Oh yeah! I’d like to rub some EVOO all over you, baby!
Oh! Hi there! I’m just watching the Rachael Ray cooking show 30 Minute Meals on my iPod.
I love my new iPod, not only because it can play videos, hold 7,500 songs, and carry my calendars and contacts, but also because it totally replaced my old Rachael Ray shrine.
If you saw my old Rachael Ray shrine, the first thing you would probably think to yourself is, “Damn! That Rachael Ray shrine must take a lot of time to set up before the ceremonial rubbing of EVOO all over the body can be started.”
You’re totally right about that! Also, my old Rachael Ray shrine took up so much space. First, there was the 11″ x 17″ Rachael Ray collage I made using screenshots from her various television shows. Then there was the OTHER 11″ x 17″ Rachael Ray collage I made by superimposing her head on random body pictures of hot women in bikinis and lingerie.
Then there was the rosemary-scented candles and sage-scented incense. Then there was the bowl where I put the fresh herbs and spices into as an offering to the Rachael Ray shrine. Then I had to get a bottle of EVOO, which as I said before, was used to do the ceremonial rubbing of it all over my body. Finally, there was the DVD player and TV which played one of her DVDs in a continuous loop.
With my new iPod, I can get rid of some of these things. I can break up the collages into individual images and play them in a nice slideshow on my iPod, or with a special cable, I can watch the slideshow on my TV.
As for the DVD player and TV, I can load my 30GB iPod up with every episode of $40 A Day, Rachael Ray’s Tasty Travels, and Inside Dish, but it doesn’t have room for all the episodes of 30 Minute Meals, and it also definitely doesn’t have room for her upcoming syndicated talk show.
Maybe I should’ve gotten the 60GB iPod instead.
However, without all the episodes of 30 Minute Meals, I do have room for more Rachael Ray photos, like that sexy photoshoot she did for FHM. I got one word for that photoshoot…Yum-O. Also, I’ve added some scanned images of her from her cookbooks and her magazine called Everyday with Rachael Ray. How good is that?
The iPod’s screen is bright and sharp, and all the TV shows play smoothly. The 2.5-inch screen was small at first, but I got used to it. There are other features, like games, a stopwatch, and a screen lock, all of which I don’t really use. However, I do use the notes feature to carry Rachael recipes around.
Since my iPod has helped me condense my Rachael Ray shrine, I have some closet space again, which means I now don’t have to keep inflating and deflating the blow up doll I have with a picture of Rachael’s face taped to it. So now I won’t be out of breath when I do my ceremonial extra virgin olive oil body rubbing Rachael Ray chant, which goes like this:
“30 minute meals I will make. I preheat the oven so I don’t have to wait. Got my garbage bowl and EVOO. I’m ready to eat something that’s Yum-O!”
Despite how great my iPod is with condensing my Rachael Ray shrine so that it is good to go, I’ve had some problems with it. First, the iPod scratches too easily. It’s as fragile as Michael Jackson’s face and his will power around little boys. Although the scratches aren’t noticeable when I’m watching videos.
Another concern I have is the battery life when playing only videos. My iPod can play only videos for about two hours, which is enough for only five commercial-free episodes of $40 A Day. So unless I’m near an outlet, I can only get through half of the ceremonial EVOO body rubbing.
The rubbing of my nipples alone takes thirty minutes.
Item: 30GB Apple iPod (5th Generation)
Price: $299
Purchased At: Apple Store
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: It plays music and video. Bright and sharp screen. Thinner than my old iPod. A great Rachael Ray shrine replacement. Holds my calendars and contacts. Notes feature is great for carrying around Rachael Ray recipes. Ceremonial rubbing of EVOO all over my body.
Cons: Scratches damn easy. Not enough space for all the episodes of 30 Minute Meals. Battery life when playing video is short. Need to buy separate power adapter to plug into power outlet.
Hey, if the scratching really bothers you, you might wanna look up the “invisible shield”. I got one for my girlfriend’s Nano, and it turned out really well, and definitely kicks ass.
