Axe Dry Clix

I didn’t realize how hard it was to find someone to smell my armpit.

What’s wrong with a complete stranger, walking up in a trenchcoat, baseball cap and sunglasses to another person, and ask them if they would like to smell an armpit? It’s not like I’m asking them to lick it, there are people out there that I can pay to do that.

Now you might be saying to yourself, “If he’s willing to pay someone to lick his armpit, why doesn’t he pay someone to smell his armpit?”

I’ll tell you why. Because I don’t pay people for things I can do myself. Like the licking the armpit thing, I can’t do that. I’ve tried. Either my tongue isn’t long enough or my neck can’t contort itself properly. But I can easily smell my own armpit.

It’s not like I’m going to shove that person’s face into my armpit, rub it around for 30 seconds, while yelling, “Who’s your daddy!?!” Also, no one’s going to get a hairball from smelling my armpit, because I trim my armpit hair. I do it because I don’t want it to look like I constantly have a kitten in a headlock.

The reason why I was looking for someone to smell my armpit was because I wanted to know what they thought of the new Axe Dry Clix scent, which I’ve been trying out for the past week. If you’re a regular reader of The Impulsive Buy, you know that I’ve tried a few Axe products, and found them to be…um…what’s the best way to describe them?

Not good? Crappy? Shitty? Lame late night Cinemax softcore porn-ish?

Oh wait, I got it…old man-ish smelling.

With this negative opinion I have of Axe products, I wanted someone else’s thoughts about the Axe Dry Clix scent, which I thought smelled fine while in the dispenser, but gross when I applied it on my armpit. The Axe Dry Clix was somewhat uncomfortable to roll on as the scented hard white substance grabbed and tugged on some of my underarm pubes. Also, with the Axe Dry Clix being a white stick, it left some white residue after applying, which could end up on clothes or on someone’s face if their face was shoved into an armpit, rubbed around for 30 seconds, while hearing, “Who’s your daddy!?!”

Of course, as I noted earlier, I failed to get another person to smell my armpit to find out what they thought of this anti-perspirant/deodorant. However, I’m going to give you the opportunity to smell my armpit and let me know what you think of the Axe Dry Clix scent.

Above is a picture of my armpit with the Axe Dry Clix applied. To smell, just scratch the picture on your computer monitor, place your nose next to the monitor, and inhale deeply with your nose. If it doesn’t work the first time, I suggest you keep trying. If it doesn’t work at all, I recommend you get a new monitor. If you are able to smell it, let me know what you think in the comments.

Right now I’m going to stick with the Clix, because I’m too lazy to buy another deodorant and there are a few people out there whose faces I would like to shove into my armpit, rub it around for 30 seconds, and ask them “Who’s their daddy!?!”

Item: Axe Dry Clix
Price: $3.99
Purchased at: Kmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Smells all right in the container. Keeps my armpits dry. Trimming armpit hair so that it doesn’t look like I have a kitten in a headlock.
Cons: Not being able to find someone to smell my armpit. Doesn’t smell as good when applied to my armpits. Doesn’t glide easily under my armpit. Being too lazy to buy new deodorant. White residue left behind after applying may end up on clothes.

35 thoughts on “Axe Dry Clix

  1. Wow, Marvo. Like 90% of your readers, I indeed thought that was a picture of something else. Something lower on the female body. No, it’s not that your armpit looks like that thing I just mentioned, it’s… maybe… yeah, maybe it’s just the angle or something. I… can’t explain it.

    Scary.

    Or do I just need to get my mind out of the gutter?

    LOL. Anyway, nice for a laugh at least. Axe is weird like that. It smells great on the shelf, but when you use it… results may vary.

  2. Aw, g’damn Marvo, I had JUST settled down to dinner… nothing like a side of underarm pubes to whet a girl’s appetite.

    And I kinda got my Clix and regular Axe commercials mixed up, so for a while, I thought Nich Lachey was going to molest that delivery guy in the elevator, because he smelled like your armpit. Alas.

  3. Oh marvo, I almost threw up my salad…

    At least you didn’t put the Clix on your crotch, but maybe that will help you in attracting more girls :S

    If it works, you should post a re-review and give it a 5!!!!!!!!

  4. Oh my god, you won’t believe how many guys here in the Philippines use that dreadful Axe shit. The scents are pure kitsch, at their best.

    At its best, however, your armpit looks like the customary hunk of hair sitting on the bathroom drain. Hahahaha!

  5. Toni – At least you didn’t have to smell it. ;-)

    Sylko – Hmm…The Armpit Viewing Diet! I’m going to make money off of it.

    The Lazy Canadian – But it smells clean, doesn’t it?

    Webmiztris – But thank goodness for the Axe Clix that it doesn’t smell like a butthole.

    TheWarden – But NO Axe scent will attract women.

    Glitterati – Sorry to disrupt your dinner. :-)

    steve – But Axe Clix is all I have until it runs out.

    jinhamasaki – I could drench myself in chocolate with a Brad Pitt mask on me and it still won’t help me attract women.

    Peachy – It also looks like a wet toupee.

    dbcooper – It’s could also be Richard Simmons.

  6. I’m not fooled…as a fellow asian, I know that you really don’t need that much pit juice. Our lack of, or remarkedly fewer apocrine glands compared to say, white and/or black folk, means only a light application is needed. You purposely tried to make your pit look like a pussy…boo on you.

  7. Gia in the City by the Bay – Really? We have fewer apocrine glands. I think I am an exception to that. My undershirts would probably agree with me.

  8. grins – These Who’s Your Daddy adventures aren’t so pleasant, so I don’t know why you’d want to hear more. On the other hand the Who’s Your Daddy adventures that involve handcuffs, leather, and chains, I have no experience with those. :-(

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