REVIEW: Whataburger Jalapeño Cheddar Biscuit

Whataburger Jalapeno Cheddar Biscuit Sausage Cheese Sandwich

I’m not that big on biscuits. I owned a Limp Bizkit CD in my late teens, but I’m not proud of that fact, and I think we can all look back and realize we made some stupid mistakes at that age.

I feel bad for the biscuits that come with my KFC meals, because they always wind up neglected in favor of stuffing my face with fried chicken. Priorities, you know? They then go stale after one day and wind up in the trash.

I wish I could just tell the cashier to hold the biscuits and throw in an extra leg or something, but I’m pretty sure there’s no button for that on the cash register, and I try to avoid confusing fast food workers as much as possible. Understanding the talky-box at the drive-thru is difficult enough as it is.

Even when I order a breakfast sandwich, I’ll generally opt for English muffin over biscuit. They just seem to work better as breakfast buns, a phrase I’d like to make a dirty joke out of but can’t quite develop. Biscuits just tend to be more crumbly, which isn’t the most convenient for breakfast on-the-go, especially if you don’t want to show up at work with crumbs all over your slacks.

Before you label me a biscuit-hater, however, I will say that I’m way into biscuits and gravy. It’s one of my favorite breakfast foods, as long as I can afford the luxury of utensils. Whataburger is one of the few fast food locations that offers biscuits and gravy, and their sausage gravy is impressively delicious.

That said, I decided to branch out while on my mission to try Whataburger’s new Jalapeño Cheddar Biscuit. I could have just gotten the biscuit, but that seemed a little sad. Whataburger’s website encouraged me to substitute it for any of the other biscuit options on their menu, which immediately led me down the road of biscuits and gravy (oh, if I should ever find such an actual road flowing with sausage gravy), but I figured the spicy/cheesy combo would work better in sandwich form. Short story long, I decided to get a Jalapeño Cheddar Sausage and Cheese Biscuit Sandwich.

Whataburger Jalapeno Cheddar Biscuit

Right away, I could see the pepper bits in the biscuit, which is always encouraging. It had a nice, spicy scent to it, which mixed with the savory odor of the sausage patty very well. Furthermore, the jalapeño pieces were plentiful and looked as though they were fresh (as opposed to pickled) when they were baked into the biscuit, which generally indicates a spicier pepper experience.

I tore off some bites before I ate the sandwich as a whole so that I could isolate the taste of the biscuit itself. It was somewhat dry on the edges – a common problem with fast food biscuits, I’ve noticed – but the inner parts were fluffy and moist.

There was a nice kick of heat and the delicious flavor of fresh jalapeños right away, mixed in with the more subtle but welcome taste of cheese. When eaten as a sandwich, the cheddar in the biscuit was overwhelmed by the more aggressive cheese slice, but the jalapeños remained, giving my breakfast sandwich a little heat to compliment the sausage patty’s spices.

Whataburger set out to make a Jalapeño Cheddar Biscuit, and they succeeded. The peppers give it a little kick, but not so much that you’re questioning why you decided to set your mouth on fire at 8 a.m. While the cheddar flavor disappears in sandwich form, it’s still notable in the biscuit itself.

However, if you’re more into something a little sweet for your morning commute, this biscuit probably isn’t for you. Maybe it’s just me, but it doesn’t seem like maple syrup and jalapeños would play together very well.

Whataburger Jalapeno Cheddar Biscuit Sausage Cheese Sandwich Inside

As for the contents of my sandwich, the sausage patty wasn’t really anything spectacular – average thickness; tender and juicy with the standard breakfast sausage seasonings. That said, it’d be fairly difficult to make a ground pork sausage patty that wasn’t tender. The cheese was just a regular slice of American. A teensy bit disappointing, since Whataburger tends to be a cut above your average fast food when it comes to their burger offerings.

So, if you’re already a fan of biscuit sandwiches, I’d definitely recommend you substitute your regular ol’ biscuit with a Whataburger Jalapeño Cheddar Biscuit. It’s a savory, slightly spicy change of pace, and it’s only available for a limited time served between 11 p.m. – 11 a.m., so why not give it a go. If this were a commercial, I’d end this review with a sentence like, “Spice up your morning routine!”

But this isn’t a commercial, so just, you know, try the damn biscuit.

(Nutrition Facts [Biscuit only] — 1 biscuit — 350 calories, 200 calories from fat, 22 grams of total fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 730 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, and 8 grams of protein.)