Admittedly, the bit where you put something slightly wet directly on a piece of expensive electronics is kinda worrisome, but everything turned out fine. I think my brother bought one, but never actually got around to applying his cuz of the water concern…
In any case, I’d link to the rainyday magazine review of it, but it seems like they archived it, so now you gotta pay 2.50 to read it. BAH! There are some demo videos to be found at the website (http://www.shieldzone.com/movie/index.html) that are pretty impressive though. Think about it!
Marvo, we need to get you out more. Or at least help you invest in Olive Oil futures.
I got the black one! I have some advice – don’t buy a kind of rubbery case with a loose plastic screen cover. When it slips around, it totally scratches the face even more. I was not happy. Get the sticker kind of screen cover but don’t try to iron out the bubbles with a credit card because then the sticker will get all stratched up. Maybe I should have realised that.
I. Am. So. Traumatized. Right. Now.
I am oddly attracted to Rachael Ray…
Have you ever Google Image Search’ed her? Hey now, hot. I wish I was that strawberry.
Interesting. Tell me, how does the click wheel hold up to slippery EVOO fingers?
I’m not sure if you’re trying to tell us that you like Rachel Ray?
You are aware she’s a heavy carb eater (how else do you eat anywhere in the world for less than $40 a day–that and universally piss off waitrons with her anti-tip machine going) so therefore she has a real badunkadunk. Or is that in your shrine as well?
I think those video ipods are bit too over my head. how do you get the shows you want to watch on there? I’m so clueless.
Maybe the whole blow up doll and rubbing olive oil all over your body comments were a litttttle too much! hehe… I have the thought engraved in my mind! Help!
I was totally going to let you rub EVOO all over me, but now that I know you’re all about Rachael (that perky bitch), forget it. I can’t compete with 30-minute meals. Hell, with me, you’re lucky if I feed you at all.
I hope Rachel has some EVOO to help her out in that closet she is in.
I admit I like some of her recipies but her “The Joker” smile freaks me out.
You’ve obviously upset the masses here. I will just sit this one out 🙂
I just got mine on Tuesday. I spent a few hours last night loading my cds onto it. Don’t know what took me so long to decide I needed one;>
Oh, if this is going to be the featured gift in one of your next giveaways, I am SO going to enter. Especially if it comes with EVOO on the side.
Zerokool – Thanks for the suggestion! I think I might order one.
Grins – Hey, if Rachael Ray keeps doing what she’s doing, I expect olive oil futures to go through the roof.
Melbatoast – Actually, I’ve had my iPod for about two months and thought about getting a case for it, but all the cases are too bulky for me. I also don’t like those silicone cases because they’re hard to take out of my pocket.
Pel – EVOO! EVOO! Yum-O! Yum-O!
Lord Jezo – Or that spoon…
Wednesday – I think scrolling would be MUCH faster.
Domokun – I will admit that she is the shittest tipper EVER.
Webmiztris – Well you can buy some shows off of iTunes, but my computer has a TV tuner which allows me to record shows. But I also have to convert those recorded shows into a format that the iPod can read…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Holy crap, I just put myself to sleep.
Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – I’m sure you see oiled bodies all the time at the beach, bodybuilding competitions, and Chippendales performances. So my oiled body is just like the oiled bodies there, except paler, without six-pack abs, and the inability to make my chest dance my flexing.
Mir – I’m a simple minded eater. Feed me Lucky Charms for dinner and I’ll be stoked. Also, what’s wrong with perky bitches?
Uncle C – I just hope she’s not trapped in that closet with R. Kelly, because he might pee on her.
Gia on Guam – Well at least she doesn’t have a gap in between her front teeth or missing a tooth or got grillz with her name in bling.
skibs – Yeah, people either love her, hate her, or build shrines for her.
celebrate woo-woo – Congrats on your new iPod! It great to have all your music whenever you want, from Britney’s Toxic to a Mozart concert. Yes, I actually do have Toxic. An ex-girlfriend liked it, so I bought it. I’m so easy to manipulate. See women, that’s why I’m a great catch, because I’ll do almost anything for you, even listen to Britney. 🙁
Mellie Helen – EVOO I can afford. iPod as a giveaway? Not so much.
you are so hilarious. the best! but i have a question: isn’t “yum-O” TWO words, not one? signed, nitpickin in big D. (p.s. rachael ray drives me nuts.)
Rachael Rey…….
