You’ve really let yourself go, Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup.
It’s like you’re Elvis. You’re going from young, skinny Elvis to older, overweight, too big to fit on his own postage stamp Elvis. Maybe you have to cut back on the peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
Seriously, you look like Eric Cartman on Weight Gain 4000. Also, you are not big boned.
It’s hard to look at you now because I remember the way you looked in those Andy Warhol paintings, looking slim and cylindrical. But now, if Andy Warhol was still alive and wanted to paint you again, let me just say that he would need a lot more paint.
Look at the pictures below. On the left, you look like how a Campbell’s Soup Can should look on the Red Carpet at some swanky charity function. But on the right, it’s a whole different story at some MTV Xbox shindig you went to, just so you could get free swag.
Sure, Courtney Love comes either drunk, high, or drunk and high to every event she attends or crashes, but at least she’s consistent.
I’m surprised the National Enquirer didn’t run some bogus story about how your weight gain was due to eating nothing but potato chips and soda for several days straight, while watching a Laguna Beach marathon, after your Italian lover left you for a younger, heartier soup, like Progresso.
I guess since you were condensed soup in that older picture, you should’ve been slim. You now maybe a little more roly-poly, but at least you come in a microwaveable bowl, I don’t need to add water, and it takes only 90 seconds for you to be heated up.
Also, you maybe different on the outside, but inside, you still have the same good tasting Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup that I’ve loved during those times when I was sick, when I was poor, when I was too lazy to cook, or when I decided to steal from the company canned food drive box.
Item: Heat & Enjoy Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup
Purchase Price: $1.75 (on sale)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Tastes just like the Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup that we’ve all learned to love. Microwaveable bowl. No need to add water. Andy Warhol’s paintings. More cushion for the pushin’. Young, slim Elvis.
Cons: Not as slim, cylindrical, and condensed as the younger can version. A high, drunk, or high and drunk Courtney Love. Not looking good on the Red Carpet. Older, heavy Elvis.