Item: Whataburger Jalapeño Cheddar Biscuit
Purchased Price: $2.64
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Whataburger
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Jalapeño peppers were plentiful and offered a nice kick. Dreaming of a sausage gravy road. Most of the biscuit was fluffy and moist. Finding a biscuit I wouldn’t throw in the trash. Cheddar in biscuit added a nice touch. Definite flavor upgrade from a regular biscuit.
Cons: Biscuit edges are dry. Owning a Limp Bizkit CD. Cheddar in biscuit disappears when paired with cheese slice. Sounding like a commercial. Breakfast not offered all day at Whataburger. Wow, that’s a lot of fat for one biscuit!

REVIEW: Whataburger Limited Batch Spicy Ketchup

Whataburger Limited Batch Spicy Ketchup

Ketchup: America’s #1 condiment.

That’s how this review was supposed to start. However, being the Journalist with Integrity that I am, I decided to actually look up America’s #1 condiment, and was surprised to find that this is not true.

Hellman’s Mayonnaise: America’s #1 condiment.

Ketchup didn’t even come in second. Tostitos Salsa did. Different brands of mayonnaise took five of the ten top grossing condiments. Heinz Ketchup took third place.

What happened, America?

Your french fries are sad. Your burgers are bummed. Your hastily put-together vampire Halloween costume is lacking that crucial blood-down-the-chin tomato touch. What are you going to do, replace that with some mayonnaise?

…don’t do that. That is a bad idea. That is how you wind up on a list that mandates you must keep your porch lights off on Halloween.

So, what happened? Has the debate of ketchup vs. catsup divided a nation, allowing mayo to take over? I can put that to rest right now. Or, rather, five minutes of internet research can. Remember, kids: Wikipedia is a totally valid source for your essays.

The word “ketchup” entered the English vernacular in the late 17th century; I won’t go much deeper into that, but it involves China and fish sauce and you’ve probably already stopped reading this sentence.

You can blame Jonathan Swift for first introducing the word “catsup” in 1730. Heads up: Jonathan Swift wanted everyone to eat poor people’s babies. He probably wanted to put catsup on them, too.

Obviously, ketchup is the correct term. If you use the word catsup, you support eating babies. I’m pretty sure baby-eaters have to turn off their porch lights on Halloween.

Whataburger Limited Batch Spicy Ketchup Closeup

With etymology out of the way, what is to be done about ketchup’s decline in popularity? Well, Whataburger is doing their part to put some pep back in ketchup’s step with their new Limited Batch Spicy Ketchup. The label made me feel like I was about to peel open a tiny cup of bourbon, which I found adorable. I also like the phrase “Limited Batch”, which always makes me feel like I should save some to sell on eBay ten years from now for a price that will surely allow me to retire early and live on a giant yacht. I’m telling you, that bottle of Crystal Pepsi sitting in my closet will have me rolling in a pile of money like Scrooge McDuck.

I have to admit: ketchup is not my go-to condiment. I don’t hate it, I just think there are a lot more interesting dips and dressings out there. I’m not begging Whataburger to change my mind, but I am interested in seeing if they can take good ol’ ketchup and make it a little more dynamic.

Whataburger Limited Batch Spicy Ketchup with Regular Ketchup

Can you spot the Spicy? I was expecting the Spicy Limited Batch ketchup to have a different color and/or viscosity than Whataburger’s regular Fancy Ketchup, but they seemed almost identical on both fronts. There was a distinct difference in taste, however. Unlike regular ketchup, which generally has a sweet tomato taste with a vinegar finish, the Limited Batch Spicy Ketchup immediately hit with a tomato/vinegar combo and finished with a nice spicy bite (courtesy of red jalapeño pepper purée) and just a hint of that conventional ketchup sweetness.

Whataburger Limited Batch Spicy Ketchup on Fries

The heat level rose nicely as I plowed through the cup with my fries. I was surprised at how much heat there was; it wasn’t to the point where it burned my mouth, but it had more heat than most fast food places would qualify as “spicy”. Fast food spicy is usually disappointing.

While I’m not usually a big fan of ketchup, I found myself enjoying Whataburger’s Limited Batch Spicy Ketchup. All the classic ketchup flavors are there – tomato, sweetness and vinegar – but they’ve been rearranged to where the vinegar played a bigger part than the sugar. The addition of the spicy heat just added another dimension that worked with all the other flavors. Regular ketchup lovers may find the vinegar too overpowering and the sweetness too muted, but someone looking for a new ketchup experience with a spicy kick will wish this batch wasn’t so limited.

Now, where’s my tiny cup of bourbon?

(Nutrition Facts – 1 container – 31 calories, 2 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 406 milligrams of sodium, 7 grams of carbs, 1 gram of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Whataburger Limited Batch Spicy Ketchup

Price: Free

Size: 1 ounce cup

Purchased at: Whataburger

Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Has a genuine spicy kick. Rollin’ like Scrooge McDuck. Vinegar over sweetness was refreshing. Catsup-covered babies
Cons: Could be too spicy for some. Mayo being the #1 condiment. Vinegar may overwhelm classic ketchup lovers. Not an actual cup of bourbon.

