s starting to look like we’ve entered a whole new realm of Border-based deliciousness in the fast food Tex-Mex market. I’m kinda surprised the Bell hasn’t come up with this winning concept sooner.

A glorious mix of startlingly crunchy and indefatigably soft, the Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch is a beautiful mix of the best of what the Bell has to offer, all in one treat. The cheesy portion is hot and gooey, the meat area is the right amount of spicy heat and the breads — both taco shell and Gordita tarp — are fresh and delicious, the perfect placeholders. The addition of a spritz of some unexpected spicy ranch only doubles down with the nice bonus of a slight kick, playing very well with the other flavors.

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The Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch, besides being quite tasty is, additionally, packed with so much of that good stuff, that it actually creates one of TB’s thickest items in quite a while. Come hungry when you try one; once you get to the halfway point, you’ll start to question whether you can go any further but, like a true culinary warrior, you must go on, you must continue, you must finish that Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch, son.

You see, and this would be my one issue, the afternoon I ordered this item, I got the five dollar box, thinking it was no big deal, that I would finish it in mere minutes as I had done in the past, numerous times with numerous Taco Bell items. Boy, was I wrong.

Taco Bell Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch 4

So, I guess what I’m saying is skip the five dollar box, because unless you’re a competitive eater in training, it’s just way too much food for one person. Go for the single Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch and wallow in comparative élan. There’s always more tomorrow. Much more. Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – 570 calories, 32 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1110 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 25 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: N/A
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Combines the two best products on menu. Huge portions.
Cons: Have to eat fresh—do not refrigerate and microwave.

QUICK REVIEW: Taco Bell Watermelon Freeze

Taco Bell Watermelon Freeze

What is it?

The latest flavor creation in Taco Bell’s Freeze line of slush drinks, this variation adds some candy “seeds” to the mix to give it a unique look.

How is it?

Gimmicky but good. The watermelon flavor is about as expected. It’s a bit milder than some previous Freeze offerings, like the Strawberry Skittles flavor, and it’s not too sweet nor too tart.

But what about the candy seeds? Well, they really don’t bring much to the table, other than slowing down the slush-making process. Your friendly Taco Bell barista must first open a little package of seeds, fill the cup about a third of the way with slush, sprinkle in some seeds, fill more of the cup, sprinkle in more seeds, and so on.

Taco Bell Watermelon Freeze 2

Eerily, the result for my drink looked like some sort of weird candy seed face starting me down, just daring me to drink it. I took the dare, and while the watermelon flavor was nice, the seeds didn’t add much flavor at all. The black coating was almost flavorless, and the inside only had a faint sugary taste, like an unflavored Smartie.

Is there anything else I need to know?

Taco Bell Watermelon Freeze 3

Nothing frustrates me more than a clogged straw caused by candy pieces mixed into an ice cream or slush drink, but there’s no need to worry about that here. The straw provided (in watermelon rind green) is of ample circumference to allow multiple seeds to easily travel from the cup to your piehole without fear of obstruction. Be forewarned though, the larger volume straw also increases the probability of brain freeze.

Taco Bell Watermelon Freeze 4

And weirdly, the seeds seem to lose their coating after a few minutes of swimming in the slush, so by the time I got to the bottom many of them had a bit of a speckled egg look.

Conclusion:

Even though the candy seeds seem like a missed opportunity —imagine if they were kiwi flavored or something else to complement the watermelon slush — overall the Watermelon Freeze still a refreshing summer drink and quite a bargain if you score one during Happy Hour.

Purchased Price: $2.29 (or $1 during Happy Hour from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m.)
Size: 16 oz.
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 220 calories, 0 grams of fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 59 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 58 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Wild Naked Chicken Chalupa

Taco Bell Wild Naked Chicken Chalupa

Even though the Naked Chicken Chalupa was already a thing, the culinary geniuses at Taco Bell have managed to both recycle and reintroduce the famed poultry pocket with a new spicy sauce to kick off their latest quarter of seasonal eats.

Basically Taco Bell’s version of KFC’s million-plus selling Double-Down Sandwich, the Naked Chicken Chalupa takes a thoroughly processed and mechanically separated piece of fried chicken and flattens it to the consistency of a puffy tortilla, which, while wholly unnatural and naturally unholy, does form a solidly delicious wrap to contain those patented Taco Bell innards we’re so deeply accustomed to.

And since the original iteration of the Naked Chicken Chalupa itself has been broken down repeatedly and reviewed by both the poets and the analysts, there’s no need for me to do it here. So, instead, let’s talk about this version’s newest addition, the “wild” in the Wild Naked Chicken Chalupa—the crazed creamy additive with a momentary kick to end all kicks, at least in the Taco Bell universe.

Taco Bell Wild Naked Chicken Chalupa 3

While at first taste the Wild Sauce feels like a basic retread of their much-loved and mostly-missed Volcano Sauce right down to the sickly pinkish color, after a few seconds, the initial heat is followed by what seems to be a heavy amount of a smoky chili powder that’s been sprinkled into the proceedings. It causes a second wave of a different kind of heat that, even in moderation, is a wonderfully overpowering blast of flavor, riding the tongue and cruising up the sinuses like it was Van Nuys Blvd. on a Saturday night.

