REVIEW: Burger King Philly Melt

I’m a fan of melts in general. Creamy, indulgent cheese smothering an unctuous protein, all wrapped in a warm cocoon of toasted bread, is hard for a tummy-focused girl like me to resist. While my favorite melt of all time is the tuna melt (Let’s hear it! Tuna Fish Protein Supremacy!), I like a good patty melt once in a while, too. Unfortunately, the latest offering from a certain corpulent monarch, the Burger King Philly Melt, is not all that great.

According to BK, the sandwich features two Whopper Jr. patties topped with peppers, onions, Swiss cheese, and Savory Royal Sauce on Toasted Bread. However, there are a couple of problems here.

First, the bread is the biggest disappointment. It looks like the top is toasted to buttery perfection, but looks are deceiving here. The bread has virtually none of the texture of toasted bread and not much flavor; the look is just for aesthetics. I don’t know if they somehow failed to toast it or just toasted it very lightly, but it’s not quite right. Considering how dominant the cheese is here, having that contrasting, crisper texture would have added a lot to the experience.

Second, the Swiss cheese and the “Savory Royal Sauce” blur together to the point that I didn’t realize they were two separate entities. The overall flavor of Swiss is nice, and while it’s mild, it overpowers the sauce.

The peppers and onions were too soggy to add much texture, but to be fair, I did have to wait until I got home to eat the sandwich; maybe if you get the Philly Melt fresh off the line, the veggies will be a little crisper. I could experiment with this, but to be honest, I don’t feel curious enough to order it again. Flavor-wise, the vegetables break up the wall of cheese a little with a fresher flavor, but it’s fairly subtle; the onions don’t taste caramelized, and the green pepper is neutral as can be. Maybe the flavors would have been stronger if the pieces had been chopped larger, especially the green pepper, but as it stands, they don’t add as much as one would hope.

Obviously, the big draw here is the cheese, and in that department, Burger King delivered. The Swiss flavor is pleasantly mild, and having every bite enrobed in the cheese sauce gives you your money’s worth. They may not have nailed the Philly Melt, but they got the key component right. The only problem with the cheese is that, because it’s so mild compared to the beef, the taste of the flame-grilled patties is very prominent.

Burger King may have reached for the moon with the Philly Melt, but they didn’t land among the stars. They did, however, hit a low-altitude asteroid cluster, so it’s not all bad news. If you love patty melts, this will probably not be an incarnation that will knock your socks off. But taking a pleasant, veritable swim in a pool of liquified Swiss cheese is enjoyable enough that it’s worth a shot.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 590 calories, 38 grams of fat, 16.1 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 970 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 28.3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Frozen Cotton Candy Cloud

Am I the only one noticing weird weather in the forecast?

It’s almost May, and my weather app says it’s gonna be ice-cold and cloudy. Not only does it say Wednesday is gonna be, what I can only assume is some kind of crazy weather phenomenon, a “Whopper?” Is that a new meteorology term or—ya know what? This is the Burger King app. I’m in the Burger King app. False alarm, everybody.

We good? Ok!

Burger King has a new Frozen Cotton Candy Cloud that is a perfect treat for my actual weather forecast, which looks quite idyllic. The Cotton Candy Cloud is essentially a slush with Burger King’s answer to a coffee shop “cold foam.”

The base drink here is described as a “blue raspberry cotton candy frozen beverage,” but ignore the “blue raspberry” because I think it only applies to the color. It tastes like cotton candy. I never really even clocked any blue raspberry flavor, so if it’s there, it’s negligible.

The slush has a surprisingly soft cotton candy flavor. I expected it to be a lot more cloying. This might be obscure, but it reminded me of the Cotton Candy Swirl ice pops I got from ice cream trucks as a kid. Anything that reminds me of ice cream trucks of my youth gets an instant bump from me. If I could, I would wallpaper my house with photos of all the old Good Humor offerings.

The slush would be just fine on its own, but it’s the “cloud” that really puts it over the top, which might be an intended pun? I don’t know.

The cloud is vanilla ice cream, but the consistency lands somewhere between a milkshake and a cold foam you’d get from Starbucks or Dunkin’. It was the ideal viscosity to plop on an iced drink like this. Vanilla bled into the cotton candy ice, but the cloud managed to mimic its namesake and just float there until I finally decided to mix it in. Apologies for using the words “viscosity,” “plop,” and “bled.”

The churned-in vanilla turned the drink into an icy cotton candy cream milkshake and made for a delicious dessert to my Crispy Royal Wrap that tasted like a deep-fried eraser.

So, this is a cotton candy slush that is not quite like a cold foam coffee and not quite like a soda float, but somewhere in the middle. I would actually love to try this “cloud” in a soda and a coffee to see if it keeps the form it had with the slush.

Did I get brain freeze? Yes.

Did this turn my tongue a little blue? Yep.

Did it give me stomach problems? Sure did.

But did it fill a void in my life I desperately needed to fill? No. It did not.

It’s good though! I knew it would be when the kid at the drive-thru window told me I made “the right choice.” Who knows better than him?

I played a game in the app (horribly, I might add) and got a “free” medium Cotton Candy Cloud with a $1 purchase. Otherwise, it’s $1.49 for a limited time, which is still a great deal. Grab one on the next beautiful day and enjoy yourself.

Purchased Price: $1.49 in the app (probably considerably more without it)
Size: Medium
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 250 calories, 9 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 42 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Candied Bacon Whopper

If only you could’ve seen my face when I rolled my eyes after hearing about Burger King’s Candied Bacon Whopper. Candied bacon? Bacon jam? Oooh, fancy, Burger King. Are you providing cloth napkins now, too? But after eating it, I need to put my foot in my mouth, and I will gladly do so, as long as there’s a Candied Bacon Whopper attached to it because I’m surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

The newest Whopper variation features a flame-grilled beef patty, tomatoes, lettuce, crispy fried onions, garlic aioli, sweet bacon jam, and brown sugar candied bacon on a sesame seed bun.