She who ruined the Food Network for me. The Food Network used to be my favorite veg out channel, then, she was everywhere. I just can’t watch it anymore, the perkiness just oozes out of the TV.
Even scarier than the King.
Rachel Ray is EVOOL!
Why does she use “EVOO” then proceed to say it’s her short way of saying extra virgin olive oil? That just takes longer to say the whole thing, not a very efficient use of thirty minutes.
EVOO =! EVDO
I thought that said, EVDO at the start, which made sense because of the video. But then I clicked, and I saw olive oil.
Too many sales pitches from the Verizon agent I guess.
You can look to my experience with ShieldZone’s Invisible Shield coating as a guide. Well worth it, just make sure you have some help in applying it.
I just got my 30-gigger, and I’m liking it lots. No Rachael Ray, but plenty of commercials, like that daffy Milky Way “Panda Bear” one. I’m easily amused.
OMG you are freaking hilarious.
I love Rachel Ray too.
TG – No, Yum-O is one word because the Rachael Ray says so. Rachael Ray is my queen. I must not look directly at the Racheal Ray.
Barb – You know what might help? Turning off the sound. I believe perkiness is cut in half when you can’t hear the perkiness.
Al – HA! That was a GOOD one! 😀
klew – The Rachael Ray has a method to her madness. Don’t look down upon The Rachael Ray way.
Muneer – I wish I could afford EVDO. That would be sooo bad ass!
CT – Hmm…You’re the second person to mention the invisible shield. I’ll definitely look it up. Thanks for the suggestion.
Valerie – Love? No, no. “Love” to me is an understatement of how much Rachael Ray means to me. 😉
Well, my old MP3/video player (not an Ipod) decided to start going all buggy on me right at the start of my move…so I may try and get an Ipod one of these days. After I pay off some bills. Rather annoying how it couldn’t break BEFORE the trip but oh well.
How interesting. You are attracted to Rachael ray. *cough*. So she’s your queen, eh?
No really, she is pretty cool. I have attempted a few times to make some of her recipes. It always takes me way longer than 30 minutes. I’m proud to say I’m now down to 42 minutes, 15 seconds. 😀
Marvo, I am so disappointed. Rachel Ray? She’s on my list of ten people to punch in the face. Now I shall be forced to read your reviews with the jaundiced eye of a Michael Jackson* fan – I can permit myself to enjoy your earlier works, but I am now forced to admit that you are a sick, sick bastard. So, so sad.
*I am not calling Marvo a pedophile, but merely noting that I am disappointed in his, ahem, proclivities.
Chuck – I say you should kick your old MP3/video player in the balls. That might get it to work again. If it doesn’t, tell it if it wants another. That might help.
Sarah – I read an article about how no one has been able to make one of her 30 minute meals within 30 minutes. Well I’m happy with the fact that I can make a meal within one minute. Of course, that meal is just a bowl of cereal, but I can prepare it in one minute, sometimes 45 seconds.
Kitty – Oooh, proclivities! I love it when women use words that are beyond my vocabulary. It’s so sexy. No, really it is. I just love chicks with brains. Now if Rachael Ray ever said “proclivities” or “discombobulation” she would be sooo much hotter. 😉
Keep in mind Marvo, that I am also the bringer of good tidings (and buzzes) who asked, nay, begged you to review SPARKS! Surely I should get some credit for that as well as my prodigiously enormous vocabulary.
PS – If I whisper ‘importune’ or ‘supplicate’ in your ear, will you review a specific product for me? Like, oh say, Harry’s Fresh Hot and Sour Soup?
Kitty – You’re making me dizzy with delight from all your greater than three syllable words. Oh, if only I wasn’t too lazy to look them up in the dictionary. As for the Harry’s Fresh Hot and Sour Soup, I don’t think anywhere on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean sells it, but I’ll keep an eye out for it.
Domokun – If Rachael Ray is an example of a “heavy carb eater”, all I’ve got to say is, “BRING ON THE HEAVY CARB EATERS, BABY! I’LL BRING THE EVOO!”
I feel bad for you. You’re loving Rachel Ray and she’s got a HUGE rock on her left ring finger now.
So sorry about your luck — unless YOU’RE the one that put it there.
Alicia – That’s okay. My blow up doll will do fine…For now.