REVIEW: Morningstar Farms Hickory BBQ Riblets

Morningstar Farms Hickory BBQ Riblets

The Morningstar Farms Hickory BBQ Riblets definitely aren’t helping subside the occasional nightmares I have of an attacking McDonald’s McRib that suddenly appears during the wet dream REM stage of my slumber. This 100% vegan riblet looks like a beefed up, or Super Sized, if you will, version of what’s in between the McRib’s buns.

It’s like my head is trying to recreate the typical Friday the 13th movie scene where a couple is making out in either the forest, middle of Crystal Lake, bedroom or backseat of a car, then Jason Voorhees pops out and kills them both with his machete in the most gruesome way possible.

Also, in my nightmares, the McRib is oinking and for some reason the chase scene is done in Baywatch-boobie-jiggling slow motion while the Culture Club’s “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me” plays in the background. The nightmare always ends the same way with the McRib eating me with onions and pickles in between a roll. Shortly after that, I wake up and regret my decision to eat fast food a couple of hours before falling asleep.

The Morningstar Farms Hickory BBQ Riblets may look like the pork patty found in a McRib, which is a sandwich I’m not a fan of, but despite that fact, I really did enjoy these veggie riblets. If you’re expecting them to taste like pork ribs, you will be disappointed, but they do look like meat on the outside and inside.

If you feel you won’t like it because there’s no meat in it, I think your mouth will be pleasantly surprised and not repulsively surprised, like when you close your eyes and stick your face in front of a hole in the side of a public restroom stall. What makes these riblets so tasty is the sweet and smoky barbeque sauce they come drenched in, which masks the fact that you’re eating a soy protein patty shaped like a McRib.

Because they’re made from soy protein, they’re low in fat; high in protein, potassium and dietary fiber; and they make you look a little sexier to vegetarians when they see it in your cart. Consider it the vegan version of Axe body spray.

While heating a riblet in the microwave, the wonderful smell of the barbeque sauce will fill the air. Feel free to silently fart at that time, because no one will notice the smell. The product that comes out of the microwave looks very similar to what’s pictured above, which is quite rare for microwaved foods (you can also stick them in a conventional oven). Its shape makes you think there’s bones in it, just like the McRib, but it’s boneless since it’s made from soy protein, which also makes them easy to cut through without the use of a knife or machete.

The only bad things I have to say about this product are that the sodium content is quite high, I’m disappointed that there were only two riblets in the box and they will help perpetuate my McDonald’s McRib nightmares.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 riblet with sauce – 220 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 810 milligrams of sodium, 580 milligrams of potassium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 18 grams of protein, 10% calcium and 15% iron.)

(NOTE: Greg at Freezer Burns, the best frozen food review vlogger of Asian ethnicity named Greg in the world, also reviewed it.)

Item: Morningstar Farms Hickory BBQ Riblets
Price: $5.49
Size: 2 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Best tasting faux meat product I’ve ever eaten. Tasty barbeque sauce. 100% vegan. No saturated fat. High in protein. Five grams of dietary fiber. Good source of potassium (fuck B-A-N-A-N-A-S). Don’t need a knife to cut it.
Cons: Helps perpetuate my McRib nightmares. Only two per box. Somewhat high in sugar and sodium. No instructions for heating two at a time in the microwave. Being tricked into putting your face in front of a gloryhole. A killer McRib popping up in the middle of my wet dreams.

18 thoughts on “REVIEW: Morningstar Farms Hickory BBQ Riblets

  1. @skibs – I know, right? I hate that about certain products. It seems like whenever they have a healthier option (low-fat, non-fat, low sodium, etc.) they usually substitute something else in it’s place that is just as unhealthy but of course they market the other facts.

