Orville Redenbacher’s Real Ranch Shakeables

When did making microwave popcorn become so complex, like with the Orville Redenbacher’s Real Ranch Shakeables?

For years, the instructions for microwave popcorn were simple, just like the steps for using the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie Grill or the video camera used to record your personal sex tape with your spouse, significant other, or some random person from the club, which you promise to erase later — just set it and forget it. When it’s done, just pop it out and enjoy it, or in the case of the sex tape, use it also for blackmail or possible internet stardom.

Today, there are microwave popcorn with added steps. With the Orville Redenbacher’s Shakeables, after the popcorn is done in the microwave, the instructions say that I have to stick it in a bowl, sprinkle on the powder from the separate Ranch flavor pouch, cover the bowl, and then shake the bowl to evenly mix the seasoning with the popcorn.


I don’t have time for these extra steps. If I wanted popcorn that involved that much pain, I would go to the closest movie theater, purchase a nine dollar ticket, buy a bag of five dollar popcorn, stick the popcorn in a muzzle, lock my arms and legs to the theater chair using chains and padlocks, and then force myself to watch Larry the Cable Guy in Delta Farce.

I’m not being lazy. Laziness is not wanting to go outside and mow the lawn or being stuck on a recliner, flipping channels, ending up on a Dora the Explorer marathon, accidently dropping the remote, unsuccessfully attempting to reach the remote without moving anything below your arms, then giving up and for the next six hours you help Dora with her quests, while occasionally reaching for the remote, hoping that your arm has grown slightly within the past 45 minutes.

It’s just that these added steps take away the convenience of microwave popcorn. We don’t need no stinkin’ bowl. That’s what the bag is for. The bag is the bowl. As for adding the seasoning and shaking a bowl, if I want to shake something I’ll make my way to a dance floor and shake my thang until the break of dawn. With regular butter microwave popcorn, I don’t have to add the butter, so why do I have to add the Ranch seasoning? If we have the technology to make microwave popcorn, the iPhone, and sex dolls that look real, I’m pretty sure we also have the technological know-how to add ranch flavor to the popcorn pre-popped.

Despite the extra work it takes to prepare the Orville Redenbacher’s Real Ranch Shakeables, it does taste good and has a strong ranch flavor, which reminds me of most ranch-flavored potato chips. Some people might think that the flavor is too powerful, so for those people I would recommend using less of the flavor pouch. The shaking of the seasoning in the bowl did create an even distribution of flavor, but I think that could also be accomplished using the popcorn bag instead.

Each serving contains 150 calories, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 17 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of protein, and a very high 550 milligrams of sodium. Speaking of salty, just like the breasts of most pornstars, the Orville Redenbacher’s Real Ranch Shakeables comes with only two salty bags per box.

So if you like microwave popcorn with a twist and are willing to do some dishwashing and low-impact shaking to get that twist, the Orville Redenbacher’s Shakeables might just be for you.

Item: Orville Redenbacher’s Real Ranch Shakeables
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Good flavor. Strong ranch flavor, similar to ranch-flavored potato chips. Zero trans fat. Made with real buttermilk. The ability to add as much or as little flavor as you want. Set it and forget it. Popcorn is a good source of fiber.
Cons: Only two salty bags. Having added steps to microwave popcorn. Delta Farce. Using a sex tape as blackmail. Being lazy enough to sit through a Dora the Explorer marathon. Shaking my thang on any dance floor.

14 thoughts to “Orville Redenbacher’s Real Ranch Shakeables”

  1. yeah, but just Ranch? What if I want another flavor like the green stuff on Dorito Guacamoli chips? Is Orville up to the challenge?

  2. Yikes! If I wanted to spend that much time making popcorn, I’d make it while at work and get paid for it! (Which, now that I think about it, is exactly what you did…of course, assuming you make a decent living out of running this here fancy-dancy website…)

    Hm, most of that post ended up being parenthetical.

