Woah, woah, woah, whoa. Hold on there Burger King Cheesy Bacon BK Wrapper. Don’t be calling yourself cheesy, my Weezie. Chester Cheetah got it right when he said, “It ain’t easy bein’ cheesy.” Just like nicknames, you can’t just call yourself “cheesy,” you have to earn it.
You just can’t put cheese on or in you and expect to be “cheesy.” If putting processed cheese slices over my nipples as pasties doesn’t make me cheesy, I don’t think the American cheese and smokey cheese sauce that goes along with your eggs, bacon, hash browns, and flour tortilla can or should make you “cheesy.”
Just like most good cheeses — like Brie, Gorgonzola, and Velveeta — it takes time to develop a good cheesiness. Be considerate of all of those who spent years to become “cheesy,” like Robin Williams, Richard Simmons, reality shows, the use of the phrase “fo’ shizzle,” and t-shirts that say “I’m with stupid.” They put a lot of hard work into being cheesy and for you to come out and announce to the world that you’re cheesy, puts down all that effort.
As you can see in the photo above the only thing cheesy about the Burger King Cheesy Bacon BK Wrapper is the amount of ingredients in it. The paltry three pieces of hash browns was sad and the amount of bacon in it was so pathetic that I wished for more meat and it was probably the only time I will ever hope for a sausagefest.
Overall, the Burger King Cheesy Bacon BK Wrapper was decent, if you’re able to get all the different ingredients within one bite. The smokey cheese sauce didn’t add anything to it and I thought a spicy sauce would’ve been better. The hash browns were a little soggy from the cheese sauce, but at least the person making my Burger King Cheesy Bacon BK Wrapper didn’t fuck up the eggs or the soft flour tortilla.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to age some cheese pasties on my nipples.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 wrapper – 390 calories, 24 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 150 milligrams of cholesterol, 1080 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbs, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 14 grams of protein, and 50 grams of phallic deformity.)
(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Ryan for finding the nutrition facts.)
Item: Burger King Cheesy Bacon BK Wrapper
Price: $4.99 (value meal)
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: An entire breakfast stuffed in a wrapper. Using cheese as pasties. Good, if you can get all the ingredients in one bite.
Cons: No nutrition facts on website. Amount of bacon and hash browns were pathetic. Not earning the right to be called cheesy. Using “fo’ shizzle.” Sausagefests.