I’m disappointed with these Star Wars Twisted Cheetos.
Not because of the taste, because they taste great just like regular Cheetos. Also, not because they make my fingers a cheesy mess, because I like to clean my fingers by sucking on them after eating Cheetos.
I’m disappointed because I was hoping the Star Wars Twisted Cheetos would tell me that I belong on the Dark Side of the Force. Instead they told me I’m on the good side of the Force.
So how did the Star Wars Twisted Cheetos tell me I belong on the good side of the Force?
When you eat a bag of Star Wars Twisted Cheetos, which look like normal Cheetos, they will either turn your tongue Yoda Green (good side) or Darth Vader Dark (Dark Side). I bought two bags of it and both of them turned my tongue green, meaning I’m a good guy.
Some of you maybe thinking that this is a good thing, but I REALLY wanted to be on the Dark Side of the Force, because women love bad boys.
Look at Colin Farrell and Russell Crowe. Both bad boys and both loved by women all over the world.
So I guess it’s true that nice guys do finish last. Well I’m tired of being a nice guy and I’ve decided to be a bad boy so I can get all the women to like me.
First, I’m going to get myself a tattoo and get a couple body parts pierced. Maybe I’ll get a tattoo of a dragon on my back and a Prince Albert (Warning: Link not safe for work.) because those things would really make me a bad boy.
Then I’m going to get me a motorcycle, because women love bad boys on motorcycles, no matter how ugly the guy is. Either a nice Harley-Davidson or maybe a street bike. Also, I’m not going to buy a helmet, because I’m a bad boy and I live my life on the edge, baby!
Ooh, I also have to get drunk at a bar, get into a fight, and get arrested by the police. When they arrest me, I have to be dragged because a bad boy would disrespect authority. If the cops beat me, I’ll just tell them, â€œNaw, that didn’t hurt. Do it again, beeyatch!â€ That’s what a bad boy would say.
Oh wait. I forgot.
I can’t get a tattoo or a body piercing because I HATE needles and I have a very low threshold for pain. I can’t get a motorcycle because apparently they don’t come with training wheels. I can’t get drunk because I’m usually the designated driver. I can’t get into a fight because I’m such a wuss that I’ll probably get knocked out by a midget.
I wonder what else I could do to be a bad boy?
(Editor’s Note: Thanks to MSNBC blogger and occasional Impulsive Buy reader Gael Cooper for introducing me to Star Wars Twisted Cheetos via her MSNBC blog Test Pattern.)
Item: Star Wars Twisted Cheetos
Purchase Price: 99 cents
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Delicious just like Cheetos. Licking my cheesy fingers. Makes your tongue temporarily change color.
Cons: I don’t belong to the Dark Side of the Force. I’ll never become a bad boy. The pain from a Prince Albert.