I will skip writing about the beef patty, tomatoes, lettuce, and sesame seed bun because if you’ve had a Whopper, you know what those bring to the table. So, let’s start with the bacon jam with chewy bacon bits. It’s sweet, smoky, and a little peppery, and I could be cliche here and say it’s my jam, but I can’t because, on its own, I can taste why it needs the other toppings to make this Whopper special. Its flavor doesn’t have a strong punch.

The brown sugar candied bacon doesn’t look like the shriveled-up pork pieces that are Burger King’s regular bacon. The sugary coating makes the bacon look better but doesn’t help give it a crispy texture. It’s not as sweet as the bacon jam, which allows its salty and porky goodness to come through. When combined with the sweet and savory jam, they give the burger a tasty barbecue-like vibe. Also, at times, I tasted something that reminded me of teriyaki sauce, so that might be the garlic aioli making itself known among the other toppings.

As for the crispy fried onion pieces, their flavor helps complete the barbecue vibe I’m tasting. They also give the burger some crispy texture, which I wish was from the bacon and lettuce, but I will take it any way I can get it.

Sure, Burger King’s Candied Bacon Whopper has almost the same amount of sugar as a 20-ounce bottle of Mountain Dew, but that helps make this Whopper sweet and sahweet (Am I using that properly, kids?). I can understand how that sweetness might turn off a few taste buds, but mine appreciated every bite. I’m sorry, Burger King. I thought you couldn’t pull off something like this, but I was wrong.

Purchased Price: $15.29 (meal)
Size: Small meal
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 850 calories, 49 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1.4 grams of trans fat, 103 milligrams of cholesterol, 1090 milligrams of sodium, 71 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 72 grams of sugar, and 41 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Shroom n’ Swiss Melt

From now on, every mushroom and Swiss burger should be called “Shroom n’ Swiss” because it’s so satisfying to say. Go ahead and repeat after me. Shroom n’ Swiss. Don’t forget to shape your lips like you’re going to kiss someone when saying “oo” in shroom and “sw” in Swiss. See. Fun.

Burger King’s latest addition to the limited time only BK Melts line is the fun-to-pronounce Shroom n’ Swiss Melt. (Don’t forget to shape your lips.) It features two flame-grilled beef patties, two Swiss cheese slices, roasted mushrooms, and Royal Sauce between two toasted bread rounds. This was my first time dining on a BK Melt, so I was a little disappointed to learn it uses Whopper Jr. patties. But there are two of them, so it’s still quite meaty.

Yes, it looks like a hot mess. But it’s a tasty hot mess. Although, it’s not that messy because none of those usually slippery mushrooms fell out of my burger. I guess I should thank the Swiss cheese. It may have holes, but it won’t let anything get past them when melted. However, when it comes to flavor, the Swiss is a miss. But thank goodness for BK’s Royal Sauce, which I’ve praised in the past and does a lot of the heavy lifting in this burger to make it taste good. Its cheesy and savory taste makes up for what the white cheese lacks, and could be confused for the cheese.

As for the roasted shrooms, their savory, earthy flavor comes through with every bite, and they provide that familiar chew they’re known for. Finally, the toasted bread rounds held everything together without falling apart, but they added nothing flavor-wise.

Burger King’s Shroom n’ Swiss Melt (Don’t forget to shape your lips.) is an enjoyable continuation of the BK Melts line, but it doesn’t reinvent the mushroom and Swiss burger. It looks a little different, thanks to the flat toast pieces, but the flavors are mostly the same as those that have come before it.

Purchased Price: $11.99 (meal)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 860 calories, 57 grams of fat, 25 grams of saturated fat, 0.3 grams of trans fat, 170 milligrams of cholesterol, 1060 milligrams of sodium, 38.3 grams of carbohydrates, 4.2 grams of fiber, 8.1 grams of sugar, and 48 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries

Last year, I reviewed Burger King’s Ghost Pepper Whopper, which was one of the most memorable burgers I’ve ever had, especially with its beautiful orange and black bun.

BK brought that Whopper back this year but also introduced something new: the Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries.

These are fry-shaped chicken (and if you’re a reader of this site, you probably already know about chicken fries) with a spicy ghost pepper breading. They’re not as pretty as the Ghost Pepper Whopper’s bun, but they still are (subtly) orange and black.

I’ve never had an actual ghost pepper since I’m not a masochist, but I can guarantee that the Ghost Pepper Chicken Fries are nowhere close to the heat of the real pepper.

With that said, they are still spicy. I was on the verge of hiccupping as I made it through all twelve, but I didn’t. There was a steady burn as I munched, and I was glad to have the BBQ dipping sauce to cut through the heat. (I don’t think it did, but I told myself it was helping.)

But this item is not any spicier than many other fast food offerings. I didn’t think it was as hot as the Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich, a jalapeño burger, or the Ghost Pepper Whopper.

The chicken itself is just what I hoped it would be: moist, tender, not dried out or gristly.

I enjoyed eating these. They were a great vessel for the BBQ sauce, and they were spicy enough to keep it interesting without making me miserable. Spice-loving people will probably want them to be hotter, but they’re a good match for the general population.

I must return to BK to get the Ghost Pepper Whopper this year. I don’t like the Chicken Fries as much as the Whopper, but they’re a good option if you don’t want to commit to the calories of a full sandwich.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 12-piece
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (12 pieces) 410 calories, 26 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,160 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 19 grams of protein.