REVIEW: Whataburger Green Chile Double

Whataburger Green Chile Double

Whataburger restaurants are currently only located in ten states, all in the southern part of the United States, and I happen to be privileged enough to live in one of them. For those of you who live in the other 40 states, consider Whataburger something to look forward to when you take your cross-country road trip on the run from the Feds. For those of you living in Hawaii, I don’t know what to tell you. You’re on an island and Dog the Bounty Hunter lives there. There is no escape. You have no Whataburger to run to.

Another aspect of this product I’m reviewing, which, in case you have a handicap that prevents you from reading post titles, is the Whataburger Green Chile Double, is the green chiles. I live in a world where you can go to the grocery store and there’s a man outside roasting green chiles. He will give them to you straight off the grill, charred to perfection. I realize that many of you may not have this luxury. Instead of seeing this review as an act of torture as I dangle this hamburger in your face, consider myself an ambassador of Whataburger and roasted green chiles. As long as this burger doesn’t suck. In that case, consider yourself warned. And fortunate.

Whataburger is what I would consider to be high-end fast food. Way better than, say, McDonald’s, but not quite up to the quality of In-N-Out or Five Guys. You’ll wait a little longer at the drive thru, but it’s worth it. The hamburger patties are large and taste like actual hamburger, the ingredients always seem fresh, and the buns are tasty. Their fries are pretty standard fast food fries, but they make a country gravy I use as a fry dip that makes everything okay. Note to other fast food restaurants, offer a delicious country gravy on your menu and much will be forgiven.

We’re not here to talk about gravy, although I could probably write a disgusting amount of words about it. We’re here to talk about the Green Chile Double. Here’s what Whataburger had to say about it in the email they sent me:

“Whataburger’s new Green Chile Double stacks up two 100% pure American beef patties, two kinds of cheese and roasted green chiles. Come try one today. Hurry, it’s here for a limited time only.”

Whataburger Green Chile Double Halves

Limited time only. Three words I can never resist. Roasted green chiles, three more words I find difficult to ignore. I was more than ready to put my car in park at the drive-thru window to wait for this burger. I might have been more cranky if it had been summertime and 115 degrees outside. Living in green chile territory does have its disadvantages.

It was worth the wait, however, because the Green Chile Double is freakin’ delicious. Whataburger scores as usual for having great patties and fluffy buns. Fluffy Buns was my stage name back when I was a stripper, but that’s neither here nor there. Their burgers are already quite sizable, and making it a Double meant that I had almost half a burger left to enjoy the next day. Whataburger plays hard-to-get by not telling me what the two cheeses on the burger are, but I’m guessing American and Monterey Jack. They added a nice creaminess to go with the burger.

But that’s all pedestrian. The real star here are the chiles. They definitely didn’t skimp on them, which is good, because they add a nice little crunch and the perfect amount of heat. They’re roughly chopped, and you can actually see the char marks on the pieces, which means they really have been roasted. The crunch and that organic heat is what makes this burger stand out from just a regular burger. Whataburger does offer jalapeños on their regular menu as a topping, but green chiles have a different flavor and spice.

My one complaint would be that, while the green chiles do make the Green Chile Double different from other burgers, if you take them off, you’ve just got a standard Double Whataburger. They haven’t exactly reinvented the wheel. That said, roasted green chiles are a pretty unique topping, but they are just a topping after all.

After doing a little research, I discovered that the Green Chile Double is only available at restaurants in 2.5 of the 10 states that have Whataburgers. The rest get a Steak Sauce Double. I gotta say, I think we got the better deal. So when you’re cruising across the country using a fake identity in hopes of losing the fuzz, make sure to stop in west Texas, New Mexico, or Arizona. Make sure to commit that felony soon, though, since the Green Chile Double ain’t gonna wait around for you to hide that body.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger/382 grams – 1,020 calories, 570 calories from fat, 64 grams of total fat, 26 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 165 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,867 milligrams of sodium, 66 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugars and 50 grams of protein.)

Item: Whataburger Green Chile Double
Price: $4.74
Size: 1 burger
Purchased at: Whataburger
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Roasted green chiles had char, added nice crunch and perfect heat. Fast food that serves country gravy. Big, juicy burger patties. Living in green chile territory. Creamy, melty cheese held everything together.
Cons: Definitely not for someone on a diet. Dog the Bounty Hunter. Take off the green chiles and you just have a regular cheeseburger. Fluffy Buns, stripper extraordinaire. Burger only available in 2.5 states.