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On the actual Naked Chicken Chalupa, it’s a bit of welcomed overkill, besting the rather useless cheese, lettuce, and tomato and, if you pay the extra 60 cents, the seasoned ground beef but its magic lies with the chicken chalupa itself. The seasoned fried chicken makes for both a testy compatriot and a zesty foil. However, the sauce might be too much for some. If that’s the case, then I suggest asking for a cup of “mild” chalupa sauce and mixing the two together for a fine median.

Much like the aforementioned Volcano Sauce, this does lead me with the same question: why doesn’t Taco Bell start offering a line of dipping sauces, much like McD’s, for example? This Wild Sauce would go so good with Nacho Fries, Cheesy Roll-ups, and just about everything on the breakfast menu. But maybe that’s just me. Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – 420 calories, 250 calories from fat, 28 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1070 milligrams of cholesterol, 1070 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 19 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Wave after wave of heat and flavor. Mixes perfect with the chicken.
Cons: Chalupa itself is kind of useless. Makes for a much better dipping sauce;

FAST FOOD NEWS: Taco Bell Wild Naked Chicken Chalupa

TB Wild Naked Chicken Chalupa

Update: We reviewed it! Click here to read our review.

The Naked Chicken Chalupa is back!

Well, actually, it’s now called the Mild Naked Chicken Chalupa because there needs to be some way to distinguish it from the new Wild Naked Chicken Chalupa.

While the original version included lettuce, tomatoes, shredded cheddar cheese, and an avocado ranch sauce in a marinated all white meat chicken shell, the Wild one swaps the cool ranch sauce with Taco Bell’s new Wild Sauce.

If you’ve tried it, let us know what you think of it in the comments.

Nutrition Facts: 420 calories, 250 calories from fat, 28 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1070 milligrams of cholesterol, 1070 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 19 grams of protein.

(Image via Taco Bell)

REVIEW: Taco Bell Triple Melt Burrito and Triple Melt Nachos

Taco Bell Triple Melt Nachos

“Caseus et magis in melius.”

Mother, if you are reading this, please have this newly-minted personal creed inscribed on my tombstone along with a picture of Taco Bell’s Triple Melt Nachos, if only for future generations to know that we are currently living in the cheesiest point of recorded history.

And while all this cheese comes at a sacrifice — Nacho Fries are gone, long live Nacho Fries — if value-based creations such as the Taco Bell Triple Melt Burrito and, even more so, the Triple Melt Nachos, are a glistening yellow beacon to what we can achieve in the realm of queso and queso-related foodstuffs, then it’s the culinary petard that I will defiantly hoist my husky frame upon.

The aforementioned dynamic duo of Triple Melt meals from Taco Bell are seemingly a long time coming and hopefully a new standard bearer on not only the value meal menu but anything in the future that they dare to proclaim as “cheese-filled.”

By combining the Bell’s patented nacho cheese goodness with a shredded three-cheese blend of mozzarella, cheddar, and pepper jack, these new mixtures and additions hit closer and closer to what we should rightfully expect from years of Tex-Mex fast food promises.

Taco Bell Triple Melt Burrito

And while not as super-gooey as you’d think — the combined cheeses settle very fast into their own blessed mass of congealment — these very different cheeses and their fully distinct flavors make the Triple Melt Burrito a definite triple-crown entry as far as taste goes in this never-ending value menu race to the top. Along with the always welcomed ground beef and perfectly blended sauce, it makes for a burrito well worth your dollar.

Taco Bell Triple Melt Burrito 2

That being said, the main drawback here is the continued unimaginative use of Taco Bell’s typically bland rice as a wholly unnecessary filler that might as well be sawdust the way it soaks up all that important cheesy flavor. (I mean, let’s be honest: is there really anyone out there who truly likes Taco Bell’s rice? A mea culpa to you and yours if so, but I doubt it.)

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This minor act of edible malfeasance is absolutely rectified, for the most part, by the award-worthy Triple Melt Nachos. Featuring those beloved chips and aforementioned ground beef professionally imbued with all these different cheeses, like a calcium-rich daydream of innocent fools come to fruition, it’s a hearty combination that makes this a Dollar Menu item beyond reproach.

The warm queso blankets the top while the corresponding layers underneath are shielded by the melting shredded cheese that soaks down to the bottom, making sure that every bite is loaded with some semblance of flavor like a sternly protective father, a true rarity especially when it comes to these dollar nachos and their moderately-sized portions and partitions.

And, to be fair, if you want to complain about the size of these nachos, it’s only a buck hoss…man up and order two or three or whatever it takes to satisfy those curdled urges deep inside. Lord knows I have. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – Triple Melt Burrito – 410 calories, 16 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 1030 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein. Triple Melt Nachos – 260 calories, 16 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 550 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, and 10 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Burrito)
Rating: 10 out of 10 (Nachos)
Pros: So very, very cheesy. The mixture of cheese flavors works. Great value even for value menu items.
Cons: Limited-time only. The rice on the burrito is total filler. Nachos congeal fast.