REVIEW: McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad

McDonald's Fruit & Walnut Salad

Where are your balls, McDonald’s?

Hardee’s comes out with the Monster Thickburger, Burger King releases the Enormous Omelet Sandwich, and you introduce the Fruit & Walnut Salad?

It’s like Cadillac introducing a bigger, eight-door Escalade with spinning wheels, Hummer selling a heavier, boxier H3 with tank tracks, and Ford coming out with another Pinto.

The combination of apple slices, red grapes, candied walnuts, and low-fat yogurt dipping sauce was pretty decent, but where’s the gluttony?

I know you’re trying to be more healthy, but couldn’t you have tried to make it overly healthy?

You could’ve made it the Xtreme Fruit & Walnut Mammoth Salad, which would contain insane amounts of things that are good for you, like dietary fiber, vitamins, and minerals.

I’m not talking about one sliced apple, a handful of grapes, a small airplane snack-sized bag of candied walnuts, and a small cup of fat-free yogurt that I got with the regular Fruit & Walnut Salad.

I’m talking about a whole bushel of apples, enough yogurt to dip your head into, enough red grapes to make your own bottle of wine, and enough nuts to prevent the lemmings from jumping into the ocean.

All of that in a deep, gigantic bowl that just barely fits through the drive-thru window and makes your automobile tip over like the slab of dinosaur ribs does during the ending credits of the Flintstones.

All of that has to contain enough dietary fiber to make my bowel movements so irregular that I might need adult diapers, enough calcium to make my bones stronger than adamantium, and enough antioxidants to make me feel like I could survive a few years of living a hardcore rockstar lifestyle with excessive booze, drugs, and women.

Also, why are there only two types of fruit in the Fruit & Walnut Salad? If a Monster Thickburger can have several slices of cheese, why can’t the Fruit & Walnut Salad have several types of fruit? Maybe some mangoes, lychee, pears, cantaloupes, and strawberries.

Anyway, despite the McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad not being gluttonous enough, it was a decent meal. The candied walnuts are what really makes this salad tasty, so if you’re allergic to nuts, I’d suggest you pass on the Fruit & Walnut Salad, unless you’re feeling dangerous.

(Editor’s Note: If you’re allergic to nuts and are feeling dangerous, The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for any allergic reaction caused by you feeling dangerous.)

Item: McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad
Purchase Price: $3.29
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Decent taste. Healthy. Good source of dietary fiber. Low sodium. Better tasting and looking than a Ford Pinto.
Cons: Tastes better with walnuts, which is bad for those who are allergic to them. Weak variety of fruits. Not enormous, monster, or gluttonous enough. Not overly healthy.

48 thoughts to “REVIEW: McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad”

  1. Editrix – I definitely don’t think there was any beef extract added in for flavor, because there wasn’t much flavor in the yogurt.

  2. See… I love this salad. I love it because I am anti-melon, and nearly every other fruit salad in the world comes with unholy watermelon or ass nasty honeydew or gacktastic canteloupe. It’s sort of fun to eat too, cause I love dipping things into stuff.

  3. kimdog – I love watermelon, honeydew, and canteloupe, but I think these fruits taste better during certain seasons, and I haven’t found a place that sells good fruit salad with these fruits. Besides it’s more fun to buy the melons from the store, cut them in half and use a spoon to eat them. Maybe sprinkle a little sugar. That’s good stuff.

  4. Marvo- Mimi’s Cafe rocks! They give you ginormous portions of food for very reasonable prices. I especially LURVE their liver and onions, since you can get your extra toppings of stuff like bacon and mushrooms. Oh, and their carrot bread that they give for free to snack on is TO DIE FOR.

  5. Toni – First off, liver…Blech! Well the next time I’m in California (probably next year) I’ll make sure to stop at one of the Mimi’s Cafes.

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