No Review Today. Instead You Must Settle For My Match.com Profile

Sorry, no review today due to the time spent doing my taxes. Instead, I decided to post what I wrote for my Match.com profile and embarrass myself by showing my tender, Lifetime Channel side. Since a bunch of you voted on which online dating service I should try for a future review, I figured I’d show you guys what I’ve been up to. Enjoy.

I have an English degree with an emphasis in creative writing, so there is pressure on me to write a good profile. If I don’t write a good profile, I’m afraid my former English professors will come after me and take away my English degree, which took me three years of goofing off and two years of hard C to B- work to earn.

As you might be able to tell from the previous paragraph, I’m kind of a goofball. Not in the sense that I’m not serious about things, but I just like to have fun and I like to make people laugh. My sense of humor is my best attribute, because I have nothing else to offer besides that.

Only kidding, there’s actually a little bit more.

Another one of my personality traits is the willingness to try new things, whether it be restaurants, things off of store shelves, or experiences. As a matter of fact, earlier this year I went snowboarding for the very first time and I’m glad I did because it was whole lot of fun, despite the fact that I slightly pulled my groin, and now I hope to take a snowboarding trip every year.

However, perhaps the attribute that women will find most appealing about me is my ability to stay patient whenever I go shopping with a woman. I thank my twin sister for teaching me this ability and over the years I have come up with techniques to make shopping with women as fun as possible. My main technique is to find the most hideous item of clothing I can find — usually in the clearance racks and has multi-colored sequins — and convince the woman I’m with to try it on.

Now if you happened to have laughed at anything I wrote in the previous paragraphs, you definitely have the number one thing I look for in a woman — a sense of humor. Having a sense of humor — the ability to laugh and/or make others laugh — is unbelievably sexy to me, because as I wrote earlier, I love to have fun and to make people laugh.

Another characteristic that I find appealing is intelligence. Not in the sense of remembering complicated chemistry formulas or the ability to do a triple-bypass surgery, but having the desire to experience things, having opinions about topics, and just being someone I can have a good conversation with.

Now I could fill all 4,000 characters for this profile if I really wanted to, but I figure the more characters I leave out, the more I can tell you if we meet.

32 thoughts to “No Review Today. Instead You Must Settle For My Match.com Profile”

  1. I’d send you a wink or smile or rose or whatever you give away to contact you. Heck, I’d even sign up for 3-day free trial to pass on my email addy to you…. IF I was single. =) That was a winner of a match.com post.

  2. Something must be wrong with your profile because you largely seem to be impressing married women (add me to the list). Maybe you should add something tantalizingly dangerous and mysterious to your profile, like “In my spare time I search for hidden gems and alert people to the villainy of product marketing.”

  3. Good job! Nothing turns me on more than a man that can write and spell. Well, one thing, but come on I’m human.

  4. Marvo, I just have two things to bring up.

    1) You are a lyrical mastermind. You just need some cars and some hoes and you’d be runnin thangs.

    2) Seriously – you should go into some business where you make happily married women… um… slightly sad that they are happily married.

  5. I agree with what everyone says- great profile. But forgive me if it sounds a bit prudish, but I wonder if you should have mentioned that you pulled your groin during snowboarding?

  6. to be honest if i was searchin the web for a mate that profile would not reallly appease. it might scare woman off ya never really talk about yourself. you talk to much about other things instead of you.

  7. Very nice.

    Like many others, would totally dig it too & contact you if:

    1. I was female
    2. You were into males (which I assume you’re not since you mentioned what type of female appeals to you. either way, just checking.)
    3. If i was into males myself (and I’m fairly certain on this. but I suppose I would make exceptions if my choices were limited. but they’re not. anyway, just reaffirming.)

    But yeah. totally would have digged it.

  8. Dude, that was sweet. Not the “schwing” type of sweet or dripping saccharine sweet. Just plain sweet. The gals are crazy if they don’t go for you. I would prepare now for the descending hordes, a la Axe Effect commercials…

  9. Were it not for the fact I gave evil EHarmony my money and now they are setting me up with most of the middle east as well as Indian tech support types, I would stalk you on Match.com and make you my product testing love slave

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