  3. I’m kind of spoiled when it comes to popcorn…they have a popcorn machine there that makes unhealthy, trans-fat filled movie-theater style popcorn that blows the microwave crap out of the water. So, my arteries are probably clogging as I write this, but I don’t usually get any popcorn away from work because it tastes as good (or at a movie theater, costs way too much money.)

  4. I tried this stuff a while back, but the instructions must of been too advanced for me: with every bite I had to make sure not to inhale or I’d choke on the powder that’d come flying off the popcorn. Maybe it was punishment for not following directions and shaking it in the bag instead of a bowl….

  5. yeah recently I bough “Mallow Magic”, figured it might remind me of rice krispies because rice krispies are boring and plain and so is popcorn, but.. you have to add the marshmallow goo, and.. the whole this was pretty disturbing. I didn’t hate it though I don’t think but I am so mystified by the concept I couldn’t eat. http://www.jollytime.com/products_recipes/mallow_magic.asp

    give it a try eh?

  6. I love ranch, but not enough to pay $3.00 (on sale) for 2 bags of popcorn when I can get 15 bags of Pop Weavers Extra Butter for $2.87 at WalMart. Maybe I’ll shake some Hidden Valley ranch mix on my popcorn and see if that is tasty.

  7. Back in my university days, Redenbacher used to make the same kind of thing but in cheddar, sour cream n’ onion and salt n’ vinegar. They were chaulk full of powdery goodness. Not sure what happened to them, but they probably contained a chemical now band by the FDA.

  8. I love ranch dressing, but the thought of ranch popcorn doesn’t sound very appealing to me at all…ugh! and you’re right – they should be able to easily add the flavor when it’s pre-popped!!

  9. I am a condiment whore. Ranch is my number one score. Especially from Denny’s. I could drink Denny’s ranch.

    Wow, could I sound any creepier?

  10. Suzanne – There’s a Real Cheddar flavor. I think that’s the closest they’ll get to a Doritos flavor.

    Rhawb – Geez, if I got paid for making popcorn and eating it, I think I’d be living phat…and the other fat. Sadly, I don’t.

    Chuck – I wish we had a cotton candy machine at work. If we did, I’d stick my arm in the machine and make a giant cotton candy ball around it and eat it while typing with one hand.

    Julianna – With both bags I accidently inhaled the ranch seasoning while pouring it into the bowl. I don’t think the ranch seasoning liked me.

    Mallory – Already reviewed it.


    I thoroughly enjoyed them. Although, I haven’t bought any since the review.

    Clevegal42 – Oooh, even better. Pour Hidden Valley ranch dressing all over it. Mmm…Creamy.

    Erika – Back in my university days, I probably would’ve snorted that powdery goodness through a rolled up $100 bill for five dollars.

    webmiztris – If we’re able to send a man to the moon and stream porn over the internet, I believe we can also make ranch popcorn that doesn’t need the flavor to be added later.

    Natalia – Did you ever watch the movie Super Troopers? Well there’s this scene with two of the troopers racing each other to chug a bottles of pancake syrup. Do you think you could do that with the Denny’s ranch dressing?

  11. Natalia, if you take Marvo up on his challenge, remember to yell “I am all that is woman!” in the most intimidating voice you can muster once you chug the whole bottle.

  12. Ranch flavored popcorn AND a Super Troopers reference at the same time? My cup runneth over.

    Since I love anything with ranch (I even put it on my fries) I’m very willing to put in the work for this popcorn. Sure, I’ll cheat and put it in the bag instead of a bowl, but it’ll be worth it, right?

    Marvo, speaking of Doritos, you should try popcorn and Doritos together. I like to sandwich 2-3 pieces of popcorn between two Doritos and shove the whole thing in my mouth.

  13. I bought this and it was terrible! The powder was flying up my nose and making me cough. And it was far too tomato-y to be classified as ranch.

  14. Rhawb – Dude, that’s what I’m going to yell when I win.

    Brie – I do that with ice cream and waffles. I also use chocolate syrup as a condiment.

    Diana – I think the powder flying up my nose made me realize that fans can do more harm than good at times.

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