    @Marvo – This thing is getting more raves than I expected. I’ve got to try it now. I know you’ve seen it but here’s a video review of it from the Frozen Food Master:
    http://www.freezerburns.com/wordpress/2009/05/18/episode-99-morningstar-farms-hickory-bbq-riblets/

    P.S. I wonder how a G rated TIB review would sound…maybe I’ll make like a Garfield Without Garfield thing for one of yours :P

  2. I like BOCA for a brands of fake meat. Morning Star is either a hit or a miss on their products. I only eat soy for the lower calories. I will however enjoy a good juicy meaty steak on occasions.

  3. The only Morningstar Farms product I’ve had is the Chikn Patties and they are pretty great…tastes like chicken. I have some Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs that have been sitting in my freezer for about 4 months….What was I thinking when I got those? Still can’t get myself to crack them open. Between this review and the FFM Greg at Freezerburns high praise of this product, I’m definitely going to give it a shot.

  4. I should remember not to read food reviews when there are rumbys in my tumby. These sound divine! I wonder if I can fool my carnivorous 6-year old with these? He still thinks Quorn Nuggets are chicken so thank God for childhood illiteracy.

  5. Great review Marvo. Completely agree. Did you notice the Boco-like aftertaste of the soy protein?

    P.S. I worked at McDonalds in the early 90’s when I was in high school and making McRibs was THE Worst part of the job but eating them….well I happen to love eating them. I would liek to see what happens to your dreams when you dont eat them right before you go to bed.

  6. I’ve never tried a veggie burger but these sound somewhat tasty. But I think this REVIEW is going to give me nightmares after that public bathroom reference.

  7. I love these. The BBQ sauce is thick and tasty, the texture is just like real meat riblets. I make mine with a side a steamed veggies and mashed/baked potatoes.

  8. I hate fake meat like fake people be yourself but dont be a phoney. I remember when I threw a box of jello pudding at my sister when I was a kid. The pudding broke though a new huge 3 pane window my mom and dad just had put in. My sister said she would cover for me and say it just cracked and fell apart. As soon as my dad came home she went running to him and said He did it dad he threw pudding at me.

    THAT IS ALL

  9. @DHL: When I say Sexy, you say Marvo. Sexy! Marvo!

    @skibs: Yeah, I was surprised by the amount of sugar in this product, but I guess if it makes the soy patty taste better than so be it.

    @Bear Silber: G Rating? TIB? Those two shouldn’t be in the same sentence, hence my separating of them into individual questions instead of one question.

    @theskinnyplate: purchased it by the truckload, but let me know before you do so that I can buy stock in MorningStar Farms.

    @amanda: Oh dear lord, you just brought back my bad memories of their fake bacon.

    @Ryan: With summer time coming up, you should have a barbecue which will help you get rid of those MorningStar Farms veggie dogs real quick.

    @Kay I. Emm: I’m positive your six-year-old will not notice that it’s not meat, unless I tell him it’s not meat.

    @Gregory Ng: The Frozen Food Master: I didn’t notice that Boca-like aftertaste of the soy protein like you did. When I purchase these again, I’ll try to notice it, but I guess I was distracted by how surprisingly good these were.

    @Chuck: I pondered about whether or not I was going to include a glory hole reference, but I decided it wouldn’t be a TIB review without it.

    @Bunny: That sounds really good right now. It sure beats the peanut butter toast I’m eating right now.

    @Neil the hammer: So I take it you also don’t like dildos.

  10. I’ve had those before; they’re delicious. Mostly because of the barbecue sauce. Also unlike veggie burgers, they actually kind of resemble meat!

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  12. hehe as a vegetarian I guess I am a little… bias towards faux-meat problems. I just ate 2 grilled veggie dogs, they weren’t that great but they were reminiscent of my hot dog days (the dark years.. hehe) I will have to try these.

  13. I have tried these, and I’m surprised at how many people love them. I was excited to try them, I LOVE the McRib, but once I took a bite, I felt like my taste buds tried to run out of my mouth, was a very unpleasant experience. I am still trying some of the other morningstar stuff, but I’m in LOVE with the Garden veggie burgers. :)

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